I feel like a fool, did he ever love me?

[EmmyAward]

I have known this guy for 6 years and we started fooling around back then. I had recently broken up with someone and didn't want a relationship and he seemed fine with that so we kept things light and casual. About a year later he met someone and they started dating. Despite this he and I continued fooling around. However over the years somehow we ended up falling in love and the relationship became very intense over the last year or so. He would send me messages every day and we would hang out every weekend and go on dates during the week. I know it's wrong that I was even seeing him while he was with someone (my karma is probably shot) but I started things with him before they met and I didn't know her so I rationalized it by saying these things to myself. In any case I can't help the fact that I fell hard for him. He told me he loved me and that they were having problems and they just weren't the same type of people. He told all his friends about me and everyone said we were a much better match and they could see we were truly happy with one another. He said he would deal with his situation and then give us a chance. When he talked to her about where they were going with their relationship she said she would do anything to work it out and he told me he had to give her that chance. She doesn't know anything about us. Now I am left heartbroken and I feel like a fool. I wasted 6 years of my life on this person. Above all we were really good friends. Did he ever love me? Do you think he is hurting too? We have not spoken in a month which is the longest we have ever gone without talking. I just keep wondering if he is thinking about me too or if he is happy with her. I truly think that this could have been the person I would spend the rest of my life with and he seemed to feel it too. Worst of all he is in my circle of friends so I can avoid him but not forever. At some point whether it be months down the line I will have to see him. I've never been so upset over someone ever..and I am terrified of seeing him and more terrified of never seeing him. Even if he breaks up with her I'll always know he chose her over me! I know I should move on but it's so hard. I keep secretly wishing he would tell me he made a mistake even though I know I am probably better off. Once a cheater always a cheater right? He claims he never cheated with anyone but me and only because he's never felt such a strong connection to anyone. Ugh! Need help please!

[PrettyProphet]

It's time to move on as difficult as it might be. In a relationship, ANY relationship there must be a foundation of honesty and respect. Cheating is not a behavior that should be tolerated in a relationship, not for anyone. It's rude and hurtful to innocent parties who have done nothing to deserve it. No one deserves it, really. It was good while it lasted and there were genuine feelings involved and while it might not seem like it now those 6 years were not a waste. You grew a lot during that time and more importantly you learned things about yourself, relationships and interactions. Truthfully it's unwise to have any intimate relationship with a person if they are involved elsewhere. While none of us know this man, you'd know best if he loved you but remember there are many forms of love. Friendship, intimate and a deeper love that simply is not fathomable. I think there was a severe lack of respect for you in this instance and if he valued your friendship he should have had the decency to come back to you and explain things before the communication was lost. If he was honest with this woman and truly cares for her and their relationship she might have told him to cut all ties with you and that's why you were left hanging. If you need closure you could send an email or a letter and then you can know in your heart that you've done all you could and the rest is left up to him and kismet.

[Shlei3]

It's easy to get caught up in our feelings and have a major seperation in head and heart. What would you tell a friend that was going through this and asked you for advice? Take a step back and look at the whole picture? You are just a fling because ultimately he didn't choose you and won't choose you. You can't know what truly is going on between him and his girlfriend because you only get one side. Not only that but the proof is in the pudding. He didn't date you and continues to spend time. He thinks he has it made here; two girls that care about him deeply. Both under his control. What's worse is you know about the other women. Really? Please look at this. You deserve someone that will be with you and only you.

[BirdofParadise]

You made the mistake of trusting his words over his actions. He said he loved you, but he never did anything about it. If he really wanted you more then her he would have ended his relationship with her when he realized how he felt about you.

But you are right to say you are better off without him. He strung you along for six years and left you with nothing. Keep up this no contact thing you have going until you can get over him and try to focus on yourself. See this as a lesson you have to learn from. Don't get involved with someone who is already with someone else, you know then that from the start they are untrustworthy.

[flaka]

yes it is hard and will be hard but you need to move on.if he loved you he would have leaft that chick to be with you.he was with you over the years because he knew even with his gurlfriend you would still be with him and that was your mistake.you should have tould him if you have a gurl forget about me you never gave him that choice.so why would he choice you know.he probably thought you would still be by his side if he gave her another try.i think you were just a f*** buddy to him.at one time he did care about you but I think towards the end no.

[Jimbo450]

It really does seem like this guy has been allowed to have his cake and eat it. If he really had these feelings for you or even respected you then he should have either got into a proper relationship with you or established that you were just friends.

I agree with Birdofparadise in that you should judge him on his actions. Its so easy for him to tell you want to hear to get what he wants but has he really shown you that he loves you? From what you have said it seems not.

He is pretty much saying that he might give you a chance if his current relationship doesn't work out. That's pretty degrading to you in my opinion.

It sounds like you have gotten yourself into a really hard situation as you obviously love this guy, but you really need to take a step back and think about yourself. This has gone on for 6 years and It really doesn't look like he can give you what you want.

[Littletad]

Your too recessive. Why have you let one single man become your whole world? Not only that, but one who already has a girlfriend. True you knew him before her, but why didn't both of you ever get into a relationship? I think, you made a serious mistake by fooling around with him and showing him compassion while not letting him do the same for you. It's obvious you put so much more effort into him then he ever did for you. And that's not right. You need to become more demanding and willing to fight for what you want. Not willing to wait and act on someone else's terms. But obviously, this man isn't really worth your time or patience anymore.

[Anonymous]

yep. once a cheater, always a cheater. guys with that pattern do no change. you can wish it, you can imagine things aren`t that bad, but truth is, they don`t change.

you wish he was hurting. he just wants to have his benefits. he should have committed to you long time ago if he was serious. get a better guy.