Why does he want me back now? What is the motive for this?

So me and my ex0 broke up about 3 months ago. He started to see someone just 3 days after we broke up. We still talked and stuff even after we broke up. He told me he wanted me to move on. So I started seeing this guy. Well one night, we went out and just so happened to run into my ex and his new GF. We didn't talk or anything. He just kept staring at me. He and his Girlfriend got into a huge fight and left. The next day he called me up and told me he missed me and wants to try again. I asked if he was still with "HER" and he said yes so I told him "NO". He tells me when ever we see each other that he is miserable and he misses me and wants me back. I tell him I'm seeing someone and he is still seeing "her". I mean we have kissed since then but I pushed him away and told him no we can't we have other people to think about. It is to the point that I can't be alone with him because whenever I am he tries to kiss me and even go further. It isn't that I don't miss him and would take him back if I wasn't seeing anyone. I do still have feelings for him but I also have feelings for the guy I'm seeing too.

Why is it now that I'm seeing someone else he wants me back? Why won't he break up with her? If, he really wanted me back you would think he would, right? Is it that he is trying to play a head game? His friends and family tell me that I'm all he talks about and how miserable he is with her. So I don't know. I feel bad that his new relationship isn't going well, I do wish him the best but what am I to do? Please help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • he wants to go off and date and be with other people while at the same time seeing you so that way he knows you have no one. It's a mind game fueled by jealousy. It's like how moms trick us into eating food..when one sibling likes something that the other doesn't the mom takes away that food from the child that doesn't like it and gives it to the one that does...causing the one that doesn't like it to feel jealous and want it back. (same example can be used with toys) [child hates a ball, mom gives it to another child...the child that had it first hates seeing the other child have fun with the ball so he throws a tantrum to get the ball he "hated" back.]

    I'm sorry to say, but it is all a game in which you are either the food or the ball...he enjoys the fact that he is with another person, but hates seeing you with someone or having fun with someone so he is trying to "win" you back by doing the things he use to do with you. *kisses and further*

    Forget about him hun, he obviously isn't man enough to make up his mind...enjoy your time with your new man-have fun!

    -best of luck!


What Guys Said 6

  • He's trying to use the Jealousy head-games to win you over, because he does care (which is shown by him constantly pursueing you); however, because he isn't mature enough to be straight forward with what he wants (you), then there are issues that make this a bad relationship.

    In lamens terms - he isn't ready, move on.

    Best regards,


  • What was going on in your head when you kissed him? How did it feel? What were you thinking at the time? In other words, did you feel that same spark from when you two were still together?

    I believe that his current relationship is a rebound after the relationship with you. He figured out that it is not working out with her and you were a better to be with than her.

    What about your current relationship? Is it a strong, healthy relationship or could it be a rebound as well?

    He feels that if he breaks up with her now that you won't break up with yours and you will reject him. He is afraid of that happening, and he is also afraid of being alone. That is why he won't break up with her yet.

    I believe that the ball is in your court now, whether you want to rekindle that relationship with him or stay with your current one. Who deserves you more? Who makes you feel more special? more at ease? more loved? If you can answer these questions, they might help you make a better decision for yourself and to let him know whether you want to be with him also or for him just to move on.

    I hope things work out between you two and for everything to untangle itself and become clearer. Best of luck!

  • he's using jealousy as an excuse to get you back.. he acctualy does care about you but doesn't know how to show it.. my best advice is for you to be open to him and tell him how you really feel and ask him how he feels.. try to find out if his feeling are genuine or if he is just faking because he doesn't want to see you move on (which would still show that he likes u..

    good luck :)

  • If he broke up with you then he made his choice.He wanted to date someone else. But he gets jealous seeing you with someone else. He sounds like a jerk.Sorry to say it. He just wants it all I guess.Who knows maybe he is just confused. But that's his problem now. SInce you are holding all the cards now you should let him go. If you continue to escalate it I doubt it will turn into anything good. Besides what about the guy you are with now?You should concentrate on him if it seems like a good thing.Past people are very rarely worth the time.You guys broke up for good reasons I'm sure.

  • Things are complicated since both of you are tied up in relationships. he's probably reluctant to leave her because he's simply afraid of being alone. He will probably need a good deal of confidence that you want him back too. Again, that's if it really is the right thing! It's natural to miss each other, especially if you really loved each other. These things are hard to answer because every relationship is unique

  • break all contact with him. he just pretty much wants sex most likly. everyone wants what they can't have. if he dumped you once he will do it again.


What Girls Said 6

  • he is jealous of what he can't have. when he saw you with that guy he realized that she isn't as good as you. I think that he has realized tha the screwed up big time and he really wants you back, but he won't leave her because he thinks you won't take him back. if you want to ve with him, then show him. if not, you need to let him know that you are not interested and move on with your life. don't play games with him, like he is doing to you. he wants you, but he is a guy, and he won't admit he wants you back. it is your choice.

  • He told you to move on and find someone else, now you did and he wants you back. He loved when you were missing him and still into him. Two girls after him gave him an ego trip. Not sure how long the 2 of you dated since it doesn't say...but he got with someone 3 days later? Sounds like he had someone lined up. Looks like his new experiment failed and he is trying to come back around. It's really up to you whether or not you want to get back with him. I'm sure he is miserable without you and he probably won't get rid of the girl unless you get rid of the guy. In my opinion he doesn't want to be alone and likes having someone there as most people do. At any rate he is being unfair to this new girl and you are letting some guy that took off and met someone 3 days later potentially mess up a could be good thing. I say if you like the new guy stick with him if he didn't do anything screwed up. I'd cut off contact with the ex. When you snooze you lose. You met someone new and he thought you'd be pining over him forever. Goodluck with the new guy!

  • He wants you back cause he dosnt like seeing you with someone else. its one of those "if I can't have you, no one can" head game things. carry on with your life with your new bf. if he is miserable in his current relationship, that's his problem, not yours. he could leave her if he wanted to, but I don't think he wants to be alone. He jumped into that relationship oftly fast, and rebounds rarely work out but it dosnt mean you have to pick him back up. He broke up with you once, and he will likely do it again.

  • He wants his cake and eat it too. Hahaha.

    He wants to date his current girlfriend and you at the same time, while leaving your boyfriend with nothing.

    What a selfish prick. Tell him to f*** off!

  • you should think really hard about who you really wanna be with , that's all I can say

    me and my ex boyfriend were together for almost 3 years we just broke up 3 weeks ago after 2 week that we broke up I found out he has a new girlfriend and I don't no what to do I still love him and want him back he still texted me sometimes and I just don't no what to do enymore to get him back can someone help me me out please ? :( I miss him I can't sleep I can't do enything , we broke up because I had jealousy isses and he got fed up with that I no its my fault but I would take it back if I could but I cant, I really wanna be with him it hurts so much because after 2 weeks of not being together his already seeing someone, its like he hasn't even care and just forgot about what we had I was a really good girlfriend to him he even told his mom that he knows I'm the right girl for him but his just fed up with the jealousy but I have change I really have it so have, we had so much plans together and it hurts because he acts like we never happend well that's what I think.

    he still talks to me sometime asks me how I em and he said he will always be here for me as a friend but I wanna be more then a friend . please I need someones help :(