The term 'Victim Blaming' is overused. Discuss?

[BruceJender]

Of course this excludes serious crimes like sexual assault.

Blame and responsibility are different things. We need to focus on accountability and all you're doing is enabling bad habits.

For example, if you know the risks - hell, if you're shown the risks - of crossing a busy road without using crossings and get run over, of course we're not going to say "Poor (XYZ), the cars should have slowed down when they saw them crossing". Just don't do it if you don't want to run the risk.

Same goes for someone walking through a deprived neighbourhood with his expensive belongings flashing and complaining that they got mugged. Of course you have the right to walk wherever you please, but unfortunately we aren't all good and reasonable people - use some self-awareness!!

Toxic relationships too, for that matter. Of course you don't deserve to be treated like shit no one does, it's just if you can't put your foot down, you have a part of responsibility. If not, you become a doormat and people will take advantage - it's just a fact of life. it's happened to everyone, myself included.

Why do we lock our doors?

You can agree or disagree with this, I'll be interested to hear your thoughts.

[btbc92]

Very much overused when it doesn't fit what a person wants. I have been a victim of a lot of things. There is some form of accountability people must deal with and face especially when they have common sense and know better. That's like teaching a child, don't touch the flames, you are going to get burned. The child still touched the flames even after you said no. Whether you are present or not, the child was told not to touch. If the child cannot be responsible, you have to watch the child regardless depending on age. The same is with people over 12 and up.

Sadly, sexual assault in today's world is not exclusive. And I can tell you why. So many women do what they do on a sexual level anyway. The same risk applies to even sexual assault and rape victims, but it's on a case by case basis and shouldn't be treated the same. People are not being taught values, common sense, personal responsibility, etc. Because social today no longer cares. Unlike the medieval times where women and girls did get raped just for being a woman. Women today have options and choices to lower their chances of being raped. While you can't always anticipate danger. It's better to be wise than stupid. A perfect example is cultural differences in countries that are very dangerous for women, especially foreigners like Islamic countries, Mexico, Africa, and the likes.

A woman cannot just go out with sandals, no covering, etc. It's part of their law. A woman who doesn't care for boundaries, laws, etc will do whatever she wants DESPITE the risk and consequences, and then say how nobody should be judging her. Yet she's breaking the rules. If a guy or multiple men tries to rape her, she will scream how she shouldn't be raped. NO. But you foolishly entice problems to feed what these men already wanted to do. That's like a couple who got into a disagreement. A toxic girl or woman would mock a man, push his buttons, touch him or attempt in a mocking manner. God forbid say something along the line of provoking: "Ha ha ha, yeah, you can't touch me, wimp!" Just like a bully, and then if he God forbid punched her lights out? Guess who's going to jail? Him.

There were times of my victimhood where I had to take personal responsibility:

1. I was told and taught not to leave my personal belongings where people can see them and take them. Guess what happened in middle school when I broke the rules I was taught? My purse with my video game GBA game, nearly $50 worth of money, a piece of jewelry my late mother gave me took it. Should people have the personal integrity to tell me or a teacher who took the items? Yes. Do people care today? NO. Was whoever stole it wrong? Absolutely. But who was foolish enough to not listen? Me. Since then I never left any of my personal things again.

2. I would be bullied aggressively by people. Instead of learning to STOP continuously making friends with my bullies, I kept doing it instead of keeping away from them. I didn't learn this fully until 7th grade. I told people, my parents, teachers, everybody knew. Nobody really did anything. Got suspended nearly 2x in my life just to try to self-defend me. If you fight, you get suspended. If I don't, I'll be punished coming home. That most of these things I had to learn were not really my fault. But I kept going back to it. THAT'S where it was my fault. Any bullying I still deal with now, I shut it down IMMEDIATELY. I no longer allow myself to be continuously victimized.

[btbc92]

3. I have dealt with some form of sexual assault. Here is where I had to take responsibility for them. My first time being groped was when I was 10/11. I was taught to NEVER let anybody touch you, especially a boy. When he kept on doing it, I told the teacher. The 2nd time was I wasn't just basically groped, the man pinched my breast! My fault was not reporting him to the police. Sadly, at that time, somebody saw and did not help me. And even more sad, they probably wouldn't have done anything either. The man is probably dead by now as he was a senior.

In the end, it is about the intent when people discuss such issues. You have people who mock you and hurt you and that is victim-blaming. If you told to be wiser with your choices, depending on why it was being said to you, it is NOT victim BLAMING. Some people are really foolish, stubborn, and don't give a damn. They don't want to be told what to do or be controlled. Some people are still in the mindset of teenagers if they're not legally a teen anymore. Parenting styles, culture, belief system, etc is also key in understanding the mindset of people. And the kind of people that often get themselves into that problem are people who aren't cautious and take life seriously as I do. Anybody can be a victim. But by experience, not to generalize, you have smart victims, and no offense, dumb ones.

[btbc92]

Proof people don't think and rather do stupid is this movie I loved watching called "She's Too Young", these are just a collection of scenes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAvwCALSBCA

But somebody or so has the full movie on here. Best to watch it if you didn't. I have known people who do the very things growing up as teens. And heard all kinds of craziness in bars, clubs, and all. PLACES where rapes are often done. And while it can happen to anybody. I am NOT talking about getting randomly pulled into an alleyway and you fully covered, dressed, etc. In the USA. (As the sexual standards are very different in a place like Islamic countries where you can be covered like a snowman and still get raped). I am NOT talking about your doors locked, your in your private home and somebody forced or broke entry and raped you. I am NOT talking about you being a helpless child that really didn't know better (I knew kids having sex as young as 7 so let's be real here) and other kids and or teens and adults forced themselves on you. I am not talking about getting raped by somebody's taxi. Though if you sense something isn't right. DON'T EVER GET IN.

[btbc92]

I am TALKING about such scenarios:

1. You go to a drug party. KNOWING it's a drug party. Instead of walking out, you try to impress people who prove something to yourself or somebody. If you impaired, easy for somebody to rape you.
2. Instead of saying no to alcohol. You did it anyway. You especially do not drink to get drunk. People, get drunk. They don't call a DUI being illegal for anything. There is accountability being enforced or else if caught you're going to jail. Nobody doesn't have to drink if they don't want to. The same with smoking. But people do it, and it may cause a problem if you already being targeted.
3. I have friends who go to bars and clubs. And even they would warn me NOT to go there. Because they know somebody like me would be a victim. Even I know that without them telling me. Their care of my wellbeing confirms my bias already. I attract enemies. Even I know that. Why have more than I have to deal with?
4. You're making the wrong kinds of friends who aren't your friends who want to see you messed up. Some even plot your rape or sexual downfall if your a guy sense rape is highly unlikely unless, God forbid, your supposedly gay. Not to stereotype. But from what I heard statistically, it happens quite often than straight men.
5. You a young girl or teen looking for an older man to take your virginity, you don't want that anymore, now he rapes you. Really. Must I say more? Worse if their defiant of authority (parents, teachers, higher position people, the cops, etc)
6. You're a college academy or boarding school student and you go inviting the opposite sex in your dorms for sex. Somebody gets raped if not you. It's not your fault? Hmm. Unless you had the doors locked and told whoever you weren't looking to mess with or bother no to their advances and God forbid rape happened anyway. That is a DIFFERENT scenario. But people do invite it. Just that not everybody like myself does.

[btbc92]

And there are plenty more. And before anybody wants to downvote me (not that I care because the truth is the truth) or dispute what I have to say. Know that as a victim of multiple things I never did intentionally or invite out of free will is tired of tolerating the mistakes and negligence of other people. There are so many toxic messages about sex, life, etc that people even on here promote and don't seem to give a damn about anyone but themselves. People live toxic lifestyles that are harmful to them and everybody around them. Allow me to make my statement clear that NOBODY deserves to be victimized. But there are those who do eventually reap what is sowed when you do something you know your not supposed to do. Especially those who are defiant of their parents and adults because they just want to do whatever they want. I can't tell others what to do. But when I hear this stuff happen to them and you see their lifestyle and how they live, the apple isn't too far from the tree. Meaning, in this case, there is no surprise though there are some exemptions. If anybody is struggling with depression, abuse, trauma, etc, please SEEK HELP, instead of going back into the same environments that leaving you bound in invisible chains. It's one thing to grow up in environments you never asked to be in. It's another to put yourself in it.