Why are my friends saying I’m making a huge mistake on going on a date with my old high school crush?

Question

So a couple days ago my old high school crush messaged me that I was very beautiful and hot. He also said I he had a huge crush on me too. I was so thrilled to hear about it. The thing is he didn’t pay any attention to me when I was heavier though which frankly pisses me off on the inside. I was 266lbs in high school and now I’m down to 178lbs. I’m 5’11. Anyways we talked for hours and then the next day we ended up getting dinner. We went out for dinner on Friday night. Before that my guy friend told me that he hated to sound blunt but something isn’t right and I shouldn’t forget how cruel and awful he was to me. He also called us “retarded” because we were in special education (don’t know why it’s called that, our disabilities aren’t special). I told him people can change and even my best friend said he doesn’t deserve a response.

Well it’s my life so I decided to take a chance. I’m NOT going to miss my chance with a very hot man! Plus he’s tall (6’4), athletic and so attractive. People can change. Anyways we went for dinner, caught up and it was AMAZING! Then we went to get ice cream. Well I got sherbet because I don’t care for ice cream too much. He joked what’s wrong with me and I laugh. Then he asked me if I wanted to be his Valentine since Valentine’s Day is on Friday. Of course I said yes!

He’s such a great guy! See people can change! My friends are telling me in making a HUGE mistake and I need to drop him. I said they’re just jealous and I deserve to be happy. My guy friend said I deserve to be with the RIGHT people who respects me and notices me for me.

Yes but it’s my choice. I think I’m in love.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Whoa, that's a lot going on there! It sounds like your friends are really giving you a hard time about this new guy you're seeing. I get it, it can be super frustrating when people try to tell you who you should or shouldn't date. At the end of the day, it's your life and your choice, you know?

I'm really glad to hear the date went so well! It sounds like you two really hit it off and he's super into you now. That's awesome! Don't let your friends ruin that for you. If they're just calling him names and stuff, that's not cool at all. They should be happy for you if he's treating you right.

I can kind of see where your friends are coming from though. The fact that he was mean to you in the past is definitely not cool. People can change, but it's understandable to be a little wary about that. Just gotta trust your gut and make sure he's really a different person now, you know?

Honestly, it's a tricky situation. On one hand, your friends might have a point about being cautious. But on the other hand, if this guy makes you happy and he's treating you well now, then you should go for it! You deserve to be with someone who respects you and makes you feel good.

Just be careful, but don't let your friends pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. You know yourself best. If this guy is the right one for you, then screw what anyone else thinks! Go for it and try to be happy. But also keep an eye out for any red flags, just in case.

I hope it all works out for you, love! You seem really excited about this guy, and that's awesome. Just be true to yourself and don't let the haters get you down. You got this!

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

Good luck, young lady.

I will say this...

You wrote:
"The thing is he didn’t pay any attention to me when I was heavier though which frankly pisses me off on the inside. I was 266lbs in high school and now I’m down to 178lbs. I’m 5’11. "

This reminds me a campy cult classic 1973 ABC TV movie "The Girl Most Likely To". It was the breakout role for actress Stockard Channing, but quite a few other actors and actresses on TV at the time were in this movie (such as Ed Asner who, at the time, was Lou Grant on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show").

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVz-TOB0YRc

Here is that movie which you should watch because I think you will connect with it.

TsundereMatrix · Accepted Answer

Don’t listen to your friends. I was always attracted to guys that my friends didn’t like either.
That’s great the date went well. I think you should do what you want regardless of what your friends say.
I wasn’t in a special school but I did take special classes and that made my friends look down on me. Turns out they were just fake friends that were judgmental. I stopped listening to their judgements of me and did what I wanted. Not only they would say things like that about me but about anyone who also took special classes like I did.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

I know who you are, we’ve spoken before and you don’t want to listen. You don’t listen to your friend or your family, and get mad at us for telling you anything other than what you want to hear, you have shown this repeatedly. My thing is why do you keep asking if you allegedly don’t care so much? Do you genuinely need some kind of reassurance so badly you’d ask strangers since the people who actually matter and know you personally aren’t feeling him?

Lliam · Answer

Well, neither of you are in the high school social pressure cooker any more.

Maybe his attitude has matured since being out in the real world.

I honestly wouldn't have noticed a 266 lb girl's inner beauty, especially in high school. But now that you have lost so much weight and, I assume, look good, it's not hard to believe that he might be genuinely attracted to you.

I think you absolutely did the right thing by talking to him when he reached out. Going out to dinner and seeing how well you get along was also a good move. And you had fun. Yay!

I don't know what is wrong with people who advise you not to take any chances. People who don't take chances never experience successes.

Take a chance on happiness. Have fun. It might turn out to be an amazing experience. Who knows, you to might wind up being a perfect match. But even if you don't, what did you lose?

Summeroflove · Answer

People can change but I would not fully trust him go to dinner and if something feels off or he’s wanting to jump straight to sex I think you have your answer on what he is really after.

There is a lot of times where people get jealous but other times people do really see things before you do. He was horrible to you from what it seems but maybe he does genuinely feel bad I can’t read his mind.

The red flags are there. Sure if you want to go to dinner go. But you seem to be pissed off on the inside already at him. It could lead to a very toxic relationship (if it ever goes there) and he may just be after your body as well as control.

Dinner is dinner leave it at that. Don’t go home with him or bring him home with you

Bethany22 · Answer

Are you sure he's actually going to take you out on Valentine's Day or is it yet another mean thing he has planned to make you feel bad? If athletic tall men aren't hitting on you in general now that you've lost weight (I mean the ones who have just met you), then I would be cautious as to why this particular jock wants you.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Enjoy the time, yes people change. But as well.. they stay the same. Get to know him and how he matured.

exitseven · Answer

I usually say that people do not change but I think that most people are not the same people that they were in high school. High School is a time when most are insecure and go along with the crowd no matter how stupid it is.

AviatorTom · Answer

Your friends are telling you to slow down. Dinner and sherbet does not equal love... at least not yet.

Anonymous · Answer

There are a number of issues in your post that cause for reservation. Which is perhaps why your friends - who love you - are cautious.

He's tall and attractive. That means many women want him and he's less likely to settle down.

He was previously mean or indifferent to you. He likes what he sees in your appearance now but how much depth is there in that? What would happen if you gained weight again, perhaps after having children? What would happen when your relationship were in stress as is likely to happen at some point?

It's not clear why you were in special education but your writing style suggested cognitive ability so I'm guessing you struggled in some subjects academically and not because you were 'retarded'.

None of this stuff prevents you exploring this new suitor and embracing his attention. Have fun. But be aware his interest may only be shallow and short term. Not one to be naive and carefree with perhaps.

overlord337645 · Answer

i agree with your freinds if a guy can't see how special you are in your harder days what happens when you have one and you are both married now i can't decide for you but it is something to think on i mean will he truly treat you like your special if you relapse and gain more weight again?

KITEinStorm · Answer

Your choice... your life Never mind what others say, live your happiness. Treasure the days when you are happy.  If things go bad and you break up, just cherish the days when you were happy.

Anonymous · Answer

Your friends are concerned because your old crush ignored you when you were heavier and is now interested after your weight loss, suggesting his attraction is superficial. They also dislike his past disrespectful behavior. While you're excited, they worry you're overlooking red flags. It's your choice, but consider their concerns, take it slow, and prioritize your self-worth.

MaxW1 · Answer

I only a tiny bit believe in change, i can't say if he's changed cause i haven't seen him but i don't think calling a girl hot is good. Since "hot and sexy" adjectives are used when guys see girls for their assets

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Your friends are jealous. I tell them to mind their own business.

Professor-college · Answer

Well going on a date with someone is not really a mistake but you must keep in mind that the situation is for you to see if this person is worth going out with and if you see something you don't like that's what you're supposed to stop everything not continue

Staximus · Answer

You're not in love, you don't even know the guy anymore. You're just infatuated, stop thinking with your vagina and use your brain

Anonymous · Answer

Your crazy. He knows are dumb enough to let him back in. He knows u have no self esteem. He knows u glorify him

WhitneySnow · Answer

He might be just using you for sex

Anonymous · Answer

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Why are my friends saying I’m making a huge mistake on going on a date with my old high school crush?

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