Many years ago, my parents moved us in to a new home in the city where a Chinese family was also moving in next door to us. I was three, and having Chinese neighbours was unheard of back then where I lived. Nonetheless, as a three year old, I hadn’t developed any sort of knowledge to accept or not accept. The neighbour’s son, a little boy who was a year older than me became my “boyfriend”. So much about his Chinese culture just became something I grew to know, not understanding the division between Asian and European. We just lived harmoniously as neighbours, intertwining our cultures unwittingly. Thankfully, our parents never taught us any sort of racial boundaries. In fact, they thought it was cute that their daughter was speaking some Chinese words at the end of the day thanks to spending so much time with her little companion.
I have noticed many people still fascinated by racial differences, or feeling contempt for there not being a racial difference. People who date outside their race have been vocal about experiencing social backlash, notably from their own family or people of their own race. The latter is what is so damaging.
No one is owed anything when it comes to dating. The world is a melting pot now and with the increase of internet dating and no borders prohibiting people from finding love, interracial romance is becoming more common.
Oddly enough, I’ve noticed people blaming race, even their own for their lack of finding romance. Again, these are people who feel owed. They believe people of their race are looking for love outside of their race, creating an upset, making those who don’t understand the divide to feel as though they are race shaming or developing a race fetish.
Finding love outside one’s race, or even preferring one look over another is not racism. According to the Oxford definition of racism it is described as:
Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior.
This means a black woman preferring to date white men are not racist against blacks. Being black and not showing signs of antagonism should be a clue here. What’s happening now are people expanding on preferences that go beyond race. Maybe an experience with one’s own race could have contributed to this, but nonetheless, having a preference does not necessarily mean that someone is against their own race or will treat someone badly within their race.
Perhaps my affection for my surrogate Chinese family at a young age had me develop a fondness for the Asian look. Whatever the case, it did not stop me from dating white men, or dating men of other races thanks to decent parents who taught me acceptance, and to also be proud of myself and where I come from.
People who haven’t been stuck in a bubble are better accepting of interracial dating. They see past the skin colour and if anyone is like me, loves the fact that we have differences and to celebrate them. That switch in the brain just might turn on to find attractiveness and sex appeal in other races if you eliminate the buffer that prevents finding someone else attractive just because they’re different from you.
Can't do it? Well, no one said you had to. People will still find connections to those they find appealing, but all anyone asks is not to feel as though their choices are wrong whether it's someone who prefers dating within their race, or someone who finds attractiveness with a specific race.
The last time I checked, finding love was never a bad thing, no matter what colour it happened to be.
Oh, and if you’re wondering what ever happened to the little boy next door?.. After he moved back to Hong Kong a few years later, we became pen pals, then we connected two decades later on Facebook. We have enjoyed our 38 year friendship so far, and to this day we credit each other for learning what unconditional acceptance really is.
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