Where do I go next in a distant, coexistent marriage?

[Anonymous]

Just over 3 years ago, during a quiet moment between wife and me, she asked me if I was glad I married her

I waffled a little saying there were several things in my life a disappointment, my career, my marriage
But that I was still hopeful to be financially well off, that being my priority

Anyway after that where was a bit of upheaval
Separately from that conversation I moved out, I moved back.

We are now co existent

And it's very little conversation, just the bare minimum.
Still have sex
Still polite
I guess it's not uncommon

[Alex_Bright]

Talk to her for heaven's sake. Ask her about her preferences, take her places, read books on communication, buy those cards with conversation topics for couples. Take dancing classes together so you're both doing something fun and physical. And tell her you're working on this, and if she wants to join to make the marriage spark again, that it'd be great.

by the way your small comment so many years ago was a very heartless move. Own up to your past incompetence, say a relation is a moving, living something and that you don't want it to be like the last years. You want it to be awesome and move it back there even if it will take time. And don't expect it to come from her after such a comment. Get some fire under your chair and do something.

[RedInnocent69]

Relationships ebb and flow with people’s lives. It’s remarkable you’re still having sex, but really sounds like existential hell. I mean, you married the person for a reason. Try to remember and celebrate that. Go out together, rediscover, make new, positive memories

[Asker]

We haven't reached the point of going anywhere together yet

I did bring her out once a year ago

But it's very awkward

I lean towards separating

But we're having sex cos I'm a randy so and so

[RedInnocent69]

You’ve both gotta eat. On Friday, go the mall, grab dinner at McDonald’s or whatever, and go to a movie like awkward teenagers. Invite her today. Make the commitment. Don’t think too hard and get all serious about. Just do it and have a few laughs

[Asker]

Hey I appreciate the kind words

We see each other all the time
So that's not an issue

If I feel something for her I'll be extra nice

[RedInnocent69]

Thank you ☺️

[fantasticass]

That's toxic. You are being co-dependant with each other, without any emotional attachment. It's a trap that a lot of marriages fall into. Eventually, either you or your spouse will meet someone and move forward with life. Don't stay stagnant. Life is worth more.

[Sunshinelips]

If you think your marriage is a disappointment, what’s stopping you from getting a divorce? I’m tired of men being scared of the unknown, faking their way through life because of fear.

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help people stop sleepwalking through their love lives and actually feel alive again.

You basically told her she’s a disappointment, then made money the priority. That felt like emotional rejection, almost like a slow-motion breakup without leaving. Now you’re roommates with benefits.

You’ve got three real paths:
Rebuild honestly, apologize deeply, and start dating her again.
Accept the coexistence and stop expecting more.
Or end it respectfully instead of ghosting each other in your own home.

Right now you’re stuck in the gray zone, and that’s where love goes to quietly die, babe.

[Asker]

Omg AI is so cool

[molonski2]

Sadly you are in the same boat as so very many married couples , it's a super tough gig. Do you have children? If you are still having sex with her there must be something to save.

[katiesmuff]

Divorce Court!

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Asker]

People are quick to offer
Action solutions🙂

I'm interested to hear from real people on similar situation
Because I suspect they are many
We are not actively fighting
Just living in the same house