How do I make grief and guilt stop?

Question

My boyfriend killed himself over a year ago, he made everything better and now i feel so alone. i miss him every single day no matter what, he was always there for me and we shared so much together. i feel so guilty, he never knew how important he was to me. i never got to thank him or express the importance of his presence.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

3 years ago my grandmother took her own life, by jumping off a bridge in our local town. I felt so guilty and buried in grief and shame for a long long time. I had been borrowing her car (she could no longer drive due to medical issues) and the day I returned it back to her, that night she drove off and ended her life. I used to go around every week, at least once, and play card games with her, have dinner, chat etc. For like the year prior to that I was so caught up in my own life and my new relationship that I had hardly gone to go see her. She must have been so lonely. So yeah I blamed myself for a long long time, that if I had been a better grand daughter maybe she would still be here. But the truth is that she didn't have a good quality of life, she could no longer talk, she could hardly walk - she didn't want to live a life like that. It's been 3 years and I did not handle it well, I turned to drugs and alcohol to cope/deal with my emotions as I was crying every day for months - well one thing led to another and to no surprise I got addicted, I now have an active addiction to meth. That is in no way fault of my grandmas and I am not blaming that, I should have handled it better - I should have talked to someone earlier (have you looked at grief support groups - particularly for those who have lost someone to suicide?), I should have dealt with the emotions instead of numbing them away and hiding from it all. Don't do what I did.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yesterday you were with your boyfriend for 3 years. Now he killed himself last year?  Stop lying...

ThaCuriousGuy007 · Accepted Answer

I dont think you can blame yourself for that, that was his choice, his decision, it hurts i'm sure and if you knew him for a long time, then yeah you can grieve but I dont think you can blame yourself for it, but I do think you need to talk to someone you trust and confide in and just rant to that person, that will help I think

Keyboardkat · Accepted Answer

Why are you guilt-ridden? Do you think you are responsible for his suicide? Nobody is responsible for this except the person who did it to himself. Had he shown any signs of severe depression? Had he ever talked about doing this? If not, then how could you have known?

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy hearts, even when they’re shattered like this.

You’re not guilty, you’re grieving. Suicide is never the loved one’s fault. He didn’t leave because you weren’t enough, he left because his pain felt unbearable.

The love you didn’t say out loud still existed. You showed it in a thousand little ways he absolutely felt.

Try writing him a letter, saying everything you never got to say. Cry, scream, fall apart, repeat. That’s healing, not weakness.

You don’t stop the grief; it slowly softens. You learn to carry it, and one day you’ll love again without betraying him.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Even if it wasn't really your fault, the only way to attone for your sins is to grow and learn how to do a little better or at least different next time.

strateguy632 · Answer

be mourning for a few days but afterwards remember you already mourned. now live in now.

Lisaasker · Answer

You just have to cope better.

Agape93 · Answer

No idea. Time?

How do I make grief and guilt stop?

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How to get rid of guilt and grief?

How do I make grief and guilt stop?

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How to get rid of guilt and grief?

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