You're worthless, unless....
People generally put a really big emphasis on freedom (in theory) but in practise it looks a lot different. I was working with people and they were always stressed out thinking about if the boss was happy with them or not and I just don't understand it. In the last place I was my boss gave me the task of putting the time it takes to go from their office to every municipality in the Kanton Zürich by car and public transport and also the distance in kilometers into an excel sheet. And while I'm doing that I think about would I rather be doing this or trying to grow as a person understand myself better or think about freedom like I'm doing now. I actually wrote a few mytakes at work because there was something on my mind and it just seemed more important than this basic shit.
I honestly don't understand how people get through this kind of thing. These 8 hours are gone forever and don't come back and after I work I usually can't do much of anything because my head is exhausted so the whole day is gone. I feel like society tells us we all have to prove our worth and contribute or we're just seen as worthless. But I don't like demands from someone or something who doesn't care about me in the least. Imagine if another human came to you and said do this for me or you're a worthless person. Would you comply right away? I wouldn't. But in society that's what most people spend their whole day doing. Proving their worth to a society and an employer that doesn't care about them. All they care about is your productivity and as soon as there's a problem with that they'll drop you. So in the end after they've sucked you dry they'll still see you as worthless because you're no longer of use to them.
Be your own person!
I've always had trouble with self discipline, organisation, productivity stuff like that and that's why I stayed in the system as long as I did because I needed some structure and I thought I could make it work but now I can't do it anymore. I have to do my own thing even if I crash and burn. So far no matter how much I crashed I've always managed to land well I don't know if I'm just lucky or I have a gift or something but I need to take a risk now.
People have said to me multiple times:"We all have to do what we're told" What kind of attitude is that? I mean I understand that everybody should try and make a contribution but are you actually a worker ant or something? I feel like the desire to fit in makes them give up so much of their own personality and their goals. People glorify responsibility so much. But responsibility can destroy your life if it's not the right kind of responsibility that you want to take on. If you have a kid sure you should be responsible for them it's important but don't run after responsibility just to show that you can do it. Because responsibility is the opposite of freedom. You have to put your own needs and desires on hold and prioritize whatever it is you're responsible for.
If you want to be a worker ant for your whole life that's fine with me but don't we all have a desire for something more? Something only we can contribute? Something that's actually worthwhile? I do. I just spent 2.4 k on a new PC and amera and microphones and stuff. I thought about making videos when I was like 18 but I was too disorganised and I didn't have much life experience either but nowI feel like I'm finally ready to do it. Even if it doesn't work out I don't care I'm done with this system.