Why I No Longer Hide My Self Harm Scars

[CHARismatic110]

Disclaimer: This Take has parts in it about self harm and can be triggering. Read with caution.

A month or so ago I shared a Take about self harm where I revealed that I was a cutter. Not proud of it but it is what it is. When I first started up again, I was going out of my way to make sure that I kept the marks hidden. I didn't feel like explaining to anyone why at 28 years old, I had fresh cut marks. I was ashamed of them because in my mind they were constant reminders of how weak I was, and being weak was something that I did not allow myself to be. I've had my weaknesses used against me in the past so I go the extra mile to make sure that it doesn't happen again. But I realized that in doing that, I make things a lot harder for myself.

I think a lot of us make the mistake of thinking that we need to be perfect. We think that we have to have it together at all times. And that's pretty much impossible, which is why we fail at it. I've been through a lot in my life. And because I don't like pushing my problems onto other people, I deal with most things alone. I'm not a weak person. I have weak moments. And I'm allowed. We all are. It is in these weak moments that we find out just how strong we are. And that's what my scars let me know. That I'm human. So I don't hide them. I'm not proud of them, but I can't be ashamed of them either. They're apart of my story. Apart of who I am. And I refuse be ashamed of who I am.

Again, I know this is a sensitive subject so I'll allow Anon posts. But be advised, any rude, nasty, and pointless opinions will be ignored. Thanks.

#CHARismaticOut ✌

PS- I'm 3 weeks clean.

[bluenose1872]

The issue is underlying. It's not a hobby. It comes from feeling worthless and ashamed of yourself because you feel you should have fought harder not to be a victim. I knew a guy who's dead now got abused by his foster parents. Used to handcuff him to the bed and rape him. The woman included. He felt he was weak and should have fought harder. Couldn't convince him he was only 8 and couldn't do anything. He used to cut into his ribs and stab into his armpit. Never sorted it out. He od'd at 26. I carried his coffin. Never understood him. We were all proud of our scars. Used to show them off all the time but we got them fighting not self harming. He was always ashamed of his. As if he realised he was wrong but was powerless to stop

[CHARismatic110]

That's really sad to hear. I never said it was a hobby tho.

[bluenose1872]

Maybe hobby's the wrong word. It's not learned behaviour. You do something through repetition it becomes habit like chewing your nails. This comes from deep issues of self hate.

[CHARismatic110]

Well for me it's not really a self hate thing. More of a control thing.

[bluenose1872]

Maybe it's the same thing. Self hate self control. I dnt pretend to understand it. I like myself. Never had any issues as a kid. Had dark days as an adult. My abuse was alcohol and drugs and violence. I was just a product of a bad place though. Maybe that's the flip side of the coin. Getting into situations where I can get harmed. Who knows. I know one things definite. All our so called social problems came from the top. They made us the way we are with their reforms and control.

[CHARismatic110]

Oh I've abused alcohol as well. I call college my dark days because I spent most of them blackout drunk. It's definitely a slippery slope.

[bluenose1872]

I can drink socially now. No drugs for 10 years. Don't even smoke any more. It's like emerging from a dark tunnel, seeing the bigger brighter world then thinking what a bloody waste of the last 15 years that was. The world always looked dark to me even on a summers day. Not now though. Got a different perspective. I learned a lot about people and life. How crazy your average punter can be. How low people can stoop when they think nobody's watching. Every fucker out there's crazy. Some just hide it better than other. Maybe you cutting and making it obvious is a sign your honest

[CHARismatic110]

My honest what?

[bluenose1872]

That your a nutter and you want everybody to know whereas they hide it and kid on they're normal

[CHARismatic110]

Well that's not really the case...

[Stacyzee]

Congratulations on being 3 weeks clean!
I wish you the best and continued progress.
Yes, our scars make us who we are.
Whether they are visible to others or not, we all have a story, we've all faced difficulties in our life.
Those who say they haven't, cannot be human.
In order for one to gain knowledge, we have to go through things, some of which makes us fall or stumble.
The fact that you are carrying through and have the ability to work on what's causing you pain, is applaudable.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you Stacy. I appreciate your words of encouragement.

[EmpatheticLady]

First of all, I think you're a wonderful human being. You're funny, kind, and smart. You're not a quitter, but know you're not alone. You have people to support you, to be your shoulders to cry on. That doesn't make you weak. We're here to build you up and allow that awesome personality to shine.

Two, this is something I need to keep in mind as well. I'm not perfect, so it's okay to show flaws and open up. It's something to work on.

[CHARismatic110]

I love you.

[EmpatheticLady]

I love you, too.

[Scrambledagain]

There is this gorgeous girl who I would like to get involved with. She has tons of cut scars up her forearm. I don't know how to really approach her. In one way I like to be chill and not bring that up ever but on the other hand I know that she knows I would definitely have noticed them.

[CHARismatic110]

If she wants to talk about it, she'll bring it up. Don't make a big deal out of it.

[Stacyzee]

Omg! do u ever not talk about girls in every response :-O

[Scrambledagain]

@Stacyzee this is gag? Lol there is nothing in this life that I haven't understood... except women. Myself, like sir Isaac Newton , got physics before they got women ha ha. So please forgive me if my questions rotate around women in the context of gag. And I really am going to make a move at this girl, I just never encountered a cutter before, and I don't want to say something that will trigger her (that caring nice guy that is myself coming out again. Makes my work in the dating game much harder)

[takumii]

Scars are a sign - correct.
The were a sign that you were depressed once,
they are also a sign that you choose the pathetic way to self harm instead of maning up to the situation.
No offence, I did self-harm, and the scars show. But I was naive, I am a lot stronger now, and will probably never do it again.

It's definitely not something to be proud of, as far as the scars are concerned, apply a scar removal cream or something, mine basically vanished, they are so faint can't even see them.

[CHARismatic110]

I don't want them to vanish tho. And I don't feel it's pathetic. It's the way chose to deal. I'm not boasting about my scars but I won't be ashamed of them either.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

There has been a couple of very brave takes of late - All great for raising awareness about things very close to the writer's heart - Excellent use of forums like this - Hope things stay good for you.

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you!

[CœurRosé]

Thank you for this Take <3 It's wonderful to see that you don't feel ashamed of your scars anymore, I think more people should follow your example!

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you so much! ❤

[aliceinwonderland69]

My scars remind me not to go back to that place again.

[CHARismatic110]

That's awesome!

[ThisDudeHere]

Nice take :)

[CHARismatic110]

Thank you

[Anonymous]

I love you.

[CHARismatic110]

I love you too Nony!

[Opinion Owner]

(Hugs).

[CHARismatic110]

😊❤💋