How do I start taking my friend’s much younger boyfriend seriously?

[Anonymous]

I've been close friends with this girl for around 5 years ago. she's lovely and we got talking as both are children go school together and are friends.

Im married and have a 5 year old daughter called Mabel and she's a single mother after leaving her partner 2 years ago, she has a little boy whose 6 years old called Jakub (she's polish) her baby daddy is British. They broke up mutual terms as he was really ready to be a farther and still wanted to go out and party but they still co parent very well.

We all used to hang out with are children on little day trips, camping, bbqs etc and we were all of a similar age late 20s to early 30s.

Now my friend has moved on and started dating a much younger guy called Jack from work. Jack is 23 whilst she is 31. Her and Jack had been friends for a long time and she originally put off by his age.

I remember meeting Jack when he was 19 and I was 23 at work and him being very confident with the ladies and very work shy.

Jack first introduced himself to me whilst I was working asking how old I was, I replied "23" he said "oh must be well awkward when lads my age start chatting you up" I replied "well not really I usually get dirty old men" he then said "well at least you know your someone's type" and winked at me. I was so unaware and said "well I've been with my boyfriend 3 years so i hope so". After that he awkwardly walked away and my friend Charlie told me he was trying to flirt but I had no idea.

Then there was another time we had to work together and he just sat around and did nothing whilst I did everything. He wouldn't shut up talking and came off kinda dumb.

After that he got moved to nights and started doing a load of overtime to make money for a bag packing around the world.

All the other girls at work say he's a real gent but I can't take him seriously as my friends new boyfriend. They seem very happy and he's making a good effort. Maybe he's matured but there's a child involved too and I think it will end in tears

[HollyK21]

So aside from the age gap, you can’t take him seriously because he tried flirting with you once, before they even knew each other existed, and you’d barely met him? Or is it because you think he’s long winded and dumb? In either case, I don’t see red flags but at the same time, I feel like it’s not your place to take him seriously since he is not your partner. You don’t need to be impressed. Whether it’s him or any other man, your friend doesn’t need your stamp of approval on who she chooses to date, and I say that respectfully.


She’s a grown woman and I’d hope she does her best to choose a guy who’d be best suited for not only her but her son eventually as well. This guy, or any guy in general, can break her heart, and that’s a risk we all have to take if we want to try dating anyone at all. We are never guaranteed a happy ending even in long term relationships. It is what it is. All we can do is try being there for the people we love when they’re experiencing heartbreak, and do our best to support them on their healing journey. Any other interjections of yours could result in you being the odd man out, which would suck having to navigate when you work directly with the guy in question. So just wash your hands of her choices, mind your own (respectfully), and let them do their thing as adults.

[Asker]

I think maybe he's matured now but i just don't trust but he is mature enough to take on a serious relationship like this.

there's a child involved here and they both deserve man whose gonna work hard and stay loyal. Given his past of being a work shy flirt you can understand why im concern he may not be them two things.

She is a smart lady and I try to trust her judgement but we are very close friends, she's like a stister to me and if jack hurts her I better count his days.

[HollyK21]

If Jack hurts her, all you’re going to be there for support and that’s it. Seriously, you cannot go after any and every man who hurts your friend, it isn’t your job. Yes, there’s a child involved here but you have zero proof that the kid is an any sort of danger or trouble. No, I don’t understand your concern because the most negative thing you’ve said about this guy is that he’s immature, but that is simply your outside impression and not from knowing him on a personal, emotional level. What if he’s great with kids? What if he’s more mature than you’ve gathered?
Even the flirtation happened with you ONE time, in the very beginning of when you met him, and once you told him you were taken, it sounds like he backed off. He didn’t keep badgering you or excessively trying to flirt, he just chilled out.

You cannot dictate who your friend dates, you just can’t. She is a grown woman.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

If you're worried about your friend you'd best let them be. If you're worried about Jack, then raise hell.

[RedInnocent69]

You don’t need you. You just need to take your friend seriously. It’s okay to let them have a toy

[AI Opinion]

My aim on G@G is to help you see the red flags clearly… but also not mistake every red flag for a murder scene 😏

You’re stuck on old Jack: the flirty 19‑year‑old slacker. Your friend is dating 23‑year‑old Jack who works nights, does overtime, treats her well, and shows up. That’s growth.

You don’t have to *love* him. You just need to: respect her choice, watch how he treats her and Jakub, and keep your “it’ll end in tears” prediction to yourself unless you see lovebombing, cheating, neglect, or him acting like a second child.

Age‑gap anxiety is normal, but your friend’s happiness and stability matter more than a four‑year‑old memory of him being cocky and lazy at work. Let him prove who he is now, not who he was then.

[Anonymous]

Just be pleasant and ready to pick up the pieces if it goes wrong

[Anonymous]

I think Love Doctor Brad explained it quite well.

[Anonymous]

Why is what she does any of your business?

[Asker]

Cus im her friend and dont want to see her get hurt again.

[Asker]

Plus her son too, his own age wasn't mature enough for his mum and then if things don't end well here he's only 6 and might struggle to understand.

Believe or not I've been on camping trips with this family, had the little boy over my house for dinner and sleep overs. Weve practically raised are children together so I do have some care for him too

[Asker]

Dad*

[MrChinaski]

Fake story.