Does this mean I never wanted (maybe never was) to be a goody-two shoes?

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if the saying people (of both genders) are as loyal as their options applies here in my case too:

During my childhood and early teen years, I've always had problems following up long-conversations. Many times I ran out of topics. Girls obstracized and socially bullied me for that reason. A couple guys joined in too. I hated every moment of it. Then 7th grade was the worst school year ever. The girls manipulated me that dancing would make me popular. They knew very well I didn't know how to dance (and still don't) and that I was trying to desperately fit in. Some guy even dared me to touch my crush's ass and I did. The guy didn't like that but did nothing.

My father pressured me to continue excelling at school. I would bring a book to read at many family reunions. I think the only reason I was the ''quiet, shy bookworm'' with a high grades is because that was my only option at that moment. No one wanted to hang out with me and was getting bullied. So what else I had left? Better than doing nothing I guess.

In my HS years (no longer bullied but not popular either) as soon as I made a couple friends and hang out, I would leave my math homeworks at the last day. My HS crush didn't reciprocated the way I wished he would. I never got hit on in HS. Fast-foward to college and younger adulthood years, I still had few friends, hardly got invited to parties and didn't get hit on much.

Not much luck in my romance life. I had two long-term relationships. I was the faithful girlfriend, family and oriented girlfriend, the reserved and serious woman type that rarely goes to a party. The first ended up being socipath that didn't just use me for sex but for money too. In fact, he was after my family's wealth than my beauty or personality. The 2nd lied and wasted my time.

At age 36, I've made more friends and get invited to parties more often. I rarely say no to that. I've been drinking a bit more too. I've changed by now. Is the saying true for both genders?

Updates

3 mo

I would like to add that even the very few times I got invited to a party during my younger adulthood years (ages 19 and early 20's), when I got invited, I would get drunk and joined conversation at the moment. I would get a bit wild, not much but a bit.

Updates

3 mo

I think I'm the type of person that if given the chance of fame and popularity, that alone would change me. So if someone chances if they got more options in life, they were never goody people by choice?

[Squatting_Slav]

To me, it sound slike others tried to shape who you are, which should never happen. Stay true to what you believe and what you want to do

[Asker]

More than likely. Though at the time (during those formative years), I wanted to be a normal, popular girl that hangs with friends, talks about her latest crush, goes to the movies, does activities with friends, etc.

[Asker]

When I got bullied from grades 4th to 7th and a bit in 8th; it felt like getting robbed out of a fun life as a sociable girl, doing activities with friends, robbed of everything else I wanted to do.

[Squatting_Slav]

I'm sorry t hear that, I felt the same in early school days trying to fit in. People always tried o shape me into what they wanted me to be which was very hard to deal with. The older I got I couldn't care less to the point now where now I'm the man people look up to and respect. It all came from learning the hard way

[Asker]

Yeah I don't care anymore. I'm no longer the reserved, quiet girl many knew me as. I'm assertive, more outgoing and into parties. Whoever doesn't like my present-day version can take a hike. The quiet doesn't exist anymore; she's not coming back ever.

[Squatting_Slav]

Love that. I respect that