Search Results: attraction in a relationship

So i have learned a lot about something called Attachment theory and i may write a mytake on it sometime. so what the Anxious attachment style is specifically is im the type where when i feel like the other person might be pulling away from me i tend to pursue them even harder because of my anxiety over them possible leaving me. and unfortunately this in turn tends to push them away even more because anxiety tends to kill the other persons attraction in my experience. I'm not acting like my authentic self and instead reacting to my own anxiety. the other person can usually pick up on those vibes easily.

Anyone else the anxious attachment types? or can at least relate to these issues

Here are the Symptoms of anxious attachment style as an adult
"- Adults with an anxious/preoccupied attachment style might think highly of others but often suffer from low self-esteem.

- These individuals are sensitive and attuned to their partners’ needs, but are often insecure and anxious about their own worth in a relationship.

- If the loved one rejects them or fails to respond to their needs, they might blame themselves or label themselves as not being worthy of love.

- Generally, adults with anxious attachment need constant reassurance that they are loved, worthy, and good enough.

- The strong fear of abandonment might often cause anxious adults to be intensely jealous or suspicious of their partners.

- This fear might also lead them to become desperate, clingy, and preoccupied with their relationships. Adults with an anxious attachment style are often afraid of or even incapable of being alone.

- They seek intimacy and closeness and are highly emotional and dependent on others. The presence of the loved one appears to be a remedy for their strong emotional needs."

Here's a good picture that demonstrates it well

So im trying to find ways of overcoming my anxiety now that i learned this about myself and become more secure.

We talk for hours, almost every day. She already defined our relationship as friendship only, which is dissapointing because we get on soo well with each other and I've never felt this spark with anyone before, but that is fine because I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. We share the same hobbies, opinions, and values, except on this occasion. I'm sure there was a mutual attraction to start, but I wasn't quick enough to action, and after a year of talking, the sexy facard which we put on when trying to attract someone has dropped, and she saw the real me, which isn't so appealing. But I found a smart, funny, like minded friend, so still a win.

We've been calling for about a year, mostly for work but the calls always became personal. Within the past few months have we been talking every day for hours, outside of work.

We live 120 miles apart, so although we've talked about doing things, it never happened. But she talks about visiting her other friends who live as far from her as I do. When I asked if we could meet for lunch in her town, when she was free, she nervously laughed and refused. We carried on awkwardly for a few more minutes, I asked why, she told me meeting in person isn't a criteria for a friendship. And if we met once, why would that change things. I told her meeting should be the next phase of our friendship.

I don't understand. How do I differ from her other friends? It makes me feel like she dosent value me as much as the other people in her life, or like I was just an ear to listen for the past year. Its worse because I really care about her. I want the best for her and for her to be happy, but what she wants isn't what I want

I will obviously respect her wishes and not bring up the topic again. But it saddens me that this is as far as we will go, or even if our relationship will remain after this.

Before it's suggested, she's not a catfish.

Am I in the wrong? Is this kind of relationship common?

Why would she object so strongly?