Nearly 3 years since stopped talking to my wife. We still live together. How can I move on?

[Anonymous]

We sorta agreed I would keep the house because she doesn't want it

But she will need her own house

Updates

5 mo

I never thought I'd end up like thisJust one day I exploded in angerAnd then I got treatment for alcoholI had to quit alcohol because I was mis-using it and it was affecting my behavior. Actions became exaggerated. But eventually my feelings, negative ones, came to the fore.

[lightbulb27]

uh, that's a mess. Call Dave Ramsey show or listen to that, talk to lawyer for logistics.

you either rebuild the relationship anew which is likely hard work, but maybe. Or go separate ways and restart life. you are still young believe it or not, life is not over. maybe it's tough for a while.

I do think there's value in diagnosing and understanding what went wrong, how this all happened so that you can recover from it emotionally with confidence and move on in life and have greater success next time. If you don't, then you live with the cloud over your head and fear of repeat, and that's no good.

[Asker]

That is a very good answer

You captured the issue perfectly

Do we get back together

Do we separate? and that's a financial headache

What went wrong... I don't know
All I know is I don't feel attracted to her. I'm not sure when that started but I don't see it changing
Okay I might be able to have sex with her

[lightbulb27]

Had a decent sermon this week that covered some bases on this but in short. there's physical, emotional, spiritual. The emotional is where this probably fell apart unless she let herself go physically... and some do.
there's a reason you two were drawn together emotionally. that generally roots in childhood... and may or may not be good. As well, opposites draw... which can be difficult to deal with... someone very different. Then there's the human layer of stuff like... what they eat, smell like, think, communication.
Im sure you can take one " pin prick", but 2 is trouble and 5 is a fight. 100 sends to the funny farm and fight/flight. That is relationship to some degree. People are going to stress each other so have to get stress in right place, learn to work together, and CHOOSE to love and feel love. not necessarily ooey gooey feelings all the time, over time, as things change. If going same direction mostly and enjoy life together, that's a good story. Otherwise, have to reflect on... how you get here.

given your answer you need a therapist but it's really just work peeling the onion of yourself. It does help to get outside viewpoint to see the hidden parts, because it is hard to see when screwed up.
Once you climb about the situation and see it emotionally truthfully... that is you, her and the relationship, then you can make good rational decisions and manage it.
Most don't go through all of that and it's just a bomb that goes off and they deal with the debri.

[lightbulb27]

I went through many rounds of issues and I'm doing well in our marriage and family. Everyone is generally doing well. It wasn't easy at times. Choices help and two adults helps etc etc..

Lastly, there is mental illness. Some people got it and some are going to get it... with enough lack of sleep and poor choices, stress and food. So watch out. At your age, it's coming, seems moreso for women. That is, paranoia, false memories and perceptions, etc etc.. Not truth, but what's spinning up in their heads. And noone gonna talk sense to them. And that, is a whole new level of problem of which, I'd be inclined to get to a place of health to avoid that, because you will be the bad guy.
Seen all of that...
I've seen good too...

[lightbulb27]

Read your other answers. you need to work through the emotional parts of you, make effort to love. Go to church/God so you take in unconditional love, have a place to turn over your stresses and a higher calling to recharge.
It's not always easy. If you can get to wher eyou talk with your wife and work through the core emotional issues... which may be very deep... come out stronger.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answers

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can restore your relationship.

[Asker]

I'm definitely thinking on those lines especially with Christmas and New Year
Things are not perfect
But better the devil you know?

[Opinion Owner]

My thoughts exactly, give it a try.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the MHO

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic "we're just housemates" sitch! 🌟 I'm here to help folks smooth out those tricky love landscapes. If you're ready to move on but still under the same roof, it's time to get intentional. Set some boundaries for a healthier coexistence. 💫 Find your own slice of happiness — hobbies, hanging with friends, or diving into personal growth. Focus on creating an independent life even while sharing space, and when she does find her place, you'll be more than ready to embrace the new chapter. You've got this! 🔥✨

[OlderAndWiser]

Why would you spend three years of your life living with someone with whom there is no communication? If you were trying to let her know you were pissed, she got that message by day three.

[Asker]

I live here because this is my house
And I love my children

[Anonymous]

You need to heal first. Listen Danielle can be a handful at times but she does have a good heart and is a good mother to her children. To be honest I still love her i probably always will. I just been deeply in love with her for the longest time and only want the best for her. She goes through a lot especially health issues just wish she could find some happiness. I don't know i just truly love her

[Opinion Owner]

Danielle is one of the best women in the entire world and you're blowing it. Use your head and wake up. I would give anything anything in this world to be married to her you don't know how lucky you are and how fortunate you are to have her in your life. She's like a fucking goddess smart beautiful intelligent and you're blowing it 🤦🤦‍♀️🤦‍♂️

[Opinion Owner]

Let me give you two things 1. Don't take Danielle for granted cherish every moment you can with her 2. She has the most beautiful eyes you will ever see you could get lost in how dreamy thry are. So cherish all her best qualities and help raise her to be the best version of herself

[Opinion Owner]

You got a woman who i can only dream if being with a woman who i can only dream of marrying and here you are screwing it up 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♀️🤦

[Opinion Owner]

i wanna ask you something... when was the last time you cooked for Danielle? when was the last time you drew her a bubble bath... nevermind she hates bathes she prefers showers instead. when was the last time you drew her a warm shower? when was the last time you prayed for her or with her? when was the last you wrote her hand written notes? You have a golden opportunity i can only dream of and here you are blowing it. I mean i did write her hand written notes and when she told me about her lumps i continuously prayed for her. But you know what i would give just to pamper that goddess to draw her warm showers and be able to cook for her and take care of her. My god you're blowing it you are blowing it

[Crankor]

To move on you have to not be around her

[Asker]

You're right
The thing is we have some respect