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Obsession, Your Enemy In The Dating Game
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Here I am sitting in the coffee bean writing on my blog and a petite Japanese girl walks up to me holding a small clipboard. "excuse me, ummm… I am collecting donations for the… blah… blah… Christian blah… would you like to donate?" I immediately broke into Japanese (used to live) and started to ask her about herself. What I found was that she is 23 and the daughter of a Christian missionary. She is very much in love with God and wants to be more like Jesus. This is very rare for a Japanese person since less than 1% of the population is Christian. She was very very shy and clearly had ZERO experience with men, she told me she has never had a boyfriend. To my surprise she said laughingly that she does not need a boyfriend because of her love for God. She said that before God she was a very selfish evil person that only cared about herself. Her religious obsession made me profoundly sad…
I lose control a little bit as I fly around the corner in my ex girlfriend's car. She is out of the county and I am taking care of her little sports car (I hope she never reads this!) Skidding around the corner brings me a bit out of my love stupor. I am not obsessing about the ex but a new girl, WHO IS NOT ANSWERING HER PHONE! and I know she is with HER ex! All I can think about is her with him, I don't know what I am going to do once I get there but at least I will feel somehow in control. I can't lose her!! I think I will DIE if I do!!!
When I arrive at her house I walk up to the front door JUST as he is opening it to leave. I curse god for the horrible timing, panic and take a left down the sidewalk. I keep walking down the sidewalk listening for his truck to start. I reach the end of the street breathing heavy with emotion and for some silly reason hide behind a van. I sit and listen for his truck to start but it doesn't, curiosity drags my head out from behind the van and I see him looking right at me. He laughs a bit and walks right back into the house. She wouldn't talk to me for about a week after that.
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This was about 13 years ago and thank GOD I do not act like that now. My obsession with this girl was so out of control that I was completely irrational. My brain was hijacked with oxytocin, the same chemical creates such an intense bond between mother and child. Obsession is the ugly side of being in love, the crazy wrist slitting side. I think the Japanese girl above is in a similar situation. She is obsessed with her religion, it has become her reason for living. She is no different than one of the members of Jim Jones congregation before they drank the Kool-Aid. If for some reason she lost her faith I think she would become suicidal, in fact she admitted to me that she attempted suicide before her conversion. Her subconscious associates death with a loss of faith. I believe this is why we become so crazy in an obsessive state, your subconscious convinces you of eminent death if it doesn't get it's way. How terrifying…
Thank god I now see the insanity coming and can side step the emotional clown car demanding to pick me up.
Hopefully you are there as well.
Bullets:
* Obsession is a gun that will inevitably be turn on you
* Healthy love is never threatened by obsessive behavior
* You have a choice, you don't need to get in the crazy car
* Don't trust yourself? Ask friends to make the correct decisions for you
Mike Masters
Writes a blog for women about relationships at MikeTheMasterDater.com. Traveling the world and dating every single girl he met along the way allowed Mike to make an uncountable number of mistakes in relationships. These mistakes led to a fluency in the psychology of dating that could only be gained from radical immersion.
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