The Problem With Being a Natural Helper

[BaileyisDarcy]

'Yeah, so hey. Thanks for letting me clean your apartment.'

'No worries.'

What? No thank you? Are you saying I enjoyed finding that used pad?

There are people in the world who you just need to stop helping. They want the help, they need the help, but it hurts to help them. Why? Because although they want and need the help, they don't give too shits that you do.

I have always been someone who calls herself selfish because I can't give to people everything I want to. Because sometimes I have to say, enough is enough, I have to leave some for myself. I am a natural helper. I care too much.

And because of that, I hurt too much.

'So, you're coming with me right?'

'Yeah of course.'

It's not like I have a life or anything.

People tend to walk all over you when you help them. If you show to have that tendency to want to help every single time, then they're going to walk all over you and take advantage. They're going to use you.

The amount of people I've tried helping who have simply brushed me off afterwards or started expecting my help. Just... stop. I feel this obligation to continue helping, giving more and more of myself to them, and leaving none of me for myself. It's a horrible experience, and although at first the fact that I might be making somebody else's life better might make me happy, in the end... it's draining.

'So, I'll pay you back next week. That okay?'

'Yeah, sure. Whenever you can.'

I only needed that money for food.

I have this horrible tendency to make friends with people who need help. Whether it's mental help, physical help, or a fucked up situation. I have always been that person that people trust for some unconceivable reason, and tell everything to. Thankfully I'm good at forgetting secrets, so there's no way I might accidentally spread them.

But... it's hard. You might spend an entire day mulling somebody else's problem over in your head and neglect your own. So while their life is suddenly easier, yours becomes increasingly harder. Nothing gets done, you have no time to get over things that have happened to you because your helping somebody else get over what happned to them. This is psychologically damaging and I wish it didn't happen but it does. Every day.

'What is wrong with you? How can you not care?'

'I do care.'

All too much.

When a person becomes used to having your helping hand in their life, your value to them drops. You're just another factor to make their life easier. Like Centrelink just without the forms and waiting lines.

You become their personal dumping grounds. Every thought and feeling they don't want becomes yours. Every selfish desire they have, becomes your responsibility to fulfill. And you have to fulfill it, because if you don't then you're a horrible selfish person.

'Hey, so I was wondering if you could do this for me? You know, as a friend?'

'You know what? No. No I can't.'

This time. You're on your own. I can't do it anymore.

If I could just learn to not care.

How much easier would life be?

If I could just figure out how to say no.

How much simpler would my day be?

How much more bearable would it be in my own mind?

If I could just say no. And not give a damn.

You are special. You are deserving.

Don't ever forget that.

You deserve your help much more than they do.

[erokami]

I'm a victim of this. When I was younger, I used to like helping people. It didn't matter whether I like them or not, if they asked me to help them, help they would get. But as years passed, people started taking advantage of my willingness to help. I'd get irritated whenever they never say thank you, but when they ask for help again, I'd always accept their request. A classmate told me that I'm too nice and I should really stop, I didn't take his opinion to consideration. Then I finally understood what he meant after a couple of horrible people who I considered friends backstabbed me multiple times. I'm a person who really loves friendship and think friendship is a wonderful thing. Friends who are there for you and hang out with you and actually like you. It's hard to find such friends these days. I still help people now, but only my actual close friends and classmates who are legitimately nice people. Oh, and I've also learnt to not have any expectations, ever.

[BaileyisDarcy]

I'm sorry you had to work it out that way.
I'm not very good at talking to people I don't know so I don't have much of an opportunity to help them which I s'pose is a blessing in disguise. The people I help have always been close friends, or classmates asking for things that have. (it's how I lost all my pretty erasers back in year eight. Lending them and having no idea who to) I have the worst face/name recognition, and what sucks is that nobody believes me when I say I don't know who this person is.

[Anonymous]

Why pretend to be selfless if you care so much about getting something in return? If you do something, you do it for yourself. If others benefit from that, that's nice, nothing more.

[BaileyisDarcy]

Being thanked or acknowledged for helping a person is not my reason for helping people. It'd just be nice, every once in a while if people could have some manners and thanks.

I don't want anything out of the people I help, but every now and then, depending on the situation, who they are, how well I know them and how much I've given up to help them. Yeah, a little thanks would be appreciated and yes, I do get pissed if I find people don't care just how much I give up for them. But that doesn't mean I only help them for that recognition.

I help people because it makes me feel good. No other reason.

[Opinion Owner]

Fair enough, I agree with that stance.

Thanks for your reply ;)

[Anonymous]

I helped someone close to me with a depression and suicidal feelings, despite being a young teenager. When that person got better, I got depressed because of everything that person had told me, it had emotionally drained me, the fear, the stress if weather or not that person would commit suicide or not.
Over the course of 2 years not once that same person notice what I was dealing with... I learned my lesson pretty hard. Fun thing is that same person now calls me a selfish bitch cause I don't seem to care about her or anyone haha what a joke...

[nita00]

I'm 100% your type honey. I either get ignored (they don't need my help) or they think that it's natural that I help them and they don't say thanks or, that it's kind of me. So it's the same boat we're sailing. And I also feel cold hearted often and burnt out.

[BaileyisDarcy]

Thankyou for reading (and commenting).

Let's hope our boat is headed for warmer waters yeah?

[RainbowFanGirl]

I love this. Good job. I was actually going to write a take similar to this about how we are taking advantage of each other. I'm a so called "natural helper" and I always expect more out of things. So, it effects me and it makes me not want to help anymore.

[BaileyisDarcy]

Thankyou for reading ^-^

And I'm kind of glad I'm not alone in this.

[Veebee]

Spent my entire sharing burdens, helping others. Not that I would to live my life any other way, I do whatever gives me happiness. But, yes, somewhere along the path I have neglected the most important person on this planet -> ME! :)

[Anonymous]

I like the overall nature of the mytake and it was a great, inspirational read. Thanks for sharing. Personally I don't agree with this but it's a nice message to spread :)

[BaileyisDarcy]

Thankyou for reading ^-^

[AlwaysBelieving]

There's a fine line between caring (helping) and caring too much.

[Anonymous]

thats when a person love others without discretion and tries merely with his own powers. only if you love through God this love never wears you out... .

[Mdiller45]

This take is probably my favorite by far!

[BaileyisDarcy]

Aww, thanks!

[Mdiller45]

no problem!