My boyfriend said he doesn't like my body

Question

We have been together for six months he's always told me I am beautiful and he loves me. The other night, out of the blue he told me doesn't like my body and wants to talk and f*** other girls. I am no playboy model but I know I am hot, I weigh 128 lbs and I'm 5'7. I know I'm attractive I get told all the time. We have sex on a constant basis. We haven't had any problems before, I thought we had an amazing relationship. Now I feel extremely insecure and hurt. I haven't changed physically since we started dating, so I don't understand. How can I be in a relationship with someone I now feel insecure seeing me naked?  It broke my heart him saying this and he said it in such a mean way... I Donno what to do. I am so in love with him and he has never said anything like this before. It totally crushed me. I've been excercising constantly ever since he said this. It's really hurt how I feel about myself:(

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well, I'll start by stating the obvious. He is a complete a**! First, after just glancing at your picture, I can tell that you're gorgeous! Second, here's what is going on with him. He has either already done something with another girl, or he has plans to do something. The reason he is talking s**t to/about YOU is because that is HIS way of taking the blame off of himself and putting it onto you. So now, if he breaks up with you, he'll be able to say "I didn't like her body" rather than having to be a man and say "I cheated" or "I found someone I'm more attracted to". By making YOU feel like crap and letting YOU believe you're the reason that the relationship had to end, he then isn't required to own up to HIS failures. Trust me, there is nothing wrong with your appearance, whatsoever! You may be lacking some self esteem right now, which is natural when someone we love makes us feel bad about ourselves. You'll get that back one day. But the real issues are within HIM. Please don't let him mind f**k you like this! Tell him to man up and try being HONEST (for a change) about what he wants from the relationship or whether or not he wants it to end. But, if this is his behavior right now, it'll more than likely continue. If you stay with him, can you imagine YEARS of him making you feel this way? And then YEARS of him making your daughter feel this way? If you don't want your baby girl killing herself with dieting and exercising just to please a man (who more than likely won't even be WORTH it), then you have to lead by example.

Please, please, please...remember that you are the SAME person that he was attracted to, in the beginning. He didn't have a problem with it then, otherwise you wouldn't still be together now. The only thing that's changed is HIM. You deserve better than what he's giving you now, but unless you DEMAND to be treated better, he's not going to. Be strong and don't ever allow anyone to make you feel this way again. Only a strong mother can raise strong children. And again, please don't fall for his mind games! He's putting the attention on YOU so your attention won't be on HIM and what he's doing. I think it's time for you to start asking questions, and watching his behavior. If he's seeing someone else, the signs will be there. Good luck! *hugs*

Cybertron17 · Accepted Answer

Wow that's harsh. I have low self esteem myself and my boyfriend hates it but always compliments me . Despite everything you guys have been through,  you don't deserve to be treated that way. He might have been cheating on you and thought this was a good way to push you away without too much drama. He had no reason to say this to you so maybe he 's seeing a woman who he's more attractive to him and he said that out of spite. Just try asking him if there's someone else because you're confused about how he was treating you. I'm sorry you're going through this Hun...good luck. P.s. would you be willing to answer my most recent question?

teapot1 · Accepted Answer

I don't get it...from your pic, I can see you're hot. I think maybe he wants to break up but he doesn't want to do the breaking up hence he is being nasty to you so you leave him. That way he doesn't have to deal with being the dumper. That's an incredibly nasty thing for him to say and honestly I can't see why he'd say that. You can find someone who will treat you better. Exercising is great but I don't think in this onstance it will help your relationship cos it just sounds like he wants to sleep with others.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

For a guy to say something like that means he is either under some huge stresses of his own and lashed out at you for no real reason because he's struggling with that, OR, he's a selfish pr!ck and has been the whole time. Seriously, it's one or the other.

Can you HONESTLY say that he has never shown any selfish, self-centered behavior/attitude before? And I don't mean just with you, but in how he treats other people? It's very unusual for something like this to just come out of nowhere.

You should feel bad, but not about your appearance; you should feel bad because this guy lied to you and manipulated you, and is acting like a bastard. You really need to do some thinking about why you would want to stay with a guy who would treat you this way, regardless of your other reasons for staying.

Once you have figured that out, you need to have a talk with your boyfriend and let him know how hurtful and cruel he was. Do not let him off the hook and let him believe that he can treat people this way.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

your dude is an a**hole short and simple. there is never a good way to tell someone you don't want to be with someone, but their are classy/high character ways, and low life/scumbag ways. he went the scum bag way.

it's hard hearing someone tell you want he did but take solace in the fact that he is a douche and so you really shouldn't even care what he thinks. Frankly I'd get out as soon as possible. find a friend or if you can afford it move on by yourself.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live but one things (and take it for what they're worth)

1) never believe a person when they promise you the world. talk is cheap, actions are what matter. when a person promises things (without proving anything) it probably means they know they can't do it and hope you'll just take them for their words

sorry you're dealing with this stuff. the dude is a jerk, so good riddance.

your pics look like you have nothing to worry about in terms of your shape...good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, some guys are just emotionally retarded and insensitive. I know the feeling. I had a girlfriend once who called my haircut "ugly" after basically seeing me on a daily basis with that same hairstyle for 2 months. I can only imagine how bad you felt after he said that to you. I'm sorry.

Well, it doesn't sound like your body is the problem. As a guy, it just sounds like he wants "out" of the relationship. If your girlfriend's body is the problem, but you still want to be with her, then you sit her down and nicely talk to her about it in a positive way. You care about how she feels, and you don't want to make her feel bad, because you still want to be with her and you still plan on having sex with her, so you don't want to make her feel insecure about how she looks.

On the other hand, when you mentally have one foot out the door, you don't really give two flying sh*ts about how she feels. I mean, you should, as one human being to the next, but in a cynical sense (one completely self-interested actor) you have no incentive to care anymore. So, your body provided a good excuse for him to anchor the basis for your relationship falling apart.

What actually happened? Who knows? Maybe he met someone else? Maybe he just saw some other body type that he liked and all of a sudden decided that he couldn't handle having sex with your body type for the rest of his life. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You can drive yourself crazy with all the maybes. Who cares? The point is, he's confused and clearly wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet.

I'm sorry you love him, but what you described sounds like the kind of stuff guys do when they're preparing to exit a relationship.

CrystalMinds · Answer

Maybe he just wants to have sex with other girls because he just wants to, and it has nothing to do with your body. Don't change yourself because a guy (even though you love him dearly) tells you something like that once. If he really loves you, he would be a bit nicer about saying that and I would undersand him telling you something like that if he had reason to (as in: you gained 20 kilo's or something on a short time). But now he just said it out of the blue, rude, and without a reason and what the hell, even if you would've gained a lot of weight, still, telling you he wants to have sex with other girls? That's just trying for an open relationship and making you feel bad.

I'd say: I'd demand apologies for his behavior , don't feel bad about yourself, nothing wrong with you!

HandsomeRaj · Answer

1. Everything evolves and changes so do humans

2. There are times in a relationship we reach a point where we look for a change (women on emotional front and men on physical - generally)

3. His choice of a woman's body may have changed (quite possible, it happens)

4. He is probably just trying to gain control over you by saying such things so that you feel insecure and do things that he wants (probably swinging etc)

5. Whichever way I think you should take control of your life and get out of him :)

Good luck :)

Whichever way YOU ARE HOT :D

jamesma87 · Answer

If he says he wants to have sex with other girls, I'm guessing he doesn't think the two of you have a great relationship, especially the way that you talk about the two of you... He definitely sounds like an a-hole for sure though, there's a lot of ways to break up and he pretty much just decided on saying some pretty hurtful stuff...On the bright side, at least you are able to get away from this guy at a young age still and are lucky you didn't end up marrying him and having him cheat all the time on the side.

MrAtticusLebowski · Answer

Don't listen to him you're an attractive girl. Be warned, some dudes just have an unrealistic standard for women. I've known guys that literately looked like f***ing goblins and still insisted on dating nothing but perfect 10's.

Look, The issue with his standards is irrelevant to be honest. Any one that would say that to a person just sounds hurtful and callus. More than likely he probably wants to destroy your self confidence and worth so he can continue taking advantage of you all he wants and never worry you'll leave him. It sounds abusive and do you really want this type of person as "father figure" to your daughter? I'm sorry, I know you're in love but think of your kid. You want her seeing you this unhappy?

UnderDriven · Answer

Clearly your boyfriend wants to move on to other women--which is not untypical behavior for many young men.  He could have just told you that straight up, but then he would have to shoulder all the blame.  Instead he put the blame on you--it's really *your* fault because your body isn't good enough.  Now he can go on his merry way, and you are left feeling hurt and insecure.  In reality, there is nothing wrong with you--just understand that he wasn't mature enough to take responsibility for his actions...

clashcity22 · Answer

What an ass. In fact, I'd bring a paper bag to bed with you and when he asks, tell him its for him so you don't have to look at his face. Then ask him how that makes him feel

Anonymous · Answer

Wow..I'm sorry. Nothing you can really do, except understand that ONE, your ex boyfriend is blind, and  his behavior is a clear sign that his interest in you has dropped a lot. And no, it has nothing to do with the way you look. He's just using that as an excuse  because he can't think of  the real reason.  You need to get away from this guy. Apparently he was never really in love with you  the person, instead just your body.  Visually speaking, you will have NO problem getting about any guy you want.

Michaelmwm19 · Answer

Wow... he even said it in a mean way to? There's someone out there that will love you just the way you are, and you do not look bad or unattractive.

I would dump him because it sounds like he will only do it in the future honestly, but it's not my choice think it through and do what you think is best.

Theguyoverthere · Answer

It's his loss and he'll never find a natural beauty then. The girls he is looking for will spend 3 hours "Getting ready" for events and then spend another hour in the bathroom when they are at said event.

But I also won't be surprised if is in over his head and ends up desperately getting a 400lb whale in the future when it doesn't work out.

Phoenix52 · Answer

"I don't think you're hot" = "we've had enough sex and I'm bored of sexing you all the time. I want to move on"

That's my thought. I think he's gotten everything he wanted out of you so he wants to chase a new challenge. Sorry to say.

You want to save it, I think you better talk to him about it. This very well might be the end of the line because he made it clear. He's a player. A real boyfriend who still loved you wouldn't have said this.

Consider going back to Colorado.

martyfellow · Answer

I'm sorry to say your boyfriend is some kind of narcissist, and most likely he has his eye on some 18 year old who's really slim and girlish.

I agree there's nothing wrong with the way you look, but a lot of guys haven't grown up and don't relate to women their own age.

strangerdanger · Answer

CORRECTION: You no longer have a bf! lol he's an idiot. Now you've learned a very important lesson here. Don't date idiots. Luckily for you it's still early in the relationship that your eyes were opened. Also is that a lion in your picture? And is it alive?

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

Well, he's an a**hole who clearly doesn't respect you or your feelings. I think you should dump him and find someone you DON'T need to change for. You need to find someone who will accept you exactly the way you are and who doesn't want to "talk to or f***" other girls. I realize it may not be easy but it would be for the best. This guy is a loser and doesn't deserve you.

Anonymous · Answer

Your boyfriend is an idiot. Don't change for him. Actually I don't think you need to change at all. Your way way attractive. If you were single, I'd ask ya out. But your out of my league lol. Those things he said to you, I bet he's insecure. He's probably afraid loseing you to another guy and decides to put you down so you won't feel good enough for other guys. Don't listen to him! In fact, make plans with friends and tell him you are going to go out clubbing in order to meet someone that will apprciate you.

What a basterd, he does not know a good thing if it hit him upside the head

Tractorbeam · Answer

I think you're OK,but he's a jerk.He should be tarred and feathered,or something worse.

You look good enough in your profile photos,and you don't classify as overweight.Even if you weren't that pretty,it's no excuse.

mattiee · Answer

your a good looking chick, and if he can't realize that tell him to go find something better. If he knows you will always be there for him he can do/say whatever he wants. However, you need to put yourself and daughter first if he is just showing these signs now imagine down the road...

CRamos3 · Answer

President of the DoucheBag Society right there. If that is you in your profile pic and other pics in your profile...the BOY is ignorant and sounds like he may secretly like men if he is not into you...

I hope you move on...and soon. You deserve better. Just because he does not see you value, does not diminish your worth.

ihatework · Answer

jeez, he really pulled a d*** move on you. it's going to hurt for a while for you considering how much you still love him, but you have to move on and get away from him.

Anonymous · Answer

That's some pretty bad news. My guess is he's already sleeping with someone else and is just telling you this now to start ending things. You should ask him point blank if he's already sleeping with other women.

In other new, yes, you do look very attractive, so you have no issues that way. Just try to quickly and effectively get past the fact that this guy was a mistake.

My boyfriend said he doesn't like my body

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