To celebrate this country's birthday, we ingest the worst damn food on the face of the earth. It's just embarrassing. At least on Thanksgiving there might be real food, even if people still sometimes drown things in gravy and cheese sauce.
No, July 4th is the day of burgers, dogs, crappy cold salads, bad store-bought desserts, and lots of alcohol. But, believe it or not, you can actually have a pretty awesome - and tasty! - get-together where the food isn't destined to further contribute to America's woeful health condition.
Here are 8 simple ways to not feel like a bloated pig on July 4th, and to subsequently avoid the guilt you're gonna feel on the 5th. :P
1. Substitute German potato salad for the regular slathered-in-mayo potato salad
Believe it or not, one of the July 4th staples doesn't need mayonnaise. In fact, the German version is actually far more popular in other parts of the world (many foreigners can't believe we put mayo in our potato salad). It uses vinegar instead of mayo and can include a variety of other spices and even vegetables. You've already got the starch with the potato; no need to add fat on top of it.
2. Fruit IS Dessert
After a meal that is almost entirely beige and devoid of any real nutrients, you really don't need cake and ice cream. At the very least, eat some fruit. A GOOD fruit salad - not the pre-made crap that typically comes out of the big grocery stores - made with organic fruits, hand-cut for the bowl, is just plain excellent. If you want it to be sweeter, more like a dessert, you can add some sugar or agave syrup.
5. No sodas in the cooler, sorry
If there''s one thing you could drop from a standard July 4th picnic, it would be the soda. People drink far too much of it and it's just awful; it's loaded with sugar, only serves to make you thirstier, and has nothing the body needs. These days, there are lots of options, too. There are flavored waters (still and sparkling), and various natural sodas that, while not without sugar, have a fraction of the sugar of mainstream sodas and don't contain artificial coloring (another disgusting, unnecessary addition).
I would say no beer, either, because it's also chock full of calories, but Americans have reached a point where they just don't seem capable of having any social gathering without alcohol, so this probably isn't an option for most.
4. There are different kinds of meat, you know
Aren't we all bored with hamburgers and hot dogs? How can we not be at this point? And really, just about any meat would be better; hot dogs are basically comprised of things they scrape off the floor at meat-processing plants and a bunch of chemicals that would probably kill anything smaller than a cat, and burgers are just packed with fat and cholesterol. How about chicken? Barbecued chicken is a good option, right? And some high-quality bratwursts, while hardly health food, at least have SOME nutritional value, as opposed to a hot dog.
5. Embrace different cultural foods
The U.S. is a melting pot, right? Why are we sticking with the same ol' food when there are more people from other countries than ever before? Hell, just about all cultures have better traditional food than we do; it would have to be better than normal July 4th fare. If there's an African or Asian influence, for example, there are all sorts of traditional foods you can try. They all say they're full-blooded Americans now, right? So, try some different stuff to celebrate your roots while still celebrating the country's independence.
Chances are, you might actually find something green on the picnic table.
6. At the very least, use good ingredients
You can actually improve the quality of your July 4th picnic by simply using superior ingredients. You can still have just about everything, from the burgers and dogs to the cold macaroni salads; just...well, don't get your food from Wal-Mart. Buy organic eggs for the deviled eggs, find some high-quality beef for the burgers, get hot dogs that are a few steps above the Ballpark junk (trust me, they exist, and they're still beef), avoid all processed foods, and find good natural condiments. Heniz is junk, people. There's real ketchup, mustard, relish, etc, and it's not that hard to find. Oh, and that white bread commonly used for buns is utterly worthless, and most mainstream "whole wheat" buns are just caramel-colored white bread.
P.S. The picture here is of the world's most expensive burger; it's just an example of how you can drastically improve the quality of just about anything.
7. Cut down on the sheer amount of food
Yeah, I know. A good host is always supposed to have more than enough food for his or her guests. I understand that but the bottom line is that people just can't help themselves. When faced with more food, they will invariably eat more. I'm not saying starve your guests but I am saying you don't need to present them with forty-seven pounds of meat. You've got enough for everyone to be content, but not enough for everyone to freakin' gorge themselves. If it were me, I wouldn't even have chairs for everyone if we were outside, so as to encourage people to stand and move around more.
Maybe not the most popular idea but if you were subtle about it, I doubt anyone would even notice.
8. Remember when people, like, did fun activities on July 4th?
When I was a kid, everyone seemed to be going all-out on July 4th. There were volleyball or badminton nets, frisbees and football flying everywhere, basketball (if it was an option), etc. Kids were always running around with sparklers or whatever, and the only adult who wasn't participating in some activity was manning the grill. Now, everyone seems to just sit in lawn chairs and eat and drink. Get the hell off your ass and move around! Take advantage of the weather and have some fun out there. It might actually help to counter the food you're eating, ya know.
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