And I mean miserable for sure. I know many people miserable people who think they are better than me because they are in a relationship and I'm not, yet they are miserable in theirs. Are they trying to just please society and fit into general norms, or do they just in denial about their misery even when it's obvious?
This does tend to be true. I know guys right now who are all in relationships and make it a big deal, they put that status up on a pedestal, yet they all still complain about their own wives and girlfriends and half of them admit they wish they either never got involved with them or wish they could still be single out there playing the field. Women are no different. A ton of them are married but still have wandering ways or feel unsatisfied in their marriage, and they will sleep with you at the drop of a hat if the opportunity presents itself.
Yes, all of these love bragging about their relationship status and making sideways jabs at you for not having the same thing, yet they are still so miserable with their own partners. I would rather be single than to ever be like any of them, who very likely got into those relationships out of romantic excitement and a desperation not to be single.
My ex friend almost unalived himself because one of his reasons being his wife yet he insulted me for not having a romantic relationship and he says how he grew as a person when he moved to another state to be with his romantic partner. It seems he has the mentality that you grow as a person once you get a romantic partner and move in with them even if you are miserable?
A guy I know is EXACTLY like what you're talking about, minus trying to take his own life. But yeah, they all think they become wiser than you for being in a relationship or being married. Something ironic? All the bad relationship advice I've ever gotten whether I'm dating or not has almost always come from people already in relationships. People put that status up on a pedestal.
Part of me can understand it with dudes just a tiny bit because guys who are single are usually treated like they should be ashamed of it, or people act like they feel sorry for you. So a lot of dudes want to get out of that misperception and get into a relationship.
I don't care anymore about what most people think when it comes to nonsense. People will judge no matter what. So many people are miserable and what counts is if you are not harming anyone, if it is not anything extreme, than it doesn't matter what people think. People are never satisfied. Life is short. I rather be happy than to just cater to societys expectations and to be miserable.
I posted this because it is something I was pondering about. I am glad I don't need a romantic relationship to be happy. Having friends and family is what I need.
And when it comes to my ex friend do you think he so in denial about being miserable that he actually convinced himself he grew as a person when he moved in with his romantic partner? She is one of the reasons she almost unalived herself.
Like did your miserable friends successfully convince themselves too?
Sometimes doing big or new things in life (like him moving in with her) has the appearance or feel of growing as a person, but is not actually growth. You're just having a new experience in your life. Real growth is when you mature more in your thinking and character, your outlook on life and the world becomes more developed/seasoned, and it can also mean certain things just don't bother you anymore either. If your friend really grew as a person he wouldn't have tried to end it all, he would've rolled with the punches of married life and kept growing and learning.
Unfortunately mine has still convinced himself to go through with a relationship he isn't really happy in, and he puts his relationship status up on a pedestal. That's really the only thing he cares about. He doesn't really like his partner and doesn't want to get married but he's doing it for her and out of fear of being a single man. I've tried talking to him about it but at the end of the day he's a grown man and he has to make his own decisions.
Dang man. Your friend knows deep down that he is miserable but sincerely convinced themselves that they are happy. My ex friend also is so obsessed with his romantic partner now wife. He says how she is all he thinks about, he can't live without her, nothing and no one makes her happy but him. I even joked around before him moving to be with her, that is he would still be her if she joined a criminal group and he said yeah. Also him and her fell romantically in love seconds within talking to each other for the first time ever. And without even seeing each other yet. This was online first.
He worships her that much, huh. He is your classic textbook case guy who makes the girl his whole entire world, setting himself up for massive heartache down the road. He is the type of guy that wives cheat on, because he's being so clingy. I am imagine she's also probably very controlling.
I get that he never had a girlfriend before her but dang that is too desperate and not normal. She is also a mess, she was super overweight (not talking shit about overweight people, just saying due to her depression she overate) and than when he moved to be with her in person (from Cali to Florida) she got too overweight to the point of not being on an airplane and refused to work. I think like 300 something or 400 something pounds.
He is a wuss huh?
@manonfire he did force her to lose weight or at least tried to, by having her at her parents house on a diet. But he was still a simp. Anything anyone said about her, etc he got over defensive to an exaggeration. By the way I tired of his shit of becoming a lousy friend sometime during over in another state, since I had to initiate nearly all the time, etc and all of a sudden he got mad and said how I am an adulterer just because I told him to look at a woman's ass in person before he even met her in person and it was just looking, and he said how I kept doing it, and than I was still inappropriate when talking about women when we talked online, when he was over there (once again never told him to cheat, etc) BUT I eventually stopped for good, yet he brings it up later on. Makes a big deal out of looking and talking about women (it was wrong but I didn't tell him to cheat and also I stopped). He than said he wants to end the friendship. He was all playing victim.
My God this dude is so dramatic like a female. You most definitely needed to get out of that friendship. People like that just become more toxic and will drain you dry over time. I had to end a friendship with a female friend of mine AGAIN a while back when she was just getting to be too much at that point too. These people have to find their own way and learn from their own bad decisions.
He became a narcissist sometime when he moved. He was good at responding and making time to talk to me but all of a sudden I had to initiate all the time, he took weeks to months to respond, he mostly only hit me up first for my birthday, extreme stuff, or when he needed something. He said"I hate talking on the phone" The thing is before he hated talking on the phone as well but he still worked to hit me up first if I didn't, hang out, etc. But when he pulled this shit sometime when he moved, he didn't give a fuck when I told him and my dumbass put up with it. I told him to please do it and he was like "I would hit you up on the video game system if you had it." I told him numerous times how my home doesn't have a thing to connect for a video game console. If he actually cared he would hit me up first at times regardless of anything. What if I died or something. He became selfish when he moved. And him acting like a complete bitch"you could have told me nicely." When I cussed him out because I had it with his shit and I told him already nicely numerous times before. Him saying how I sin , etc yet he does sins like moved in with his wife before marriage, etc. And he is like"you tried to make me look at a woman's ass in Walmart, and you failed, you would never make me fail my religion." Like bro, you bringing up shit from a shit load of years ago, and you acting like it is the end of the world for me telling you to look is pathetic. And to top it off thinking he is a perfect or better Christian. What a puss weirdo. What did your ex friend say or do?
Ahhh he's one of THOSE Christians. Makes perfect sense now.
Years back we had a falling out because she doesn't know to respect a man and I wouldn't tolerate it. A few years later we reconnected but I was shocked to see she got herself into a mess with a guy who doesn't even care about her. She became too draining and needy for me to deal with. She was the one who got angry with me because she messed up, and we haven't spoken since. I'm okay with it. I had already been thinking things weren't going to work out again anyway.
Yeah became a judgy and hypocritical one. And dang man. Sorry about that regarding her. A lot of hurt people hurt people, but they need to not be that way with people that are not doing anything bad to them. You for example, you were a good friend. She kept being an idiot. It is like most people like getting treated like shit or something. Good people are taken advantage of, treated like shit, etc. That is good you don't let it get to you anymore. It's the same with many people that have done me wrong. Most people are assholes, so I have gotten used to it. I have become densensitized a lot of times people treat me like shit, because I have gotten used to it and tired of getting pissed and sad over it.
I think I needed to hear this. She definitely took me for granted, and deep down she did seem to like being treated like shit. She was your classic girl who gravitates towards cruddy men, yet seemed to hold me to a higher standard or expectation. I couldn't take it anymore. I got tired. Maybe one day we will run into each other around town, and maybe it'll be an opportunity for her to fix things. I hope it's something she thinks about.
@ManonFire it is not my business but don't be a pushover with her. Unfortunately most people take people being too nice as a weakness. You can be a good friend but if she keeps disrespecting you and you don't do much, that is not good. I kept going that with my ex friend, even though I stopped being a pushover with many people. He was an exception because of our history but after what happened , I will no longer be a pushover.
That is good you won't back down on defending yourself. Have you noticed how most people are assholes? Here in America.
And it is so common for people to be assholes here that people let certain asshole things slide. People in this country are assholes. Most not all, I tell people when someone has used me , only hit me up for money, they blame me and just say that person is wrong but not an asshole as a personality. While I admit, I am dumb for how I used to be a pushover, it still doesn't mean people should take advantage. People excuse bad actions here all the time. Peoples priorities are weird. They judge someone that is single for going to a strip club or having sex while not in a relationship, marriage yet they don't judge harshly people being leeches to their own friends, family, etc.
@manonfire what do you think?
@manonfire my latest reply to you.
@manonfire there are people that I told what my friend did and just say"he is not a person to trust," but don't say he is a bad person for using someone that was good to him. And there are people that say they have to meet him in person again to see how he is now. I am like"Just because he may be a certain way with you, regardless if he is genuine nice to you, doesn't mean he is a good person," there are people that are genuinely nice to people without faking it, but their personality is still an asshole because they are a piece of shit to other people, like my friend was to me. People are so weird huh?
The funny part? A lot of times those same people who say that kind of stuff - "he's always nice to me" or "I'd have to meet him in person" - are usually the same ones who will judge a good person as bad in a minute just because they did or said something they didn't like. Pure evil.
Exactly. For example, as soon as a good person defends themselves and cussed someone out rightfully, all of a sudden they are an asshole. People in America are backwards. Treating good people like shit and bad people well. A good person that is single going to strip clubs as a lustful pig but a person using a good person and manipulating and lying to them to get money from them, is just a person needing a favor. One time I told a woman online how I was used, and she said the famous line"I would have to meet that person in person to know what type of person they are and know their side, but you sleeping around with women, I don't like that." She is contradicting herself. She doesn't know me in person yet is judging me off the bat for sleeping with a lot of women. Yet doesn't judge the other person for what they did to me. People act like it is the end of the world for lust, premarital sex, but not for people lying and manipulation, using. Lmao.
There are many people out there that would rather be in a shitty relationship than single. Many people view being single almost as being a leper. I have being single for a long time and am content on being as I am. Many years ago I used to feel ashamed because I was single but I slowly realized it is very peaceful life; women tend to bring chaos and drama into a man's life. When every I would visit my married guy friends they always seemed desperate to go out and get away from the wife.
Take that as you will.
My ex friend said he grown as a person just because he got his first girlfriend and than got married, moved in with her. He admitted that she is one of the reasons he wanted to unalive himself. He is in complete denial.
@Texaskid1 "women tend to bring chaos and drama into a man's life." - This is something very true that has kind of made me less eager to be married too. The older I've gotten the more I came to see that women really do seem to love chaos and disarray like you said. They gravitate towards it, whether they cause it or someone else is dealing with it, they just seem to love it period.
@texaskid1there are people under my post saying that it is possible a person I know still grew as a person despite that one of the reasons he almost liked himself was his romantic partner. Make that make sense? How could have someone grew as a person if the almost killed himself? It seems most people go to the extreme that it is better being in a romantic relationship in which you almost die than be single.
What an interesting question and observation, it is common because our society likes to box us that we are require to be in a relationship to soley be happy to follow the social norms. But truth is… we’re simply happy doing what we want rather that’s being in a relationship or happily on our own.
Those unhappy couples may also be projecting and creating pressure… One up the single individuals who are doing just fine.
We all are on our own journey and destinations :)
My ex friend told me he grew as a person because he moved in with his girlfriend and married her yet she is one reasons why he almost unalived himself. The fuck?
Stupid huh?
Of course. And whenever they come across a single person that is free or that simply doesn't see being in a relationship as a priority unless it's for the right reasons they feel threatened somehow because it calls into question their decision to be part of a pair even if that means being unhappy.
My ex friend insulted me saying how I don't have a romantic partner yet he almost unalived himself because of his yet he says how he grew as a person because he got a romantic relationship and moved in with her. Tf? Trying to convince himself or convinced himself so badly?
A bit of both. Never let anyone convince you you're not worthy because you are not in a relationship.
Both of what? That he is trying to convince himself or convinced himself already? Are those the two things you are referring to? Or are you saying he grew as a person?
What did you mean?
Opinion
9Opinion
You’re absolutely right about this but so many people don’t want to be alone even if they’re miserable and unhappy with a toxic person or just stringing a good person along wasting his/her time because they’re selfish.
It’s much better to find the right person you’re absolutely right
My ex friend said he grown as a person just because he got married and moved in with her but he later admitted she is one of the reasons he wanted to unalive himself. Complete denial to the point of gaslighting himself that he is happy.
I notice this ALL the time , in Thailand and in Australia , these are horrendous toxic relationships that are utterly soul destroying and these people walk around with a superior edge , it's completely ludicrous.
Ps ; Your grammar is fine , and better than so many here.
America too. My ex friend almost unalived himself because of his romantic partner yet he says he grew as a person when he moved in with her, got married, etc. Wtf? Grew as a person because he got in a relationship despite that being one of the reasons he almost unalived himself or he is being in denial so bad?
yeah they are trying to please society and despite being miserable they still believe they are above everyone because they bought into the idea that being in a relationship is the main goal in life.
but in reality they just want to bring you to their level... dont fall for it
My ex friend almost unalived himself for one reason being his wife yet he tells me how he grew as a person when he moved in with her in another state. Wtf?
yeah the ones who go through the worst experiences are usually the ones that act the most self righteous for some weird reason
What is it with people thinking they grew as a person even though they almost unalived themselves because of one other person?
I noticed more men complaining about being single than people in relationship being open my misérable people being in misérable relationship to what i be seen around me are usuallybolder people with children who stay for the child but end up divorcing anyway
they aren't miserable. every relationship has it's issues and problems. There is no universal perfect relationship where everything is 100% happy. But... dealing with a relationship is better than sitting at home all lonely, alone and neglected. Nobody loves you, nobody cares about you and nobody is ever there for you.
Not being in a romantic relationship doesn't equal alone. Their are friends, family, and other people that you love and you. The thing is for you to see them often in person. Americans think romantic relationships are the only love and think they are lonely without it, whereas other countries hang out constantly with other people. England and Canada too have the American mentality too. And I said miserable relationships not ones with occasional problems. There is a difference.
let me tell you something... your parents will die off... your siblings will get married... or move away from you... friends come and go and most of them aren't even reliable.
No friend will pay your bills once you lose your job... even siblings will never do that for you...
There is no substitute for getting married... not friends, not family.
and just think about all the cuddling, affection, massages you can get from a spouse. Your friend won't do that for you. Neither would your parents.
and it gets worse as you get older... once your body starts breaking down and grow old and ill... you have no kids... no one to rush to your bedside who would worry about you. Your life matters to no one. Nobody cares that you are sick and in enormous pain. Your life means nothing to anyone.
you aren't even sure if anyone will show up to your funeral
@ManOnFire
Women can't work while pregnant... or while caring for 3 kids or being in pain after a c section. That's why women need a man who has enough money to support a family. Women who don't have to work a job tend to be healthier and be able to provide better care for their kids
@ManOnFire
A man who can provide his wife and children a good life is not a shitty man
A shitty man is a man who forces his wife to work while 8 months heavily pregnant, standing on her feet 8 to 12 hrs a day. Then a few weeks after giving birth, she needs to return to work before having healed.
A shitty man is a man who cannot support a family and hands his kids over to strangers to raise
You're not listening. When women stay with shitty men, they are staying with men who don't take care of them. Half the time the guys are abusing them. They don't make money, and they don't care how she feels. But a lot of women stay with them because they don't want to be alone or not have a roof over their head.
@ManOnFire
men are the same way. Studies show that men actually benefit more from marriage than women. Married men live longer than single men. Married women don't necessarily live longer than single women
I've noticed this as well. When a person brags about their relationship too much is usually a sign that something's off.
I had a friend who said to me how he grown as a person since he moved to Florida to be with his girlfriend and than marry her, yet he admitted to me eventually how she was one of the reasons he was about to unalive himself. And he was throwing a jab at me it seems since I never had a girlfriend. Is it just trying to convince himself he is happy? Many people convince themselves they are happy when they are miserable.
I believe both could be true. He moved for her, married her and she's probably taking advantage because he does everything for her and gets little in return. He probably keeps going back and forth between staying with her or leaving and is most likely embarrassed to admit the relationship is not that great because he's done too much for her and tries too hard to prove to others that the relationship is good when is not.
@beenherebefore do you agree that being in a romantic relationship or moving in with a romantic partner does not= grown as a person? People give too much importance on that alone. Societal status does not equal grown as a person.
You definitely grow as a person and your relationship if it’s a healthy one will evolve as well when you move in together. but what he’s saying or his actions are contradictory.
He is too desperate for a romantic relationship. I think it is because of having a tough life before having his first girlfriend. His mom is a bitch and a narcissist. Most of his extended family from his mom and dads side are assholes too. When he fell romantically in love with her before even meeting her in person, jokingly I said"would you still be in a relationship with her if she joined IS.." And he said yeah and that he may unalive himself if they broke up. Years later when he was over there already he said, how she is all that he thinks about, he can't live without her, he can't relate to anyone, her emotional state not getting better. She had mental issues. So he is the type of person that NEEDS a relationship to be happy. And he did move with the right intentions but now he is just in denial and he has a history of being in denial over tough moments. Like his mom saying messed up stuff when she was drunk, and he knows people say what they mean when they are drunk. He mentioned it before but he still used the excuse "She was drunk."
"trouble in paradise" 🏝️ 🤭 was my go to response reading the question and reading your first answer @beenherebefore of such couples indeed 💖 agreed
@NicholasofAustralia read my latest reply to her and tell me what you think of my friends situation.
Because people make choices based on emotional issues and not there brains. They pick people wishing they were compatible. Guys pick on looks or how she treats him , maybe what she gives him sexually. Women will pick a guy that seems successful and with their heart hoping she can change the negative things.
Have you noticed how many single people derive pleasure from other people's miserable relationships?
Those people would be miserable no matter what but having someone to look down on makes them feel a little better about themselves
My ex friend claims he grew as a person because he moved in with his romantic partner yet he almost unalived himself because of her. It seems he has the mentality that even though you are in a miserable relationship you still grow because you are in one? Or he is in denial about being unhappy
I don't doubt he was unhappy but it is nice to have someone to do things with and not be physically alone too much. He wasn't miserable 24/7 and he got something out of it surely. But someone people view being in a relationship as an accomplishment that they CAN get one and that single people aren't, they can't.
He almost unalived himself because of her though. And even after he was about to do it he admitted to me he is miserable. And it is one thing to want a relationship, but to NEED one is not good. He has the mentality he has to have one. You seriously think he grew as a person even though he was about to end his life? And not having a romantic partner doesn't mean alone. American culture says that too much. There are friends and family you can spend time with a lot. And that is a form of love. And the right friends and family.
And her being one of the reasons he was about to unalive himself means he didn't grow as a person. He almost ended his life for Pete's sake.
If you live with them, sure. But living alone means you are frequently actually physically lonely. It doesn't mean you feel lonely always. I hated living alone. It was awful. Only he knows if he grew or not. I just said he had to be getting something out of it. If there is literally nothing, then he wouldn't have been in it regardless of being suicidal. Maybe it was that he needs one. I don't know him so I can only tell you so much.
One thing for sure is that he was projecting when he insulted me for not having a romantic relationship and that I need one to be happy. Many people think that everyone thinks like them. I told him how I don't need a relationship to be happy. I am happy with family and friends. People are different. I told him if it happens, it happens, if it never happens that is fine too. What I need is family and friends. It is obvious he is not satisfied with family and friends alone and needs a romantic relationship as well. He is projecting huh?
I stopped being friends with him. He changed and became a lousy friend but the only reason I brought him up cause an example of my question. People need to stop thinking everyone has the mentality that they need to have a romantic relationship to be happy.
Well, some people think that and whether they should or not, they do. But if you don't want to be in one, then don't. You're not friends anymore so it's kinda random you're suddenly up in arms about some opinion he told you one time that you don't have to hear from him about anymore.
I said it was an example, I didn't ask the question because of him. As we were talking I just brought him up. Cause he almost unalived himself regarding this topic.
lol that’s crazy tho…If not good relationship then single. Period
My ex friend told me he grew as a person because he got a romantic relationship yet she is one of the reasons he almost unalived himself. Wtf
Not as much as I've noticed miserable single people who think they're better off than anyone in any kind of relationship. LOL
@beenherebefore was very accurate - I also think to myself "trouble in paradise" - 🏝️ 🤭 with a chuckle - of such couples
People who need to be in a relationship tend to feel that way.
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