How can you love someone yet still leave them?

my boyfriend and i have gone through a really tough time during 2017, before we used to be so great together. I literally love him so much and i don't want anyone else unless it's him :( but.. he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore because recently our relationship has been too stressful. I'm trying to work things out to get them back to how they used to be but he just says there isn't any point because in a month or so time we will be back in this same situation.
I don't know what to do, i'm at a lose-lose situation.. If we break up i honestly fear i will never be the same again, he sort of became my happy place even without me wanting him too be. But if we stay together i know he won't be happy because it's not what he wants therefore i won't be happy seeing him unhappy. There is just no winning in this situation !!!
I feel so heartbroken and lost, i just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like everything around me if falling apart..
He says he loves me and that i'm the love of him life but he doesn't want to be with me anymore and that this is best for both of us.
I don't understand how can you love someone yet let them go?

ps. no he isn't seeing someone else


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have to think with your head, instead of your heart. I can love someone completely, but if he cheats on me? I'm out. I don't want to be out, but I know what is good for me... so... I'm out - and I don't look back.

    Is it easy? No. But you grow and mature as you make these decisions in your life. You get stronger and expect more from the next relationship - not just giving in because you are in love.

    What do you do? Go out with friends. See a movie. Hang out. Date. Date some more. Don't date one guy, go out with several if you want - not sex, just dating. Have a good time. Relax and enjoy your freedom and above all else.. don't talk to your ex. Once it's over it's over. Be strong, don't text or answer texts. Don't ask on about him. In all honesty, you will slowly begin to hurt less and you WILL become stronger and more self sufficient.

    Good luck... truly.

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    • thank you very much for your advice and all the suggestions.. i will remember all of this xx

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What Guys Said 14

  • Yes , you can love someone yet leave them. If all you are doing is hurting each other it's better to part.

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  • first of all.. if he truly wanted to be with you he would do some changing of his own.. it take two to have differences. he has to identify what part he played in falling out of love or commitment with you. you both need to sit down an write out your differences on paper then put least critical first , then the most important last... that way it shows a positive building foundation that your both are able to communicate and resolve differences. now your ready to take on the real challenge but don't argue or point fingers. think how long you've been together then think how long you both committed to each other. dont think "how can i change to make it work" tell him" how can we change to rekindle the fire an get rid of all the smoke... good luck

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    • honestly i've tried. He just says it won't work and we are just prolonging being back in this situation

    • okay! then you let him take his course of action.. split up! say you need to be fair with me and not contact me. wait 2-5 weeks i bet he will contact you. put the ball in his court and get on with your life. dont focus on him... he will come back.. AND DONT GIVE IT UP GF!!! make him show you by his actions

  • You can both love someone and recognize that you are suited to be with them. Love =/= a relationship being a good thing between two people.

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  • Hopefully this is a lesson learned. Like, why was it so stressful in the first place? Do you nag and whine? Argue and fight?
    My bet is you have expectations and make sure they're known, valid or otherwise. Some women think just because they have a feeling everyone should know about it. Try a more relaxed approach and not all wound up like a coiled spring ready to pop.

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    • it was stressful because he cheated on me and i took him back because it was a one time thing and he was drunk. But i guess i never really forgave him and it caused a lot of trust issues

    • Well, that was your first big mistake. Once a cheater always a cheater. And it wasn't because he was drunk - it was cuz he wanted to or he wouldn't have gotten an erection and did her with it. Come on, please. You might be able to kid yourself but likely not anyone else is gonna buy it.
      These are not 'trust issues'. This is cheating and you should have left him when it happened.

      You really need to reassess your loyalties and then choose someone worth being loyal to.

      Choose wisely. Treat kindly.

  • Ahh this situation sucks completely... sometimes the person who you Love doesn't feel the same for you anymore..

    Maybe go no contact with him and see what happens? He maybe is talking you for granted... and it may be time to show you that he can't do that

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  • there is another outcome with a better win win situation...
    let him go for some time to clear of his mind ... and try to adjust life without him... cause he might like someone else during that period... else it would or might go back as it use to be... and less stressful ... best of luck

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  • Learn your lesson from this. Dont take back a cheater. He broke that trust and it won't ever be repaired. Thats how you can love someone and no yet not be with them

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  • Painful

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    • you have no idea, im considering going on holiday just to get away from it all

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    • he is not away?

    • what !
      I can't get him... what made him to take such decision?

  • you never know what have until you lose it. maybe you got close to soon you scared him off. either way your right its a lose lose. the only thing to do now is grin and bare it. you ll survive because you have to. yes you ll fall apart but its not forever. you ll meet someone else , and learn from your mistakes. god or the universe doesn t put anything in front of you , you can t handle.

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    • we been together for 2 years so i didint get too close too soon

  • Go get counseling together, take a trip, go do something to spice up your love life, but counseling will help a lot if you two really live each other but has to be no judgement.

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  • yup. ... extreme cases are called suicide's

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  • sounds like you 2 have grown apart.

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  • Disappear on him and see what happens. Maybe he's taking it for granted and won't know until he loses it. If he really loves you he'll come after you. Have fun in the mean time. Don't overdo it and don't do things that you will both regret later. You're looking to get stronger while one last time tryin to fix it or at least get him to want that happening.. Don't blow it off your face obviously haha

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  • Yeah, sometimes you care for someone but sometimes you have too.

    In your case though I'd see if you could get couples counciling and try to work things out. Maybe you just need some space from each other especially to think things through. All couples have rough points. Good couples work through them. Couples that last a long time know how to stick with a good relationship despite the problems (because all relationships have problems and no relationship is perfect).

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What Girls Said 9

  • Can totally understand the situation. But mostly his side! You see I use to like a guy who I adored, and he liked me a lot too. We were each others happiness but because of his situation.. his health.. it hurt me a lot. Even though he didn't mean to, everyday it impacted me and he couldnt do nothing about it. I thought it was best if we stay as friends.

    Up to this day we still care about each other but I am happier being the way we are now.

    You boyfriend wants his happiness back.. its unfair to keep him trapped; just let him go

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    • but he tells me that i am his happiness and he can't do life the same without me, yet he wants to leave.. i just can't accept that

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    • yes we decided to give each other some space. so we left each other for about two weeks and a bit and then yesterday he said that he feels its best we go our separate ways

    • His health? It hurt you a lot? Explain?

  • Sometimes it's the very most loving thing you can do... giving a person you live the autonomy and freedom to make their own choices and decisions for themselves. You never ever have control over anyone in the world except yourself. Loving them enough to honor their right to make their choice, and knowing the only response you can control is yours. People are in our lives by choice, as we are in theirs.

    Sometimes the greatest heartbreak comes from trying to control something that's not ours to decide, even though we wish it was. When people do something other than what we want most, it's painful because we think we know how it would go better, and if they'd just listen to us... it could. But, that's our perspective, not theirs. If you decided you really wanted and needed to go, and he refused to let you, how would you feel? Most likely smothered, and like he's trying to control you, and it would push you further. Release your grip on him and everything outside your control. Do you, and the rest will do as it does. Love him by letting him go.

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  • Let him go , Lick your Wounds and try hard to move on
    If you're meant to be together
    he'll come back to you.

    I know it hurts

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  • Just because you love someone doesn't mean you two are meant for each other.

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  • When you truly love someone, you stick around and work it out. There are few things, in my mind, that can't be worked out. There are a lot of people out in the world that let go of a relationship for petty reasons, and regret it for the rest of their lives. You have to work really hard, all the time. That's just how relationships are. The good ones last.

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  • I wouldn't listen to him. Your the love of his life? Yeah you can love a person and not be with them but love of his life? Pretty bullshit to me. He would stayed and tried to make things better

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  • Because things just don't work sometimes. Maybe you two aren't meant for each other then.

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  • Because. They don't see it that way

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  • Yes , when u don't see future

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