My cousin is struggling with religion. How should I handle this?

[Anonymous]

My cousin grew up in a foreign country where he went to a Catholic boarding school. His family is very religious and culturally also believes in a lot of superstitions. Coming to America for the first time for Uni, he's dealt with a lot of culture shock as well as new found freedoms he never had back where he lives.

Part of that has been not having to go to church multiple times a week for the first time in his life, and finding students who openly discuss and debate religion without fear of retribution. He's questioning everything and has asked me for advice on a visit. He spoke of his struggles, but I'm not sure how to advise because I'm not religious but I also feel like I'm treading a fine line because religion was and perhaps still is a huge part of his life and if and when he goes back home, his family is not going to take kindly to him potentially no longer being strong in their faith.

[Soteris]

It is a "dangerous" path he is following right now. People who actually care about religious questions and starts to question them will find a world of information that contradicts what they have been told their entire life. If he embarks on a journey of self discovery and religious enlightenment then he is likely to end up as an atheist. If you think that is good or bad is irrelevant for this conversation.

My suggestion is for him to go and visit different churches and just listen to what they have to say. There are usually someone there who is happy to have a discussion and I suggest he ask them about their views on life and topics that bothers him rather than religious questions.

I also suggest he visits other places of worship for other religions such as mosques and temples and listen to them just the same. In this case its not really about the particular flavor of religion but about him finding answers to satisfy his personal beliefs.

[Asker]

That's a good idea for him to visit other places of worship and speak to people there that may help him form his own view of religion.

[slatyb]

"If he embarks on a journey of self discovery and religious enlightenment then he is likely to end up as an atheist." It happened to me when I was rather young. It didn't take long.

[Soteris]

@slatyb Yeah, that is usually how it goes.

[nolabels]

That journey is entirely up to him.

You don't say how connected you are to him, but you can tell him that you're willing to converse with him about it if you and he both wish.

You've said that you're not religious, but you are what sounds like a very caring human being.

Just talking about who you are and who he is might help him greatly.

There could be many approaches that might help.

I wish you both the best.

[Asker]

Thank you, this is really helpful.

[slatyb]

He's an adult. You can tell him how you feel. You aren't responsible for his faith or apostasy, or his future interactions with his family.

[Asker]

I'm aware. I just want to be as objective as possible and not, as people are fond of saying, "push your opinions" on them. Religion is just a broad topic that can affect people in different ways.

[slatyb]

As objective as possible? If he asks, then tell him your beliefs, and what led you to them. If he doesn't ask, then you don't have to bring it up. I never bring up my non-belief unless:
1) I'm asked
or
2) someone makes an untrue claim. In that case if others are present I have a duty to present opposing data.

[OfDeath]

Why do you care?

[Asker]

I care about family. When people come to you for help or advice, you tend to want to help them because you CARE about them.

[OfDeath]

His religious views are his own business. You don't need to be concerned about them unless they will lead to harming others.

[imawfulatusernames]

Let him find his own way.