My Ex boyfriend gave me money even though I am dating another guy. I am really mixed up, what should I do?

[soupfairy]

My ex and had been together for almost 3 few years and planning to marry when things went south very quickly. We tried to work thing out but after a few months of him telling me I should Move on, and ignoring the crap out of me, I started seeing someone else. I have been seeing the new gentlemen just a few months. I like him a lot and we have decided to be exclusive, but its still not that serious. we only see each other a few times a week for a few months, but it has real long-term potential.

When my ex and I split, finances became very difficult for me. I had went back to school with his blessing a year earlier. I had to move out of his place and had some money saved but started looking for work immediately and living off of my savings in the meantime. It took a while and i ran out of money right before i started my new job. I was terrified of not being able to pay my rent or car payment, and i also have school and a toddler. So, not having any family to turn to, I asked the closest person to me that I thought could help: My ex.

So, My ex gave me money, and was very rude about it. it comes out that i guess he wants me back since he found out I have a new guy. But I had tried to work things out with him before i started seeing the new guy and my ex was the worst way about it. strung me along like Taylor Swift. and I loved him and still do, I just don't want to be hurt anymore. I dont trust him anymore. I dont want to hurt him either though. The money complicates things, even regardless of the new guy. but he is the only person that I can apparently depend on in a crisis. I also feel like he wouldn't do that if he didn't care about me, its really bittersweet and confusing.

Please let me know if you have any advice on this weird kind of situation, be gentle. remember, no one ever WANTS to ask their ex for ANYTHING. I didn't cheat or leave him for another dude, it just didn't work out and i was left in a tough situation, which he felt (appropriately) guilty for.

[Coolbeans777]

At th end of th day... You ex is upset that you moved on... At th same time he's a man by being a provider for you!!! Regardless your situationship w th new guy... Signs he still has a lot of love for you!!! I'm th same way that why I can relate... Being that you with this new guy an he's not trying to help (Don't know if you told him or not)... That's signs of not caring about your security bs your ex caring about your well being!!! I'll say you an your ex need to fix because neither one of y'all seem to be over eachother why because y'all still interact good or bad! & this new guy is a rebound take your time but... Me being a male that dealt w alotta women... Women want financial security from a man... as far as romantic & emotional level of things a woman can teach a man that aspect of th relationship... Good lucc!

[soupfairy]

yeah the new guy and I have only been dating for a few months. not even long enough to discuss money at all, let alone ask for a loan. i wouldn't even know him well enough to have accepted money if he would have offered. so i did not ask, and he did not know. I explained to him after I did it and he was understanding and said as long as i didn't have to do anything weird to get the money he wasn't upset about it.

[b0g101]

You dont trust your ex, im guessing emotionally, because he seems to be someone you'd depend on if it wasn't a mess, but it is. If you dont want him in your life you need to cut ties and let go of depending on him in any way. If you want to be friends, i hope you can be, good luck. I hope he didn't loan you that money in a manipulative way but in a caring way, but only he really knows that, and hopefully you. Make your best choice. As for your new guy, if i was him the situation and drama maybe a bit of a problem but not something i couldnt talk through if i really liked the relationship... i could be understanding of the padt you have with him is all, though id need to know where things stand.

[crazy_one01]

Ok. I'm going say this gently. Cut. Ties. Your ex is giving you money and it's not out of the goodness of his heart. It's conditional. You know unconditional love? Yeah? This is not it. You don't want to rely on your ex for anything.. he will just use it as a guilt trip to try and get you back.. ie. "Look what I've done for you.. I care.. nobody else is there for you except me. I'm all you've got". BAD. VERY bad. Do yourself a favour and close the door fully on that relationship. Continue pursuing this new guy. You only love your ex.. Cuz he's familiar. Safe. Learn to become independent so you can rely on yourself.

[Juleve]

Save up, pay him back and cut ties.
Your ex is only temporarily jealous but the fact is he was only telling you that "you should move on" because he thought there was something else out there for him.
It was nice of him to help you out but you definitely shouldn't be involved with him any longer.
He's just resentful that you found someone else first and if you did go back you would lose that value and he'd just feel like he won and get bored again.
Don't waste your time on him, he gave up on you!

[OlderAndWiser]

If I was the new guy and I learned about this, you would never hear from me or see me again.

[indoMATTable]

just because he gives you money doesn't mean he cares about you. unfortunately money is one of the many was people like to abuse power , and control others. it sounds like he is just trying to use, and manipulate you. it also sounds like he just wants you back out of jealousy not care. also did you trying depending on your new guy? one of the things we want most in a relationship is to feel like our partner can depend on us. in the end I say go with your first instinct. if you think there is long term potential with the new guy I would say go with that, and try to separate your self as much as possible from your ex. also don't let him use his money as leverage on your heart. it doesn't sound like your ex is in a healthy place or healthy for you. old romances go old for a reason

[Pie-Rack44]

Your boyfriend didn't want to see you stuck but wanted to protect his own feelings as guys are emotionally brittle that way, with guys it's important to focus on what they do not what they say. He done you a solid for you so sometime if he is in need return the favour. Also pay him back when you get the chance to keep yourself respect.

[Pie-Rack44]

Also he may not want you back, he may just not have wanted to see you and your kid in the gutter and was pissed at having to bail you out.

[soupfairy]

he said he it wasn't because of the money. he was mad because he wanted me back, and i guess felt like i must have known if i had the balls to ask for money, even though he didn't tell me sooner.

[sreeteja143]

I don't wanna say any single word again! because I totally agree with you.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

It's nice your ex helped you out financially I would
just try staying on friendly terms with him don't push
him away but the new guy your seeing remember he's
got feelings so you want play things cool with both but
still show the new guy that you care your ex might be
trying to get back with you hard to say just play things
with a fine fiddle and see where things go.

[JSith]

It sounds like he wants to move past you, and is trying to hate you, but he can't help but care about you and how you're doing. It's honestly hard to tell without knowing the two of you.

[vittle1999]

Treat it as a loan for now n pay him back when u can. If you accept the money for free, Ur ex might expect things from you that you might not be able to give.

[Logorithim]

If I were your current boyfriend, I'd be furious about this. You should have talked to him first about your financial situation.

[soupfairy]

i get that but wouldn't you run anyway if the girl you just started seeing a few months ago hits you up because she can't pay her bills? I considered that but it seemed lose/lose to me. and if he was gonna be mad i needed my rent paid either way.

[Logorithim]

The main problem here is a lack of communication, and communication is vital in a relationship. I'd rather she hit me up for money if she is in an exclusive relationship with me than asking her ex without my knowledge. I'd probably break up with you over this- if you can't come to me about this, what else are you concealing?

[Logorithim]

As far as the financial aspect goes, it would depend on what I understood to be her financial situation when we first started seeing each other and just how much money she needed and for how long. If the situation is too messed up, I'd bail, but not automatically.

[soupfairy]

fair. i wouldn't have blamed him if he did. he actually didn't and was pretty understanding.

[soupfairy]

but to be fair. its not so much concealed as like "none of his business" some people just dont think its appropriate to discuss money at all very early in a relationship. and i think we are both those types of people.

[Logorithim]

As I said, it's above all a trust/communication thing. One thing I didn't think of earlier- is the ex who loaned you the money the father of your child?

[soupfairy]

no he isn't.

[Logorithim]

Since you're a single parent, I'd definitely had a discussion with you about finances at the beginning of the relationship because I'd need to know if you needed/expected some financial help on a regular basis.

[Logorithim]

I think you should break off contact with your ex once you've paid him back. Your current boyfriend deserves to be the only man in your life.

[soupfairy]

he has an idea of what i will be making once i graduate as we work in the same field. typically, the monthly budget isn't something i discuss until talk of cohabitation starts.

[Logorithim]

If I were dating a single woman without a kid, I wouldn't ask about her finances, but if I started dating a single mom who's a Student, I'd definitely bring up the subject, and it's not something that should be treated as "None of someone's Business". I'd simply ask if she's receiving child Support for the kid and how she is supporting yourself while studying. Someone who cares about you will want to know those things. If you're not receiving child spport, I'd assume that you have financial difficulties and would want a clear answer so I'd know what I'm getting into.

[Gracefulhippo]

Don't you remember? She said they're not that serious yet. Why should she tell him, and why would he help her?

For example, my mother wound up with carpal tunnel syndrome, and was laid off from work. Her then boyfriend booked it outta there thinking she was going to depend on him.

I get that you think she should tell the person she's seeing before she goes to the ex, but I wouldn't tell a girl my financial problems if we haven't even been a month strong.

[Logorithim]

I would tell her, even if I weren't asking her for financial assistance. She also said that they were exclusive.

[El_Prez]

Pay him back and move on from him. It would suck that an ex would come back to ask you for money.

You're not looking good in this situation and I'm sure there is more to this story. Am I right?

[soupfairy]

well were together for 3 years, so of course there is more to the story. but the matter of the fact is, i tried to reconcile before this and he didn't want to. i was in a desperate situation that he helped create, so i asked him for help. I plan to pay him back in about 6 months when i graduate and can work full time again.

[El_Prez]

He obviously care about you. And it probably sucks that you're with someone else and yet you have to rely on him. So he's probably hurting rn.

*I'm not saying you're wrong for asking him for help. You just need to look at it from his perspective.

[soupfairy]

yeah. and i still feel awful for asking and even hurting him, but I don't know what to do. He ignored me and was hurtful for so long that i feel like if the new guy were out of the picture things would go back to being bad between us pretty quickly. my ex abandoned me and i just can't trust him like i used to, even though he bailed me out. Especially considering there is money involved i think i would feel cheap or resent him because of what i could have had with someone else if i gave him another shot. but maybe he deserves it? I dont know.

[El_Prez]

Hey, don't let your new boyfriend know about this because things may get awkward. Just try to pay your ex off as quickly as possible and move on with your life. The best thing is for him to be out of your life completely or else you'll never move on and be happy.
Good luck 👍👍

[Iamaguy4real]

It sounds like he got tired of you, tried to move on, but once he realized he couldn't do that, he wanted you back & wanted an excuse for try to get back to you.

[Lutherthesaint]

He is trying to get you back but in a cheap way. He shouldn't have done it that way

[Nice222]

Just because it didn’t work out and he is a Ex doesn’t mean he isn’t human. I mean if someone I knew was in a bad place money wise I would help them out.

[Robert0112358134]

Shouldn't have accepted his money after you guys broke up.

[Anon-ymous1]

Why would he give you money, but then be rude about it? Weird.

[leftygriffy]

I can see that happening lol you miss the memories but with time people change but the feelings always stay there

[Coolbeans777]

Just yesterday I purchased my ex a pair of shoes an Left on her door step... Just because... Sometimes we do things we don't even know why then get mad at ourselves about it lol because we shitted ourselves trying to please th ungrateful

[leftygriffy]

I'm in that same boat bro

[Coolbeans777]

@leftygriffy I'll pray for us both bro lol

[leftygriffy]

We need a good smack over the head with that prayer hahaha

[Coolbeans777]

@leftygriffy lololol

[aroraashok4428]

You should go back to your ex and clear all the things

[hotstuff85]

just take the money and thank him

[zaim007]

you can contact me i like yoi

[bisha2]

Better stay with another guy

[soupfairy]

what my new guy?

[thegr8lion]

Better stay with another guy

[BuffHoss]

Suck him off

[TheClevelander]

And why are you communicating with an ex?

[soupfairy]

as previously mentioned, to ask for money that i needed to live off of until i could start my new job.

[TheClevelander]

Could have asked your parents, or gotten another job, etc..

Why the ex?

[soupfairy]

because I dont have any family, and because I am in an accelerated school program and raising a child, also previously mentioned. my availability limits me me greatly, and I have had several documentation issues that too about 2 months to resolve before I could get work verification. I had no other choice. these were all things he knew before he got together with me, convinced me to move in with him, to leave work and go back to school, and before asking me to move out. this is why he gave the money as well. again, a bad situation that he helped manufacture. I wasn't really asking whether or not it was necessary, i was obviously convinced there was no other way before i asked him for anything.

[TheClevelander]

There are other options, I only named 2

You should not have to get money from an ex.. unless of course it was in the legal ruling

[soupfairy]

there were no other options I had been looking for month, but thanks.

[TheClevelander]

There are plenty of options. You gave up

[soupfairy]

actually giving up would have been waiting around (about a week) for my car to be repossessed so that i could move into a homeless shelter. then i wouldn't have had to worry about a job, or feeding my kid or picking her up any anything because i would have lost custody of her completely. but instead i decided not to waste the degree that i had already invested 2 years into ( he also had invested in my education) . you sound like someone that doesn't have a full appreciation of what desperate actually means. If you have ever been a week from being out on the street with a 2 year old and 5 months from a degree then please continue to correct me. if not, it really isn't necessary to be condescending. I feel bad enough already, in spite of how necessary it was and how much of it was his fault. asking the person that screwed you over to have mercy when you are at rock is definitely the opposite of giving up. it takes a ton of willpower, laying down and dying sounds much more appealing.

[TheClevelander]

You gave up