My boyfriend wants to propose with the same ring he gave his ex-fiance!

Question

Give me your opinion

My boyfriend wants to propose with the same ring he gave his ex-fiance. We have been together for 8 months and its been two years since him and his ex were engaged. I'm worried it will bring back old feelings, I say that only because she broke up with him after cheating on him for more than half of their two year relationship.

RedSmartie · Accepted Answer

It's so impersonal. He picked out that ring with her in mind, not you (or worse, she picked it out). It doesn't matter if it won't resell for much, it's better to resell it for what little he'll get and then wait until he can afford one that is genuinely for you. That ring is something that you will wear for the rest of your life, it shouldn't be some skank's hand-me-down. I'd rather have a cheap ring that is meant for me than an expensive one that was meant for someone else.

Side note: In high school I was in The Sound of Music and I was playing Elsa, who is the rich woman that the main guy is briefly engaged to. There was a scene in the play in which he and I broke up and I took the ring off and shoved it into his hand and then walked out. Then he had a heartfelt conversation and a duet with the main girl Maria, and then proposed to her immediately after. But the thing that disgusted me was, the ring NEVER left his hand the entire time! I swore then that I would never take some girl's secondhand ring, and neither should you.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

What?! That's insane, I understand he probably wants to try and save money. Engagement rings aren't cheap. But can he not pawn it or try and get some sort of trade in for a different one? (I'm honestly not sure how that works). But I'm sure if he went to a jeweller they would give him some money for it, then he could use that towards one for you.

I agree, yes it should just be seen as a symbol. But the fact that he had that ring, with intention to give it to another girl, I just think that is just a really tacky and bad thing to do.

The problem is, the ring has memories, a past. And even if you two are quite happy, when you look at that ring you will think of his ex. That's not fair to you.

I think a new ring, new memories and new beginnings are in order.

Sparkling · Accepted Answer

I don't think the ring will make him to associate you with his ex. He saved it because it's a ring and rings are expensive.

That said, personally I wouldn't accept a ring he'd given to anyone else before. I wouldn't feel at all comfortable, I'd feel like I was second best even though that's not at all what he meant. I'd honestly rather have a a fake $10 ring for engagement than an expensive one he'd given to another before.

So my advice is, decide for yourself what that ring means to you. If you don't think you'll be bothered, keep it, but if you think you will TELL HIM. Tell him that you'd love to be his fiancé, and you're so happy that he asked, but you feel really uncomfortable carrying that ring because for you it feels like her ring.

DanAG · Accepted Answer

A ring is just symbolism, so it shouldn't matter. On the other hand it's pretty tacky doing that. On other other hand, it's something very expensive and it's stupid to just throw it away or sell it at a fraction cost. But well, it's still really tacky and there is just no way of getting around that.

An engagement ring should be something you like, and it shouldn't matter what your reasons are for liking or not liking it. It's something symbolic and romantic and something you should cherish for what it symbolizes. None of those things need to be logical or practical. They are reason enough by themselves.

convused · Accepted Answer

Do you know anyone working in a Jewelry near you ? Talk to your boyfriend in a way that you show him you are tolerating his financial problem and talk with him about an alternative, you will lose the price of artisanship or style of the jewelry... but why not give some extra and buy a new one ?

Showing him you tolerate his financial problems and your ability to discuss, solve and decide together is a nice step you can do before being engaged !

And why not choosing the ring together ?

Come on guys ! It' not just a gift. she will take everyday with her !

kia58 · Answer

I wouldn't like that. Engagement ring is symbolic. It's an expression of love and you have that one person in your mind when you buy it. The fact that he intended it for you has a meaning, just like giving it to you does. Technically it is like a hand-me-down engagement ring and that would make me feel very uncomfortable. It is as if he is symbolically suggesting you are a replacement.

On the other hand, I don't care for engagement rings. I honestly don't see the point. You both buy and wear the wedding rings anyway. What's the point of buying two rings for the girl? =/

So considering the fact that it would bother me, that this was a token of love originally meant for someone else, and that I don't give a sh*t about engagement rings... In your shoes, I'd just ask him to sell it and find the cheapest replacement possible even if it's fake, or even plastic. I don't care. Just not that one.

Anonymous · Answer

To me it's disrespectful to propose with a ring that was meant for someone else. I understand that engagement rings aren't cheap but that ring is a reminder of a woman that he once loved and wanted to be with then for whatever reason it didn't work out.

Honestly, I think he should be understanding about the situation. The ring isn't the problem, its the memory of who the ring was originally meant for and how he felt when he bought it. In my eyes, that ring is a symbol of another woman. Maybe I'm over reacting but what if you bought something for an ex and ended up giving to your current boyfriend and he was well aware of it? Would it be a problem to him? At the same time guys are different so maybe that wasn't a good example but still. :-/

Talk to him and maybe you guys might come to some type of understanding.

UberTroll · Answer

I don't think you have to worry about how the ring will affect him. But I've always thought re-using an engagement ring is super tacky. It's supposed to be a special ring that is intended for you and you only. I don't think it would feel good to get a ring that you know was on another girl's finger. Why not tell him to sell that ring and use the money to buy a different one? Even if it's a little cheaper, at least it's YOURS!

why-makoto-kun · Answer

No, no, no! That is so tacky and unthoughtful. I would be reconsidering the relationship if my future s/o thought that was okay. Cheapskate. UGH.

You sure he doesn't have feelings for this old flame still? Or is he one of those miserly types who bitches when you go dutch at dinnertime?

may04 · Answer

I wouldn't worry about the old feelings coming back, but it's pretty tacky to reuse an engagement ring. He should cash it in and use that money to put toward a different one. He shouldn't be expected to spend a ton of money, but this way it's chosen specifically for you vs being a "hand-me-down".

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't be worried about his feelings regarding the ring, how are YOU supposed to feel about it?  I would not want to wear a ring he wanted to give to another girl, I'd think about it every time I looked at it and you are supposed to have good thoughts and memories related to your ring.  I think he should suck it up, pawn it or sell it, and get a different one.

Anonymous · Answer

The resale value for an engagement ring is like 10% of the original buying price. I had a broken engagement once and totally got screwed selling it but I had no choice. He stands to lose a lot of money selling it. That said, it is kind of tacky to give you a ring meant for someone else and I wouldn't do it.

However...he is also giving you the same heart he once wanted to give her. He wants you now.

jamiejean1021 · Answer

I second all the other girls that have spoken, maybe if he's worried about money, suggest selling the ring he currently has and use the money to get one of your own.

toulouse · Answer

well its not as if yore out there buying him a ring. why don't you go buy him a ring instead of complaining about the ring he's giving you

CindiluvsFriends · Answer

Hell to the no! That's pretty tacky-he should try and pawn it or something. I know *I* wouldn' want the ring.

Bunny212 · Answer

I wouldn’t want it, have him sell this ring and buy you a new one , simple, problem solved

emzy-89 · Answer

I would.nt be worried about feelings coming back, odds on he just kept the ring because  it was expensive. That being said, I'd have a hard time accepting a ring he once put on another womans finger.

Anonymous · Answer

Perhaps, he is financially tight at the moment. It's not about the ring. It's about the message he wants to convey.

costo · Answer

you deserve better hey... he should get you new ring

Anonymous · Answer

It's just a ring. I wouldn't care if my boyfriend did that to me. I would be happy that he saved his money and just used the ring he already has.

AudiR8 · Answer

Haha? He's crazy! xD

chI0e · Answer

hehe. no.

My boyfriend wants to propose with the same ring he gave his ex-fiance!

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