Why are girls so confused about signals that guys like them?

Question

The single most common question on this site has to be "Does he like me?"

Men are not nearly as subtle with their signals as women are. If he touches you, he likes you. If he flirts with you, he likes you. If he teases you, he likes you. If he makes eye contact and smiles, he likes you. If he stares at you, he likes you. If he goes out of his way to talk to you multiple times, he almost certainly likes you.

I don't know why girls here are so confused about this stuff. Men are very obvious about liking girls.

mugsy · Accepted Answer

I love reading this post. I totally get mixed signals, but then, now I realize that men don't necessarily WANT to tell us things straight out, since they fear rejection.

My current male "friend" says many romantic things one night, and then gets back to "business mode" the next day. It's like TWO different people. When he is open and romantic, I love it and I feel very much as tho he likes me ALOT. But as soon as he becomes business like I feel that he is distant and cold, and that he just used me for the night, and that the things he said to me were all lies just to get me to bed.

Now, I could be right. BUT, in all fairness to men, we need to give them the space to initiate calls to us, tell us they like us "when" they WANT to tell us, and we also need to understand that men clam up again and go back into their caves to rejuvinate, think, get work done, etc...

It's not a bad thing... it's just how men are!

So, I've recently employed the technique of accepting my new man friend's words as reality ("I like you", "You're nice", "I'm so into you", "We fit so well together", "You're so beatiful", "I miss you", "I want to see you". I take all of his words literally, and try not to think (illogically) that perhaps he "could" be a player. Because what if he ISN"T a player, and now I've ruined things with my paranoid thinking!

Anyway, my point is that there's definitely a difference in how men and women relate. And YES we both play games (even when we don't want or mean to). Men and women play the game of "courting" eachother, and then pulling back again just to re-assess the situation, and MOST importantly, we pull back because we each fear rejection.

l loved the comments by "TheDigitalSaint". They are excellent points! Everyone could really benefit from his posting.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i`ve had a guy doing all these you keep saying.in the begining I didn`t want to bcs he is several years younger than me.he showed lots of interest for about 1 month and was very kind with me,i never gave him any hope in the begining bcs of the reason I wrote above, but I was really kind to him.then when I was ready to act differently he started dating a girl.at that time he saw I became jealous and understood I also liked him.he broke up with this girl after 3 weeks and started to date another girl which actually was aware he was with another one when she allured him.now they have been together for 1.5 month.they look better together then he did with the ex girl, they kiss and hug and look like a good couple.but he still keeps looking at me and has this strange interest look, caring look.he is sometimes flirty with me , sometimes stays like more apart, but still he looks at me with interest as I said.

now what can you say to such a guy?

i know he likes me somehow , but then why does he do that?

jennylee · Accepted Answer

Well men confuse us, because you guys go "hot and cold" on us all the time.  Us girls get to the point of " ok I am pretty confident he likes me" but then you guys will go and do something that indicates to  a woman " Oh maybe I was wrong"..so in which case then the woman will be more cold to protect herself...Why can't you men just say it...then none of this wondering would go on with us women, we would know because your actions and words would speak...I think the problem is men do either one or the other, and/or more of one thing than the other..meaning a man will do and say things that indicate like...then he will not make contact for a few days which case a woman is then thinking " well if he really liked me, he would want to talk to me"..( just an example)  there sometimes is not continuity with you guys..like I said you are hot and cold all at the same time...Hard to read

Stacygrecko · Accepted Answer

Men are tricky. They may say things that make you think "WOW HE LIKES ME ALOT" but then their actions continuously contradict what their words... So you start thinking, 'Maybe he's just lying to me and putting me on a pedestal to get me in bed' or 'Maybe he's just playing mind games with me and having fun with it..."

We have to be very alert also because men seem to lose feelings easier than women do.. One day, they will tell you how you mean sooo much to them and how they're so happy to have you in their lives... The next day, they're arguing and breaking up with you...Its tough but we need to constantly be reassured so we're not being mislead...

Vyxzuw · Accepted Answer

Because they don't necessarily mean 'like me' in terms of is he attracted to me.

A guy can do all the things you said when they are attracted to a girl, but not necessarily like her.

Or in other words, they want sex, but not much else.

Remember there are guys that are players and lie to girls. Given that girls are hit on a lot (and thus will be hit on by players as well as normal guys) it can be confusing.

However, if a guy isn't a player, especially the questions about if a friend likes them or a shy guy or whatnot, then guys are not subtle. Even when we try to be 'cool' we are not subtle.

The hot and cold is because guys know that coming on too strong will scare a girl away, but we also are expected to pursue. So we try to be 'cool' and then when we think we are losing the girl we come on strong, then play it cool to not scare them off.

TheDigitalSaint · Accepted Answer

A lot (not all) women try to apply female thinking to male behavior. It doesn't work. If he tells you that you look attractive, it means just that. Unless you have strong reason to believe that a man is lying, he is going to be literal almost all of the time. The reason why most men don't say such obvious things too often is because we are mostly afraid of rejection and SHOW BY OUR ACTIONS that we like a girl instead of always spelling it out loud. Men are much worse at reading girls signals than vice versa IMO. Girls, on the other hand, WAY OVERTHINK what a man DOES. Pay attention to his actions, as they aren't that confusing most of the time.

thumbelinasplace01 · Answer

Well do you know how many times I am told well some guys are touchy feely. All the damn time I am told "Oh he couldn't possibly like you, he touches me too or I have seen him touch others, or here's the best one. "He's gay" couldn't possibly like you. I have heard it so much I acutally believe no guy could ever like me. All boils down to he don't like you. I am a very attractive girl and no guy likes me according to many. So when I ask that it is  because I have everyone kicking me down. Funny thing is I get hit on all the time. But nobody likes me according to all the ladies I talk to.

the-love-guru · Answer

What about if a guy touches you, invites you to dinner frequently, and pays, calls frequently, picks you up, lets you drive his beloved truck, gets jealous of other guys around, and grabs your hand. Everyone insisted that he liked me (even his mom), but then he rejects me saying "I don't like you. Maybe if it were 2004..." I got that exact line. After nearly a year of him acting like a casual boyfriend. 2004 was when we had first met. Apparently things had changed since then. :shrugs:

Yes, most mature guys are obvious in their interest, but once in a while you get a guy who sends ALL kinds of contradictory information. It sounds pathetic, but there are some seriously strange guys out there.

Rareity · Answer

There's a difference between the guy being sexually interested and actually liking us. Just because a guy smiles and flirts doesn't mean he likes us. It could just mean we look or seem easy. It doesn't mean he has an emotional interest. Girls very rarely are interested in a guy just for sex and a lot of guys are only interested in sex. We need to know the sure fire signs that he's after our hearts and not our bods.

anonymous_girl101 · Answer

Well. I'll give you a situation.

There's a guy I like. We talked a bit. Exchanged phone numbers. Hung out. Laughed. He did all of the things on your list of signals except for touch. (But he's shy around girls according to his friends) And things seemed good, but seeing as how we don't live near each other and see each other only every few weeks, things have been going downhill. I've initiated conversations with him on Facebook chat and he keeps them going, but never initiates them. I was so sure he liked me when we were around each other for a week, but now I'm confused.

I got those signals, got super amped about it! Then got confused. So maybe you can clear that part up for me...

Anonymous · Answer

Now a days, guys treat almost every girl the same. For some apparent reason, we are to them a bunch of tramps who are willing to do anything and anyone.

It is unfortunate, but true. Trust me, I am in high school and I see a bunch of really nice girls being treated like tramps because they are too insecure to stop the guys from doing so.

I know I am getting a little bit off topic, but girls must stand up for themselves. We are not all the same, and we are definitely not interested in being treated like so.

KatyGR · Answer

I don't think it's so obvious, especially when the guy in question is a friend.  Several times, I've gotten to know a guy as friends, then fallen for him.  Then I found myself wondering if the laughing and singling out and teasing was flirting or just him being friendly.  The only way to really know is to ask, but that takes a little bravery.

Anonymous · Answer

I know this is a really old question but I randomly came across it.

Cool to know those things... BUT is it possible that .. well I had this thing with this guy , liked each other SO MUCH, I did.. and he said he really did, but I think he got sick of the fact that I would never go up to him at school..but neither did he! were both very stubborn.

And after that we drifted apart ALOT , and he still looked at me at school a lot. He would turn his head and look at me, and I caught him looking at me but he still looked. was that a sign he still liked me? or was thinking stuff like " did I actually like her" " I wonder how she's doing" ..uhhh I don't know how to explain myself. :) well?

smellylittlecat · Answer

How about if the guy flirts with a lot of girls! It would be like he likes all of them! Yet, from what I've heard from people on this site and elsewhere, "He is just complimenting the girl. He is a flirt but he does not like her." It's so confusing with some guys.

St-Dank-Tanks-LG · Answer

The thing is most of them know that the guy likes them. But, they continue on to ask the question because they want  people to reassure them of this, even though they know. Guys do it on this site also, but girls even more so because this site has a lot more girls on it and, in general, girls think about relationship stuff more.

Anonymous · Answer

For me, two words: mixed signals. When a guy seems interested in you but acts distant and aloof... probably trying to stay "manly" and not show his feelings and/or come on too strong. But it is so very confusing...

Anonymous · Answer

lol because we have all run into guys, who seem to like us, do all of those things, then all of a sudden its:

im not over my ex

im not ready for a relationship

lets take things slower

im confused

or they disappear

IStarrr · Answer

Yes, I heard that guys are much easier to decipher because there's nothing to decipher on the first place. Yet, how many time I've seen guys DELIBERATELY paying more attention to the girlfriend of the girl they actually like ( which they admit later) Why do the do that? Absolutely no idea. So much for being easy to understand.

AlekNovy · Answer

Love this point, haha. SO TRUE.

Not only are men unbelievably more obvious (unlike women's subtlety)... Almost no man on the planet plays hard to get.

Its simple, if a man does even just *one* thing indicating interest. He's interested. Case closed.

theused72588 · Answer

okay so how do we get them back after they have disappeared and they def liked us but thought we were trying to get rid of them( because I'm afraid of getting hurt and push people away as soon as they get close) I MISS HIM! but I f*ing sucked because I'm afraid of getting hurt

just_tina · Answer

Because every guy does that even if they don't like you!

So yeah it's kind of confusing nowadays with "players" or whatever. To me I think almost every guys does whatever just to get there way and see how far they can get. Yeah guys can be confusing at times.

Anonymous · Answer

well not really because even if you do do these things then we still might be confused because we are sending our signals but end up getting nothing in return. also why don't guys just tell you they like you? this would make everything so much easier!

autumnchill2409 · Answer

That probably refers to guys we girls aren't really good friends with.

When a girl is really good friends with a guy, some and probably most of these signs could be misconstrued as liking her, even though he's just a really good and close FRIEND.

And there are guys who do that kinda stuff to ALL girls he knows, so what makes him staring at you or teasing you any different from him doing that to another girl? How would girls know the difference?

Anonymous · Answer

i think girls look into the subject a little more. sometimes its just doubt, disbelief, or thinking their not good enough for them. its always good to have assurance like having one of his friends tell the person. also, some people give mixed signals like flirting all day then saying your a great friend.

personally I'm never sure unless one of his friends tell me or he asks me out no matter how much he flirts or goes out of his way to talk to me

Anonymous · Answer

I know when a guy likes me. I never wonder because the signs are pretty out there. Its all black and white. BUT here's the situation I'm in:

The guy I like shows all those signs, but even before I read ur question I knew he liked me. BUT he asked me to hang out last weekend, but blew me off..He then said maybe next week but I have yet to hear from him about this weekend. Now, enlighten me.. what the hell is he doing? lol

Anonymous · Answer

well, I mean it's because maybe we're so worried about what he thinks about our hair, cause honestly I'm so into how he likes my hair and make up and stuff, I guess I get dumb when ireally like a guy and flustered that I worry too much and miss his signs

obligations · Answer

well in my situation he has done that...but off and on.  Its never constant and he's never asked me out yet he'll do all of those things...and yet there are some days where he won't even talk to me at all and it hurts so I never am sure "(

DaisyA · Answer

But how can you tell if he likes you romantically vs likes you as a friend?

Because "friends" also do the same...

If he doesn't ask you out directly, then generally to a girl, those signals aren't so clear.

What would you advise then?

Astarte · Answer

simple - we are emotional creatures. while you sometimes flirt just to play games, it readily appealed to us but we wanna make sure we're bot being played on so, we ask :)

blueyedgrll · Answer

Its called mind games. Almost every guy likes to play them, so those signs don't really apply if a guy is using a girl.

Anonymous · Answer

some men are like that with all girls even if they dnt like them.what do you think?its the flirty time that confuse me but anybody else is like you said clear to me no problem

Anonymous · Answer

the reason we ask that question so much is because we want reassurance that he indeed likes us...I personally look through these questions, just to see if the guy I like is doing them...

metaldave20 · Answer

i think its got to do with if they don't like us back, they refuse to believe he does all this BECAUSE he likes her

gdude2002 · Answer

Instead of answering this one, I'll give you a question to think about. Why are some guys ignorant to the signals from girls that they like them?

shadwspeeder · Answer

Women have more emotional point of views then men, if a guy likes me, then he should go after me! :)

Anonymous · Answer

I asked a man I know out on a date recently as he was showing all those signs you wrote of. He turned me down. So that's why us women are confused by men's actions.

Anonymous · Answer

What if that is your ex-boyfriend that you dated a year ago and you're now friends again. How would I know if it's him not knowing how to be friendly again or if he just really likes me that way again? You see why this isn't always clear.

cjwright79 · Answer

It's not the gesture that is confusing, it's that the guy himself is confusing. They don't know whether to weigh anchor or stay put.

DeLaSoul · Answer

If it wasn't as obvious to girls as it is to you, we wouldn't ask. Obviously the two sexes are basically "enigmas" to the other.

Sophtard · Answer

Because usually signals have double meanings to us. I wish the genders would use words instead of actions, it would simply things in SO many ways.

Merman · Answer

Because women falsely assume that *we* think like they think.

Anonymous · Answer

we wanna know: does he actually like me or is he just playing with me/tryna get in my pants

Anonymous · Answer

i became confused as it said "men are very obvious about liking girls" but that just only for a day. the following day he became like a different guy. it seems like he don't know what he was said yesterday. one moment he's sweet and the next hour he seems like he don't know you.. how come i can't confused about it? he just keep staring straight to me.. no word no smile at all! what's that mean?

Anonymous · Answer

Well It's confusing because in my case I flat out told him I was interested. That got his attention and he's around me more but he runs hot and cold. It's frustrating and CONFUSING!

Fabiana222 · Answer

well we are don't want ot get inberessed or anything so we just want to be sure!

befree2b · Answer

Because men do this and send mixed signals afterwards...by not calling showing less action and being aloof is why men confuse women!

juliet333 · Answer

mainly because we get rele happy inside and want 2 keep hearing the same thing over and over again! lol 4 real :) it boosts up are self esteem. :)

SquishyJessy · Answer

I would say it's because we are best at reading our own gender... I can tell when my friends like a guy, but none of us can tell when a guy likes us.

Misskenz · Answer

Yes but we are so confused because a guy I know does that stuff but says maybe something will happen Later  when I ask him

bebebunny143 · Answer

hmm nice to know...thanx

obscene · Answer

haha yeah

akaroy · Answer

Agreed!

Anonymous · Answer

girls are isecure

Why are girls so confused about signals that guys like them?

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