If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

On September 6th, 2018, the 99th National Football League(NFL) season will begin here in the United States of America. For the USA, this is our biggest sport, and it creates an ideal tailgating season. Think of it as the highlight of our autumn season.

Instead of making analytical predictions like I've been doing the past two years on here (that nobody on GAG seems to care about), I'm going to have a little bit of fun here(Similar to What I did back in March with the MLB season)

From a historical standpoint, I'm going to compare a fairly well-known motion picture (from a United States perspective) to the current 32 NFL franchises (and how they were viewed in their history). This comparison will be based on the popularity between the movies, how well they did/do, and their most famous actors/actresses/athletes, and finally, their history. Since I already did this with baseball, I'll try my best not to double-dip with the same movies.

New England Patriots(The Godfather-1972)

Deflated balls, or not(Spygate, or not), the Patriots are in the midst of an insufferable dynasty. As many people will point out, The Godfather is hailed as one of the greatest films of all time, and the best movie series of all time. We get sick of hearing about how the Patriots are the "best" dynasty of all time(which isn't true in my opinion), and we've had enough of this shoved in our face.

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

Miami Dolphins(The Rain People-1969)

There was a time when this movie was hailed as one of the best dark dramas of all time. Too bad it was completely overshadowed by The Godfather later on.

Buffalo Bills(Fargo-1996)

This movie is a dark comedy movie about a cold little place with a lot of "serious" events happening, which are actually a mockery of the place. Does four Super Bowls, and Scott Norwood count as dark comedy?

New York Jets(Dreamscape-1984)

This movie would have been great-except the concept is very similar to A Nightmare on Elm Street, and is completely overshadowed by it. Jets fans go through the same thing with the Giants-and well, the other New York City professional teams.

Jacksonville Jaguars(The Replacements-2000)

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

The movie is a comedy about an unlikely American Football team surprising people with its replacement players. Just admit it Jaguars fans, that was your film for 2017.

Tennessee Titans(The Terminator-1984)

(Note: I know there is a movie titled Remember the Titans, but that movie has nothing in common with this team, other than the fact they are both football teams).

How many of you are surprised this movie never won an Oscar Award? I know I am. I'm sure Titans fans were just as surprised to hear "One Yard Short", especially since they haven't won a Super Bowl to this day.

Houston Texans(A Quiet Place-2018)

This relatively new movie came out of nowhere to scorch the Box office, similar to how the newest NFL team came out of nowhere in the past eight years to do some damage. The problem is, will either of them win on the big stage?

Indianapolis Colts(Mean Girls 2-2011)

Colts fans really did think Andrew Luck would be the next coming of Peyton Manning. Good thing most people never had any faith for this movie sequel in the first place.

Kansas City Chiefs(House of 1000 Corpses-2003)

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

This movie has a bit of a cult following who will absolutely go berserk when it airs. Have you heard Arrowhead Stadium lately?

Los Angeles Chargers(The Cloverfield Paradox-2018)

This bizarre movie "trilogy" took an unusual turn this year, and I think many Chargers fans feel the same way after its odd move to LA.

Denver Broncos(Sandy Wexler-2017)

You know how some Adam Sandler movies are funny, and some are complete "misses"? Well, the Broncos are in that "miss" stage right now.

Oakland Raiders(Caddyshack-1980)

We get it: Caddyshack was a classic comedy, but it's unfortunately overplayed, and overhyped. The Raiders aren't winning the Super Bowl anytime soon, and they aren't going to be this "dark horse" team everyone thinks they will be.

Pittsburgh Steelers(50 Shades of Grey-2015)

50 Shades of Grey is one of those movies you either love, or hate.

Baltimore Ravens(The Shape of Water-2017)

How many people seriously thought this movie would win the "Best Picture" in 2017? I don't think many people saw the Ravens winning the Super Bowl in their fourth season either.

Cleveland Browns(Reefer Madness-1936)

The movie is actually supposed to be taken seriously, and legit, but now it's just a film we all make fun of, and exploit. Do I need an explanation?

Cincinnati Bengals(The Devil Inside-2012)

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

The movie has the worst ending to a film I've ever seen. With that being said, as a Bengals fan, I can't tell you how many tragic postseason chokes we've had, and I can't take it anymore. The way we "end" the season makes me wonder if William Brent Bell is directing our seasons.

New York Giants(Rudy-1993)

In Super Bowl XXI, the Giants just happened to play the Broncos at their worst in the worst game they played. to win an unlikely Super Bowl. In Super Bowl XXV, Scott Norwood missed a 47 Yard Field Goal to give the Giants a Super Bowl win. In Super BowlXLII, David Tyree made an unlikely catch to help beat the undefeated Patriots, and in Super Bowl XLVI, the Mario Manningham made some unlikely catches(and a dropped Wes Welker catch) gives the Giants another win. Talk about having luck on your side(Barring the 1999-2000 season that is).

How does this relate to Rudy? The movie is about an unlikely high school student becomes a college football star, where everything seems to eventually fall into place for him. He has his own share of lady luck on his side.

Philadelphia Eagles(We Are Marshall-2006)

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

After a plane crash, an unlikely rebuild was destined to happened-and it happened. After a 2016, and a Wentz crash, an unlikely Super Bowl victory was destined to happened-and it happened.

Dallas Cowboys(Varsity Blues-1999)

The arrogance of the coach, and team in this movie is enough to make you sick. And If I hear about "America's Team" one more time...I'll barf.

Washington Redskins(Redskin-1929)

The movie actually could have been a classic, but the title of the movie is so controversial, nobody can focus on the content anymore. If you're an NFL fan, I don't need to further explain myself, so let's move on.

Green Bay Packers(Saw movie series-2004-2010; 2017)

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

The Packers seem to go through one legendary team/coach to the next, and so on. While they don't win as many championships as they used to, they still have a dynasty which never seems to end, at least as far as winning seasons goes. Did anyone else sigh at the fact we have another Saw related movie come out this past year? Will that dynasty ever end?

Minnesota Vikings(Toy Story 2-1999)

Everyone loves the first one, due to nostalgia. The third one in the series was a closure-style reboot. And....with the second one...it was great, but not enough to "win" anything(Sorry Vikings fans).

Chicago Bears(Super Mario Bros.-1993)

The movie was based off of the popular video game series, and set us up for sequel which never happened. Well...1985 set up Bears fans for a sequel that sure as heck ain't happening anytime soon.

Detroit Lions(The Animal-2001)

The movie had Rob Schneider, but that's about it. The Lions have Matthew Stafford, but that's about it.

Atlanta Falcons(The Cabin in the Woods-2012)

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

The movie was unique by all means, and had one of the craziest, surprise twist endings of all time-as well as insanity(does the second half of Super Bowl LI ring a bell?)

Carolina Panthers(The Longest Yard-2005)

Was the NFL really going to let Peyton Manning lose his final Super Bowl?

New Orleans Saints(Avatar-2009)

The movie Avatar got a lot of hype in 2009/2010, and seemed to be the movie everyone talked about. After that, the rest is history.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers(Boat Trip-2002)

Do you remember this movie? You probably don't. It was actually a star-studded film, and did great in 2002, when it was released.

Los Angeles Rams(Vacation-2015)

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie

After two decades, we finally got another sequel to the National Lampoon's Vacation series, and it was a surprise hit. I think the Rams move back to LA has also been a surprise hit, wouldn't you agree?

Seattle Seahawks(Life, or Something Like It-2002)

The movie is about a meek homeless man in Seattle who predicts a news reporter will die within seven days(and a costly Interception will occur).

San Francisco 49ers(The Goonies-1985)

Everyone loves this movie...but can we let it stay buried in the 1980's for a moment?

Arizona Cardinals(Gone With the Wind-1939)

The Cardinals haven't won an NFL Championship title since 1947, so quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Can we stop giving a damn about this movie too? It's not the 1930's anymore.

What do you all think? Leave your opinions below.

If Every NFL Team Was a Movie
If Every NFL Team Was a Movie
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