Search Results: internet dating

So I have dated very few people and only really thought of it after knowing them a long time ‘& only by the time I was already falling in love or already IN love, tho still was not ready for a relationship and even ambivalent about just dating. I have never ever dated to experience & learn better how to date- dating was only after thought to my interest in a specific person.

it occurred to me that this can be very problematic. If you very rarely like anyone I think you can have a false- positive impression of their character. Just bc I’m so very rarely interested in someone this does not mean that anyone I AM interested in os necessarily good for me as a person/ partner or is even a good person at all.

And ultimately in my opinion experience is crucial. Every train wreck I’ve encountered on romantic scenarios was not due to anyone being evil but bc I had no clue WTF I was doing bc I was not used to caring about someone that I was also “into”. And I was extremely uncomfortable dealing with certain inevitable vulnerability etc plus brain freeze 😂

Anyhow , I think in interest of self development & interpersonal capability , I should consider dating as part of regular life & not a rare artifact that maybe I’ll encounter in a lifetime.

Now, when I say date I mean meeting you getting acquainted. I do not mean hook ups or vetting people for whatever agenda. Just getting to know people in a romantic contexts.

Of course I’ll be upfront so no one’s tine will be wasted if they are expecting sex or something heavily physical quickly. I’m Audi not interested in anyone paying for anything so no one is getting explored with no return.

Would it bother you to be asked out by someone who wasn’t blown away by you but was open to getting to know you?

I think the most awkward is inbetween. So like when someone says kinda cliche date-like questions but is also very uncomfortable with the situation. Rather than either being very much in their element in dating, or taking it slow.

For me I prefer to be friends first so even if I ask soneobe out or vice herds, I do best in the friendly realm initially. I think of dating as ‘friendship with potential’. So I would not date someone I wasn’t friends with but I also do not automatically switch gears if we are dating.

I understand this is not ideal for many snd rewuires a lot of patience for something that might go no where. I’m not in a rush for any kind of relationship so this gives me some flexibility , I suppose.

Brief Update on situation with the guy of the “ based in the recent 5 posts…” series 😂

****We met up today but I kept it very normal like how we used to be when we were friends. We mostly played basket ball. Talked a bit. But normally. It went well was more natural & he did not weirdly randomly try to kiss or hug me —which in this case is a good thing 😊😊

So I don't know basically we see each other on Wednesday’s. I don't know if it will turn into full fledge dating. I’m not exactly in the right space for that but as for how things are as of now, it’s good. So maybe down the line. We’ll see.

…and no need to worry bc of the posts 👍🏼 There were several posts bc the convo was 12,000 characters & posts are only 2,000–Not bc I was 5 posts worth of worried 😄I was setting a debate with a friend. I am not nor was I so much worried the guy is not honest it was more to see what other people thought bc my friend who is very observant normally, thought he was dishonest or will be trouble in future.

…. In my opinion initially he was acting unnatural and he probably is somewhere inbetween the first date where he presented as very traditionally and the second where he implied very loose character.

I am P1 he is P2

(Was a bit funny bc he was like shaking his head slowly “no” while I was saying good solution”, So I laughed)

2 Well, I made you laugh 3 times thats something 😃😃😃

(That confused me not bc I didn’t Understand it was a joke but I didn’t get the point…So I was quiet)

2 Sooo ok how about this we just continue to spend time together and see how it goes.

1 yeahhhh 😬 so I’m never comfortable with “let’s wait & see”that even it’s what _I’m_doing bc it usually means something different to other people than it does to me…. For example, I AM “seeing how things go” but I think It’s different for me bc I do not have a cut off point. I do not have a ‘if something doesn’t happen by such and such a time, I’m out’ Such as sex marriage or fancy dinners or whatever lol. I’m literally just “seeing what is there”… Sooooo if someone actually IS looking for something specific and they are on a timer ⏰ , I’d prefer they just say that rather than basically “let’s see if it happens on time “ 🤪😎

2 Alright 🤔 Soooo In all that time we hung out, what two years now? I didn’t ask you out. Right?

(was confused & I thought he meant like “I do not care much about dating you at all”)

2 😛 I don’t mean it like that. What I mean is, I’m not in a rush to “date” I didn’t ask you out and I wasn’t looking to date, I agreed bc what do you call it “I feel some kind of way about you”… I was cool on my own. I have dated a fair amount and I’m busy now it isn’t bothering me to be single 🤷🏽‍♂️ I’m happy to get to know you but we don’t need to “date” if that’s not what YOU want. 😇

(So honestly at that point I wasn’t sure then what he wanted)

1 Sooo do you mean you want to stay friends? 🤷🏻‍♀️

2 Well, I def want to stay friends!😃 why wouldn’t I…. and maybe you’ll change your mind eventually and we can date if you decide. Meanwhile we can just be like this. If you want. 🙂🙂

1. 🧐 I have question but you don’t have to answer.

2. Go for it. 👍🏼

I’m person 1 he’s person 2

We want for a walk, it got cold & I didn’t want to go anywhere that costs anything so we went to his place and Listened to his collection of Ukrainian folk music on records which was cool I already knew bc we talked about It in the library.

We were there for a few hours then it got quiet And when I felt like he was gonna kiss me I said:

1 you can’t kiss me 🚫

2 uhh ok 😐

2…. for the record you have permission to kiss me 😉

So we both laughed. (Then I was going to try to explain my situation but I couldn’t sort it out so just showed him the post)

1 I was having difficulty sorting the situation out ethically and I asked people did advice bc I didn’t want to do the wrong & I have such little experience and strong tendency to avoid doing anything and so I don’t feel like I was able to rely on my own wisdom even tho I think generally, im fairly wise relatively. I asked for advice bc I didn’t want to treat anyone Badly.

(He was a bit surprised how he ended up coming off to me tho & hasn’t considered how odd it might come off to me bc he’s dated a lot of people and it’s sort of normal to him to talk about stuff but he also wasn’t always in the U S so I don't know maybe it’s diff other places)

2 🤔 You don’t seem flirty or anything kinda opposite really , so I didn’t think you were into me -or I thought you were very shy or conservative so I wasn’t expecting you to ask me out and then I guess I just assumed you were more experienced bc you asked me out... if I had known you are not really used to dating I probably would’ve approached things differently… I’m just used to sort of presenting myself as is, & whatever Happens happens

(He doesn’t mind if I give an update lol as long as no one knows him and don’t use his name he find this seeing other people thoughts amusing I guess)

So then I was silent, absorbing things and I felt a bit awkward bc it’s just normal to him so it must look crazy to him that I was concerned.

CONTINUED*

So I don't know if he is interested but disorganized or uninterested or whatever but I can’t handle him apologizing to me once a week for who knows how long every time “ he can’t make it” 🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s the most stressful thing someone apologizing for something they have no need to apologize for but I’m told I have to accept it. anyhow it’s all so artificial and I just don’t like the assumption that just go onto him feeling sorry. What can I do that’s life 🤷🏻‍♀️

… and what if I meet another guy there and one day this guy shows up bc I did say ANY Thursday, I’ll be mortified. He will just think “ oh! I bet you I bring ALL THE BOYS to your fountain!!! Lol for real it’s just that’s my say off and I’m relaxed after I swim so it’s a nice time to get to know someone. 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s all there is to it. It’s not a lair lol

I don’t want to say hey you nvm bc I did say any Thursday is ok at the sane time I do think there should be a tine limit. Maybe one month 🤔 lol I should’ve said the first Thursday of every month. That way I could have 4 guys a month without traffic jam 😅. I’m JOKING 🙃

I think to make it casual but unambiguous “this Thursday or next Thursday @ 8 pm”. That way we’d be done by now & no pressure is left. He could always ask me out after it’s no big deal. I definitely made it a bit too casual, it’s not good for anyone 😬

I will tell him I’m still ok with any Thursday but he seems overloaded (bc he keeps saying so) & just let me know if he wants to meet up On a Thursday. That way we are both free from the spectre of expectations 👻

When I asked initially, I wasn’t Interested in dating I just wanted to try hanging out so I couldn’t imagine complications, but I’m seeing how disruptive this plan is potentially.

To reiterate: I’m NOT asking how to make him like me or meet me or if he likes me or to get him to DO anything at all… I’m asking how to get out of this mess bc it’s stressful 🙏🏼

I have seen this stuff said before tho seeing it on the rise lately with videos from pearlythings & femsapian. I discovered them unintentionally pop up in my feed. They are all over & some people seem to gobble it up. Each video is recycling of these points:

Women expire after 25.

A women dating around will not only not help her learn what kind of partner she wants, but will destroy her ability to bond and make her ineligible used goods.

Women should marry young as a virgin, or no one will claim her and her life is meaningless.

If a women chooses correctly, she will derive great pleasure from obeying her husband.

Women having careers is the downfall of civilization.

Men don’t want to marry women who support themselves.

Women owe men their entire lives bc men must support them financially.

A marriage can not be a partnership thus is offensive to a man. A relationship must have a leader and someone who obeys otherwise it Is disrespectful to ken and only hateful loud mouth cheating aggressive women who don’t respect anyone l, want a partner instead of a leader.

Men expect obedience no matter what is happening within the marriage.

If the marriage is abusive, the woman chose poorly.

Young men are not under a time constraint bc they can marry later. They have time to date around.

A man should be a decade or so older then the women to make the marriage work.(despite the fact marriage in average is 3 years age difference plus or minus, either gender)

Women need an older men to lead them bc they are irrational and can’t navigate life.

A real woman will stay by her husbands side no matter what.

Birth control makes women lazy unaccountable & should be abolished.

Pregnancy is 💯 a woman’s responsibility.

—Femsapian has been divorced and dated around a lot.

—Pearly things is not a virgin nor pregnant but calls for abolishing birth control.

… Do these people consider what they are saying or do they not care as long as their audience subscribes.