The Modern Woman Doesn't Need a Knight in Shining Armor

[ssmmmll19]

I recently watched a documentary about how women are presented and sexualized in the media. Though many of the facts are indisputible, I think we need to take a closer look into modern-day relationships due to gender-equality movements gaining speed.

We Don't Need No Man

The aformentioned documentary described how women in movies and TV shows are often seen as "damsels in distress" that rely on men to save them and take care of them financially. In this day and age, more and more women are college-educated and know damn well how to support themselves. I'm not going to get into the wage gap as that is a different argument for a different time, but many women are straying from the traditional stay-at-home-mom role. That is NOT to say such women are of any less value or intelligence-- being a stay at home mom is a full time job in itself! However, women nowadays seem to be interested in pursuing a career for themselves rather than relying on their partner finacially.

For instance, in Japan, many women claim to not have time" for relationships because they are too busy focusing on their education and/or careers. This attitude has led to a decreased number of children in the country (once again, another discussion for another time). Although this is an extreme example, women in general are putting their own success first.

But When We Have One, Treat Him Right

I bet you weren't expected that header were ya? Well I personally hate the stereotype that women need to be "pampered" and "treated like a princess" by their partners (*disclaimer: I do not know enough about same-sex relationships to make a statement about the stereotypes involved, so this myTake is in reference to hetersexual couples). How can we be expected to be treated as equals if we allow men to treat us like royalty? Besides the obvious that being a woman does not make us entitled to over the top treatment by our partners, relationships are about equal give and take. Gender equality at it's finest.

My boyfriend and I agreed early on to strive for a relationship without stereotypical gender roles. I realize not everyone shares our views, but bear with me.

We take turns paying for meals together. If he's tight on money, no big deal, I'll pick up the bill because his masculinity should not be defined by his ability to pay for things, and I care about his happiness. He brings me flowers to surprise me, and I get him an unexpected apartment-warming gift. We both put our studies as our top priority. I don't blame him for things or get angry at him when I'm on my period (though I do get emotional as many women do), and he cuddles me and gives me back rubs.

You probably have no interest in me blabbing on about my relationship, but there's a big message here: we're a team, above all. No one "wears the pants" and I believe I am not the only one who has this kind of relationship.

So yeah, the modern woman doesn't NEED a man, but when we have one, we are his equal.

But This Is An Unpopular Opinion

Let's get real: sexism and objectification of women is still very much a thing.

Little girls grow up thinking physical beauty is all that matters, and that what boys think of them define their value in society.

That grosses me out.

We need to teach young girls that they are on the same playing field as boys, and they can do absolutely anything they want in life-- without having to be half-naked to get there. But people also need to realize that advancing women's rights doesn't mean demeaning men. We are the same species, we need to treat everyone with the same respect we'd hope to recieve ourselves.

Once intelligence is valued over physical beauty in society, will we truly be unstoppable.

Thank you for reading!! And if you disagree with my opinion all I ask is that you share yours in a respectful manner in the comments :)

[Anonymous]

Oh I bet some guys would love to opt out of paying for dates in turn for back rubs;)... And would even gladly take your money - won't you share as a nice equal that you are?:) you probably will.

And yea, sure, your looks don't matter lol - keep saying it to yourself... Just don't expect your "team mate" to tell you honestly what makes him tick, because you might be disappointed to find out he secretely dreams about you wearing a stripper lingerie, while making him a romantic dinner and giving him his best bjs. And then he'd be more than happy to chase you, maybe even see some competition so that he remembers you are desirable, buy you gifts and flowers if only you were less of his BFF.. But alas, here you are, so super convenient, wearing pms pants and blabbing about equality...

I'm sorry for being so mean, but that's something which pisses me off: lazy cheap boys and boyish girls who idealize equality in all aspects of life. No one dresses up, no one conquers.. In the end it's just boredom and and lack of satisfaction for both sexes, because neither one actually wants the same things as the other one. Both just become like genderless amoebas:((

[ssmmmll19]

I realize there may be some miscommunication here. I do dress up for my boyfriend, and believe me I know how to turn him on. What I'm referring to is our relationship outside the bedroom. I must correct you on one point though-- he is far from lazy. He's one of the hardest working people I know that just so happens to come from a lower socioeconomic background than myself. Because I care about his happiness and personally I don't stick to gender norms, I don't mind paying for him every so often. Looks are always a factor in initial attraction, it's how you maintain the relationship afterwards that matters

[Albinoninja66]

This... this is golden

[Opinion Owner]

So you dress up, you turn him on and you pay for him.. That's nice of you:) yet you are missing my point entirely. It's not about money, it's about gender differences, which should be embraced instead of equalized.
Pay attention to the blue ups and pink downvotes on my comment... Guys don't really need bffs for girlfriends - they want WOMEN. And somewhere along the road to feminism we lost our feminine powers.

[AleDeEurope]

It's not common to see a post on here like this. Usually one gender bashes the other one or blames the other one for their problems.
I liked the take, and I'm just gonna add that a woman that wants kids and stays at home, can also be successful. Just because she doesn't go out and work for someone else and earns money, doesn't mean she's not valued.
I think saying "women don't wanna stay at home and have kids, cause now they're putting their success first" is wrong, cause success is subjective, cause she can still be successful as a mother.
If I end up being the one staying at home taking care of the kids, I would consider myself successful. Why? Because I'm happy and I'm raising the most valuable things in the world: my kids.
I'm sure many women think this way, and it saddens me how other women who decide to have a job, put these other women down because they don't want that.

I'm not referring to you, but in general, we should stop believing that stay-at-home moms (or dads), aren't successful, or lazy or something. If that's what makes them happy, they're automatically successful.

[skykidx1]

Repected

[ElissaDido]

👍🏼👏🏼🙌🏼

[Entity]

This is corny, an extremely common idea, and also a massive failure of understanding the real barriers between social status.

There are real, tangible physical differences between males and females when they stop being children and these real, tangible physical differences cause us to raise one another in real, tangibly different ways!

When people talk about sexism they oft fail to realize that social sexism is the only type of sexism that is incurable because (surprise, surprise) physical sex is a real thing with real hindrances and real consequences. I am not referring to guys have testosterone and girls having estrogen but instead referring to the very nature of how we communicate and socialize, how humans are drawn to common notions, and furthermore how humans first and foremost identify, classify, and magnify how we do things.

Proof?

"How can we be expected to be treated as equals if we allow men to treat us like royalty? Besides the obvious that being a woman does not make us entitled to over the top treatment by our partners, relationships are about equal give and take. Gender equality at it's finest."

Or everyone could be treated as royalty. Man, that sounds like a really, really good idea. But no, and why not? Because the inherent nature of how we view things is always present and ever-tainting. You cannot help but allude to the social notions you know, because everything you build is built off of knowledge you previously have attained, and while this isn't some evil force this means that fundamentally you are condemned to bias.

More?

"But people also need to realize that advancing women's rights doesn't mean demeaning men. We are the same species, we need to treat everyone with the same respect we'd hope to recieve ourselves."

Third Wave Feminism has long at least acknowledged if not established that certain forms of advancement are, at their core, impossible. So what types of advancement do you mean? vague vulgarities are all that dot these landscapes of "original ideas" followed by commonly vomited verbiage.

I mean, what was I supposed to get out of this besides some girl's ignorance of the world and weird twinkly eyed view of how things are?

"Once intelligence is valued over physical beauty in society, will we truly be unstoppable."

Here's the problem with that: Intelligence isn't tangible. As a matter of fact it's not even truly measurable. We don't actually have one, singular, sound philosophical or biological definition.

[ssmmmll19]

I asked for you to respectfully disagree if your opinion is different from mine. Unlike you, I tried to summarize my opinion without fully going into detail in order to avoid a lengthy myTake. Do not put me down for being an optimist.

[Entity]

I got to stop writing these critiques.

You just rebranded your vague opinion as "optimism"?

That's like rebranding your broken down Jeep due to negligence as a "lawn sculpture".

[QooLipBite]

@Entity

Shame bro! 😂 you don't rip her THAT hard!

[Albinoninja66]

I completely agree! And this mytake owner is an idiot.

[LovelyDisquiet]

I'm going to have to disagree with you completely here.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a feminist. But a lot of feminist ideals don't sit right with me. They are aggressive, and overly masculine. Which is fine! If you are a lesbian and looking for a girlfriend. But this hot-headed behavior is not attractive to men in a feminine way, at all.

If you want a man. A man that will be strong, supportive, loving. Then you need to allow him to be the hero. To be the "knight in shining armour". Men need to feel powerful. That's what makes them love you. The way you make them FEEL.

If you cut that off. You are basically cutting off the roots of your relationship.

I really don't see the problem here... By being your knight... men are not saying you're "weak" or "powerless" or that you can't do it. They know you probably could if you tried. But they want to do those things for you to show you their love. By not allowing that, you are basically cutting off their love to you.

Honestly, the real power is letting go, and being powerless. That's how feminine beauty becomes beautiful, loving, happy. I know from my own experience. And, I can't speak for all women (I'm aware some women are more masculine, some men more feminine), but for most women... opening up is the beginning of love. Shutting down advances like this will only cause pain or frustration.

Also, I don't think people should worry too much about "equal" give and take. Then, it becomes a sort-of transaction.
Instead, you should strive to be the best person you can, giving as much of yourself as you can (without tiring yourself out, of course, and taking time for yourself), and I believe you will naturally attract good people with a generous nature to you. If they are not, then once you realize they are not giving you what you need, you move on! No need to calculate "equality"! Relationships are not always equal. Some give more than others, and are happy with some who give little. Some give a lot in one area, and nothing in another, and the other partner balances that.

[nalaa]

"The Modern Woman Doesn't Need a Knight in Shining Armor" - but maybe we want one?

Seriously I think it's a good take. I agree with all of you 3 major points, though for the first one, personally I mean I want a job that feeds me but it's more important to me to have a family. I don't mind relying on a guy if it's the right and I don't think that is that odd.
I mean the damsel in distress and hero is probably as old civilization itself. And it comes from a fact that a lot of men dislike, which is that men have to prove their value before being seen as good mate.(so I'm kinda surprised so many men reacted negatively to your take? ) Women have inherit value by carrying the higher burden in childbirth, so it's men who have to proof themselves and that's what the damsel in distress thing is, right? And overall both genders like it. Men like to be able to protect and women like men who can. And I don't think that's a bad thing

I guess a lot of people see women as weak and inactive in those situations, but really it comes from a position of power. It's us having the upper hand. And most guys don't even realize it

[Point111]

Obviously it's right of women that men protect her in all areas of life

[nalaa]

@Point111 not sure what you#re trying to say?

[Anonymous]

While I don't feel the same way you do about gender roles, I really do appreciate your not having any double standards about this. It really bothers me when women don't want to treat their man like a prince, but still expect to be treated like a princess. I just prefer certain societal gender roles as a way to show respect towards the other gender. By societal gender roles I am talking about things like opening car doors, and not about forcing a woman to stay at home instead of having a job.

"Once intelligence is valued over physical beauty in society, will we truly be unstoppable." This will never happen. No guy is ever going to get hard, because you are good at math. Likewise the skinny captain of the chess team is less likely to get laid than the ripped quarterback. Looks will always trump brains. That is human biology.

Male sexuality is typically higher do to our biology, so on average we respond differently to the female form than women do to the male form. That is why advertising is so different when selling something to a man, than to a woman. Why is it you think men send so many dick pics? It is because those men want to be sexualized and can't be. Just like it is unreasonable for them to think they will be sexualized by sending random pictures of their junk to women, it is unreasonable for a woman to think men should stop sexualizing women. Men and women will both sexualize a person they find attractive. The only difference being, men are more easily attracted to women, than women are to men. That is the only reason why you see women sexualized more often than men.

[racheltyy001]

"No guy is ever going to get hard, because you are good at math."

Yep... that cracked me up

[Jayded1]

Ok just to touch on points.

"Little girls grow up thinking physical beauty is all that matters, and that what boys think of them define their value in society."

That attitude is taught to them by other women. Not men. It has been proven time and time again that what men want and what women think men want are two completely different things. I am not saying there are not many problems that exist but I think some of them that look to men as a blame point are misguided.

Now to the core of the take. Men who are "protective" or "white knight" like do not do it because they see women as inferior damsels that need man to help them. They do it because it is a biological impulse. It is nature in it's most primal. The urge some men feel to be protective is just a part of who they are. It can extend to their family and male friends. Depending on how strong that drive is. Women have that exact same primal drive to protect. It is most commonly shown in regards to their children and younger siblings.

So when a man goes out of his way to "help" a women it isn't wit the thought "this girl is my inferior and can do nothing without my manliness" it is simple instinct.

[oddwaffle]

Women needed a partner, not strictly a man. Why? Two income sources. It's simple but it's sort of important if you have kids. I don't know how tough a single mom is but a family that goes from 2 income sources to 1, is going into tough times without good planning.

A man on the other hand doesn't have to like a smart woman or marry a beautiful woman. It's crazy but it's normal. Men have self-esteem issues and don't want a woman who is too much out of their league. Beautiful women might have more admirers but they have less men who wants to marry them. A smart woman is nice but a woman who is smart enough to run circles around you is going to make your life hell - words from a very old man.

It's not the men. They never really changed. It's the women who desire the men's affections who are pushing all of these beauty over brains things. If you are asking the men to change their behavior then you are out of luck. It's really hard and it's not right to force people to like something they don't.

[Anonymous]

Some of the male responses... wow.

I am self sufficient, I thought it would be best to get a general knowledge of basic life things so I do not have to depend on any one. But I agree, that if I find the right guy, of course I would want to be with him.

I have always gone Dutch on dates, and will continue to do so in a long term relationship. We can share, like you said one night I pay the next time he can. I still prefer to pay for myself, so there isn't any pressure or resentment from either of us, we can focus on having a good time and getting to know each other.

People get objectified, both genders. Online, I see a lot of women on various sites comment on a male celebrity "I'd ride him raw" or something like that but I have yet to hear something like that said out loud in day to day life. Women still get cat called and harassed verbally on the streets, not just on the internet.

On this site, there will be some guys that are for equality and some that are quite antagonistic. I have already seen those stupid troll comments "women need to stay in the kitchen" and worse on here. People should try to focus on being decent and bettering themselves than to bring others down. But you have extremes from both sides, so I don't see that happening any time soon.

[DaddyRollingStone]

The only people who tell women they will only be valued if they are attractive is other women. haven't you ever noticed in the stores that its the magazines for women that have all the half naked whores on the cover? Unless you read playboy, most mens magazines have pictures of sports, cars, or guns lol. If you're upset about then go tell models to stop taking their clothes off for money, see how far you get.

Plus after being very close friends with a number of girls over the years, I can vouch that women are a lot meaner to each other than men are mean to women, and even to other men.

Knight in shining honor concept is not something men go crazy for. Its women who go see those dumb John Green movies about some forbidden love that triumphs anyway. Men don't care about that sort of thing.

I may be old fashioned, but I do believe that every team needs a coach and every ship needs a captain. That doesn't mean being some overbearing mother hen that controls everything.

My question for you is: if this is all better than the old way of life, why are women so unhappy?

[Anonymous]

Nice take. A couple of things I want to mention though. The decreased birth rate in Japan is due in part to women focusing more on career, but arguably the bigger driver there is men opting out of traditional relationships, dating and sex in protest of the expectations society places on men. They are called 'herbivores' or 'grass eaters', and they are the primary concern in Japan right now, not women focusing on their careers. There is a very real concern that the herbivores will cause the population to drop so low that the economy will collapse.

Secondly, the more women cry sexism and scream "I don't need a man", the less respect they get because they sound like a bunch of insecure teenagers trying to convince adults they are capable of taking care of themselves. What they really need to do is stop bitching and just be successful. That is what it's going to take. All the hub bub about sexism, sexualization in the media and "I can take care of myself" crap is just undermining respect for women.

Actions speak louder than words. Stop protesting and just show the world what you got. Let your success do the talking.

[ssmmmll19]

I agree, and thank you for your information about Japanese culture. If I had more room to elaborate, I too would have touched upon the need for successful women role models in media but there simply was not enough room

[Anonymous]

I actually enjoyed reading this myTake. A lot of what you wrote was true. I know a lot of girls who expect to be treated like a goddess while they do not return the favor to their significant others. Honestly I just want a guy who will treat me as an equal. I come from family that's led by mostly single mothers. My grandmother is and has been married for over 20 years, but her marriage is awful and her husband has cheated on her and has other kids. My mom was a single mother until I turned 13 and she met my step-dad. My aunt has a whole lot of kids and a lot of baby daddies. My other aunt has three kids and 2 baby daddies. I've seen my family make so many poor choices in the men they've let in their life. They expect too much or expect too little from them. One of my aunts expects to be treated as a queen. She doesn't pay for dates, she always waits for him to open the door, and he expects him to always call her first. My other aunt literally gives everything to the men in her life. She hasa habit of dating younger men who don't have their lives together. She let her last boyfriend borrow her car, and he crashed it. She gave him money. She let him abuse her. So I've learned a lot from my family. I don't desire to be put on a pedestal and treated like a queen because entitlement will only drive people away. However, I refuse to be anybody's peasant. I'm not going to give my significant other everything without any thing in return. Relationships are about both people giving an equal amount of effort. I'll just have to wait until I find someone who treats me as an equal.

[Albinoninja66]

I'm sick of this bullshit. Women want to be treated as equals to men yet they want to still be treated as princesses. Welll guess what? You can't have both! As soon as you wanted equality you were taken off your little pedestal and treated like shit because now you are equal to guys. Plus I don't see women jumping at the opportunity to be included in the American draft, or be the ones who ask the guy out, buy the ring, and propose. This so called "equality" isn't so great now that you have it and guys will treat you like shit because your stupid feminism destroyed chivalry. If you women really want equality then you can't just take the good stuff. You have to take the bad stuff with it.

[bobbydigitaloa]

Women still expect:

1. Men to make more than them to be given a chance at relationship so they can be provided for.
2. Still expect men to pay on dates.
3. If shit goes bad it's the man expected to defend the woman.
4. The man is still expected to approach and pick the girl up
5. The man is expected to be the entertainer for the relationship

[Mysterio421]

You summed it up perfectly. They want the benefits of being equal and not the responsibilities.

[Jager66]

"For instance, in Japan, many women claim to not have time" for relationships because they are too busy focusing on their education and/or careers. This attitude has led to a decreased number of children in the country "

After decades of men opting out of relationships, careers, family, dating this is happening. Women are just adapting to the reality of the culture they live in and most of them have zero chance of ever having a relationship, family, husband, kids etc.. they have no choice but to work and support them selves. Interesting side not.. Females there are starting to spend huge sums of money on male prostitutes to have fake relationships.

[WolfsHowl]

Meh, kind of sad but I still see women around me using men as resources (for money, attention, etc.) rather than a respected, equal partner.

Also, women still seem to expect men to do (literally) the heavy lifting just because we are men.

That's equality for ya, ladies and gents.

[Aeon_Flux_21]

We humans aren't as evolved as we wish we were. We really do still follow basic animal survival drives. We eat, sleep, poop and reproduce. We search for fertility traits in women while females search for either strong males or beta male provider types.

[Berethor]

You confusing knight in shining armor with sponsor, nowadays when most women have jobs, unlike in the distant past, it's proper for women to pay for themselves, but knight in shining armor is first and foremost an physical protector, for an woman that he is caring about, women are generally much weaker then an men, so most of them would always have a use for an strong man that can save them and be their "bodyguard". Men are generally stronger then women because of biology and it's an quite important part of manliness.

tvtropes.org/.../KnightInShiningArmor

i.istockimg.com/.../...-and-damsel-in-distress.jpg

[QuestionMan]

It's a common problem nowadays that women desire to be treated like princesses and not as equals. I'm still looking for a girl that will be my equal but most prefer that I take charge, pay for them and treat them like they're both disabled and royalty.

[santos159]

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Minxxie]

Where do you find all these women who think it's the 1950's? lol

[QuestionMan]

@Minxxie Oh they don't think it's the 50s, they think that they should get both the privileges of being pampered while at the same time being seen as a woman with rights.

[Minxxie]

Then refuse to pamper them? You can't stop them from having rights and I don't know why you'd want to do that to anyone. To be honest though when you like someone it's kind of natural to want to pamper them sometimes, it's just human nature. I pamper my boyfriend and he pampers me without even really thinking about it, like if I am getting myself a coffee I find myself ordering his favourite too without really thinking about it. If you always pay for dates and always "take charge" whatever that means.. you are training people to expect that from you. Why not just try suggesting you get the movie tickets and she gets the snacks or something like that? That's what I did and my boyfriend was fine with it, he kind of had the urge to pay because of gender rolls but he was able to get past that.

[ManOnFire]

I think you must be a university student? Having said that, a lot of female college students are programmed to view the world and the media as slighting or injuring them in some way more than is really the case. I'm not sure how many 'damsel in distress' women I've seen on TV but I can tell you that with where we are nowadays in society, you definitely see more "strong women" on TV and in movies, whether any of us really agrees with that or not.

Your post is neither good or bad, but to me it's just another blog about how women are being injured in some way that we haven't already heard.

[bluenose1872]

We don't want to attract a partner is all I got. We want to be ugly and repulsive to men so the human race will die out. Screwball. How long do your band of wonder women think they'd last if war broke out and civilization went down the shitter overnight? Nobody to cry for help to. Nutters roaming your streets looking to rape and murder. You can't call men. You don't need us you said. So if your getting cornered by a pile of psychos, who you gonna get help from? Women's right only stand up in a settled civilization. When it goes to hell and it will. You'll be latching on to any man you can find just to keep yourself breathing till the end of the week. If a man wants to take your rights away he can in a flash. You couldn't stop him if he doesn't give a fuck about consequences. Hence your not equal and never will be. Your rights are just a few pages of printed paper than can be cast aside in a heartbeat. Nature's law counts and that made men more adept to rule than women.

[aithe4ngel]

am not sure what to say about your mytake, I personally dislike the 1950s... anyways.. on sexualizedness... we like looks because we are looking for healthy genetics.. makeup has in ways enabled this in some odd ways too. I personally like being pampered... not having to worry about it, I usually give him the money for my ticket or my snack a while before hand like my date allowance. So when he pays for stuff im helping and i dont have to fuss over it, its nice to be taken care of. That said... I pamper him I cook random things that he loves, or other silly things. If he stops cuddling me i stop.. doing the random things that he likes. when he notices we chat about it alter and continue. Although to be fair my relationship dynamic isn't vanilla which might lend some bias to this statement. I just wanted to say what i do so I can be spoiled and not hard on him by being so.

[Anonymous]

When i was younger i actually thought much like you and i became strong and independent and my relationships were all about equality, you know, i pay today, you pay tomorrow, lets share duties and task, etc. We both quickly became distant from each other. I actually love being a traditional person as my boyfriend and i compliment each other. We are like a team facing the world with different strengths and i like it. Also i feel we have better chemistry and an equal relationship felt boring after some time. We have so much more to offer each other because we are different and need each other.

[Anonymous]

It's foolish to think it will ever change. Woman don't "need" a man but that doesn't change the fact they would be infinitely happier if they had a loving man in their life. Besides the emotional support and fulfillment of being wanted by someone, a man provides income, physical protection, and a constant presence in her life. You can't have a baby without a man either, and deep down all women want to be mothers. It's part of their biology.

Also society will never value intelligence over physical beauty, because physical beauty represents healthy genetics and an overall desirable mate. Nobody dates based on looks alone, but that is an important factor that will always have priority over intelligence. The smartest, nicest girl in the world could have horrible physical genetics, which unfortunately makes her less desirable of a mate.