Where do I fit in with Female power?

Before I start this, I just want to say that I am all for girls and women to have strength and I feel you can have a healthy side where you as your own gender accept part of the other gender. I don’t want to be simply placed inside of my male box that society wants to be put me into, a number of times without my choice. My issue is that I have fallen too far into the feminine side. Got too lost in day dreams of finally being welcomed and accepted, to be wanted and desired, to feel special and loved. options and power. The goal of this is to address where I as a man fit into all of this.


So, I have done posts like this before but I feel like this may hopefully be slightly different as I am trying to get towards a point of understanding rather than just pointing the negative things out. These are all assumptions. I am guessing that some may be valid but because of our genders changing so much, it is likely that some of these views have changed too.


Again, before I keep going. These are all assumptions but one’s that I feel to be true. I would be interested to hear different views on my points or if you agree with them to some extent but other than that I have articles to at least loosely back me up, I will do that for as many points as I can. It will be interesting to see what I can find for each point.


So being isolated at home has kept me at home with my thoughts and likely too much time to think about them. I got my brain into a web where It was hard to dig myself back out again. So, I wanted to try some self-help books. And came across this one where the author was pretty amazing and fun.


Unf#ck Your Brain: Getting Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers with science


Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, CAN

Where do I fit in with Female power?

So, I felt like trying to reach out to her, to see if it was even possible, considering her fame and charge for her profession. But I followed the links and came up with this page that led me to this saying connected with this book.

“Are you a smart feminist woman who struggles with anxiety and insecurity? Then you're in the right place”

This is pretty much the basis for this article. Let me type that again.

“If you are a smart feminist woman who struggles with anxiety or insecurity?”

Can you be a smart feminist man who struggles with anxiety or insecurity?

Where do I fit in with Female power?

I see quite a lot of support groups for women. Because women clearly need them for a number of things. It is completely understandable. But I would like to go into more detail on this.

Article supported point: https://www.selfhimprovement.com/articles/why-we-need-more-mens-support-groups

Just being female means you are more sensitive and are able to have more attention. More sensitive meaning, clearly a means to be taken care of and supported.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

All this rightfully so. I am not saying that all women get this treatment per say but imagine any romantic movie. It is clearly all about pampering the woman and giving her special treatment.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Being pregnant is clearly a burden and it one of the most painful and annoying things in life to go through. But you are the center of attention where ever you go for better or worse. Guys don’t have the ability to make a life choice and be praised just based on their appearance. Given that having a baby that you don’t want leaves you with many difficult choices but if it is one that you do want, it can be a very beautiful thing. It is not a bad thing to be acknowledged for needing more support but it is nice to have it available to you.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Article supporting point:
https://www.spiked-online.com/2019/09/27/millennial-men-need-to-man-up/

For women, whenever there is something that they are struggling with, other women or men even don’t tell them to women up. They allow them to talk to get their emotions out so they feel better. For men, you just need to man up and it does not matter if you are struggling with your feelings. You are a man and you just need to take it like a man.

Another interesting thing is girls/women are seen as non-threatening.

Article supporting point:
https://www.inclusivesecurity.org/training-resources/why-women/women-access-theyre-viewed-less-threatening/
“Because there are some realms (physical, cultural, etc.) where men are prohibited, women can quite literally go places and say things that men cannot.”

Where do I fit in with Female power?
Where do I fit in with Female power?

If a girl in hoodie at the top let’s say was alone on a bench, I would argue that it is more likely that she would get support or company than be seen as a threat.

Where do I fit in with Female power?
Where do I fit in with Female power?

Let’s say there is a guy alone on the bench in a hoodie in exactly the same way. He is seen as a threat and avoided. This is clearly done because men have shown themselves to deserve this label but what does it do for the men that are not threating? If you were a guy that just got over a break up and needed a place to be alone and a cop came by and went, hey buddy you need to move on you can’t be here alone like this because he was seen as a threat, how do you think that makes him feel? Sure, you could say that he is stupid for sitting there in the first place. But, overall, men are seen as threating and women are seen as supportive. Another example, let’s say a woman walked into a school and a man walked into a school how will each be treated? Let’s say one is a father and the other a mother or a bigger sister and bigger brother. They could both be considered equal when they say they are there for someone but I have the feeling that the woman will be treated gentler than the man would. Understandably so, but over time what does this do to a man’s thinking?

The term self-fulfilling prophecy comes to mind. Of course, there are men like Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers but do we assume that, of course not. We assume that men are aggressive and violent and we raise their car insurance rates because of this fact. Instead of seeing them peacefully tying their shoes or painting a picture we them assaulting people and being a danger. Because that is what most men are prone and proven to be.

In other words, it is a much better feeling to be alone in a safe area as a woman than it is a man, in a park for example. Now one point that could act to show that this as a disadvantage is not being able to be safe as a woman by herself. It is understandable. But my idea is all about how people view genders and what comes to mind when they see a girl in a hoodie vs. a guy.

Moving on to my next topic of dating. Now let’s be clear women have to be concerned more with safety while dating than men do.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Articles supporting point:
https://nypost.com/2019/06/21/a-third-of-women-only-date-men-because-of-the-free-food-study/

https://www.BBC.com/news/magazine-26172314
“Speed dating: Why are women more choosy?”

But it’s clear to me that women have options. Put yourself on a dating site as a man and this is what you will get.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Article supporting point:
“Why Online Dating Doesn’t Work For Most Guys”
https://www.vidaselect.com/why-online-dating-doesnt-work/

“You have no matches yet” Just being a woman, I would argue, that you are ten times more likely to find a match than a man. Maybe even more so. And if that is not enough in terms of how much control women have with dating. You have programs like bumble.

“Bumble has changed the way people date, find friends, and the perception of meeting online, for the better. Women make the first move.”

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Article supporting point:
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/18/fashion/bumble-feminist-dating-app-whitney-wolfe.html
“With Her Dating App, Women Are in Control”

Women make the first move. This is different from being approached in public where that is welcomed at least by me anyway but in this way, guys have no control and the best-looking guys and the ones that have the best shiny careers are chosen first. I am not saying the same does not happen with other women where guys do not choose them but I am saying that women clearly have the control when it comes to dating and I feel partly that it is expected of family to choose the right guy. But is it possible to find a man that is not in shape and not financially well off to be a good fit? It sounds like you having to go to the bottom of the barrel. But what if we place it on personality first. All this to say women have control when it comes to dating.

Leading into my next part,

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Articles supporting point:
https://thepowermoves.com/female-relationship-control/
“Female Domestication: How Women Control Men & Relationships”
https://www.health24.com/Sex/Relationships/why-men-love-sex-more-than-women-20180531

women have the choice of when they choose to be sexy and desire intimacy. I feel like guys have a greater desire to be intimate than girls do. So, when a woman is ready to be intimate, odds are the man will too. But not so the other way around. Girls can pretty much choose when to be intimate, while guys have to wait for the right time. It is hard to discuss this as consent is so important. It is all about her saying when she is ready and not be forced otherwise. This would probably be a good argument to oppose this point.

On another point, female attraction and women liking muscles

Article supporting point:
https://www.themodernman.com/dating/why-do-women-like-guys-with-muscles.html

You can say that you don’t but every night club for women will have ripped men in briefs flexing their arms. I assume a number of girls know what it takes to get muscles, it takes time, sacrifice and dedication. But I can say there is such a thing as plus size female models because they exist. I can’t say I remember of any plus size male models. In other words, it is simply easier to be attractive as a female vs. a male.

My next big idea involves clothes and the coming trend/ the one we are currently in.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Articles supporting point:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/link-between-clothing-choices-and-emotional-states-0330124

“. A new study suggests what many women have experienced: dressing in nicer clothes makes you feel better.

According to a recent news release, one study has shown that women who are depressed or sad are more likely to wear baggy tops, jeans, and a sweatshirt or jumper. Women who are happy or positive are more likely to wear a favorite dress, jewelry, and jeans. These clothing choices seem to mean that women who are feeling down put less effort into what they’re wearing, and women who are in a good mood tend to try and look nicer to match their mood.”


“When the ‘Future is Female,’ What Do We Tell Our Boys?”

https://www.parenttoolkit.com/social-and-emotional-development/advice/social-awareness/when-the-future-is-female-what-do-we-tell-our-boys

It is a motivator to be able to dress to your mood. To be able to have variations of how you look and be able to change your look in an instant without being judged. Let’s say it’s a summer day, you can decide I want to wear a simple sun dress or have a really fun combination with skirt or dress in ripped jeans with a fun graphic shirt in sunglasses or wear a pair of shorts and a cropped t-shirt or have fun dressing up in 80’s wear. All those styles are options. They can change your mood and help you to express yourself. Fashion really does not do that as much for men. We do have options but if you look in a men’s section compared to a women’s the options are clearly depressing and limited for men.

In other words, women have a greater ability to express themselves more than men do.

Then there is the sign that the woman is holding. This to me gives me goosebumps and excitement. Finally, women are getting the attention and rights they deserve. But my concern leads to how the gender weights are set. We want to balance them. One of the biggest weights to balance that I’ve heard of is work.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

I think a good start is to find where women have their niche. Let’s pull all of those out.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Articles supporting point:
https://psychcentral.com/lib/when-women-earn-more-than-men/
https://www.cnbc.com/2020/01/14/why-more-women-are-working-in-the-us-than-men.html

Now, is the answer that women make more money than men? I felt like the weights needed to be balanced but is the future really female now? Are we moving towards that point? But one place where I could be happy about is if some jobs paid more to women while others paid more to men but where this becomes a problem is men that have a passion to be directors. Given it is not as much as a cut but it is a trend that could change in the future.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Women are more likely to be hired for a job. Given, there is an idea of women taking pay cuts but for the same job would a man willingly take a pay cut to get the same position offered vs not getting it all? Are men more likely to be in unemployment than women? I get it, we still have a long way to go in terms of jobs but the idea of diversity in the workplace is also on the rise and women are desired in companies to help with that image.

All this to say, is it simply just easier to be the female gender in this day and age?

Articles supporting point:
https://www.business2community.com/human-resources/why-you-should-hire-women-over-men-according-to-science-02287890
https://www.npr.org/2019/09/20/762056390/investors-may-prefer-companies-with-more-women-in-the-workforce

Where do I fit in with Female power?

It is an idea of great things and as noted at the start, “a smart feminist woman” things are clearly looking up and it is a sign of great things to come for women. Finally, a change to break off all the things that men have done to hold them back.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

Articles supporting point:
https://katiedejong.com/with-all-this-female-empowerment-whats-happening-to-the-men/
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/2019/10/why-the-future-should-be-female-feature/

But in the midst of this, where does this leave men?

This is where I am at. I lay down and close my eyes imagining my female form and feeling freedom in that but the problem is, I have to open my eyes and see what is in front of me. In the midst of female empowerment what can men do to feel empowered and live an empowered life?

I am not saying to take away from female empowerment. But what can the male gender do to feel support and to feel special and acknowledged?

If these are the benefits that is means to be female, what are the benefits that means to be male?

It is honestly difficult for me at times to be in a male body, being a man with society expecting things I have to do and should do.

It is simple to just fully embrace manhood topics and avoid women all together like monks but I feel it is wrong to avoid the good feelings of femininity.

Where do I fit in with Female power?

I feel you can have a healthy side where you as your own gender accept part of the other gender. I don’t want to be simply placed inside of my male box that society wants to be put me into, a number of times without my choice. My issue is that I have fallen too far into the feminine side. Got too lost in day dreams of finally being welcomed and accepted, to be wanted and desired, to feel special and loved.

These are simple things that it is harder to see capable for a man to feel. With everything I’ve listed, it is not so much about ranting as the purpose of, how do men feel those same feelings I just described, as all my points, I hope have led to this same idea. To be, welcomed and accepted as a man, to be wanted and desired as a man, to feel special and loved as a man. What does that look like? Is any man capable of feeling this or is it only for the men that are the most desirable? To be simply subjected to Darwin's survival of the fittest.

It is a lot to read and process but overall, I want to get to the heart of the message of this my take. To not be a series of false points but the focus to be on what the points were leading to. To a positive outlook for both girls/women and guys/men.

Where do I fit in with Female power?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • lowell2593
    Ok so there is a lot to address here so ima do my best. So above you spoke of how our society views each gender and how male and female brains are wired differently. Female brains are wired to be a bit more emtional. Thats likely the reason they work through emotions witj one another, they have emotional intelligence. I am going to use that as a basis for examples. So its easy to say males more logic driven, females emotional driven. But the truth is that wiring isn't everything. There are so many variables that go into the make up as a person. I studied psychology of the personality in college and they covered a lot of this. For example, the ability to stay calm when angry is partially biological. Some people are litterally born with a better anger control mechanism where others aren't. So biology does play ina few areas but so does socio culture. As a child you select a different parent at different phases to role model, but you do look a lot to same gendered parents to learn how to express you masculine and feminine energy. Im going to touch on some carl jung stuff, which I highly reccommend you read for this stuff. There are feminine and masculine energies within us all. Whether your male or female, both are present. The family, culture, environment, and societal expectation imprint how much of which energy you allow in yourself. Every persons situation in those circumstances is so incredibly unique. I have many friends who are guys that are sensitive and in touch with their feelings. Like wise i have male friends who are fighters and dont get into feelings much. Same thing with women, some can have more masculine dominated personalities while others are extremelelt feminine. And of coarse everything in between. So think of these two enegergies as a spectrum instead of black and white. So society says to you, you are a male. Your expected to be muscular, successful with women, not too emotional, you cannot cry, etc etc. Women have the opposite paradigm. These roles society has for us our out dated and not construtive. As we said before mens personalities are more feminin. When you have a more sensitive personality sometimes you can develop a neurosis becaue society says this is a male, yet here you are outside of that. This is what creates our shadow selves. The shadow self contains all of your personality aspects rejected by society that you subconsciously repress to fit in with it. This happens to every person male or female. So the deeper the neurosis, the bigger the shadow personality, the more cut off you feel from yourself. A shadow personality can contain dark violent drives, but also creative and constructive traits. In order to fully access yourself you must look into your darkness and accept/allow the construtive parts to integrate with your personality. You can do this with masculin and feminine energy. The definition of feminism is to see men and women equally. So we must apply that to ourselves as well. If ones personality is mote feminine, celebrate that but allow your natural masculine aspects as well. Same vise versa. We need to honor women and our feminine energy construtively. This means in the process we cannot repress masculine traits, otherwise there is no balance. We must find this balance within ourselves and then it will reflect in our society. To accept we can be naturally one way or the other, but accept both as equal. I would like to say I have read in primitive times females watched the children and the men hunted. Our brains have not adapted or changed based on our new society so primal drives may be an influence in old thinking. However since we have human brains and the spirit of free will, we can easily override these drives. Many people are now stay at home dads which is really cool too. It is my personal belief these formulas we have are like filters we see life through. They are interesting to consider but you cannot put life in a formula because it will break the rules everytime.
    Is this still revelant?
    • lowell2593

      As we said before men can have feminie personality traits*

      Anyway ran out of characters lol. Accept yourself, embrace your personality for what it is. Neither men nor woman should be placed on a pedestal, just accepted for their uniqueness.

    • This amazing!!! Thank you!!! So helpful!!!

    • lowell2593

      You are welcome! If you need any further advice just message me!

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Stonernights
    Way to much reading
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

513
  • What is your ideal value? What would you like to offer the world as a man?

    Now, what do you currently offer?
  • MeatPuppet
    There is no such thing as "falling too far on the feminine side". Wanting to be welcomed and accepted is universal among humans. You are suffering the effects of the patriarchal paradigm. It takes a toll on men's mental health. There is no wonder men are more likely to commit suicide, considering a man is considered a pussy and a coward whenever he even suggests that he has feelings and insecurities.

    Men and women deserve the same standards of dignity and compassion. Expectations for how men ought to behave are harmful. The social pressure put on men can be damaging to their own mental health.

    And this affects women too. Women find themselves in a catch-22; desire men or even yearn for a man's protection — which is also socially toxic and gets in the way of women's liberation, but also fear men's abusive tendencies caused by their own toxic socio-cultural conditioning.

    In other words, women are "pickier" because they have to deal with this contradiction (I think). Statistically speaking, a woman literally risks her life when she looks for a romantic or otherwise sexual relationship. It might sound like an incredible claim but look at the statistics on rates of domestic violence ending in women being murdered. The "feminicide" didn't arise out of nowhere. It was coined once it was realized how common and systematized male on female violence was.

    This is a very complex issue that is influenced by various intersecting factors. The is one thing that is very much clear; this toxic social dynamic cannot be allowed to go on. We must drastically alter the conditions under which men and women are socialized. The current social paradigm is tearing its own society apart. It is becoming socially unbearable.
    • Thank you! I appreciate the detail!

  • ChiTown33
    Honestly Jj you're a man. You have nothing to do with "female power".
    What can women do for us? Honestly nothing lol. And that's not meant as an insult. What i mean by that is if you're lucky life gives you a mom. And she cares about you till you become a man and sadly after that it's you against the world. Even if you're lucky enough to be married to the same woman for 50 years never expect that she's going to care about your feelings. It sucks but that's just the way of it.
    And i get where you're coming from on this. It's one of the reasons i'm quite certain i'll always remain single. Because a lifetime a service to a woman that i'm supposed to love for absolutely nothing in return. Why would i sign up for that? Why would i love someone who doesn't care about what i think or feel?
    Now i'm going to seemingly contradict myself, but i'm not. There are women out there that will care about what you think and feel. But they are rare. The reason i'm not contradicting myself is because there'sa limit to what they'll tolerate from you in this area. Why? Because they care about you. You're a man and they don't want to see you lose sight of that. For them and for you.
    And one thing i know about you Jj. You stronger than you realize. How do i know that? Because you're still here! You stand defiantly to the world saying "you can't break me" everyday.
    And anytime you doubt that come back here to G@G and i'll set you straight.
  • Daniela1982
    I knew you wouldn't be gone for long. You are addicted! Plus since your post is as long as War and Peace it must have taken you all this time to write it.
  • alligatorblues
    Ok, I will start with pop psychology self-help books, These are written to create a market for more books. The idea is to offer advice that causes insecurity. That produces demand for more self-help books. So, you won't find liberation.

    Predicting the future requires that one consider that those who reproduce have conservative religious lifestyles and beliefs, and teach their children accordingly, Gays, lesbians, single mothers, unmarried couples, feminists, liberals, atheists, and other godless hardly reproduce, and their few offfspring suffer psychological deficits that prevent forming relationships required for responsible reproduction.

    The genetic code of those who fail to reproduce and those who produce offspring that fail to reproduce, is elimnated from existence, and the genetic code of those produce many offspring that are raised in Christian families will go on to reproduce well, and the gene pool will contain dna of those who act righteously, in obedience to God.

    Feminism requires throwing off chains patriarchal oppression thrust upon women by marital enslavement and childbirth. So, the dna of feminists is destroyed, along with the objectionable characteristics of the wicked.

    When you read things on the Internet, relating to gender, feminism, sex, love, marriage, or dating, you have to ask, 'is it true'? On the subjects mentioned, it is rare to find correct information.
  • Djaay
    You dont , no man does. You are seriously mislead about who you were born as , born to be , born to do and born in the image of. You're decieved greatly , not aware of your true design and intention as a human male. Merely duped into the bowels of witchcraft in its finest.
    • Or in another word he might be just a big phat G*y 🤣 🤣

  • JackSmy
    OMG, Seriously? You get my nomination for the LONGEST POST EVER!!
    Dude! BE YOU!! Figure out what YOU want, and find someone that wants YOU!!
    All this other stuff is just messing with you! Statistics and opinions, and WTF ever!!
    You need to be happy, confident, and LOVE WHO YOU ARE, or you can never be happy with someone else!!
    How are you going to have a good, solid relationship with someone, when you aren't even sure who you are?
    If you put your personal self-esteem and value in the hands of others, needing their acceptance, and approval, you will always be dissatisfied because you are tying to live up to their expectations, and not who you are!
  • DanoMR98
    You start by making allies of feminists, and attacking the worst enemies of the everyman. You oppose men's problems together, and not by reinforcing male hierarchy. Become familiar with Men's Liberation, liberate men.

    The prime targets should be:
    The Military-Industrial Complex
    Prison Slavery
    Mass Incarceration
    Union Busting
    Workplace Deregulation/unregulation
    Homelessness
    Welfare Cuts
    Education Cuts
    Abusive practices of landlords and creditors

    These are all things that disproportionately hurt men, and are cause by mostly men and/or capitalism.

    You should also encourage your menslib comrades to think of poor/lower middle class men, men of color, disabled men, immigrant men, working/labor/union men, gay/bi/queer men, single/unmarried men, and all men, when you say the word "men", and not just default to a picture in your head of the guys from madmen or lunchpail Joe from the 50's.
  • I take on roles that in our culture would be considered weird because of other cultures that I emulate for what they think a man or woman is, but the reason is because of a tenet of the Code of Bushido called Chugi aka Loyalty, and that means that in some respects being and using gender neutral sayings to effects that both sides never expect from me because of my shapeshifter mentality to almost any situation. So maybe when people mention a job or action that can be done, I can probably do it except bear a child and be pregnant (because I ain't no Junior lol)
  • Very good very long I'm not firmiliar enough with feminist to comment ask @Ellie-V she's smart she will know
  • 1stranger
    Hi JJ, I'm glad to see you again 🤗
  • DeeDeeDeVour

    Welcome back Jj!

  • lewis1953
    I like strong women who take charge
  • Anonymous
    Your problem is that you're a man who thinks like a woman, mostly because our culture today encourages you to, and then when that gets you nowhere you imagine yourself as a woman because you want all of the things they have.

    You've gone too far into "your feminine" because you've been taught that being a man is bad. The thing you mentioned about the guy on the beach, I don't know where you get the idea that the cops are gonna tell you to move on because you're scaring people. That's paranoia. It doesn't happen. And that paranoia comes from the bullshit you've been taught.

    You also mention manning up - that's exactly what you need to do. I'm not trying to shame you here, it just makes no sense to say that you've gone too far into "your feminine" and then to still try to deal with this stuff as if you're a woman, with a female mindset. No sense at all. It doesn't work, clearly.
  • Anonymous
    We have a rather unpleasant but very descriptive word for men like you - Mangina.
  • Anonymous
    Didn't read it but it sounds like you're a huge simp. You'll fit in perfectly with the female power because there's nothing manly about you
  • Anonymous
    "Can you be a smart feminist man who?"

    No, you cannot be a "feminist man" and be smart at the same time.

    I stopped reading at this ^ point. Way to long.
  • Anonymous
    Everywhere
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