Really I just don't enjoy it, there's a general sense among people that I've hit the lottery but I feel like a casualty of banality & like if this is what being lucky is like, the totality of winning the genetic lottery is an empty concept. I don't think it's Just the white man thing, I’ve got a lot of other shit to be worried about, but I sincerely would rather be something else, though it's spilled milk though (so to speak) so I try not to dwell on it publicly so often.
Fewer people appear to want my kind of person as years go by. I see a lot of people online censured for saying they like white men. Once on Whisper someone told this white girl asking around for a white boyfriend ‘trying to keep the bloodline pure??’ basically implicating her as some eugenics minded Nazi or something. In fact, recently there was a person who posted this question on GAG professing attraction to them and they almost came at her like a Marvel villain or something, the vitriol about white guys was kneaded out and very palpable.
It’s just increasingly clear over time that we represent the worst in modernity to the world outside of ourselves when we age or get high positions, we have this predisposition to contracting melanoma, the political consensus is that my interests are represented by monstrous people like Trump & my opinions are highly scrutinized during these times of pluralistic strife or discounted because of this white privilege narrative that I think has lead so many men like me to just isolate themselves or become these fucking idiots & monsters who actually would vote to rip families apart. I could go on but I'd rather not bleed all over this keyboard every little particular I have with my ethnic experience.
I see so many white males in media represented as less masculine, or they're given these very metrosexual/homosexual appearances, so society views us in a stereotypical sense as less intelligent than Asians but less masculine than the other races. The very term of 'boy' is coupled with 'white' far more often and I do not find this to be an accident. Like, these people who work at like Buzzfeed or network television are often effeminate in a way I just can't relate to. I’m not saying either that "Oh, I’m Not No Qwer I’m Dirty fuckin Harry" but just watch MTV’s new years resolution for white guys video & understand how out place that would make me feel just being in a room with those fucking people.
[I would like to make it clear that I am not against effeminate males, the LGBT community, nor metrosexuality, but I feel as though the media rewards attention and direction to people based on that in such a way that reduces the presence of the more masculine white men of note]
But though I am not under this 'Dirty Harry' idealization of myself, as these representations develop I do sometimes have to reach into the past to feel annoyed less by the decisions made in popular media. Sometimes they just replace white male characters with newer demographics like, they turned Thor into a woman or Captain America into a black man in these Marvel comics (and they're dating), they made Guy Montag black in the new Fahrenheit 451 movie, everyone is clamoring to make Idris Elba the new James Bond and its like, I liked Black Panther & I don't think other races shouldn't be given roles but I feel like there's a vague message being sent of 'Less Of You..' and I just see it in so many places, from ads that always feature the same interracial couple to the roles in tv & movies that play on that concept like its still some subversive & edgy shit, as if this is the sixties. Very rarely you'll see a coupling of a hispanic girl with an Asian man, native American man with an arab woman, etc.
The language of white males (or also white people in general) is also scrutinized in a very particular way, & the Kendrick Lamar incident with the white fangirl just solidified this culturally toxic social pressure that white people Cannot say words like 'nigga' regardless of context or if its in a song. There was this white woman in Britain who was arrested because she posted rap lyrics that said 'nigga' in them in honor of a friend that died in a car crash. & its not like I'm in a cage or anything, but she almost Was (they gave her a fine and 8 weeks of an ankle bracelet).
There’s also this pervasive premise that it’s acceptable to come at people who have abhorrent opinions through their employers, or even not if they express bad thoughts sometimes but if just perceived a certain way these internet hate mobs will move together to weaponize unemployment and get essentially you shitcanned. There was this vegan bakery in Oregon where this black woman walked in after closing hours, & they were serving two white women who apparently were there prior to that time, & when they refused to serve her too she whined on social media & managed to get the two women fired over it. Obviously, a racist police officer or someone who holds the power to inflict very damaging abuse on people they have hatred for should not be employed in that kind of station, but the general consensus is that everyone is a fair target, and I just think it's wrong.
I do not feel like I have any connection to what it was like to be black & living under Jim Crow laws but I nonetheless feel like the world is increasingly at ease with utilizing double standards that I could, one day, be hassled over at the least. I mean, those vegan bakers likely never even thought about it from a racist standpoint and by the sound of their geographic region and occupation they're likely very progressive minded, but the left I find nowadays just eats its own and I feel like I’m stuck between two different sides that each have their own authoritarian axes to grind (one they think on my behalf, the other on behalf of everybody but me), that both make me feel an inherent fight or flight reaction. People are even bringing back the narrative of calling people ‘colored’ even, like the signs said during segregation days, its just decided now that its less offensive because, you say ‘person of color’ instead as its less guttural if you use more words to say it… But its bullshit, its just a way to frame my demographic vs literally anyone else, & I think society is sanctioning so much similar regression in the name of the greater good. Of course it begs the question, who determines the legitimacy of what qualifies as 'colored'? I'm the color of white people, and some people who aren't white are even lighter than me.
I’d just rather be something else, if I had the redo. I understand every race of people has its own challenges but to wear this ugly identity that people are jumping ship from is not a prospect I might choose. It’s not going to be alright, and it certainly should never be alt-right. I’m a very depressed person typically, and generally not noticed by greater society, I’m just another shlubby white guy who nobody that cares about outside of a small circle of people who basically had to be there, and I'm seen directly through like glass in this world, until I were to become too problematic.
I take personal responsibility for that which went wrong with my life that I had control over, but the fact is that nobody is without their tribulations that hinder them in ways they never may wrap their hands around. I don’t care for the life I lead, I don’t think there’s any way for a positive attitude itself to be rewarded and basically we’re all just fucking serfs to corporations who through social engineering and the general manipulation of grievance culture control our systems of governance and very successfully use racial politics to divide & conquer us so that we don’t actually respect each other enough to live peacefully and unite against their heavily financed tyranny. I think there are still white people who think the world would be magically better without jews & probably statistically more people who think the earth would be better without me & my race & frankly, fuck this being a white guy shit anyway, I’d be ecstatic to just have my consciousness uploaded into a quantum computer.