How do I get over trauma I have from being harassed by men in the past?

[Puppystarfish23]

I find it really hard to talk about with people because they really don't understand and are really misogynistic about it. They assume when I tell them my story but I'm bragging and that I think I'm desirable which is definitely not ture.

I find it really hard to trust people especially men because of things that have happened to me in past and I'm sure that many other girls have been through the same but the ones who haven't almost get jealous and try and tell me I'm overreacting which is so fucked up.

I'm aware I'm average looking and that I'm a nobody, I don't understand just as much as the people I tell this to why I always get creeps after me and if they do they usually victim blame me and tell me I'm too trusting and or too polite because obviously that man who tried to get me into his car when I was walking home from work knew that just from looking at me.

I've tried to forget these things and block them out of my memories but I've had people try and kidnap and traffic me on more than one occasion too the point my dad had to fight off a kidnapper to save me. I've had men try and come through my window when I was on hoilday and I was only 11 to kidnap me. I've had men following me around when I'm shopping and not take no for answer. I've had male co workers try to get me so drunk at Christmas parties that they can pretend to play hero and take me back with them when actually there intentions aren't so good heroic but involve attempted rape. People try and blame me for getting myself in these situation but I've always managed to survive every single one which actually makes people believe me less but these things happened because I didn't get raped or kidnapped. I always have a trust my gut instinct with men now but at the time when I say something to a friend or just walk away from a guy I'm being a bitch or I think highly of myself. I'm so sorry but I never want to be in them positions again.

Updates

1 y

I actually have a lot of male friends which crazy given my past but some men make me feel safe and protected and others can't bring myself to even be around. It's actually other men who understand more and believe me more and they usually always the guys you least expect to understand

[Whatever2929292]

I don't know why some people are like that and why some people make it out to be that you have a problem with men. When you sometimes need to talk about things.

That is not bragging. Sorry about that I don't know why some people are the way they are.

I have been through shit too and people act like since I am a man I liked it... I am not getting into it

[Puppystarfish23]

Thank you for understanding I feel like whenever I call out a man people assume it's attack on all men

[Whatever2929292]

People do the same thing to me. I say something about what some women do or what a woman done or I call one out and all the sudden I am a incel, I am sexist, I am misogynistic... the list goes on. It is like give me a break LOL

[Whatever2929292]

Oh you're welcome. People just jump to the wrong conclusions. There are defiantly sexists on this site but

[Staximus]

There's a thing called "situational awareness" and you need to study it, take necessary precautions in your life and do what you can to keep yourself safe and out of trouble. You need to stop being scared and stop being the victim. You need to learn how to stand up for yourself, fight back, and protect yourself. These predatory creeps for some reason see you as an easy target, maybe because you are not standing up for yourself. You need to be a threat to them, not an easy target.

[Puppystarfish23]

I do actually have a massive issue with sticking up for myself

[Blackcosmo]

Try therapy. It will really help you. Emotional trauma is very difficult to deal with or fix yourself.

[LazerBean]

Have you considered moving to a safe town? Because that is not a thing in most places.

[Puppystarfish23]

I have now and the people are a lot nicer but it still doesn't take away the past

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

Some scars never fully heal. All you can do is live the best you can with them.
You have male friends you love. So far so good.
Some will always make you feel uncomfortable, it is what it is. Just don't let it come in the way of you living a good life and forming bonds.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for whatever happened to you but the minute you called others misogynistic I didn’t bother to read anything else you wrote. Hopefully you don’t have to deal with any men ever asking you out ever again.

[Puppystarfish23]

I wouldn't exactly call man trying to kidnap or stalking me "asking me out" but okay. Especially when I was 11 when someone first physically tried to kidnap me and he looked well into his late 20s. People can be misogynistic about it too, I've been asked what I was wearing in response to these things happening to me as if that has something to do with it. Last time I checked I never wear anything that said please try and force me into the back of car

[Avicenna]

It sounds like you would benefit from therapy to find ways to resolve this ir at least cope with it

[Puppystarfish23]

I have thought about it but it's expensive. I sometimes get night terrors and flash backs on rare occasions but I've been so used to blocking it out for years until my stister in law said something that really annoyed and upset me. She basically said I think every man who talks to me fancies me and not every man that finds me attractive is a creep. I never said anything to suggest that I just put my gard up around certain types of men

[Andres77]

I'm sorry you had to go through any of that. It seems like the male friends that you have that make you feel safe are just the tonic you need.
I hope things get better.

[jshm2]

You've just got selective social anxiety, kiddo. You'll grow out of it eventually.

[joeldalton]

Maybe find other things to base your personality on than being a victim.

[Puppystarfish23]

Maybe don't take me talking about things you don't understand so personally

[joeldalton]

then continue to play a victim. No sweat for me.

[Adogdog]

Find a really good guy and you will forget all of that.

[Puppystarfish23]

I have, I have a amazing boyfriend but he can't always be there to make me feel safe. He struggles to understand my fears at times too

[eagle1951]

sounds like you do put yourself in those situations just so you can be rescued from them, or have to fight your way out of them'

[Puppystarfish23]

Yes I asked that man when I was 11 to come through my window on hoilday and try and kidnap me how did you know?

[Puppystarfish23]

Who would have known girls who almost get sex traffic are only doing it for attention? This is exactly what I'm talking about when I say when I try to talk to it ignorant people try to victim blame. How about looking at the guys who try to do these things to young woman instead of trying to blame young woman for them men's attentions. They are men they are capable of making wrong and right decisions

[Puppystarfish23]

Trying to blame young woman for men's actions*

[eagle1951]

wasn't referring to that one but when you go out drinking and some of that other stuff you don't have to be doing

[Puppystarfish23]

So I'm not allowed to enjoy myself because of men

[OddBeMe]

I've had therapy which helped and I’m not nearly as traumatised…

[RobEurope]

Cognituve behavior therapy works well.

[EaterPeter]

You tried therapy?