Worst things About Being Welsh

purplepoppy

Just a fun mytake on the shitty side of living in my tiny country Wales (or whales if your Trump)

The language.

Bottom translation I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated a mistake caused when sign writers copied an out of office email reply
Bottom translation "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated" a mistake caused when sign writers copied an out of office email reply

Contrary to popular belief Welsh words are very easy to pronounce as it is a phonetic language. In English you don't know how to pronounce WIND if you see it written on it's own but in welsh you always can even if you haven't heard the word spoken. All very well if you're welsh like me but everyone else gets intimidated by it. If you don't know to pronounce the letter dd (yep we have double letters) as th or W as oo (cwrw=cooroo= beer)then your pretty fucked. As for CH just imagine saying CH as in choir whilst being deepthroated.

Then there's the grammar police. If you struggle with the differences in English between too, to and two or there their they're or a and an you're really going to hate welsh. We have mutations which means the spelling of a word changes according to a set of rules, well actually over 30 different rules. For example pig mochyn becomes fochyn (which you pronounce fucking just to annoy your teacher). As for simply saying yes or no that's a weeks worth of lessons trying to teach people all the different ways.

To make it worse there's different versions of welsh. North Wales, south wales, standard and Wenglish which really annoys the purists. As for calling your microwave (meicrodon) a Popty Ping or jelly fish a pysgod wibbly wobbly we only do that for the tourists or to annoy people. Hoffi coffi ceased being funny years ago.

Then there's the autocorrect problem. My phone has both English and welsh spellings on it and will randomly pick the wrong one making me look like a retard, mecanic, eliffant, dolffin, even the word in keeps getting changed to i'n.

In short the language is too hard for anyone to want to learn it and our grammar police scare off anyone who tries.

The weather.

Worst things About Being Welsh

Wales is the piss pot of the UK. We get more than our fair share of rain and it always seems to bucket down when you want to do anything. Then when you suddenly get a sunny day the entire world flocks to your favourite beach. Contrary to what my GAG fans think I'm rarely dressed in some skimpy sexy outfit but mostly look like I should be on a fishing trawler.

The food.

A traditional welsh breakfast, which urban dictionary defines as a blowjob but hear I mean an actual breakfast contains laverbread mixed with cockles. If you can imagine Shrek having a wank, blowing his nose into it then sprinkling it with sand you'll get a understanding of it's vileness. Everyone hates it until you reach a certain age then magically like it.

I wonder why guys I bring home never stay for brecwast
I wonder why guys I bring home never stay for brecwast

Faggots are everywhere much to the amusement of tourists. They're meatballs that have been spoilt by the addition of liver and usually served with the abomination that is mushy peas. Most famously there's cawl which is a soup of lamb, leek and mixed root vegetables that is incredibly simple yet so often turns out like dish water with grissly fatty lamb and vegetables ranging from raw potatoes to overcooked carrot (moron, our language even insults vegetables) all in same bowl.

Dish water with stuff floating in it
Dish water with stuff floating in it

Then there's welshcakes, a bit like the English scone but flatter, sweeter and softer that we eat by the bucket load. Along with our ice-cream obsession they account for our national obesity crisis and short lifespan. Visit any house and there's a pile of the things some housewife has knocked up like it's some sort of therapy. Don't even think about refusing to eat anything less than 12 of the things.

Eat them all or the deranged housewife will cry
Eat them all or the deranged housewife will cry

And if you make them, which you will because it's the law or in the bible I'm not sure, don't even consider being creative with alternative fillings or you'll be burnt at the stake as a witch.

This bitch was dared to put cinnamon in her welsh cakes. She wont do that again
This bitch was dared to put cinnamon in her welsh cakes. She won't do that again

We're all hobbits.

Ever wonder what a real welsh person looks like just watch the lord of the rings. The shire is a petty good replica of a typical welsh village and it's male inhabitants. Our diminutive stature is handy because of our little hobbit homes have small doors and low ceilings. Wales is also a tiny country so we need to be small. Interestingly welsh men are well hung and their lack of height makes it look bigger. https://www.thesun.co.uk/archives/news/865563/david-hasselhoff-wales-like-hobbit-land/

Even the supermarkets jump on the flag waving craze
Even the supermarkets jump on the flag waving craze

We're all obsessed with flags and dragons

One thing that Europeans find amusing about Americans is how they constantly wrap themselves in the American flag. It's flown everywhere and put on every product. Even when an American emigrates to Europe the first thing he does on buying a house is erect a flag pole to fly it. The welsh are almost just as bad and stick our flag on just about everything. As for dragons you'll seen them everywhere too, should science ever produce a real one we'll all want them as pets. Every company wishing to promote its product in wales just whacks a picture of a dragon on the package.

The exception is during sporting events when England is playing. During such times we switch nationality to the opposing side even flying their flag.

Everyone is obsessed with rugby

Rugby is a bit like American football just not gay. Even I play rugby. We've all left the pub at night and decided to play drunk midnight street rugby with a ball thats magically appeared. The problem is sooner or later every conversation gets dominated by it. Rugby is the go to conversation starter or what you turn to when you don't know what else to say.

We're not a real country

Millions died because of this comment in the resulting war
Millions died because of this comment in the resulting war

Mention wales and somebody will pipe up it's not a real country it's only a Principality. We haven't been a principality since the 16th century yet people insist on making the claim. Every now and then some celebrity makes the error and all shit breaks loose, thank fuck we don't have nukes or that big red button is gonna get pushed.

Worst things About Being Welsh
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Most Helpful Guys

  • ZeussLightningBolt
    Nice. I honestly wasn't expecting this kind of serious post from you, about your country. But I actually learned a lot from this post. It was very interesting.

    But funny how you mentioned "grammar police", when you wrote "your" instead of YOU'RE and "hear" instead of HERE.

    That aside, the article was actually really informative, but still had the sexual and offensive humor we love you for.

    Good job. At least now I know 100% that you DO live in Wales. :p

    Do you know why the Welsh love dragons so much?
    And Wales is actually a "Constituent Country", a country within a country. Which I guess is still a country.

    The only surprising thing was the fact they root for England instead of Wales.

    And yeah, we'd love to see you in your skimpy beach wear. :p
    Do Welsh girls have sexy feet? :p

    On a more serious note, where do the Welsh sit politically?
    Is this still revelant?
    • Didn't spot those typos until too late 😞 generally the welsh lean to the left but last election saw a swing to the right

    • Sounds about right
      Oh that's right, you can't edit your MyTakes like I can

  • Daniel3035
    1) The language is easy for you because you've lived all around it and no one really speaks welsh in the south though.
    2) Pretty true.
    3) tf is that? Never had that in my life ever!
    4) Everyone loves welsh cakes 🤪
    5) This is 100% true (not really)
    6) ... Well, I guess you've never been to the Capital then...
    7) Not really... I rarely ever see the flag except on castles and government buildings...
    8) Yh pretty much.
    9) Heard this but it really isn't lmao has been wales for a long time.
    Is this still revelant?
    • South toward Cardiff/Swansea speak wenglish. The north speak gog.

    • Daniel3035

      Oh I know Port Talbot probs.

Most Helpful Girls

  • kymberz
    all right. how to explain this. hmmmm? i come from cape breton island - probably the last place on earth that still holds a good old fashioned ceilidh and still speak gaelic with a bit of the french and the English and the mi'kmaq thrown in just for fun! and i had a welsh boss whose name was dana - oh he was so dreamy and he spoke welsh and wrote poetry in welsh. and your food pics are killing me - looks like what i grew up eating (plus a whole pile of other kinds of food) but ya - yer soup looks like our boiled dinner! and our breakfasts are huge, too, and yes - everywhere you go here you are held down and force fed as a sign of peace? and ya - my island wanted to be it's own province but we got given to the mainland. so i really like wales and welsh stuff and this post had me in fits! so thank you!
    Is this still revelant?
    • French Bretton is very similar to Welsh. We're closer related to them than we are to the English. Although it's not exactly the same language you can still kinda understand each other

    • kymberz

      well see that's where the name of my island comes from -- Brittany! and yes i can understand that there would still be that language relationship/connection to them. so interesting!

  • DorkVader
    @purplepoppy I must say you're not usually one of my favorite people on here. Usually you're saying something horrible or negative to someone about something, and your natural abrasiveness gives me heartburn...

    However this has been probably one of the funniest and well written myTakes I've ever read on G@G,
    full stop. If you're not a writer, you should damn well consider it! Hilarious!
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

840
  • talloak
    Great information here. No mention of coal? No mention of an overabundance of people named Jones? (That one comes from an old movie where a train arrives and the station agent needs to speak to a passenger. The agent can't pronounce the village that the passenger comes from so he asks for "Mr. Jones of Wales" to come. Half the train descends on the agent.)

    For what it's worth, the series "The Crown" features Wales once in each of the 2nd and 3rd seasons.
    • I was once in a supermarket and a message came over the tannoy asking if a mr Jones could come to customer service till. I wondered if it was some secret emergency code.

    • talloak

      Are there indeed lots of Jones there? I have only one friend with a Welsh surname and it's not Jones. He did name his son Rhys, which stands out in the US.

    • Jones is very common , some older people argue there's no J in welsh and it should be sion.

  • Trolloween
    This was funny, personally I love Wales and might end up living there. Wales is much kinder to those wishing to live off-grid and land is much cheaper so its a strong possibility.
    My favourite place in the UK is the brecon beacons so far, but your language can keep deep throating until it chokes itself to death.
  • Kilapan
    I haven't read such a funny 'myTakes' in a while. I hope you keep telling more about your country, I find it very interesting.

    About the English language, what you say is true. I am a native Spanish speaker, which is a much more phonetic language than English and that is why I find it more comfortable to study languages ​​that are also phonetic such as Welsh or Finnish.
  • OfDeath
    Isn't the country the UK and Scotland, England, Wales and northern Ireland are just sort of like states of it?
    Cause why don't they compete as separate nations in the Olympics then?
    • OfDeath

      Google tells me England, Wales, Scotland and northern Ireland are in fact not independent countries but are somewhat autonomous regions of the United Kingdom.

    • It depends where on Google you look. Although wales is officially a country it is not totally independent. Nor is England or Scotland.

    • OfDeath

      It can be called a "country" and be a country of the UK. But they are not really countries. U. K is the country.

    • Show All
  • VIVANT
    I didn’t know any of that until now and it was a really well written interesting post.

    You seem very intelligent. You never seemed unintelligent but I don’t think I’ve ever heard a serious wall of text from you. I mean not that you should care one way or the other lol I just find it cool To see dynamic sides to people. 🤷‍♀️ 😊
  • lacaras
    That's very interesting. I visited Wales last year for a couple days and thought it was a very nice place, beautiful countryside and mountains, and friendly people. The weather was nice when I was there. Some of the food was... interesting, but nothing I wouldn't eat. The town I stayed in, Brecon, I thought was a nice little town, charming in a way, reminded me a little of the town I grew up in. This is the perspective of an American tourist.
  • Boppy
    "Visit any house and there's a pile of the things some housewife has knocked up like it's some sort of therapy."
    Animal breeding's big over there, I take it.
  • esotericstory
    Is there a movement to make Wales independent? There is in Flanders, we also want to be our own tiny country.
    • There's a small group pushing for independence but they don't have much support. People like being Welsh but they still want to be British.

    • Oh okay, its not like the Irish lol.

    • It's only the northern Catholic irish that want independence. They simply don't have the numbers to get it democratically.

    • Show All
  • Ianto
    Da iawn!
    Excellent take on Welshness. You are wrong about the food though. I have always loved laver bread and cockles, not just since getting old. 😆
  • LisaLisa89
    I loved reading this, I enjoyed reading about that road sign when it was first in the news, and I love going on your amazing beaches. But I can definitely give that breakfast a miss!
  • SpiderManFan2002
    This was a very interesting read! ^_^

    I deffo learned some new things, and seriously? People think Wales isn't a real country?😂😂Idiots😂
  • nousername26
    Well... all i can say is, how the hell can you hate the rain? God i love miserable weather, 'cause recently i had some old lady tell me "what happens when i go out in the sun" but being a dementia patient, i didn't take offence, but gee wiz.

    I hate the Australian sun with a passion. I envy your UK weather or your Welsh pissing down rain.
  • SydneySentinel
    This mytake is hilarious! You are a great writer!! Thanks for sharing!!
  • SilverRain92
    It would be fun if there was such a country like Wales (or 🐳🐳). Especially considering all the info about it you mentioned in your previous questions which were fun to read (especially about the holiday when a guy can choose any woman and she can't refuse him - I don't know whether you were joking or not) 😂
    Unfortunately there is no such country on my world map, there is only the United Kingdom ☹️
    • Ianto

      Your view is sadly simplistic. You ignore e. g. the fact that several current European countries used to all be Yugoslavia.
      Since a Welsh army under Henry Tudur defeated the English king, the countries have shared a government, but that doesn't make them one country.

    • Well, does Wales have its national army, its currency, its central bank, its seat in the UN? Can Welsh parliament members pass laws which contradict to British legislation?

    • Ianto

      Does the Republic of Massachusetts?
      Doesn't mean it isn't a separate entity.

    • Show All
  • razzamatazzp01
    I thought that was how you say it too. My whole life I've been saying it just like the swimming mammal. Is the only correct way to say it with a stupid accent? Fuck this dumb ass question.
  • razelove
    Well, it doesn't sound like you're so hyped about some things about living there, but it sounds like a great place to visit... until the rugby starts.
  • wankiam
    i would have thought the worst thing would be lack of interest or investment from central government
  • Lliam
    Thanks for the tutorial, purplepoppy. Wales sounds like a vacation paradise.

    You described their beautiful language wonderfully. Phonetics make Celtic languages so accessible. And what's more charming that the sound of someone speaking while being deep throated?

    I once drove across Wales from England to catch the ferry to Ireland. Now I'm sorry I didn't spend at least one night in a B&B to savor a traditional Welsh breakfast. Boiled sheep with a side of poached phlegm, snot and cum sounds almost as appealing as haggis.

    I didn't hear until later that B&B owners provide their daughters to keep customers' warm at night. Is that true?

    I always thought that the Welsh lived mostly underground in caves digging for coal. Wouldn't that make them more like Tolkien's dwarves than hobbits? However, the Welsh produce some fine looking women, so maybe I was misinformed.

    You take was super funny. I enjoyed reading it. :-)
  • NaultD
    I remember that sign from a podcast like 9 years ago. Is that sigh still a thing?
  • MackToday
    My thinking is Whales should be much more independent. It should have a border wall and it's race and culture should be protected.
    • It had offas dyke at one time but that was more to stop us raping and pillaging the English.

    • MackToday

      Still it's a country and should be sovereign and taken seriously

  • HomoFuge
    Lack of job opportunities and interesting things to do in Wales is another thing I would add.
  • cooldude64
    Nice didn't know half the sexual innuendos in Welsh culture till now. Is there many redheads like in Ireland?
    • There's a lot of redheads and blondes

    • cooldude64

      Nice pale skin and sheepish lifestyle is all you need lol. Hm I'd love to visit one day, I just looked a little bit up it seems a lot like New Zealand but without the old school english-brick buildings.

  • Shyguy206
    I've never been to Wales but from the pictures I've seen it looks beautiful. I'm also interested in there culture and language too since I'm planning to be a linguistics researcher.
  • CaptainSmartass
    Welsh cakes are nice. One of my mum's work friends makes them. As for faggots, they're nice in a batch. Not a bread roll, or a barm cake, but a batch.

    Simples...
  • poseidon1111
    As people in england are raised pronouncing w the way we do most words in English make oerfect sense the same way welsh makes more aense to you than English.
  • soleil2666
    Is that (the breakfast) what I found so interesting about New South Wales 🤣?
    Why did we not speak any Welsh there?
    • Wrong wales. They don't speak welsh in Australia but they do I. Parts of south America.

    • soleil2666

      If you say so 🙂

  • Tomsta
    Surely worst things is getting people to try and pronounce this:

    lanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
    • But makes a great bdsm safeword

    • Tomsta

      If you can say that word while being choked (lightly) then you deserve an award

  • andreasderjuengere
    Nice one. I think, I'll like it there if ever I manage to visit 😋
  • 0112358
    How tiny are you?

    I have roots from all over the UK except for wales.
    • I'm 4ft 10 practically a giant

    • 0112358

      Wow didn’t realize.

      We could have shot LOTR together as a practical affect, I’m 17” taller.

  • JacobRoto
    🎖️Here is your medal for longest question ever. Do you have a speech prepared?
  • COMMODOREII
    Just when I thought I couldn't fall in love again you bring out this mytake. Thank you @purplepoppy. *hugs* 💓💓🌹🌹😘😘
  • KatherineJ
    I’ve had the joy of spending time in Wales. Your “my take” is kinda funny!
  • Exorcist_Rampage
    I wish I understood their language and yes, they love soccer, rugby and dragons.
  • ChefPapiChulo
    You need to learn how to use punctuation, or do they not do that in the UK?
  • Levin
    Hmm, nothing about sheep.
  • Jltakk
    What does the trump comment pertain to? I pronounce it as "whales"
    • Trump famously misspelled it as "whales" in one of his tweets.

  • UncleJessieRabbit
    I have a Welsh friend on my Facebook. She is a very beautiful woman.
  • politelyme
    My ex was Welsh and a dragon
  • oldoldold
    You forgot to mention whales has you :)
  • Texaskid1
    So what do you guys do for fun besides rugby?
    • MrOracle

      They drink and fuck. There's not much else to do there.

    • Ianto

      @MrOracle What else would one want?

    • MrOracle

      @Ianto Well, point taken, but music and movies and dancing and tech and hiking and just being able to go outside without getting soaking wet would be nice. You couldn't take poppy to a normal beach - she's like a Grindalid from Solo: A Star Wars story - if sun were to ever hit her skin, it would burn her like acid... but that's never a problem in Wales, as they've never actually seen the sun there. Hahaha.

  • Meatunnel69
    Whales is a cuntry?
  • CT_CD
    Interesting
  • Kelly6
    I love wales and whales lol
  • SecretGardenBlood65
    Good take
  • Lotusinwater
    Lol wales sounds pretty cool too me 👍🏼
  • Nadim171
    I never even heard about the country until now
  • Anonymous
    How popular is football compared to other sports?
    • It's pretty popular particularly in the bigger towns

    • Anonymous

      What is the national sport

  • Anonymous
    I don't know anything about Wales or the Welsh, but I know how to pronounce Llanfairpwllgwyngychgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
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