I am having an affair with someone I am also married I don't want to be in an affair. I love my husband what can do. My husband is starting to get suspicious. He has started asking me where I am all the time and why I am not into the mood as much as I used to be. Who I am talking to on the phone. I have had an affair for about 3-4 months. He is my assistant at work and I don't want to have an affair, what should I do.
So did you completely separate from your husband and is your boyfriend still with you? And do you know who you actually love or don't love? And the big question is are you safe?
you should stop. tell your husband the truth. because sooner or later he's gonna find out. he's probably suspicious of you already. come clean before its too late.
I've just seen many court TV detective shows (not fake ones like CSI Miami, but real investigations) like "FBI files" where the man kills his wife on the day she decides to tell him, "I've had enough of your shit and I want a divorce." If it happens to enough women out there to unfortunately (and fortunately for your knowledge and safety) create real murder detective shows, then it can happen to any wife who divorces her husband. If a husband is unloving and uncaring enough to cause his wife to leave him, then he may be a violent man waiting to burst out.
It is a serious caution and a good idea to have somebody next to you to protect you. But you can disguise your friend or family member's true purpose to be there (your safety) by saying "he or she is here to help me gather my things and help me move."
And this is advice I give to anybody about to enter a divorce: Start to separate your assets, expenses, and bank accounts. Keep records of what bills you pay and what bills he pays, because they might be useful for your lawyer. Also find any documents or anything else you think your lawyer might find useful.
I have thought about that and he called and told me that he is on his way home. I got so nervous I vomited. what am I supposed to do. I don't think I can do it. - 4 months ago
Answerer
If he makes you vomit, it is so obvious that you cannot live with him. If you actually drive home, I don't know how you walk in the door without vomiting again. If you actually sleep in the same bed with him (I know you don't have sex) how can you get a good nights rest (unless one of you sleeps on the couch or something)? If you can't tell him face to face then move out when he is not home (when he is at at work) and leave a letter saying "I'm getting a divorce." - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Ok, I am going to do that now, while I still have a chance and he is at work. - 4 months ago
Can you answer this question and I am not being critical. Why are you having the affair in the first place?
Is your husband lame in bed? Does your husband not give you enough attention? Does your husband not say "I love you enough?" Does your husband not cuddle with you at night? Does your husband just watch TV and ignore you? Do you get in arguments with your husband over little things that are really not worth arguing over? Does your husband not help pay his share of the bills? Can your husband give you goos sex and make you orgasm (most of the time anyway)? Does your husband not help you with household chores? In general is your husband a good husband?
Does the man who you are having an affair with have something that you are missing in your marriage? Is this other man very interesting and exciting to talk to? Does this other man make you laugh, whereas your husband does not? Does this other man have something that you need that your husband does not have such as charm, conversation skills, a sense of adventure, spontaneity, or just plain good sex? Does this other man compliment you and make you feel like a woman and make you feel beautiful, whereas your husband doesn't say a damn thing?
There must be something missing in your marriage for you to have an affair in the first place right? You cannot be so selfless to cheat on a good husband who is actually good to you and shows it can you? Should your husband be surprised that his wife is cheating on him because he is not treating his wife as a good husband should?
I have this strong suspicion that a large number of men who get cheated on deserve it and had it coming. Is your husband an example of this?
Yes my husband is pretty much exactly what you described. - 4 months ago
Answerer
I guess that means he had it coming and maybe he's not worth keeping. You are young and I assume that your husband is also young like you; so that means it is impossible for you to be married for a long time. If your husband has turned sour and lost his charm at a young age (already and at your prime years) then those years might not be worth waisting with him. Young newlyweds SHOULD spend there young years in love and enjoying marriage. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Ok I will talk to him 2day or 2morrow and tell I want to file for divorce. do you think I should tell him why. - 4 months ago
Answerer
If you don't say why, then it is natural for him to ask why so have a truthful answer prepared. Don't necessarily tell him about the affair but do tell him why you cannot live with him and tell him why you cannot waste your prime years away on a rotten marriage. I urge you to be very careful when confronting him, because seriously when wives decide to tell their husband they want a divorce, domestic violence erupts. Tell your mother first and tell some other family or close friends. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Do you really think he would hurt me. do you think I should have someone with me and just go into a different room. it will be hard for me to tell him that I am falling in love with some one else. do you think he will ask who the other man is. - 4 months ago
Answerer
I can imagine he will ask if you are cheating on him so have that explanation prepared. You know if he has or doesn't have a history of anger and violence towards you, and if he does then you need a friend or family member to protect you. If he has been completely nonviolent then it's still a good idea to have somebody to be there to protect you. Because non loving and non caring men can become unpredictable when their lives fall apart in front of them. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Ok I am talking to him when he comes home from work. - 4 months ago
Sometimes it just the "excitement" of the affair & the heat of it. You love your husband and you want to end it so then end it. I'm sure that your assistant will understand that you are married & love your husband. My bet is that the assistant will understand. If you start to weaken think of your husband & marriage. Look at the big picture don't ruin your husbands life & possibly yours when you can get "it" at home
Well the excitement is very high. but my assistant told me that my husband doesn't care about me anymore. and I guess what he said worked because the first time I had sex with him was for comfort then it went on from there. - 4 months ago
Answerer
I'm willing to be the assistant isn't married. Please take some more time & re-asess the situation. Did he tell you that because that's what you wanted to hear & to get you into bed?? Only you know DOES YOUR HUSBAND REALLY CARE FOR YOU or are you just in a bit of a take each other for granted rut? I'll bet the assistant is NOT married & has nothing to loose. You can't even fire him now that would be sexual harassment. Think about it GOOD LUCK! - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Well he probably did say things to get me into bed. I could fire my assistant but he could get me fired by telling my boss that I have been having an affair that is lower then my position. - 4 months ago
Answerer
That's what I'm saying if you did fire him then he would claim sexual harassment & also what you mentioned. Good Luck! - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Do you think I should talk to my boss? - 4 months ago
Answerer
No, But honestly besides ebdibg it I'm not sure what to do. Sorry - 4 months ago
Answerer
Sorry I can't type tonight. The word should be ending it - 4 months ago
What is it you really want out of your relationship? Do you want to be married? Are you just looking for some attention that you aren't getting from your husband which has led you to have an affair?
My opinion is that you should break it off with your affair partner and then look at your marriage. I you really want out of it then get out. If you want to salvage it then figure out what it takes to do so. If you want to have affairs then become swingers, but keep it in the open and with integrity.
Ya I see what you saying. I wasnt getting enough attention and I was getting bored all he did was work and I started to think that my husband plus my assistant even told me that my husband doesn't care about me anymore. I felt like he only cared about work. - 4 months ago
N/A
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 4 months ago
Did this guy you're having an affair with put some kind of pressure on you to start the affair, and if so is he keeping up the pressure? Is he married also? If you really want to stop it you have to start "acting" like you're not as much available as before so you can gradually just stop soon without a big squabble. Start ignoring some of his advances that you were open to before. Tell him to not call your house anymore because your husband is getting very suspicious. Start being home more than before. Gradually start being more business-like around your assistant. Start dressing in such a way that he won't think you're as attractive as before. The things I'm telling you here is a way to gradually slip out of this relationship without making a big scene that could cost you your job. Message me if you'd like more details and more positive ways to get out of this without breaking up your marriage. Don't think for a minute that this guy have you over the barrel because he doesn't!
Well I guess he did I didn't really notice that he put pressure until now. I thought that he really cared for me and I don't know if he is married. - 4 months ago
Answerer
I'm surprised that you don't know if he's married or not since you work with him and he seems to know all about your marriage. Don't be afraid to ask. If you love your husband you need slow down drastically with this guy and start taking more time to do things with your husband He seems to be jealous because he does care for you. Don't let your marriage fall apart over this fling because he just seems to be using you. Time for talks with your husband about his feelings towards you. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
So is my assistant(I would say his name but for personal I cant)just using me for sex. he has said he loves me. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Has he shown by his actions that he loves you. What has he done to prove that to you? Words are easy to say. What plans does he have for you and him should your marriage break up because of your affair with him? Has he given you straight answers to any of the questions you DID ask him. Have you checked them out. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Well no if I asked him any questions about anything personal he he would lean over and kiss me.trying to change the subject so I just drop it usually. - 4 months ago
Answerer
That interesting what you just said. ."Well no if I asked him any questions about anything personal he he would lean over and kiss me.trying to change the subject..." That says so much about him now. He's definitely not leveling with you and now I'd say he could be either married or single, but whatever it is, he has no future with you in mind. He probably does like you a lot, but he's in no position to live with you or even have the desire to do so. Start finding find fault with his work. - 4 months ago
well, if you don't want to have an affair, why are you having one? people don't do things by accident.there's a reason you want an affair with your assistant.what is it that attracts you to him?
when you answer that, you'll find out what you need to work on with your husband.
Well there are some keys to a successful affair, and your not following the rules, so disaster is inevitable if you done make a course correction. 1. Don't change your behaviour, if you had sex once a week with your hubby, continue to do so, in fact increase the amount of sex you have 2. If you didn't shave your legs every day, don't 3. Don't "try" to look better, lose weight or change your wardrobe 4. Don't be on the phone with your lover when your husband is home (that's very stupid of you) I think maybe you want to get caught! As you have not done your homework on how to cheat without getting caught. You do have a few choices, continue the affair, in the dumb way you are, and get caught and wined up in a big mess. End your marriage and get out on your own. Be smart, have fun and don't tell anyone!
Take it from me - a serial female cheater and sex addict, it can be amazing but you have to be cool and smart and have very little guilt.
when you don't wanna have an affair why are you having it? i don't really get that.sorry maybe its just me but would be helpful if you could explain that ?
how could you quickly agree/ decide to tell you husband you want a divorce when he gets home from work tonight when you don't even know if the 'other man' is in a relationship or not? thats so . eeerr!? you love your husband, think of all the reasons why you did get married. maybe ask him to spice it up or work on the marriage together. don't tell him about the affair. JUST END THE AFFAIR NOW! do it. and improve what you have. the other guy is a dickhead. telling you that your husband doesn't care about you? he doesn't even know him. how can you just believe that. he wanted to get you in the sack. stay with hubby
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 4 months ago
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 4 months ago
