Asexual/aromantic folks, how do you define your ideal relationship if you are interested in one?

[CubsterShura]

Stereotypically, the ideal romantic relationship consists of two people attracted to each other both romantically and sexually. While it is not impossible for ace/aro people to be in relationships that fit that criteria as well, it is interesting to learn how relationships and dating are perceived by asexual and aromantic people.

I've heard a bunch of interesting takes from asexual friends talking about how they feel disgusted by sex and don't want it in their relationship but are open to having sex only for the sake of their partners, to those on the aromantic spectrum sharing their take on how they don't feel like a romantic attraction is required for a healthy and happy partnership and you could be dating someone you're not attracted to. Not things you would hear from allosexual and alloromantic people.

Of course, both these orientations are on a spectrum and it is ultimately a feeling so a lot depends on what a bunch of abstract terms mean to you.

[Minahh]

I'm on the spectrum but I'm not really giving myself any labels. I experience romantic attraction, however sexual not much and only experience it after a deep emotional connection. Also I enjoy some practices and some are a absolute no go for me. With all that being said preferably I just want to cuddle and kiss.

[CubsterShura]

Ah, demisexual I see.

I do like labels because they are simply words that help us describe how we experience sexuality/romance, but I understand not making it your whole identity, and I'm not that way either.

I can feel sexual attraction to anyone I find hot but with romantic attraction I need some close connection and/or being shown interest first. Pretty much demiromantic+recipromantic. I find it cool that there is a word for it.

[CubsterShura]

Not to mention it is a way for me to communicate how I experience romance to people who actually show interest in me. Currently talking to a guy and he handled it really well! Dating is a bit of a challenge for me because most people see it as a waste of time of things go nowhere after a few dates but I don't function like that lol.

[Lliam]

Sorry. I can't relate. I LOVE romance, physical touch, hugging, kissing and sex. And sex is no fun if my partner doesn't genuinely love it. I don't want someone who has sex begrudgingly or as an obligation. Resentment would eventually develop for both of us. The relationship couldn't work.

[CubsterShura]

I can't see myself being with an asexual person either! I thought it should be fine as long as we like each other romantically and we can communicate about what we feel comfortable doing making sure both of our needs are met... But honestly after talking to an asexual friend I realized I won't be happy in a relationship if my partner doesn't feel sexual attraction towards me as well. It doesn't put all asexual people off the chart as they can be of all types and asexuality is a spectrum, but he certainly has to be attracted to me!

[Lliam]

Yup, I agree. I also want someone with a libido whose body is erogenous. Without that, they are just platonic friends. And there is no reason to be exclusive with them.

[Massageman]

Physical touch is your Love Language (ref Gary Chapman, Five Love Languages) I guess.

[Lliam]

Thanks for the MHO, Cubster.

[Guardian45]

I wouldn't have a clue. I'm the antithesis of what you're asking!

[Guardian45]

Thank you for MHO!

[msc545]

No sex for me

[CubsterShura]

What if your partner desires sex?

[msc545]

I won't do it - too much risk of trouble.

[CubsterShura]

Fair. How do you feel about giving your partner pleasure in other ways? Like using your fingers or maybe a toy?

[msc545]

And get accused of sexual assault? No thank you.

[CubsterShura]

Well if you can't get your sexual needs met without committing sexual assault yeah you are better off celibate

[msc545]

Using Prostitutes solves all of the problems you have mentioned. It costs less too.

[msc545]

Also, I am not going to commit a sexual assault as you suggest, but I could still be accused of it.

[LemiaOfThunder]

I dont know