Never satisfied, never good enough!? help

I'm wondering if you ever thought of seeking professional help? You have unrealistic expectations of yourself and need to learn how to break out of your self abusive cycle. Admitting your problems is just one step to overcome them - it looks like you need a little guidance to achieve what you want.

I have been the victim of a man who made statements to me that I was never good enough in whatever I did in many ways such as housework, work, finances, our relationship, I was made to feel I wasn't good enough for him in our marriage until the day I went to file for a legal seperation.
That day my husband had confessed to me he needed to be on anti-depressents. Also because of a earlier physical encounter with him, I learned to take martial arts, not only for getting in shape but also to know how to protect myself from abuse if ever I needed to again. Since my hubby has been on those meds for the most part he sees things differently, he use to be just exactly like you are describing yourself. Job changes, no drive of ambition, critical of people and life in general. Now with the help of meds and a counselor, he is able to enjoy people, his job, etc much more..

From what I read, what your experiencing is completley understandable. For the fact you had a very abusive childhood your experiencing the after effects now. More likely then not, when you did achieve something as a child, you were not given the positive feedback most parents would give their children. You obviously have proved that you are a successful person, and have the ability to do well.

Everything your facing right now is due to what you experienced, and THATS what you need to deal with. You are already on a good path making a promise to yourself that you would be successful unlike your father. There are many people who have been in your situation that would let those experiences shape their life in a negative way.
My advice to you is to take a different focus on life. There will be many people that will tell you to see a therapist to better explain how you can feel better. But personally, I think we are best therapists! We only have one life to live on this earth and I think you should remember that. Those years that you lived with your father and dealt with the abuse are now over, and look, you made it through! Rather then dwelling on your past you should focus on your future. With all of the evil in the world, I know it is hard to trust people, and therefore you'll have high expectations for friends and everyone else you have any relations with. But you have to remember there are MANY other people like you, that have experienced things you have as well as worse! Like I said you only live once, and just because your father might have been miserable and caused you to have a bad childhood, you shoud not let that linger behind you for the rest of your life.

When you recieve these awards, and your paycheck every month, you are only processing the negative thoughts. "Am I going to lose my job, am I going to be able to do this again?" You SHOULD NOT let those negative thoughts be processed, only POSITIVE. You have to start small with yourself, its not going to happen overnight. Not only that but you NEED positive energy in your life. You need to do things that make you smile. There must be SOMETHING that gives you that warm feeling inside. What's happening to you is that your are not having a life outside of your job, and therefore you are dwelling on negative things. I bet that after you get out of work you go directly home right? So by the time you get home you have nothing else to do but think about all of these negative toughts. Its a revolving circle that you NEED to get out out out, and YOU CAN! You don't have friends because you can't trust people, and you can't trust people because of your dad, so all thoughts you have abt people are based on your dad, that's why you need to change your outlook on everything!

You don't need to make friends now you just have to pull this negative energy and do something positive with it on your free time! Human interaction(outside work) is impt to someones well being, and so are positive thoughts!

Atychiphobia - Fear of Failure

I am supremely proud of you man, staying above some of my friends whom are leaching from parents and grandparents to merely eat a few times a week - and then steal ontop of that. You are doing great for yourself - having a job where you consistently make over quota. The awards are proof and recognition of your achievements.

I too had an abusive family history - with this history I pushed it behind me, mind you- I still talk with my family and try to support them in my life and help where I can; but they no longer hold a weight over my shoulders because I am my own person.


These fealing of failure your experiencing will hold you down if you don't shake it off. I acknowledge what you said with being too busy and trusting.
Honestly the best advice I can give you is this:
- Push past your fears of failure; for every experience of failure there are several experiences of joy to diminish the bad - keep a log of every achievement - Head out of your comfort zone and meet new individuals
- Drop your expectations for live, these expectations will take a numerous toll on your life - Instead - aim for nothingness and then everything you achieve will be a reward :)
- Lastly, trusting individuals is hard as I have taken a lot of pain and heartache to find out my true friends - but these true friends are life-lasting. In time of need I can call on them ;; I strongly encourage you to go beyond what you entrust yourself to do and allow this suffering in turn for a great enjoyment.

If there is anything else I can discuss with you, please let me know - as I am only trying to help ^_^

Have a spectacular day, friend :)~
ArtistBBoy

It is very natural for all living organisms to grow, and expand. That includes consciousness itself, that's how life evolves.

Your "striving" for "achievements" in life, from this persepective, is very natural.

What is NOT natural, is if your growth is "to strive" which means it is powered by your parents' incessant demands, and criticisms which comes in pairs.

What you need to realiaze is that these criticisms are your parents' self-criticisms. Most likely, they are driven by fear, or emitted as a form of counter-measures against an existing low self-esteem. In other words, self-flogging. More important to realiaze, perhaps is that these are THEIR problems, not yours, at least not directly. You come to earth to live YOUR life, and NOT as a remedy to your parents' failures in their life.

If it so happens that the way YOU (the real you, not the influenced you) live your life pleases your parents, fine. If not, tell them you are not here to satisfy their demands. If they have some advices which they think are good, they have a choice to give it out, and you HAVE the choice of taking or rejecting it.

The decision to not to trust anyone is a form of self-protection, a "play-safe" mechanism. However, in the long run, if one is living in such a state, it can't be very healthy psychologically. Because, this is not who you really are. At least, this is not who that innocent child, full of fun, love, and accepting, was/is. Yes, that inner child is still living as part of you. The problem is, that child has been treated with disrespect, ignored, unloved (or loved in a very weird "human manner").

You can say to yourself switching statements such as, "No matter how hurt I was, from having gone through an abusive childhood, I am still alive, and I can create a future that I love to see". "My bad experience with human beings in the past forbids me to trust anyone. But I have since grown stronger, smarter, and more 'harm-proof'. Perhaps I can, one day, be relieved enough to start trusting people, little by little".

Notice the shift ? You get the idea. Write a dozen of statements like this. The key is to make that transition, that shift. No matter how little the shift is, accumulately they will amount to something big.

Best wishes for living a truly happy, fulfilling life.