Freelancer - you don't get the quote obviously. It is about the fact that reality sets in. A womans loyalty is tested when there is nothing and you have 'ghetto kids and crappy apartments' - that is exactly the point. And when men are powerful and wealthy they have idiotic women throwing themselves at them and therefore their loyalty is tested.
This saying sound so clever, wise and everything - YET when it comes to YOU, the truth is you don't really want to know how truly loyal are the people around you - some things are better to remain unknown, being ignorant but happy is better than being all-seeing but jaded.
I completely disagree on that. Speak for yourself. I'd never want to live a lie. If my GF/wife was being unfaithful, I'd want to know. If I was going to die from cancer in a few months, I'd want to know.
I am in the same position although my boyfriend has a job... makes a dollar more an hour than me and still has no money to show for it. If I can save money then there's something wrong here if he's making more and I'm footing the bill most times. Ugh. Like it bothers me that sometimes he "literally doesn't even have A dime in his bank account " -according to him. That is a red flag for me. I grew up with a strong father figure and he raised me to seek out those qualities in a potential life partner. So I'm torn on what to do...
As long as he is spending every free hour putting in applications and working to improve his situation stick with him. When he starts to use you as a support move away. You do not want to become a facilitator and allow him to stop trying.
I've already thought about that, but that's an oversimplified assessment of the situation. I wouldn't leave him because he doesn't have a good job, but rather because my own financial circumstances may not allow me to have a fulfilling relationship with someone who can't at least support themselves. If my partner had to break things off because they couldn't afford to support me as well, I'd be sad, but I'd understand.
We've been together for a little less than 4 months. I do care deeply about him, which is why I've toughed it out this long. I feel some of the answerers are missing the point - that I make just barely enough to support myself, so supporting another person is adding more stress. I think you might "count grocery" if you were living on a very strict food budget. I don't want "pretty little things," I just want to keep the relationship satisfying without emptying my wallet.
I don't think there is an answer. I've persevered this long - I'm just in a difficult situation and looking for advice/support. What annoys you about the question?
Because up until recently, this is what men have been doing. Quite a few people think that they should still be doing it as evidenced by what you said that you're friends and family have said to you.
Also, it's a nice little fantasy of mine to end up with a girl that actually cares about you and isn't going to run when times get tough. People aren't made that way anymore, I guess. Those are the reasons why I'm annoyed by it.
I can understand that. However, we've been dating for 4 months and times didn't "get tough" - they've been tough the whole time. I've been sticking it out because I didn't want to be that person who'd "run when times got tough." But now there are actual financial repercussions to deal with and we don't have a history of "good times" to fall back on. It's only natural that I'd need words of encouragement. If I were being superficial or holding a double standard, I'd have left already.
I'm sick of the guys saying that this girl is anti- feministic. Feminism is about equality between men and women not women being better. That is pseudo feminism.
but the idea of having one sex being more powerful over the other is not a feminist ideal. equality between the sexes is. It is a bastardisation of an original concept. Same thing happened to communism.. jesus how did this get to communism.
who are we to tell you what to do? My boyfriend lost his job and I'm supporting him financially and it is rough! I think as long as he is trying give that to him but if you are unhappy then leave. Its only your choice
Hang in there. Things can change very quickly. My girlfriend and I have enough to support ourselves independently. I think that is a good thing. It works for us.
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Anonymous
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+1 y
I'm in your same position and I actually came on here to find answers for myself. If you wanna talk, let me know.
I understand why you might say that. However, from some of the comments that have been made to me by others on the subject, I think I've been supportive of things a lot of girls wouldn't put up with. It might be different if I was just upset that he'd never bought me anything or paid for me when we go out. I'm a new-age woman - I don't need anyone to pay for me. This is about actual financial constraints. Thanks for your input, though.
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"A woman's loyalty is tested when her man has nothing. A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything."
Fascinating stuff.
Quite true.
Who said that? Marvellous!
Hell if I know, I just heard it somewhere.
Attribute it to Abe Lincoln, I guess.
This is all nice and romantic but not practical. When you add ghetto kids and crappy apartments to the picture.. reality sets in again.
Damn, that's the best quote I've heard in a while.
Freelancer - you don't get the quote obviously. It is about the fact that reality sets in. A womans loyalty is tested when there is nothing and you have 'ghetto kids and crappy apartments' - that is exactly the point. And when men are powerful and wealthy they have idiotic women throwing themselves at them and therefore their loyalty is tested.
This saying sound so clever, wise and everything - YET when it comes to YOU, the truth is you don't really want to know how truly loyal are the people around you - some things are better to remain unknown, being ignorant but happy is better than being all-seeing but jaded.
I completely disagree on that. Speak for yourself. I'd never want to live a lie. If my GF/wife was being unfaithful, I'd want to know. If I was going to die from cancer in a few months, I'd want to know.
Ignorance isn't bliss.
Be careful what you wish for.
I am in the same position although my boyfriend has a job... makes a dollar more an hour than me and still has no money to show for it. If I can save money then there's something wrong here if he's making more and I'm footing the bill most times.
Ugh. Like it bothers me that sometimes he "literally doesn't even have A dime in his bank account " -according to him. That is a red flag for me. I grew up with a strong father figure and he raised me to seek out those qualities in a potential life partner. So I'm torn on what to do...
If money is the reason, it is a really stupid reason.
Money couldn't make me break up with someone, the person would have to make me.
To me, money is the root to all evil.
As long as he is spending every free hour putting in applications and working to improve his situation stick with him. When he starts to use you as a support move away. You do not want to become a facilitator and allow him to stop trying.
How would you feel if the tables were turned? Would you expect him to dump you when he has to support you because you don't get enough hours at work?
I've already thought about that, but that's an oversimplified assessment of the situation. I wouldn't leave him because he doesn't have a good job, but rather because my own financial circumstances may not allow me to have a fulfilling relationship with someone who can't at least support themselves. If my partner had to break things off because they couldn't afford to support me as well, I'd be sad, but I'd understand.
and then you get the stupid bitches that say "money is not an issue, I only want him to love me" FML!
Do you love him? What are your feelings towards him?
if she loved him she wouldn't be asking this question.
totally agree... love isn't about money or pretty little things...
Some people understand love in a different manner. To say of me, I would never count grocery that I buy for the mutual dinner
We've been together for a little less than 4 months. I do care deeply about him, which is why I've toughed it out this long. I feel some of the answerers are missing the point - that I make just barely enough to support myself, so supporting another person is adding more stress. I think you might "count grocery" if you were living on a very strict food budget. I don't want "pretty little things," I just want to keep the relationship satisfying without emptying my wallet.
And I guess he is not a student anymore?
maybe there just sincerely hasn't been enough time for true love to grow YET sheesh, people don't be so harsh
I'm really annoyed by this question, but do you think you can take this any longer? (as if I didn't know the answer)
I don't think there is an answer. I've persevered this long - I'm just in a difficult situation and looking for advice/support. What annoys you about the question?
Because up until recently, this is what men have been doing. Quite a few people think that they should still be doing it as evidenced by what you said that you're friends and family have said to you.
Also, it's a nice little fantasy of mine to end up with a girl that actually cares about you and isn't going to run when times get tough. People aren't made that way anymore, I guess. Those are the reasons why I'm annoyed by it.
I can understand that. However, we've been dating for 4 months and times didn't "get tough" - they've been tough the whole time. I've been sticking it out because I didn't want to be that person who'd "run when times got tough." But now there are actual financial repercussions to deal with and we don't have a history of "good times" to fall back on. It's only natural that I'd need words of encouragement. If I were being superficial or holding a double standard, I'd have left already.
I'm sick of the guys saying that this girl is anti- feministic. Feminism is about equality between men and women not women being better. That is pseudo feminism.
pseudo feminists are the ones with all the power, then.
but the idea of having one sex being more powerful over the other is not a feminist ideal. equality between the sexes is. It is a bastardisation of an original concept. Same thing happened to communism.. jesus how did this get to communism.
who are we to tell you what to do? My boyfriend lost his job and I'm supporting him financially and it is rough! I think as long as he is trying give that to him but if you are unhappy then leave. Its only your choice
Hang in there. Things can change very quickly. My girlfriend and I have enough to support ourselves independently. I think that is a good thing. It works for us.
I'm in your same position and I actually came on here to find answers for myself. If you wanna talk, let me know.
Sure thing! Shoot me a message, if you like.
I will, I'm sending you a message now
I sent you a request
Well roles have changed and there is nothing wrong about the girl been the provided nowadays.
If you really care for him you will put aside the fact he doesn't need to buy you stuff and work through the tough times
It could work, it all depends on how much you love him.
set a date when you want him to get a job and dump him if he doesn't
You're shallow...
I understand why you might say that. However, from some of the comments that have been made to me by others on the subject, I think I've been supportive of things a lot of girls wouldn't put up with. It might be different if I was just upset that he'd never bought me anything or paid for me when we go out. I'm a new-age woman - I don't need anyone to pay for me. This is about actual financial constraints. Thanks for your input, though.
I disagree, if you really loved him, you'd stick with him and help him find a job or something.
I am helping him find a job.
Or helping him in his search, I should say.
You should do it