How can I be more at peace with potentially being single the rest of my life?

[tstarr17]

At the time of me writing this, I am 34 years old. Never married, no kids, rarely ever dated, and the longest "relationship" I've ever had only lasted like a month and a half. I don't intend for this to sound somber, but these days, I'm starting to think me pursuing women and dating them is a waste of my time and is very risky. I especially believe it's risky because it's very easy to cheat on someone. I've never been cheated on myself, but I know people who have, and it's devastating. I had always dreamed of finding the right person, introducing her to my friends and family, getting married, and having a kid or two, but I'm starting to believe it's never gonna happen for me. It feels like no matter what I do with them, I just can't win. Again, I don't intend for this to sound somber, but this is truly how I feel these days about it. It's hard for me to even talk with women on dating apps, let alone go on a single date with them, and there's nobody I currently know that would be interested in dating me, so I'd have to meet someone completely new, and even if I did, it could only last like one date or so, and even if it lasted much longer, I take the chance of being cheated on. Being single this long taught me to truly cherish someone that actually loves you for you, as long as they're emotionally abusive or anything, but that's just my view; not everyone views it like that.

I want to be 100% at peace with being single and potentially being like that for the rest of my life. I'm not convinced that I am 100% right now. It would mean that I never get married, I don't have sex with someone I have feelings for, and I never have any kids of my own. I've had people ask me if I have kids, and they're surprised when I tell them no. I had one customer the other day ask me that, and told me I should try to, but can't exactly do that when I'm not married or even with anyone. If you can help me think of better ways to be at peace with being single, that'd be great.

Updates

4 d

*As long as they're not emotionally abusive or anything
TYPO

[FindingCommonSense]

love something or someone somehow, even if not romantically. ㅤ

[Anonymous]

I think the first step is accepting that being single doesn't mean your life is incomplete. I understand why you're grieving the possibility of marriage and children, because those are things you've genuinely wanted, and it's okay to feel sad about that. But please don't let the fear of being cheated on convince you that love is never worth the risk. ❤️

I'd focus on building a life that feels meaningful right now, through friendships, hobbies, experiences, and goals that belong to you. You don't have to stop wanting a relationship to find peace with being single. You just have to stop making your happiness dependent on whether one happens. And at 34, your story isn't necessarily over. You can make peace with either possibility without giving up on yourself.

[Nikki1989]

Really. Quitting at 34.

Don't be that weak.

[tstarr17]

I wouldn't say quitting. It's more of potentially not wanting to date anymore, but I can understand why you'd have that reaction.

[RespectfulGuy]

This is the irony of life. What you shared showed how NOT at peace you are.

Think and condition your mind the reverse way.

There's nothing wrong to want to enter a relationship and get married and enjoy the romantic side of life.

Hence be active. And get out to find girls who are similarly seeking out guys. Date them. And you'll be surprised what life has install for you.

[tstarr17]

That's why I asked this question since I don't feel like I am at peace with being potentially single long term.

[Nuclear_Warhead]

Here's a random night time idea. What if we are sometimes attracted to what a woman thinks is her worst permanent flaw? That means this catch is rare because personal permanent flaws are more unique than mass-taught skills and it won't change, so we neither lose interest nor does our interest get stolen by another woman. And we never go out seeking "hmmmm i like this flaw, let me find out who has it." It is unfathomable, we never know we like it until we see it. We only seek out good things. But what if it is an essential key to a great relationship? We only show off our good sides on "dating market places" and first encounters. Then that's why it is a popular idea that love finds you when you stop looking for it.

[NathanDavis]

same as if you were... find purpose in life, other than a relationship

[Pterodon]

Oh get off your pitty pot! You’re still young. You never know what happens

[tstarr17]

It COULD happen, but I want to be at mental peace in case it doesn't.