Why don't guys show genuine interest in me?

[Anonymous]

Whenever I go out I never get any nice male attention. I am blonde and I have modelled and I am very fit, and I think I'm very attractive. The only attention I get is from scum bags saying. 'hey baby' and the really sleazy guys. I'm crazy fun when I go out, I'm loud and talk to everyone. I have a theory that's its because I'm unapproachable and guys are intimidated by me.? please help me. because I have never met one decent guy when I go out. do they exist?

[nonyabiz2002]

Yes, decent guys do exist, and I, being one of them, am gonna sit here for about 20 minutes and type a repsonse to your question. You should feel blessed to have such an answer! ;-P

Alot of it is exuded by the way you carry yourself. It sounds like you're confident (a little bit overboard, possibly?). Decent guys do like a confident woman, but they do NOT want an arrogant one. And there is a difference.

I don't know you, and you seem to be a nice person (just a bit of a dork, lol). From what I've seen about some women is that they may not treat people as nicely as they should because they percieve themselves to be better than other people.

I've seen it quite a bit- I've had friends that were attractive women asking "Why can't I find a decent guy?" one minute then when an average, nice-enough guy approaches them basically brushes them off!

I do consider myself a handsome, cute, and decent guy (not perfect, cause nobody is). What I personally find attractive are the "she don't know she's beautiful" type of women; you know, the ones that are drop dead gorgeous yet will still at least give me the time of day and treat me like I'm somebody special?

Those women do end up getting decent guys. Why? Because they don't flaunt their attractiveness, they actually have a personality, and they're truthfully fun to be around.

Look at the way you exude your confidence. Do you sit with your other attractive friends in bars and never get out to mingle? Do you go and mingle with attractive men only? Are you making yourself available to decent men?

Often times if an attractive group of women are sitting at a table, dancing on the dance floor, or standing around talking a "decent guy" will not come up to the group to introduce himself because he's afraid of getting rejected in front of a group of women that he finds attractive. It's happened to all of us men before at least once (well, some of us several times because I'm a slow learner), and the pain is about 20 times worse than getting kicked in the old pill box.

If an attractive woman is sitting/standing/dancing with a man or a group of men, most decent guys would assume that she's either involved with one of them or is playing them all for attention.

And see, jerks don't care about any of that. The only thing they are in the game for is to get some attractive "poon". They have no shame. They have no moral code. They don't care who they use or what they do to get their way. All they care about is the p*ssy. That is why you have sleaze balls hitting on you; they don't care if they are rejected, or what you think or feel (other than to achieve their ultimate goal).

There is such a thing as too much confidence. Personally I find slightly shyer women more attractive than loud, boisterous ones. I guess it's the challenge of getting them out of their shells, along with the way they treat people just drives me wild!

[Team-Scotty]

YOU HAVE NEVER MET ONE DECENT GUY!?

Aww, man. That's all those low lifes giving men, like me, a bad rep.

Well, I think the problem COULD possibly be that they are intimidated by you, if you are as good looking as you state.

Looks might not be everything, but if a decent guy wanted to talk to you, he might be put off by thinking "that girl probably has like the guy of her dreams, look at her, she can get anyone she wants".

I have your problem but the male version, I'm sure it's both our faults really.

Buy FYI, yah, they exist hun.

[Mealadie-12]

I have the same problem. No hot guys ever approach me, it's always the sleazy guys. I recently posted a question similar to this one and the feedback that I got was that all the guys that hit on me are doing it because they see me as easy and more approachable because I am less attractive than the hot girls. I disagree of course because like you, I have modeled and I am loud and goofy. I say, at the end of the day who really cares because it's hard to take these guys seriously anyway.

[Celiene]

Don't worry, I have the same problem, though I have a bf, I've been told by a friend of a friend that he would never have come up 2 me unless he knew me through someone as he'd be to intimidated by me. I'll go out sometimes without my boyfriend and I'll just get hit of by complete DH's.

the good guys do exist they are usually the friends of the ones doin the sleezy stuff. You know the friend who apologizes for his mates behaviour, or just sits there while his mat trys to scam on u

[nonyabiz2002]

(sorry, ran out of space. I'll try to keep it short from here on out)

Perhaps you're also looking in the wrong place for decent guys. Very few decent guys go to bars/clubs to meet women (well, I would say jerks far outnumber decent guys in these places). You might try going to other places like the mall, or take up dancing classes, or find a hobby that you would think decent guys would share an interest in.

I just don't get why women think bars and clubs are the places to go to meet decent guys. Let's face it, those places are where people go to hook up on one night stands. Not very many long-term relationships start in a bar/club, but rather at the store, at church, at work, at the movies, etc. Some place where the ultimate goal isn't necessarily to get lucky.

Decent guys know this. They figure that most women at bars and clubs are stuck up anyways, and it would be a waste of their time and another potential blow to their ego to try to find someone special at a bar/club. Bring in the jerks!

At either rate, I'll stop my rant.

I feel for you. I really do. I've been looking for 24 years to find a person that I could be involved with long-term, and let's just say I haven't been successful. That doesn't mean I'm a failure (and neither are you a failure). We just gotta realize that if something isn't working for us to achieve our goals, that chances are pretty good we need to try something different.

The world is a scary place. There are people out there that will stop at nothing to get what THEY want regardless of the consequences. However, there are people out there like you and me that can put the needs of others before their own. We are the "decent" ones.

If you want to talk about this further, post back or PM me. Best of luck to you, "babe"! ;-P

[AJtogo]

I don't think you're unapproachable but you got it right, the majority of guys are intimidated by you. A confident, beautiful woman can be very intimidating to most guys. The ones who give you the "hey baby" come on are probably making the safe approach so if you batter them too much they can get away with egos intact. It's actually pretty fun to watch:)

Yes, good guys exist but it will be up to you to approach them. You have the confidence to try that out and see what happens. The guy you're looking for is the one who can carry on a conversation with you without getting so flustered by the fact you approached him first. He's good looking (obviously you picked him out) and confident enough in himself to be able to talk to you without drooling:) He will want to meet up with you again under other circumstances and will not try to bed you on the first few dates. Unless of course you want that, but then you're doing that (and everything that goes with it) to yourself.

Oh, and you might want to tame down the loudness until the guy gets to know you a little better. It's who you are so you don't need to hide it, just tame it down.

[ilikegirls]

of course decent guys exist! I believe the problem in these days are that really nice guys are usually not as popular and therfore are more afraid to step up around a girl because they usually think the girls are to good for them. Also a lot of the really nice guys are taken, and they like long-term relationships so you might have to step it up. if you see a nice guy who you like just act normal around him, don't be to loud around guys, because that can sometimes be annoying, but don't talk to EVERYONE in the room because that looks like ur really flirtatious. if you meet a nice guy and start talking to him, act like yourself don't go and try and impress him. oh and another thing if you and this boy start talking for awhile I would not start talking to other boys around him. just stick with the guy and act really genuine and intrested in him. btw act like you don't know your beautiful because that usually lessens the pressure on guys. Nice guys are usually really shy so you might have to make the first move in order to get him to talk to you, but just strike up a conversation that the two of you seem intrested in. if he seems nervous and wants to get away,i would leave him alone. he just needs some time to relax and he will probably come back to you after this. I hope you have no trouble finding boys after this advice and I hope you take into hand becuase you seem like a really nice girl who deserves a sweet guy. just remember make eye contact and smile at him, to demonstrate your intrest in him. guys can never turn it down. good luck with ur quest! and I hope you meet teh guy fo your dreams! btw if a guy starts acting degrading to you (like the workers at a house) just ignore the sickos, its not their fault their nasty.

[xic3manx]

I don't know why, but this is strangely familiar. I get the same reactions. I believe I am fairly attractive, I lift pretty heavy weights. I don't get the "hey baby" comments from people (obviously I'm a guy). Ill get a few looks here and there but nothing really. I'm in the same boat, and the water just seems to be going the wrong direction.