Why do people apologize in smaller situations but not in bigger ones where it is needed more?

Question

Why do people say sorry n feel lowkey bad if they unintentionally do/say something very little and feel like apologizing would be nice just in case... for example if they make a joke bout someone's childhood n the person tells someyhing dark bout it, they quickly be sorry which is right but they also didn't know it... or make joke on mom n come to know something like that person's mom is nomore so they easily apologize whivh should be a thing... or call out some country name in wromg sense n come to know that one of the listeners is from that country so they say sorry sometimes... BUT... when they actually do something wrong while knowing its wrong but won't apologize or sometimes not even feel bad bout it or sometimes even get pissed on the other person... for example they make wrong turn on the road n just keept riding n driving or sometimes show middle finger or say something rude and very less of em tend to feel bad bout own mistake or apologize then... or they hurt someones feeling by getting extra angry or to little kids or to elder ones n do not be apologetic n a days past things become back to normal n that guilt never shows up if there is a guilt at first place (ik people do apologize to but a lot ignore within the families/house/relatives)... SO NOW... are these two different type of people n good ones be sorry in small n bigger situations n bad ones do not in both situations? OR are these two different sides of one person (many people)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This is a wall of text. I apologize for none of it.

Productive conversation is not taught, children are told, if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. Conflicts are ended with empty apologies, shake hands and be friends, walk it off, don't believe what others say, be the bigger person, etc, etc. Thus nothing is resolved and you're left with learned behaviour from childhood that a child's mind derived to begin with.

'They hit me first"

No one digs into why and how to deal with the urge to hit someone, only that it's not ok. Over time you observe that a punch in the arm won't kill you so they punch you, you punch them, someone breaks it up and you both say, "I'm sorry" because no "real" harm was done, therefore you're effectively apologizing for nothing.

Something big happens and the real acquired guilt over your personal (combined) mistake sets in and avoidance is easier than accountability... because in a very not so simple way, they don't know any better and before someone counters that statement understand that the brain does what it knows to do and what it is accustomed to doing without ever asking you for input or permission. EVER. Your brain does NOT consult with you first. You and I are too slow to be trusted. Our brains however belongs to us, they do whatever we want them to do, for us, without asking for permission first because we entrust them to do so as we know from experience that they will save our ass when it comes right down to it if we let them. (assuming we were correct to begin with) We delegate/surrender said task to them and we do so knowing reflex beats consideration. If I tell you red is green and green is red from birth then that's what you tell your brain and then it gains autonomy in that truth. What's 2+2, bam, reflex. Which you taught it, as taught to you by one whom you trusted.

Threats to the person however are a bit of a team effort. You don't touch red hot metal but once before you realize it's a really bad idea without having ever understood why, the injury that follows enforces this fact. Being naked outside in -40, bad idea. First kid you meet on the first day of school doesn't like your shirt cause it's blue and they innocently just dislike blue, they like red, they gave no reason because they were not confronted and before that day when Grandpa wore blue and they didn't want to talk to him still no reason was given and they were told to stop "blah blah" and go talk to Grandpa. Now you believe that no one likes you, logical in the moment but totally asinine, simply because of communication. Insert compounding problems, avoidance and failure to resolve here.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I think when someone does something wrong when they know it was wrong is not an accident... they made a calculated decision not only don't want to be called out about it, but are prepared to defend it. Again you don't what circumstances they were under at the time, which made them do what they did.

And of course if some feels a certain way about something and are being truthful... then if some gets insulted there nothing to apologize for its heart felt. Doesn't make it right by far, but its not something they are going to apologize for.

SamA_nold · Accepted Answer

I apologize if I mean it, otherwise I’d just be lying to you If you demand an apology, you’re probably not going to get one either way

Nazgol · Accepted Answer

Their ego won't allow it 😒

Elise888888 · Answer

Because people tend to be more avoidant of conflict; especially when they need to own up to something they did.

Anonymous · Answer

I say this in any case. Apologizing and giving thanks is a virtue. You don't get humiliated when you apologize, you don't get offended when you say thank you. 😊 But what do you think are the bigger situations? 🤔

Leonharted · Answer

I apologize when I feel I've done something wrong, not because you do.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I dont apologize unless i mean it… which is rare. But if i know im in the wrong. I’ll say my bad

annabananna · Answer

If they are willingly knowing what they are doing is wrong they are probably less likely to care that it’s wrong.

Why do people apologize in smaller situations but not in bigger ones where it is needed more?

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