I've been dating my current girlfriend for about three months now and I am quite enamored with her. I know she's human and has her flaws, but I still think she's wonderful and I hope she is The One. She was out of town this week attending the funeral of a friend's mother, so I have been missing her and reflecting.
When I met her, I was infatuated. I am 60 years old and I was infatuated! That hasn't happened in a long time. She is extremely cute and we have an amazing commonality of interests. And how freaky is this? Thirty years ago, we both worked in the same city, 150 miles from where we are now, in the same building, in offices that were next to each other . . . and we never met, but we have at least 50 acquaintances in common.
When we met, I didn't know if she was dating anyone else and I didn't ask right away, but on our third date, I asked her about dating exclusively. She agreed that would be a great thing to do . . . when the time is right. So we continued dating and we got to know each other better. She eventually confessed to a fear that she was a rebound relationship for me but I told her that I had been on a first date with about 10 ladies since my divorce, and one of them I had dated for about 6 weeks. That seemed to address some of her hesitancy.
She bought a house and needed help moving. Of course, I volunteered to help her and I spent a great amount of time with her. We became even closer. I could feel that she was developing feelings for me and I certainly had feelings for her. I wondered when we would become intimate; for me, that signifies trust, closeness, and desire like nothing else. I was anxious for it to happen and she knew what I wanted. She told me that she didn't feel ready yet but she thought it would happen soon. Fortunately, I was patient.
It finally happened . . . once. The following weekend, she had someone else (a family member) spending the weekend with her. Then she went out of town for the funeral. She should be home later today and I will see her tomorrow night.
I have been trying to rush this relationship when it needed time to grow. Fortunately, we have communicated, I have been patient, and I have been blessed with a girlfriend who is patient with me. We are flourishing now but it could have easily turned out differently.
When I think back on previous relationships, I realize that there was happiness and wonderful experiences in all of the phases of the relationship (other than the break up.) The early days with my ex-wife were some very happy days and I treasure those memories despite the eventual demise of our marriage.
At my age, I should know better than to be in a rush with a relationship. Most of you don't have that age thing happening yet, so let me warn you:
1. You can screw up a perfectly good relationship by being in a hurry. Think back on the time you spent in elementary school; would you have wanted to skip grades 1-6 and just start out in 7th grade? How well would that have worked? If you push her to be intimate befoe she is ready, will she really think that her future is with you?
2. If the relationship becomes your final relationship (meaning he or she is The One,) one day you will look back and smile when you remember these times. You'll be glad you had these times and you'll be glad that you have those memories. When you get married and have children, will you want them to turn 18 two weeks after they're born? Of course not. Savor it at each stage!
So relax, unwind, and let it happen. If it is meant to be, it will be. In the meanwhile, enjoy the journey.
That's what I'm working on now. There are great rewards waiting for me and I am enjoying the anticipation, because I am confident that the best is yet to be.