Speaking up on behalf of victims and troubled people

[Anonymous]

You see a women in a major argument with her husband (something that can potentially escalate into violence). Do you speak up or let them handle their business on their own?? For all you know that woman could be in an abusive relationship & unfortunately will get slapped around in the privacy of their own home. Maybe if you intervened and reported any suspicious behaviour, that woman could have a better chance at life. You see a kid screaming from across the street, trying to fight off an adult. The rational part of your brain suggests that the kid is just being bratty and won't listen to his parents.

However, maybe it's something more sinister than that and the adult they're fighting off is actually a total stranger attempting to kidnap them. My point is that hardly anyone calls for help or speaks up for the people who can't speak up for themselves. I once witnessed a girl being bullied right in front of the teacher & assuming that they were just joking around, the teacher did nothing to stop this behaviour. I just sat there in awe, not knowing whether I should point it out to the teacher or keep my mouth shut. I ended up not saying a word about it because I was worried that those mean girls would turn on me if they found out I was the one who told.

But that's exactly the problem with society (something we're all guilty of doing). So maybe I'm exaggerating a little with the consequences, but this common belief that we shouldn't intervene is what eventually leads to things like mob mentality and other horrible crimes. People get away with so much because no one is willing to take a risk and put a stop to suspicious behaviour. There was also an experiment (which was pretty popular) that suggested the exact same issue. A group of people who were conducting the experiment put on really loud music to annoy their neighbours, interested to see how long it would take for these people to make noise complaints against them. Sure enough a few minutes later they received severaly angry knocks on the door telling them to keep it down. Of course this is what any normal person would do.

But the problem presented itself when another fake "incident" came about. The group of people conducting the study also imitated the sound a woman being beaten and screaming for help. As you probably suspected, no one came to help or report the incident whatsoever even though most heard what was going on. The problem is that everyone just assumed that someone else would report the incident and in the time that it took for someone to step forward on the woman's behalf, she would have been really hurt or even killed if it was a real scenario (hopefully I described the experiment correctly). We need to stop relying on other people to put an end to things and step up without looking for validation from other people.

Some people are unable to speak up for themselves because they are so scared for their lives. We need to be there to help them and report any suspicious behaviours or sightings. Please don't hesitate to help someone that looks to be in major trouble. Even some people who have been kidnapped have said exactly that. Of course Jaycee Lee Dugard is the perfect example of this. After being found eighteen years later, she stresses the fact that these two female police officers were able to put an end to her nightmare by reporting the first sign of danger that they suspected. Even if they were wrong about it, at least they did what they felt was the right thing to do. Please don't hesitate to help another person in need because it could make a world of a difference to them <3

[hellionthesage]

I find it interesting that you consistently portray women as victims and males as abusers when in fact its more likely that the woman is abusing the man. they have also done experiments with this in public settings and when a woman is likely to be harmed people intervened nearly immediatley. However when the roles where reveresed it was not only ignored but in fact you can see people watching laughing (and in one of them a woman is actually cheering the abusive woman on). So I can't really take this take seriously as it seems to ignore all facts on the subject. Yes we need to step up but as you unknowingly pointed out, it doesn't matter if your peceptions of things are so completely skewed that your going to ignore half the population.
www.saveservices.org/.../

www.telegraph.co.uk/.../...n-in-relationships.html

https://time.com/2921491/hope-solo-women-violence/

domestic-violence-against-men-women-more-likely-be-intimate-terrorists-controlling-behavior-290662

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks

In short, your doing precisely what your advocating others to not do.

[myTake Owner]

I see where you're coming from. The main point of my piece however was not the actual incidents I described (they were all hypothetical). I was just trying tell people that it's important to intervene and report anything that seems wrong or out of place (regardless of who the recipient/victim is). Sorry if it came across that way but I was just coming up with examples for the main points I was trying to cover. I know that men and women are both abused but it's important to speak up for them regardless of gender, race, age, etc. You get the gist and sorry if I offended :)

[hellionthesage]

Well the fact is that it does no good to report if we as a society refuse to see it as an issue, thats what your examples show (that is the popular notion as women as victims and men as abusers) so while we "know" that women can abuse few actually acknowlege that its not just a possibility but an acutuality. So, the issue is to draw attention to statistics and facts, the truth, that way the people who need help get it. In fact I have heard the recounting of a story where the person saw the husband being abused all the time, he was eventually assualted by his wife with a knife. The children where in the home and he managed to call the police. When the police came he ran outside to them with his arms slashed open and bleeding. He was then tackled to the ground and handcuffed while screaming at them to go inside to help his children. When it was finally settled she was simply put in the cell for the night and that was the extent of it. The fact is if we do not acknowledge men as victims as

[hellionthesage]

a society then reporting incidents don't really help. Now I am not offended by your remarks so much as frustrated because of them being both inaccurate and that they continue to perpetuate this false idea. So while I agree that one should not simply ignore the problem, the problem is society at large will show concern only under very certain circumstances. I am not attempting to insult but educate (not trying to sound condensending, its just really hard to convey ones intent without having tonal inflections). So again I do agree that we should step up and report but we also need to acknowledge societies own views on the subject before being able to really make a difference.

[Brokenheartedx]

Hi can I just type, the first one wouldn't happen... I was in an abusive relationship and I became timid that I didn't dare argue back.. and it sadly true for many an abused person...

everything else I would stick about and call the cops

[zagor]

I was driving in my hometown a couple years ago in the middle of the day, and there was this big guy trying to get a teenage girl into his car. She was hugging a light pole and he was trying to pull her loose. Several cars had stopped and were honking, and someone was calling on their phone, I assumed 911.

He finally seemed to give up with all the attention and yelled something at her and got back in his car. I suspect it was her father, due to their respective ages, but you can't really tell when you come upon a situation like that out of the blue. I don't know what I would have done if there hadn't been a lot of other people around reacting.

I remember when I was in college I presented one of my roommates, who was very gung-ho about getting into law enforcement, with the following scenario: A little girl is kicking and screaming and being carried to a car by an adult male. What do you do? He said he would stop him and find out what is going on. Ah, I said, you are on foot, you have a gun, and you are too far away to physically grab him before he can get in the car and drive away. So do you shoot to stop him? He finally said yes, he would. And then I tell him, now the girl is screaming "You killed my Daddy!"...

It is difficult to know what to do in situations like this. They are all unique. You just have to make a judgement call and hope it is the right one.

So some

[Jersey2]

Interesting that you are anon. Too many conflicting rules for many people to get involved today. I had one of my direct reports come to me about the concern that another on my staff was in an abusive relationship and the woman that came to me wanted me to intimidate the husband and make him stop. I could get fired for getting involved and I wasn't going to risk that. I told her to tell the other woman to get the police involved. Too many times the people that try to help get their head handed to them by the government or their company or lawsuits.

[Anonymous]

Its funny how we toss privacy to the wind for gossip, but suddenly respect it when there's something messy.

I think we all need to be aware of people around us.

Without trying in any way to minimize the many women in bad situations, it should be noted that there are also many men in bad situations, or families with a violent/unstable woman and the man can't leave, certainly not with any kids. We're even -less- likely to intervene in those cases, even if she's physically abusing him in public.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, you bring up a good point :) Many people (including me) unintentionally overlook the men who are also being treated poorly by women or other family members. I also agree that gossiping shows just how hypocritical we are as a society. It has become so ingrained in our minds that we shouldn't intervene in private family affairs even if our gut instinct tells us otherwise. People are so scared of being wrong & instead choose not to report incidents that have the potential of becoming very serious and dangerous even. Thanks for responding to me opinion by the way :)

[Anpu23]

I have stepped in, I've stopped a rape, along with other instances. My first martial arts instructor put it this way, one of the reasons to fight is to defend those who are unable to defend themselves. I try and live by that code. But there is a caveat here, the rule is unable not unwilling. If someone wants you to fight their battle for them but are capable of doing it themselves then you must be hands off.

[myTake Owner]

Aww, you have no idea how much I appreciate your answer :) I had a friend in high school who was raped & I'm so relieved & happy to know that people like you exist in the world. Just by choosing to do the right thing you changed the whole course of her life for the better. I hope you continue doing the right thing and intervene when you find it necessary :) Thanks again for what you did... honestly

[Anpu23]

Thank you.

[AleDeEurope]

I stopped reading after the first paragraph. I don't read sexist takes, especially since more men are victims of domestic violence. Way to go for someone who wants to speak in behalf of victims... -_-

[myTake Owner]

Why are people getting hung up on the details? The examples in MyTake are clearly all hypothetical. I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, 18 or 28. The point of my article was to encourage people to intervene & speak up for ANYONE who I unable to speak up for themselves (whether it's a boy or a girl). Also, I just wanted to say that people tend to underestimate the severity & danger of certain situations but it should be taken seriously. That's the message I was trying to spread. Not that guys are never victimized :)

[martyfellow]

You make good points, but speaking up will lead to accusations that you are stalking someone or interfering in their lives without justification...

[myTake Owner]

You're probably right but I wish something could be done without jeopardizing your own wellbeing :)

[TheHooptyMiata]

I saw a dude beating a woman up outside a club and tapped his jaw. Pretty much the only time I've whiteknighted - he was fully going savage on her though and nobody was doing shit.

[myTake Owner]

Good for you for stepping in :) It kind of scares me that people don't intervene or even call for help. It reminds me of the Kitty Genovese murder when 38 people heard the woman screaming and then she was murdered because of the bystander effect. Probably also because everyone thought someone else would call for help until no one did...

[wolfbilly]

How about don't run your mouth to a man and if you see some stupid woman yelling at a man she deserve what she gets, butt out, don't feed the ninny nanny state and don't be feminist imbecile. This site Conveysa lot of propaganda.

[myTake Owner]

I don't know where to start... Too many controversial things are in that sentence. No one deserves to be physically or mentally abused, even if they angered the other person in some way unintentionally. That's blaming the victim for something they have no control over. An abusive individual does not need an excuse to hit someone (they just do it and put it on the other person). No thank you & this has nothing to do with feminism whatsoever. It has to do with what is morally correct. In my book that means no physical or verbal abuse regardless of challenging circumstances...

[FallOutBoy2001]

Hey, do you have any idea how wrong that was? You basically said a man should beat a woman for yelling at him. Should I do that if you yell at me?

[myTake Owner]

@FallOutBoy2001 Interesting that you perceived it that way because I said the EXACT OPPOSITE. I was saying that no one should be verbally or physically abused (man or female). I stand firmly AGAINST violence of any kind...

[myTake Owner]

oops, lol :) I realize that you were talking to the insensitive person above me lol :) At least you know how strongly I feel about violence though ahaha :P

[iReallyNeededAName]

"No one deserves to be physically or mentally abused, even if they angered the other person in some way unintentionally. That's blaming the victim for something they have no control over."

Incorrect. You do have control. Do not deny responsibility so you claim yourself the victim. The "victim" has a part to play, irregardless; if they did not, then they wouldn't be the victims now, would they?

It's simply cause and effect. The cause might not have warranted the effect in your perspective, but from a logical perspective, it MUST have, otherwise it would not be an effect because nothing would have caused it. That is a logical impossibility.

If you are yelling at someone, you may not anticipate the effect that ensues, but it does not mean that it was not warranted by your causative action (s). Every action plays a part in influencing the effect, the outcome. Maybe, if you had not yelled, you would not have gotten hit.

You are partly to blame, but the offenders should still be punished.

[Homebakedcookies]

"You see a women in a major argument with her husband (something that can potentially escalate into violence)."

If I see the woman hit her husband, I will certainly step in and protect him.

[myTake Owner]

This is exactly what's wrong with society. Rather than focusing on what's wrong with someone (guy or girl), all the guys on this site keep saying how I'm being sexist for thinking girls are the only victims in the world. I never said or implied that. Guys are just getting mad that females are no longer settling for 2nd best. Every article I see is about how feminism is an evil thing (apparently satanic). What the hell is wrong with people? The point of my article was to suggest helping others in their time of (guys or girls). I assume you'd help out a woman in trouble as well?

[Homebakedcookies]

2nd best? Why don't you try to define 2nd best and explain what you actually mean by it.
Western societies are free. You are free. Men and women are responsible for their own life choices. Take responsibility of your own life instead of blaming others for your unhappiness.

I would help an individual if that individual was being physically harassed by another individual.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to point out that men can be victims too. My mother is verbally abusive to me and my father, but it's viewed as ok by society

[myTake Owner]

Unfortunately I know that to be true. But I've commented about that to other people (mainly guys) when it was brought to my attention. I wasn't really making a point about abuse (just used the 1st examples that came to mind) :)

[Opinion Owner]

probably should have read the comments haha

[Anonymous]

Bollocks in the West the only discrimination is towards men, especially those with mental disabilities. If we stuck tape across womens mouths a bit more, the mentally disabled would be more equal.

[kaylaS91]

... putting tape across someone's face regardless of gender is justified all in the name of 'equality'?
Ps. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[Opinion Owner]

@kaylaS91 It is nothing compared to what women try and do to get equality and they seem to think it is ok for them to try and even the score with men.

[Anonymous]

Western women as victims? LOL.

The only discrimination in the west is against men...

[TimeSplitters123]

Well said