I know this is the best decision, but why do I feel so guilty?

Question

I am very pro choice. Always have and always will be. I understand there is counselling for this but it's 3.30 am here and I can't sleep and I have to book it it and it won't be for days.

To be honest, the thought of a 3rd abortion is eating me up. But I know we can't afford it. I have no idea where my life is going to be tomorrow, let alone in a few months.

The pain from last time was beyond awful. I didn't think I would have to go through another one just months later. He said he was ready, but he has decided he isn't now and I can't raise a baby alone.

Adoption is an option but there are so many kids without a home, being abused and so on. It kills me. The pain I'm going to have to go through again.

I am planning to get an iud ASAP. Fully breaking up with my partner and moving on. I often wonder if I will ever be a mother. Being pregnant for the 4th time (loss of pregnancy), with PCOS and nearly 30, I understand time and my fertility will run out.

But I saw my mum who raised 3 children alone, constantly in poverty. And I can't do this to my child. Call me evil. But I can't watch my children suffer because I couldn't afford stuff.

I wonder if I come back to this post, it will comfort me and reassure me. But who knows.

RandomGirl42 · Accepted Answer

You feel guilty because we're conditioned to feel guilty and second guess everything we do. Because to not feel guilty would mean you're secure and confident in YOUR decision that only you can make and only YOU knows is "right" or not. No one can ever decide that for you but they will try. People will judge and ridicule and all of that.

I have learned that it is ok for people to have whatever beliefs they want. I have also learned it is ok for me to not believe them. I have learned the only one I ever, ever have to answer to is the girl in the mirror.

I so admire your strength and courage for daring to be you and stand for what YOU believe in. 💖

Agape93 · Accepted Answer

Because you care, that's why it hurts. I've had two abortions.

I recommend thinking of it like this. You're ending the pregnancy, so you could have the financial and emotional means to have a child later on and be equipped to handle it. Or, just not having one so you can actually live the life you deserve.

ohsheeT · Answer

This is for me and me only I am 1 hundred % pro life. But that is for me and what I believe it.   If I was walking down the street and I was watching by an abortion clinic, and if there was a lady trying to get into it. And if there was protesters
 Badgering her calling her names. Whatever I would step in front of that lady. And I'd say, follow me and I would take her to the doors because that is her choice and only her choice.
 And if somebody tried to stop us, it wouldn't be easy, I'll tell you that much. And I would make sure she got in those doors because it's her right , it's her choice  Now me saying all the above i knew a girl in the Philippines.
 She was 18 and wanted to finish school. Her parents basically abandoned her.
 She lived with some people that owned a store and she had to work in the store too. Pay her rent And 1 day she sent me a message, and she told me she was pregnant and she did not want to have the baby, she wanted to finish school. That was the most important thing to her from day one that I meant her the thing about the Philippines is you can't go to the hospital. It's going to cost you so much, and if you get over-the-counter drugs that are hard to get, they cost lots of money, but then you have to do it on your own, and you have a fifty-fifty chance of dying. It took me 2 days to think about it.
 But I decided to send her the money $300, and she had a fifty-fifty chance of it working. Well, it didn't work.
 And now she's bleeding, she's going through all this stuff. She's not eating right she's dehydrated because she has no money for food. I have to send her another 300 bucks. I sent her 400 and I told her one of her best friends was going to be there with her and I talked to her best friend and I said you do not leave her, you make sure she gets plenty of liquid and food fruits.
 Well, this time it worked. And like
 I said it goes against everything I believe in, but then she sends me a picture of the fetus which p*** me off.
 She did not need to prove it to me. I already knew she was telling me the truth. So I don't know what your beliefs are. But I believe that f***** up but that's something that I'm going to have to deal with is something that I did deal with, but I think you have to do what is right for you, I can't tell you what to do, but if you have no support if you have no insurance. If you have no way to support that child, you have to really think about things, you can still have it. And put it up for adoption your choice and your choice only it's a hard one to make  But whatever you decide
 Make sure you do everything for the right reasons. Or you do everything for your reasons, whatever they may be, you have to wait out if you can't give a child the best of everything. You have to think about, but there's also adoption
You do, it is best for you.\ and child

cherrytreeblossom · Answer

what

so first of all, i am all pro choice. it's women's bodies and a fetus is nothing more than a parasite till the day it is born. women should absolutely consider the father's stance on things, but the decision must be done by a woman and a doctor, noone else, be that a priest, voter or politician. so:

do you mean to tell us that it took you 3 unwanted pregnancies to finally consider contraception?

at this point it doesn't even matter if you're getting an abortion or not, someone this dense and short sighted most likely has a million other problems in life, too. lemme guess: massive debt, maybe crime records, no career to speak of... as bad as things are, would a child really make it any worse? if you gave it another few years, would your life really have improved? please do not misconstrue this as me pressuring you into keeping that child fetus, though.

unless you find someone awesome (most likely infertile) who is happy to bring up someone else's child, you will be left as a single mom for a very long time, at least into their teens (common in my school), maybe even forever. my aunt had 3 miscarriages, ain't nice either. but if you want a man, having someone else's child is gonna be an even harder thing to deal with than merely being questionably fertile and the other points i assumed about you. poor women can easily get men. rich single moms? not so much. criminal women also can easily get men (especially if they at least slightly improve their characters). criminal single moms? good luck! single moms that dont even work? lol

you made your bed, now sleep in it

beenherebefore · Answer

Listen, I don't usually waste time reading long posts like yours but for some reason I did. I've been through what you're going through and understand your situation. I'm sorry that you have to go through this but three times? I know I'm going to sound judgmental but you should know better by now. You need to start contraception ASAP. Abortion is not contraception and how many more times do you need to go through this just to traumatize yourself each time? I got a copper IUD and it has been life changing, I don't like the idea of taking a pill or drugs every day. Think about it. You're still very young and still have many years ahead of you to get your ish together and hopefully one day have the beautiful family you want to have but for now you really need to decide what you want and don't want for your life. I wish you all the best, if you believe in God ask for forgiveness and protection.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

The whole point of “pro-choice” is the fact that it’s a  choice . You can choose to go through with the birth for adoption, you can choose to abort again, you choose to keep it if you decide to do that. There’s no shame in any of these options, just because you hear the worst stories first doesn’t mean they’re the only stories. You can interview families, find one you trust and give the baby to them. You can also still go forward with the termination. Do what you think is best for you and yours, and I’m glad to hear you’re leaving your wishy-washy partner who won’t support you. Don’t feel guilty for knowing what kind of mother you want to be and taking steps to become her, even if that means choosing not to be a mother right now.

OneViewpoint · Answer

You've made some really bad choices. Repeatedly. Stop that. Get that IUD. And demand condoms for guys. I'm pro choice too. But understand that your choices come with consequences. No one can help you with that. You will live with that for the rest of your life. You now have 3 lessons from life. That should be enough. Make better choices for yourself going forward.

NessaEssa · Answer

I've never had a abortion but I have had a miscarriage. I know it hurts not just because it's painful but in the heart too. The decision is yours too make. Everyone has there own reasons and you shouldn't be judged because only you know why you did it. So no you're not evil. Anyways if it was me I would go with adoption.

WonderingManII · Answer

I think you should start researching adoption. Contact those places, and see if they will let you do an interview them. Maybe if you can find a place that feels right to you, maybe that will put your mind at ease. I have also heard that there are places that are willing to help single mothers too.

Twalli · Answer

I fully support your decision, but it might be better to just get a hysterectomy. I got a vasectomy for a similar reason. I could probably financially support a child, but I have genetic things that I really don't want to pass on. I doubt I could be as good of a parent as mine have been, and I know that without my parents help, I would not be where I am now.

Master_Debator · Answer

I can't get past why you're fucking when you don't even want the children that result from fucking. Is it paying your rent? Child support could do that too. And if not... why? You don't even want to make their babies but you be fucking them. That's a lot of fucking behind 4 pregnancies. Just get your tubes tied if you want to be a constant cum dumpster and not worry about it anymore.

shortster · Answer

There are more loving families hoping to adopt a child than there are children being abused or neglected in the adoption system. If you are worried about the system. Go outside of it and find a couple on your own and vet them yourself.

Summeroflove · Answer

If you feel guilty. You have a conscience and somewhere know you did something wrong.

At the end of the day. We could also just euthanize children in the foster care system and abused children. Cause I guess it’s better then that right.

PostHocFallacy · Answer

Yeesh that's rough, don't think anything I can say will help. This sounds like something you'll have to get through the hard way..

Anonymous · Answer

Never seen one of these before? I think abortion is murder. God said there would be no murderers in Heaven , so there are only two place you can go.

AngryCarl3 · Answer

You don't need an abortion if you live in the UK. Benefits for single mothers are very generous in this country.

I'm not here to tell you what to do, but the way you tell it you don't have a choice, and you absolutely do.

BCRanger10 · Answer

Should the child not still be afforded the opportunity for life? Why should potential abuse get in the way of that? Why is that worse?

jahaims · Answer

Abortion is baby murder, not birth control. You have to kill babies because you can't keep your legs closed.

Mike_Hum · Answer

There’s nothing more evil than a mother murdering her own child

Desi_Butcher · Answer

Peace and strength to you

Nerdvana · Answer

What about the abortion is bothering you? What does your husband say?

I know this is the best decision, but why do I feel so guilty?

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