Am I the worst brother ever

Question

my brother (who's 9) was in a crash car and both my parents died but he is a survivor. Child services call me asking if I want take him in or he'll be in foster care. I didn't want to take him in because my girlfriend (of 2 years) just move in with me and space is pretty tight. And we (we're both 19) both work full time and we decided not to take him in. Plus my girlfriend and me doesn't like kids and thinks money would be even tighter.

My bro is in foster care now. When I call him today and he couldn't talk because he was "busy" with homework. I know for a fact doesn't do school work. This happen before and he's not talking to me.

My brother's foster parents call me saying his grades are dropping (he use to get c's and he's f's subject he's taking) and he's picking on other kids at school. Is this all because I wouldn't be his guardian?

Now I'm feeling like the worse brother ever.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well dude, no offense but you probably shouldn't be with your girlfriend if she doesn't understand the importance of family. I have a horrible relationship with my older brothers and family in general for that matter. Yet when I needed them and vice versa they were there for me and I for them. My bros were never very supportive as far as watching me do sports, concerts, etc. but when they committed to coming they came, no matter what. One of my bros girlfriends wanted him to ditch my game that he was going to watch so they could go out with some of her friends, she made him choose her, or me. I never saw her again.

You have to realize that your little bro looks up to you a lot and wants to spend time with you and even though he has said all these nasty things to you, still cares about you and wants nothing more than your approval. If money and space are tight, well let him know things will be tough, you can skimp on going out to eat, dvds, cable tv, you'd be surprised what one can live without and still live decently as far as comforts go. As far as his grades are concerned. Let him know that if he wants to stay he has to keep his grades up and do chores around the apartment to earn his keep.

I can garuntee you you will regret not taking your brother in at all, so I recommend that you do it now, and if your girlfriend makes such a big fuss, give her a choice; both of you or neither of you.

AOgixxer750 · Accepted Answer

alot of peopel are tearing you a new one here. and I don't blame them. I would go to the moon and back from any of my brothers. but this isn't about me, its about you. and from what I've read no ones really giving you any advice on the situation. being that he is a minor, you should qualify for child care money from the government. you'll have to fnid out for sure tho. look it up for the state that you live in. or call up child services and ask them about it cause if money is one of the reasons why your not living with your bro then this could help you out.

RedneckGirl-06 · Accepted Answer

I'm not gonna say anything mean or judgmental to you cause that's not what you need. All I have to say is that it probably would have been better for him if you had said yes. he really needs a strong positive roll model and I don't think that its all your fault. he may put partial blame on himself for yall's parents.or he may feel like you don't really love him all that much because you said no.but more importantly what you need to remember is that he is probably still grieving over the loss. and as far as the last part no you didn't do anything wrong a nine year old has no business speaking to anyone the way that he spoke to you. just try to be understanding and if you haven't already explain to him one on one that the reason you didn't take him in was because that didn't think you could give him the life and care that he deserves. don't tell him yall don't like kids cause that will just make him feel worse.be loving, be kind, be VERY patient, and be understanding. remind him that he wasnt the only one who lost loved ones. your grieving too.  I'm only 20 but I have had to deal with tough stuff too. not that bad but still tough.hope this helps.good luck

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

your brother is rly mad at u. his still recovering from your parents death and execpts to be comforted and supported by his brother. but when you kinda turned him down, you rly hurt him. in his eyes he feels like your girlfriend is much more important to you then him and he kinda feels betrayed by u. anyway so when you hung up the phone on him after he asked u, that kinda showed him that you don't rly care and don't want him. if you answered him, that mite have helped.

when your brother swears at u, his expressing his rage and lets jst say that he doesn't rly like u. everything he is doing is a reaction to how he feels. and this is the only way he knows how to express himself. the sooner you solve this issue the better. and try not to include your girlfriend in any of your one on one brother time, cause he sees her as one of the main rsns that you are taking care of him. try to talk to him in a slow, calm, patient tone. don't rly try to authorize him, cause u'll be only pushing his buttons. jst lsn to him. if I were u, I would put myself in his shoes. and let him live with u. your family is in a rly vunerable state and family comes first.

mzindependant92 · Accepted Answer

You should have too him in regardless that there's no room and you and your girlfriend don't like kids becuz the most important thing is he's your brother he's ONLY 9 so he can't be a man he can't suck it up he just lost the two most important people in his life,there are millions of families all over the world and in the united states who have a whole bunch of kids live in one tiny apartment both parents and even some of the kids sometiems have to work fulltime just to make sure the family makes it now compared to one little 9 year old kid who wouldve been in school the majority of the day and its onli you and your girlfriend he's not a whole lot do deal with he can do all the basics tie his shoelace read write tell you when he doesn't feel well feed himself bath himself you really onli have to make sure he has what he needs do you think when your parents had you both they said they didn't like kids or there's no room so lets give them up for adoption.think about it whatever else happens to your brother after this could be your fault becuz he was depending on you.

A-Soldiers-Wife07 · Answer

I'm sorry but your one hell of a selfish person. He just lost his parents, and all he has in the world is you, and you turn him away. Now he's going to be in foster care, passed from home to home (hopefully that won't be the case) and already has some serious anger issues. Thanks to you. I just can't believe how selfish you are! You couldn't sacrifice a little bit for your brother, who is your flesh and blood?!?!? I sacrifice every single day of my life, and so does my husband to help people like you he doesn't even know. Yet you won't even help your own family. And this is the slum my husband is putting his life on the line for. You should be ashamed of yourself!

sha1980 · Answer

I can't believe what I'm reading.this is crazy.how old is your bro 9 he still a baby .honest to god if you don't take yo bro and get a bigger place you will regret that decision for the rest of your life.your parents are gone sadly to say.yet you have a responsibility that baby is out in this big ass world which may swallow him.all the stuff happening to kids now in these days mentally and emotionally he crying out.girlfriend my ass.you will be highly blessed if you grew up a lillte faster and took on the responsiblility of your brother.basically save his life.girlfriend come and go . IS SHE YOUR WIFE.

ImJustTheGirlForU · Answer

I would resent you too if you didn't take me in, because it shows how important your brother is really to you. So what if you're with the girl of 2 years. Blood always comes first. Your parents are gone, so all You guys have are each other. Blood's thicker than water.

He's feeling a lot of resentment, and anger as well hurt. You can't blame him for feeling that way he does. How would you feel if you were in the same situation? You should have taken him in right away. Don't expect him to open his arms to you in the future when you're in need of help. Because you dont' deserve it.

Even though you're trying to make things better now. Your decision making in the beginning was the cause and effect of this outcome.

That's just my opinion. If I were him, I'd hate you, but God always said to forgive, he'll forgive, but he'll probably won't ever forget how kind you were to have child services take him to a foster home instead of taking him in yourself.

melle · Answer

why are you even questioning its something to do with you?

Of course it is, he's just lost his parents he's nine years old. can you imagine what's going on in his head, and you arnt even there for him. you chose a girlfriend of 2 years for a brother of 9. that's low man.

your not acting like a brother at all, you should be there for him to raise him the way ur parents would want you too through money problems and everything he's your brother afterall.

sort it out before any more damage is done, get him to live with you and what he posted about you on facebook is most likely him just taking his anger out but there's only one way to solve all this and tbh I think you know tha answer already you just don't want that to be the answer you want an easy way out of your responsibilities as a brother. well that won't happen

be a man, and take care of your brother.

jayj17 · Answer

He's your brother, he's practically your flesh and blood because you have the same freaking parents. It's sort of hard to believe that you let him go into foster care with all that shit  that's out there, but I can tell that you probably thought you did it because financially you can't afford it maybe. But jeeze, he's your brother, he's probably heaps confused because you are right there and he can't live with you. And it doesn't matter if you don't like kids, he's not just a KID he's your BROTHER! take him back in, your parents would have wanted you to help him through that time.

ladygothicka · Answer

I think your brother misses you. You're the only person he had left, and in his eyes you've deserted him when he really needed you. I understand how he feels, and I understand that you must be having a hard time making ends meet, but I think you and your brother need to sit down together and have a chat. Try and get him to understand that space is tight and that you haven't got a lot of cash. Don't, whatever you do, shut him out. At the end of the day he is your brother and you should at least try. If he doesn't want to listen, I would get in touch with the school and ask them if there is any support that they can offer him. Please don't shut your brother out, though.

banna25 · Answer

you can't play that whole "but he can forget it now" he is crying for you in the inside.do you have any idea how hurt he must feel.get your butt on the phone and get tell you brother he can live with you.and if he says he doesn't want to because you an asshole, just ignore it. he's just mad because you left him and he has every right to be mad at you, in time he will thank you tho, do you have any idea how screwed up some of those foster homes are. kids can get raped in there. GET YOUR BROTHER OUT OF THERE NOW

coolguy93939 · Answer

dude I hate to say this but you are

man he's your little brother. your all

hes got left that's his blood. your

the closes thing to his parents.

your the only one who can tell them

how your parents where. he's acting

up a lot, he needs that bigger brother

or father figure to take over.

i don't think the foster parents are

able to control him, or don't know

how to control them themselves.

i would never pick a girl over my little brother

bros before hoes.

it would have been just like having a kid for you

just that you didn't have to deal with the

early over night feeding and stuff.

if I were you id get that kid back. not only

that, he's the last thing you got that are

from your parents. you think your parents

woulda liked for some strangers to rise their

kid? hell nah, they would have rather had

their big brother, someone with their

same ideals, and values. someone that

was rised by them.

wonderingwhy · Answer

I think for now you've done the right thing by not taking him in because in order to raise a child you have to actually 'grow up' yourself.  You didn't handle it responsibly and just hanging up was not the right thing to do.  But don't beat yourself up too much, but it was a little bit selfish to let him go off into foster care, but at the same time, you knew you couldn't do it on your own(even if you have your little girlfriend too) so you let him go somewhere where he would be remotely cared for. That's the only good thing out of it.

self1 · Answer

I think he is acting out because A.) both of his parents are dead, B.) I'm sure he feels like you don't want him and C.) Everything in his life has changed , he's with these new people he doesn't now, everyone he loved seems to be gone.

I know your tight on money and maybe right now really isn't the best time to have him staying with you.

But make sure to call him everyday.and maybe have him sleep over your house on weekends or something.

You have to make sure to engrave in his mind how much you love him and how much you care about him.

skootz · Answer

yu didn't dump her yet? dude that's your blood you should of took him in in the first place and kicked her ass out. tell her to stay with her parents for a few months until things got a little bit more stable so you can take care of your little brother. I don't mean to sound like a bitch dude but I think that's what your parents would want. they wouldn't want there 9 year old living with complete strangers. and that's a hard age and its just gonna get harder for him because here comes the pre teen years and then teenage years and boom he could be messed up about that for a while and be pissed at yu for a LONG long time. consider it. and have a serious talk with him. and I think you need to dicipline him too if I told my mom to f*** off at the age of 9 my ass would probaly still be sore today lol.

Anonymous · Answer

dude, his parents just died, then he felt you his own brother wouldn't take him in. he's 9 at that stage where they need a lot of help. pubirty will start to kick in honestly I'm not tryingto be mean but that was a big mistake not takeing him in. he's YOUR brother. your girlfriend needs to get that into her head too. your brother comes before your gf, that is that. he will always be your brother no matter what you do, she may not always be your gf. try to do stuff with him put him in sports bring him to the gym. have him find something that he likes to do that will keep him focused. most of the times if kids don't do stuff like that they get in truble. there's still time to trun him around. so do it. as much as you may not like it he's your responsibility.

Anonymous · Answer

youve got to remember he's a little kid 9! w.e he says shouldnt bother someone 10years older then him and he's just saying that to try to get ur attention he's mad at you right now and I wouldn't blame him for what happened he's mad and he doessnt know how to handle the situation he's in he's scared confused and doesn t know how to act think about it this is the only way any 9year old could get attention and his parents jus passed away you guys need to stick together what would ur parents want? what would you want?

Anonymous · Answer

wat ur doin is wrong take ur brother what ur girlfreinds is saying is pretty mean you never tell a little kid to be a man an to stop crying its okay to cry and okay to act childish because he is a child I don't think  ur the worst brother ever you jus needed time to think it through but asof now I thinik that you should take ur brother in I mean he's lost his parents all he has left is you my advice to you is to take him iin if you were in his spot what would you want? to be in foster care and grow up to prob drugs or somethin of that sort or to live with ur brother all you have left think about it the choice is yours.

confused1081 · Answer

I think the way for you to be a man is to take your brother in.  You're the only family he's got.  Yeah maybe you don't have tons of money, maybe space is tight BUT THAT'S YOUR FRIGGEN LITTLE BROTHER FOR GOD'S SAKE!  You had what he didn't at his age.yeah it's hard for you but honestly, it's your responsibility to take him on and raise him up properly.

Wants2KissYaaa · Answer

Fucked up. I don't care what anybody says. That is your OWN brother. YOUR PARENTS DIED. HE NEEDS THAT OLDER PERSON THAT HE ALREADY KNOWS WELL TO BE THERE FOR HIM,. butt I guesds its yto late now. You already put him down, made him feel like he is not important, made him feel like SHIT, Well some people commit suicide over stuff like this. you need to talk to him, be nice, gentle, Who gives a f*** about your stupid girlfriend it's not her say in what you want to do, Just trie to win him back to you with Sympathy, understandingg, and kindness!

cedarrose · Answer

You're brother needs you. He's only 9 and both his parents just died. If you aren't taking care of him because your girlfriend doesn't like kids, I think you need to reevaluate your relationship with her. Does she realize that he's your nine year old brother, who because of her, is now living in foster care even though his big brother could take care of him? That's wrong.

banna25 · Answer

You can't keep him in that foster home, take him in, you are the only thing he has left, after both parents dying and than his own brother not wanting him.He probably feels abandon. Let him live with you or things could become serious and he could get involved with bad things

Wtfgirl · Answer

I would say that was a selfish call you made. But if you did it mainly because of what your girlfriend said, then I would consider you a pushover. He's family, she's not. Take your pick.

I will sujest you do something to make it up to him so he knows that someone loves him that's related to him. I know it's going to be hard (how would you make up the fact that both his parents died and he thinks his older brother cares about his girlfriend more than about him). Just think about it.

randomgirl13 · Answer

he is 9.. traumatic things happened..  what do you think your parents are thinking.. and if your girlfriend loves you then she wouldn't have let you say no.. take your brother in. he is already traumatized, now he is homeless.     yes dump your stupid girlfriend

sweethottie · Answer

Fristly family is first and important.. You were wrong to not take in ur bro d a1st time. But eventually you did da rite ting... Ur gurl seems to be the prob.. If my boyfriend was in this situation I wuld hav taken him in and love him too whether I like it or not.. Cus if it was me I wuld hav taken in any of my family members without tinking... Luk ur bro was in hurt so much hurt afta ur parents died he needs sum1 to talk to sum1 to luv.. he needs u.. Jus b ther for him you will b better off.. Besides you see ur gurl is cheating you shuld feel like an ass now cus she actually made you not tak in ur bro!

its up to you I can't make decisions for you I can jus advice u.. and that's my advice to u.. Hold onto ur bro at d end of the day only he shuld matter to u!

RedneckGirl-06 · Answer

I would kick her out  (politely) if she is going to cheat on you instead of support you then she isn't what's best for you right now.especially if you have been together for two years.and then take the time to get to know your little brother better and have some one on one time.

RedneckGirl-06 · Answer

well it could be that he's angry that his hole world has been turned upside down twice, he may feel like no body wants him.you told him no first and now the foster parents. or it could just be he needs a MAJOR attitude adjustment to get rid of his attitude problem or it could be all of the above. :)

fallingforhim07 · Answer

I'm 20 and I have three younger brothers I'm the oldest and I couldn't ever imagine loosing my parents. Family is blood hun and you never turn your back on family. Your brother is 9 you and your girlfreind have been together for 2 years. You have probly watched your brother grow up. Don't you think that your parents would want you to take care of him through hard times tough times happy times sad times.? Right now your brother is still grieving he probly thinks that he's to blame for the accident and that you blame him to and that's why you don't wanna take him in. My oppinion if my parents died tomorrow there would be no doubt in my mind that I would take my three younger brothers in no matter what! Just remember one thing here family has always got your back! You screw that up you got nothing in this world. I really hope that you do decide to take him in He needs you right now! More than ever. Do the right thing!

i wish you the best

wonderingwhy · Answer

Probably does have a little to do with you.  He's young, he's 'rebelling' in his mind.  He's hurt and not feels like he's got nothing to lose and he's going about the wrong direction. But don't blame yourself completely, he made those choices on his own.

coolguy93939 · Answer

hey you come on here asking if your

the worst brother ever and you are.

you chose a girl over your brother

i hope he becomes mad rich (and famous if he wants)

and you just go broke so

he doesn't have you take you in

now that I think about it

im glad you aren't taking him in

he doesn't need a bitch

made nigga to rise him anyways

K-Taylor · Answer

you chose your girl over your family? you know the saying.bros before.(not saying the end to that one because its disrespectful to women) but that meaning is just and I don't think you made it any better by hanging up on him.think about it he's only 9 and all he has is you. I think you need to re-think this whole living situation.blood is thicker than water.

akeyz · Answer

ALL I can can say is that's some saDDD shyt I nerli cried reading this shyt

THATS UR BROTHER FAMILY you don't have ur parents anymore you got him

AS for ur girlfriend bro Bitches come && gOO.

well its so clear that he doesn't have his parents anymore all he has left is you

SO he wants you all to himself && that's not a badd thing

its so obvious he doesn't like ur gf

well she does sound like an up tight BITCH.

Chevybabyy95 · Answer

Im sorry that's really dumb and FUCKED UP fo sho. I would take my sister over some guy.  because you can get another girlfriend you can't get another brother. I wouldn't talk to you either if I was ur brother. you parents were killed and he has no one but you and you pick a girlfriend? that's soo wrong in many def ways.

Lola-Bunny-13 · Answer

your a fcking idiot.thats all I have to say.i don't blame him for calling your girlfriend a dumb slut becayse you chose her over him.not cool.you really are an ass and karma is a bitch. you'll get yours.

Anonymous · Answer

Family always comes before girlfriends / boyfriends.

I can't believe people would even question over this.

It just makes it ten times worse if your family is a little brother. If your girlfriend doesn't want you to look after your brother, then she's a terrible person.

Similar situation for my cousins, and my cousin is treating his younger sister the same way you`re treating your brother now.

I think you're completely heartless.

Anonymous · Answer

WOW your a wonderful brother no wonder he wouldn't talk to you, hell I wouldn't either, you wouldn't take in your own brother because your girlfriend and you don't like kids, uh dude he's your brother, not random kid off the street. If I was your brother when I got older I would kick your ass and I'm sure that's what he's thinking right now, since you just abandoned him. That's pretty damn low man, I hope you do feel bad that your an idot.

Anonymous · Answer

To be honest I'm not close with my brother at all.

I'm 21 and he's 17 and if I were in your situation I would still absolutely take my little brother in.

Although we don't get along he's my only brother and as far as your girlfriend is concerned she can always be replaced you can't replace your brother.

When he gets older imagine what he's going to think about his life, missing your parents and his relationship with you.

Foster care is mostly for children and kids who don't have anyone in their life, no family, no support system and that is not where he belongs if he has you.

Anonymous · Answer

If this is for real.you sound like that you need help to get your life back on track in order to be there for your little brother. And if this is not for real.this site is for people that would like feed back on issues that are real.not to get a kick out of people's thoughts and concerns.

I wish the best for you either way.get a life if this is a prank or get professional help for yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

DANG THAT IS REALLY SKANDLOUS OF You TO DO THATS UR BLOOD RIGHT THERE WHAT IF THAT WAS U? HOW WOULD FEEL IF You HAD TO LIVE WIT PEOPLE WHO You DONT KNOW IF THE MONEY IS TIGHT THEN ASK THE FOSTER KARE SERVICE PEOPLE IF THEY KAN HELP You WIT MONEY DEN You PROBABLY WONT EVEN HAVE TO WORK

jayj17 · Answer

I wouldn't blame him for saying that, I would've said that. He might not ever talk to you again. You have to try and make it up to him or something but I hardly believe he'll let you back into his life. You've lost your little brother bro.

girlsloveboys · Answer

are you f***ing serious? dump the girl and take your brother in ! its doesn't take a rocket scientist, sorry sweetie but friends/bitches/assholes COME AND GO! FAMILY STAYS FOREVER I'm so disapointed I read this article

RedneckGirl-06 · Answer

Its obvious either A) he is jealous of your girlfriend, he may think that you picked her over him.

or B) he has finally realized your the alpha male and he has decided to follow your lead.at least for now that is. or C) it could be both A and B.

Anonymous · Answer

Obviously he's gonna get mad, and say stuff about you on facebook or whatever. you would too if you were in his position . plus what he said was true, you are assholes for doing that, and clearly can not be trusted. I'd do the exact same thing, and what he wrote about you just proves he's really hurt. wow.

dannyboy187 · Answer

The kid is 9, with NO parents think about what this could do to him to be rejected by you. You make room for him, and if your Girlfriend can't understand that then drop her ass like a bad habit.

You make me SICK.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, yeah. Take him in, personally I think he should be more important to you then space, money, and even your girlfriend.

Foster care, is usually somewhere nobody likes to be, and he must be in soo much pain after his parents dying and you not taking him in, he must feel like he has NOBODY. If I were you, I'd make arrangements to take him in as soon as possible.

Nut-Meg1453 · Answer

take the kid in I can't believe your doing to your brother. I don't blame him to hate you.

AJtogo · Answer

Hmmmm. I hate being suckered, but looks like you got me. I just answered the anonymous question from your younger brother asking if you care because you won't take him in.

Nice heartbreaking BS story. Ha ha.

ladiesman · Answer

dude ur all he has. remember he's a little kid and just lost everything his world revolvd around. call child services take him in. he needs you more than he ever has.

just-go · Answer

Are you kidding? You hang up on a 9-year-old who has no one else in this world but you? I have a brother who means everything to me. And no boyfriend in the world would stop me from taking care of my family. If you(an adult) don't know what to say, imaging how a little boy feels in this situation. Doesn't he mean anything to you?

Erika · Answer

dude, this shouldn't be a question, this is your blood! and when you and your selfish girlfriend break up, he won't forget this!

banna25 · Answer

yes he needs his brother.for gods sake don't ruin your brothers futor.he needs his older brother to look up too

Jackle19 · Answer

Both you and your girlfriend are probably the most selfish people I've heard of, and I'm pretty sure you deserve every name he calls you.

Anonymous · Answer

What the hell are you serious? You don't have to like kids to realize that he is your NINE YEAR OLD BROTHER (who you can NOT put on the streets and you shouldn't even threaten him with that) and you have a duty and responsibility to him. What you should do is say to hell with you girlfriend, and do what is best for your baby brother. You are a selfish asshole to treat your brother like that.

smartsexycool21 · Answer

well damn, I'd be mad at you too.putting your girlfriend before family.that is ridiculous

jayj17 · Answer

Are you just making this shit up as you go along? It's kinda getting annoying to see so many updates.

coolguy93939 · Answer

something funny here the parents kick out their adopted child? no, they can get sued. my foot up your ass

coolguy93939 · Answer

I talk to my girlfriend about what did and she said tell him to be a man and over it. what the hell does that mean?

Josh-N · Answer

Bros BEFORE Hoes dude LITTERALY! Its your f***ing brother!

ladygothicka · Answer

Work it out, all three of you. Don't do anything rash.

-StillWater- · Answer

You can't be serious with this.  You don't even have a sense of humor man.  You're pathetic

futurewriter3 · Answer

take your brother in it obviously has something to do with u

Avalace · Answer

Did you just make this up or are you really that big of an a**.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, it has something to do with you, it has pretty much EVERYTHING to do with you. try your best to fix this . asap.

Anonymous · Answer

First & Foremost; without a doubt, Family comes before anyone & anything!

Your brother needs you; I mean if he's only 9 who is he looking up to? really? .

He needs a role model, and that's your job as a brother.

Am I the worst brother ever

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