If you found out your minor sibling was having sex, what would you do?

Question

This was inspired by an anonymous question where a guy found his 12 year old sister apparently engaging in oral with another girl her age. I almost always assume these posts are fantasies made up by pervs but this one actually sounded sincere. The question was essentially what he should do.

It really made me think what I would do in such a situation. I think it would largely depend on their age - so let's just say that your sibling is below the age of fifteen and you discover them engaging in some form of sexual activity, doesn't have to be specific. How do you, as the older sibling, go about handling that situation?

Bonus question: would the gender of the sibling have an effect on how you feel about the situation? I know some people almost expect boys to have sex young while some view it as more dangerous if the individual is a girl.

ThisDudeHere · Accepted Answer

This is kind of an actually heavy question for me. I have a fourteen-year-old brother who. I haven't had sex myself and that has plenty of reasons, me being friendless likely chief among them. And my little brother insofar has been in a mostly ill-mannered and short-tempered brat (a polar opposite of me) so I thought that it would still be possible for me to get to do it before him. But for the past year or so, he has become very socially active himself, takes care of his looks, and is pretty much even dating now.

My point being is that it's very highly likely that he'll get laid way before I do. If that happens, I do not know what it is that I can actually say to him (if he does it now when he's not mature enough for it). I mean, even if I say "hey, you watch yourself, you don't know what you're doing, you could have a lot of complications, his response could and very likely will be "what would you know lol? You haven't even done it all and you're 22! And he would have a big point. I haven't done it. Objectively, I am surely far more mature (I was even in his age, discounting lack of success with girls and lack of confidence), and likely 'know' more about sex per se, but yeah, if he does it - my role as the older sibling that speaks from experience is thrown out the window, which kind of gives me some cognitive dissonance as I have no idea what the fuck to do.

It may sound petty that I am less worried about my brother getting into shit from having sex way too soon and more worried that I haven't done it before him, despite being almost eight years older but it isn't.

Actually nevermind, it completely is petty and I admit that. Kind of ashamed of it. But yeah, I would have preferred to have been able to done it to at least be able to tell him what to watch out for and have cred when saying that. But alas, if he does it, anything I say will fall on def ears. My brother is not the bad type to purposefully hurt others, but he has a habit if letting... well... offensive things slip off of his tongue. So he will most def rub it in, if it happens.

I will upvote your question - something that I do very rarely since barely any questions on this site elicit an actual emotional response from me and motivate me to rant away and express dem hidden feelings that I never tell anyone.

Have a nice day.

BlueCoyote · Accepted Answer

I have a little sister.
If she were 14 or above, I wouldn't care. It's her choice and I consider this old enough to make such decisions in a responsible way. Teenagers are generally educated very well and openly about sex in my country and my parents were also very open about the topic. The vast majority of teens know that they have to protect themselves and they take care of that. I bought my first condoms when I was 15 (that's when I had my first girlfriend).
I know for a fact that my sister was having sex at age 16 because she brought home her then-boyfriend. My parents were very relaxed about it. He regularly spent the night at our place (in my sister's room) and my parents sometimes invited him for weekend dinners.

Now, from what I know, it's VERY rare for kids to have sex below the age of 14 in continental Europe. A large reason for this is that they're much better informed about the issue than in the US or other parts of the world. In my country, there's also not a lot of poverty, which can in some cases be an intensifying factor for very early sexual experiences.

However, if we assume that my younger sibling had had sex at age 12 or 13, my action would have depended largely on my relationship with them. If our relationship was close, I would have talked with them about it. My focus would be not so much on making them stop but on being safe while doing it. If our relationship wasn't particularly close, I would tell my parents about it. This also because I know my parents wouldn't be pissed. They're not that type of people. They would be concerned and worried but not pissed.

And no, I don't think the gender of the sibling would make a difference. I think sex at age 12 is too young, regardless of whether you're a girl or a boy. I had kids in my 6th grade class who were making out with their sweethearts, French kissing and cuddling and that kinda thing. I think that's fine and normal for this age group but anything more sexual should be postponed for at least 2-3 years.

aicarg · Accepted Answer

It's a bit tricky for me to put myself in such a situation as I'm the rugrat of 2 older brothers. Both had very opposing views of sex which really tested my values and morals for my own self in making my judgements on sex.

My eldest brother (brother by blood (so perhaps that's why I respected his opinion much more than my step brother)) had always instilled in me to guard myself from fuckboys and know how to draw my limits and stand my ground in not letting a guy pressure me in any way. He always told me to be cautious and educate myself of the various risks (physically, emotionally and psycologically). With that being said, if I had a younger sibling, I'd probably act upon the same actions as my eldest brother. So, if my younger imaginary sibling was to ever be caught in the act by me, I'd sit him/her down to have a solid heart to heart so they can take a step back in reevaluating the situation they put themself in.

melanieeeB · Accepted Answer

I was thinking what I would do if I would find my younger sister in that situation, I probably would wait until we can speak in private and then first let her talk and then maybe have a birds and the bees talk and probably just ask her why and try to understand her but also try to get her a little into waiting a little longer until she is 14/15+
Also when my brother was 16 he had his first time and he told me about it and I actually didn't know what to say at all. Like how do you respond? I actually just let him talk and was like good for you.. I don't know it was super weird

DinaM · Accepted Answer

I AM the younger sibling, so it's not that easy for me to relate, I suppose... granted when I was fifteen I was a total prude and wouldn't dream of doing anything... it was around the age of sixteen that I suddenly got really horny all the time. Lost my virginity at seventeen. Don't think my brother or sister ever knew.

If I did have a younger sibling... I don't know, I think it'd depend on what s/he was like and who s/he was doing it with. Likely I wouldn't have got involved at all, unless something obviously illegal or creepy was going on.

PoliceLivesMatter · Answer

Depending on my sibling’s age, I’d probably talk to them 1 on 1 and tell them all the consequences of their behavior and to probably stop doing whatever it is they’re doing until they’re old enough to be knowledgeable and responsible, which is around 18 years old. By that age, they most likely would’ve gotten to learn some sex ed information, know the dangers of STDs, and know the methods of protection. If my sibling was a girl, I’d probably tell her to stop all her sexual transactions because men and women are different when it comes to how sex affects them psychologically, emotionally, and of course physically. There’s a different set of rules for a girl because she’s very different from a boy in almost ALL levels of analysis. Men and women even value different things in life and that’s why you see such a difference in career choices.

ksoma · Answer

Sit them down and talk to them.
Tell them I won't tell on them, I'm not gonna get them in trouble, that I'm not judging them...
But I will insist they talk to me, and listen when I talk, as we go over safety, hygiene, and privacy.
I do not believe it is possible to PREVENT this behavior, and trying to punish it can lead to really awful backlash and more rash behavior. But if they feel they can talk to me, without being judged, where I can help them be safe, for their sake, AND for the sake of whoever they are with.

Unless, of course, it is someone older enough than them that intervention needs to happen.

InfoBot · Answer

Below 14 with same age partner, inform parents. 14 to 16 with same age partner, give them the chance to inform parents first, then inform parents if they don't. Below 16 with partner more than two years older, inform parents full stop.

The concerns are about personal safety, sexual health and not breaking laws that could ruin futures and cause psychological damage. We all know as kids that if you want to do grown up shit before your time then you have to not get caught. Don't expect people to cover for your risky choices once you do get caught.

Toad-1 · Answer

I think i'd tell the parents first of all since this is a very serious thing. Then if i talk to the sibling i'd emphasize how serious this is and that she/he should really consider future consequences of sexual behavior like STD's or pregnancy if they were straight.. I'd also tell her to seriously consider focusing on school and getting their education more than having sex and wait until they get to age 18 at least.

If nothing is convincing her to stop then I'd tell her to please be safe about it. Always wear condoms and use bc to prevent stds and pregnancy cause either of those can seriously fuck up her life at this stage of her life. I'd maybe show her real life examples of people who did fuck that up and how bad it can get.

decomposingdoll · Answer

I would talk with them and make sure that they were safe and both of them consented. If they were a girl with a boy, I would push my parents to get them birth control. Shame, guilt, and apathy won't do good for anybody. It's better to be realistic; if they're having sex now, they'll have it again.

Cosytoasty · Answer

My own age would be a factor too, i remember trolling my sisters whenever they got in trouble, like when they were being shouted at i'd be laughing and generally being a jackass behind mum lol.

These days though, i think i'd give them the option to not do it again or i'd go tell my parents and let them deal with it. Id sit down and talk with them about it too regardless of gender, but obviously the advice would be different from boy to girl.

goaded · Answer

I'd make sure they knew about being safe, that they should use more than one form of contraception (if appropriate) and make sure they knew they could always come to me with problems.

Fortunately, I live in a country with reasonable age of consent laws, so it's not going to be a problem.

The gender of the sibling wouldn't make a difference, but same-sex or not would.

BleepRawrsaurus_Rex · Answer

I don’t have siblings that are younger than me but if I caught my little cousins, nephews, or nieces having any type of sex at that age their ass would be grass. I’d tell their parents and have a serious talk about what’s going on in their lives. No one should have sex that young.

LaFemmeFatale · Answer

My brother was 15 when he had sex for thr first time.

the_legitbacon · Answer

Probably go find the guy that she's with and make his life hell

No_filter · Answer

No way I do not care your gender or age. There is no way I would be okay with my sibling engaging in such conduct. I would have a talk with them before involving my family. That is not typically behavior for a child that age.

Carley99 · Answer

I have younger siblings of different gender but they aren't of that age as yet but I'd treat them the same
I'd tell my parents if they are under 15 but otherwise I'd talk to them and give them some big sister advice.

Anonymous · Answer

I like to live in liberal society but not in uncritical. I think people in the west are overexploiting their freedom since blowjobs, early sex and being promiscuous has become common trait. Early sex can negatively affect one's normal life, they can subconsciously be addictive to it.

lilaqua · Answer

I'm an only child but If I was put in this situation I'd implore them to me safe and tell them I would always be there if they felt too uncomfortable to talk to our parents. If they were 12-13, I'd be more critical though, considering that I personally think it's too young, but if it's all ok, what can I do about it?

Nik1hil · Answer

basically depending upon age,  if below 15 i am gonna let parents deal.  if above 16 i would rather guide the person with correct knowledge of contraception and protection,

Tess_lily · Answer

Would talk to them privately and make sure they are aware of what they are doing. I lost mine that young tho yet I felt I wanted it. So gender wouldn't matter. Be more focus on safety and helping them understand. Maybe explain the talk but make sure to go over the risk as well.

worldscolide · Answer

At the age of 12, it's extremely inappropriate, they have barely entered puberty.. I'd have a talk with her and explain that what she's doing is not ok.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I think minors should be taught to sustain from having sex
until they become old enough to understand things but no
knows what their minor siblings are doing so it's best to give
them a talk and explain things but also tell them if their
having sex make sure to practice
safe sex.

rajivmishra690 · Answer

U should have a coffee with them and tell them what's wrong in it , calmly.

pervertedjester · Answer

I would just tell them to be as safe as possible and sex does not equal love. Other than that enjoy it and spare me the details.

If you found out your minor sibling was having sex, what would you do?

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