Search Results: end to a first date

I keep thinking about this.

My ex spent a lot of time and energy getting me to like her which I resisted at first. But then I fell for her and I showed her love in the ways I did like planning out thought out dates for her, getting her things which I thought she’d like whenever I saw anything on trips away and planning special things for her birthday. After a while, she occasionally dropped hints that she wanted me to show love by telling her I like her and that I think about her and she wants more of my attention and she sighed when I did things I don’t like (like go on my phone sometimes when I was with her) but she never said anything about thinking about ending the relationship or that it was affecting her a lot. Then she went away for a couple of weeks then she went silent then when I messaged, she was saying things like we’ll find a time to get together. Then she said she wanted a chat. I asked if everything’s ok and she said yeah, just wants to catch up. Then she seemed normal and had a chat with me about unrelated things then after some time out of nowhere towards the end of our catchup she said she’s starting to feel we’ve become more like friends recently and that she’d been thinking that for about a month. She said she’d discussed it with friends who said if she feels that way after a year it might be time to leave then she said she doesn’t see a future together but genuinely wants to stay friends. I had an inkling this was the case when she stopped messaging during and after her trip. 6 weeks on she keeps messaging me even if my responses are brief.

but I still feel confused, betrayed, angry and sad. And I don’t know how I should feel.

Simple question right? I will concede that falling in love with someone isn't 100% a choice, its a combination of attraction, and chemical responses. But continuing to love someone i believe is a choice.

Let me explain why i believe that.

Love needs to be nurtured. To maintain the relationship, you can't just expect the "Spark" to be there. Both sides need to make effort. Both sides need to do the things that maintain connection.

For example, Every morning when i wake up, i wake a half our prior to actually needing to get up so i can get extra cuddle time with my wife. When i come home from lunch i hug her, and tell her how much i miss her. When i come home at the end of the day i do the same, and then we cook together.. the important term here is Together. Hell even my furniture choices have centered around making sure that even when we are just watching a show together it means cuddle time. Additionally i took my grandfathers advice seriously, which was "Never stop dating your wife" So i make sure to do things like date nights, and spontaneous gifts, And by gifts, i mean things she's been wanting, to things as simple as chocolate. I tell her she's beautiful every day, and i tell her how much i love her every day. And this isn't one way, My wife does similar stuff for me.

Bottom line, if i chose to stop doing all of that, my wife would first think that there was something wrong, Then she would think that i was angry with her, and finally she would think that i dont love her. It would essentially kill the marriage.

Love, Marriage, And everything in between takes effort, Marriage is hard work, Its remembering to do the little things. Its making sure above all else that you have open lines of communication.

A lot of people fail to comprehend that, and i believe this is the reason for the horrific divorce rate.

See the following poem. it explains it quite well
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/1959983/love-needs-nurture/