In my last post people kept claiming they didn't approach women because of the fear of being harassed and the metoo movement. I think that none of those people actually have dealt with that and are just making excuses for their behavior.
How many of u have actually been falsely accused of sexual assault of harassment?
I have never been accused of sexual harassment. Neither have my current boyfriend, my first serious boyfriend or any of my close friends of either gender. One or two of my exes have (not by me), but that’s one reason they’re exes.
I REALLY wanna mention someone, but I don’t want to embarrass her, so I just hope she reads this. Where there’s smoke there’s often fire...
I don't know of anyone that has been reported either (in my close circle) and u really dodged a bulet with those exes i do know of someone who was raped, but that doesn't fall in the same category
The principle of “Innocent till proven guilty” only applies when life, liberty or money are at stake. When your emotional safety or even your physical safety are at stake, you can’t afford to do that. Whether you’re a girl or a guy, if your partner has been accused of rape or sexual harassment by two or more people who have no relationship to each other, AND you’ve heard the accusations yourself and they sound credible, you should break up with them unless and until they prove their innocence.
I went out of town on a work trip and worked with a girl from a different branch. She got flirty and we ended up having a mutual conversation about sex and what we liked in detail. She went on and on about blk men (her boyfriend wasn't blk). Her boyfriend somehow found out and told her it was sexual harassment (the "version" she told him) and that she should report me. Even though it was initiated by her. When I got back to work, I was blindsided and confused as hell. She was trying to save here relationship with me as collateral damage. She eventually dropped the allegations because she knew it was mutual though. I got lucky. I thought it went away. This happen 13 years ago and has cost me a law enforcement career today. It really sucks. Be careful guys especially today with these movements. It can be mutual at that moment, but after the act is complete, and she decides that "hmmm... I dont like the outcome and so maybe it wasn't mutual"... All you can do is pray. Make decisions based on her character. I should've shut her down when I found out she had a boyfriend. Young and dumb lol. If she'd betray him, she'll probably betray "me too". Pun intended lol.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Just few notable incidents that were important crazy enough for me to remember,
Context: I am short and mostly ugly dude. From india.
1. I was walking down the street. Watching newly launched ballon which was to advertise some important event. As were others. Me and some other girl bumped into each other. And she basically lashed out and called me all sorts of name.
2. This would probably sound cliche. We were in crowded bus. And sudden breaking launched me forward. On one obviously way older lady. Maybe in her forties. She first lashed out on me and then started cursing driver for breaking hard.
3. Similar situation in an elevator. When elevator was out of power unexpectedly. Fail operational moves them to next floor and opens the door. But during that 5-10 seconds, girl was hysterical. Still to this day I have no idea why.
I mentioned context, because I can understand that it might be due to high number of crimes against females in india. And maybe uncomfortable feeling girls might get around me.
However, this did contribute to how seldom I approach women. It become non existant. Now I moved to another country where girls are not, for the lack of better word, as uptight as India. I have not spoken to girls here much, but whenever I did, they were very friendly and welcoming. But sub-conciously I still have that uneasiness. As a result, I probably come off as obnoxious and rude. Combine that with short and ugly, result is almost laughable.
I am strictly non-tactile , I never touch anyone and respect personal space... unlike a lot of people , and don't even glance at stranger women. I know women are sick of male attention , why would I want to piss off a random woman , and I am never seeking a partner anyway.
no... i did have a friend that 25 years ago signed an office birthday card with, 'have a great day sugar tits' and he got a real bollicking off hr but it never happened to me personally
lol why dont they jus laugh at that kinda thing off, i dont know why they need to ttake it so personally and offensively and look at it likes it harrassment lol, its jus funny
Well depending on the environament and how he's acted before, by letting it slide ur setting a precedent of not caring about those kinds of things. U would probably just get a slap in the wrist by HR. There is a difference between a work enviroment and hanging out with friends
@gagsucs he genuinely thought it was just a joke and he actually was a hippie like me and didn't have a sexist bone in his body but she took offense and it was ''noted''... others in the office were amazed by the over reaction too but had it happened today i doubt anyone would have seen it as a joke but then he would have known better. its a different world today.
@asker like i said to matey, it was 25 years ago and things were different then but i agree if it had been allowed to slide we wouldn't be where we are today and in the end he kept his job and learned a lesson so no harm done in the grand scheme of things
Yeah it kind of sucks that someone who probably did it as a joke got punished for it, but its all about opening the door for other people. in my opinion every case is different and canot be generalised that only leads to problems. In cases like this the best solution is probably best for hr to just tell him hey thats not really professional don't do it again, we get it was a joke but knowing people who work in hr thats most likely not how it went down hahahah they are the kings of overreaction
but calling someone sugar tits on a card isn't openining a invitiation door for continued sexual harrasment, that seems like a clear funny joke that wouldn't be continued after lol, i think that women jus had bad judgement
@gagsucs again, it was 25 years ago so whilst i would agrre with that then, today the rules are clear cut on what harassment is even if it does still seem a bit trivial in this case
lol yeah that jus about sums everything up... i think anything is acceptable jus aslong as it doesn't have anything sexual involved or sort of like, done expect-idly without consent,
but i also think women should not be so petty sometimes and use their judgement to decide for theirself if its harrassment or not... like for example little things... like that card thing u said... i think they should jus use their judgement to realise little things like that are jus jokes and not harrasment
sometimes they are too extreme with it and like the woman said at the start... men are even scared to talk to women at all or help them at work... thats because of feminists takin the harrassment thing too seriously and seeing everything as harrassment... those sort of girls jus need to come off it a little n stop being so ridiculous? u know what i mean? like
guy 1: (looks at girl) - hi girl 1: omg, i can't believe u jus looked at me,,, RAPE!!!
@gagsucs fair comment... it was an over reaction on her part to an innocuous joke that he thought she would find funny too... they were friendly up until this happened but work rules are clear nowadays... had he said it outside work there certainly should have been no recourse and even back then she should have just told him directly if she found it inappropriate. problem is that today we are in a transition period for all theses sorts of things and the way i look at it is eventually reason and rationality will level out but for now its like steering a boat... if you ever tried that you will know what i mean... as you are heading towards one bank you steer away from it but end up turning too far and nearly hitting the other bank...
your example just goes a long way to illustrate my point not only on the female bank but on your side of the river too... the thing to do is not vilify each other... its not a war
I have not been accused but i have a strong fear of it. The thought of touching a girl on the shoulder to get her attention in a bar is frightening to me. I'd just wait for an "excuse me but what do you think you are doing? Why did you touch me?" Or even just the idea of approaching a girl without her approaching me. We talk about it whimsically that guys should take the approach but in all honestly it's much more safer for a girl to approach a guy than a guy approach a girl
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
My ex accused me of sexual harassment and stalking her because I reported her to social services for battering our child, because I asked social services to check out the guy she was cheating with after I found out she had our child in his house while she was cheating. Also because I asked her in front of her parents if she was seeing that guy and that I'd like her to keep him away from our child laying out the man's past to them and able to tell them that she's been spotted their a few times by loads of people.
Not me, I rarely even talk to girls I don't know on the street, who would want their day interrupted because a random guy likes your tits? Because there's not much more to go on without knowing eachother already.
On the other hand, when I went out more, I have had to punch a few gay guys that were harrasing me and wouldn't stop after multiple warnings. It only takes one good punch, but that's enough to ruin the mood.
i did, when i was younger and in school i got slapped with lotion on the back of the neck for one of those slap cam trend bullshits so i got pissed at the bitch and pushed her hard af in the hallway and she told the principle i sexually assaulted her until they checked the cameras, i still got suspended tho
yes i know, its some bullshit, but in my adult life, no i just got to adulthood like a year ago, i gotta explore but if i did get accused for sexual assault you prob wouldn't know and i prob wouldn't be able to tell you cause id be busy getting fingerprinted and added to the system in my local county jail but ig if i disappear, you'll know why ha
I have been falsely accused 3 times by a total of 5 women. One of those times was the same person making up a different story. Luckily there were always plenty of witnesses and two of the times there were cameras present too. I also know of a former co worker that was falsely accused before too. Cameras helped him as well. Hooray for cameras. :)
How it affected me is to make sure there are witnesses around, especially when dealing with female co workers.
Oh and the first place I actually got fired immediately over it and didn't get re hired after proven innocent either. They wanted to get rid of me for a while before that once they found out I was conservative and they were liberal. they would even hide work equipment of mine, stole some supplies I had brought to use at work, and sabotaged my paper work before too.
i dont know if i stared or not, mostly if it a pretty girl i jus give a quick 1 or 2 second glance at her face and immediately look a way. but once when i was sitting down in this place... i saw a girl with a nice butt in jogging pants a few metres a way... i gave a good 5 or 6 second stare at her butt then looked away... does that count as being creeepy?
well giving a 2 second look isn't long enuff for me to really take in the glory so i jus won't bother to look at a girls butt again then if it makes me creepy :( sorry for sexually harrrasing her with my eyes... she didn't know i was looking anyway so at least she's not mentally scarrd by it
ok but i dont want people to think im creepy so i jus won't bother 2 look at butts again,, 2 seconds isn't enuff for me lol :( its like eating a tiney bit of a chocolate bar... all it does is leave u unsatisfied and wanting more... its best if u jus dont take that tiney bite at all lol
Yes. I looked at a woman and she did not like it. Had to go see HR. Another time I discussed Hooters with some guys at work and a female coworker overheard and filed a complaint with HR and I got a final written warning. So yes.
I have not been, but I have a fear of it. American actor Merlin Santana was murdered in 2002 after a 15 year old falsely accused of being sexually inappropriate towards her.
C'mon man. People are actually living this. Its not always rhetoric or a play to skew views. But I will agree that there are a lot of coddled babies who can't take control of their own narratives. So they blame others these days.
@LVbrando85 I'm sure you've noticed that the "men" who always accuse women of doing this are always from the same group of people, that same group that got into hysterics of a 15 second bit of female superheroes being in the same shot. or getting enraged that the lead in Doctor Who (a character of no set gender) being played by a woman.
Actually I don't disagree. I have noticed this lately. Its sad to see really. But there are so many things at play here. Between the Radical feminists, Me too movement, toxic masculinity narrative and the dating scene today in general, id say a lot of these men are developing a disdain for women. Its bad for our society as a whole. But a lot of these people don't know how to drown out the noise and take control of their lives. So they become bitter and easily triggered like the example you pointed out lol. Women are advancing and so are their standards. Its taking a lot of these men a really long time to cope with this idea. a lot of these types can't live up to the standard of life, dating and career and are taking it personal. Its taking a toll on them. The mental health of some men is definitely questionable these days. Same with women and their narcissistic social media behavior. But that's another conversation lol.
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