Dating

The Science of “The Spark”

With a show of hands, how many of you have been rejected by somebody on the grounds that they didn’t feel any spark with you? A fair amount I can assume without even being able to see your hands.



All too often people lose out on potential partners based on the fact that the person they attempted to initiate did not feel a theoretical spark that would indicate whether or not the relationship is worth pursuing. Even more often I see people completely knocking the idea of the spark, claiming that it’s unrealistic and can be achieved if only this person gave them as many chances as necessary to make it happen.


I would have to disagree.


First and foremost, let’s explain the science of the spark with a real world analogy: let’s say that you are a rock, and your assets (personality, looks, etc.) make you a particular type of rock. The same goes for the person you are interested in. The dating process in this analogy is striking the rocks together in an attempt to make the elusive spark. If you are a smooth skipping stone and your partner is a sandstone then the likelihood of you creating a spark is extremely unlikely. However, if you and your partner are both ideal sparking stones, you are going to have zero issue creating a spark, subsequently lighting a flint and creating a passionate fire that can be fed by the both of you and kept alive for a long time. This is a successful relationship, in case that analogy wasn’t clear.


The Science of “The Spark”
Sometimes, the chemistry is real.



With all of the analogies aside though, don’t get too wrapped up in the word “ideal” that I used there, because this doesn’t suggest that you need to be a perfect ten in the eyes of the world. No, you simply need to be compatible, which makes you ideal for the person you’re trying to court. If you’re constantly going for people who aren’t compatible with you, then you’re going to continuously fail in creating the spark. Or worse off, you may not even be incompatible; you may just not be showing how compatible you truly are with a person by portraying yourself in an undesirable light, be that by being inappropriate or showing bitter behavior – so on and so forth.


Now that I gave you a run-through of analogies and theories, let’s get down to what exactly the spark is when referring to actual real life people: the spark is essentially the first feelings of infatuation that a person experiences when they meet somebody whom they find attractive emotionally and physically. For everyone, the timing of the spark is different, but more often than not, most people expect to feel this spark in the early stages of courtship. This is because of many things, but all of these reasons come down to a single explanation: no one wants to waste their time. No one wants to be lead on or to lead someone on, and no one wants to spend time with the wrong person when they could be out searching for the right one. As a result, people are quick to toss a “stone” aside to pick up a new one and begin striking away, hoping to get the spark they so eagerly desire.


After all: why keep striking the same stone that has failed to spark into your flint when you have the option of other stones? Sure, maybe if you strike it relentlessly it may spark, but there’s no guarantee that this spark will be enough to start a flame.


Are you sick of this analogy yet? Good, good.


The Science of “The Spark”
Spark, spark, spark, SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK ANALOGY SPARK!


I bet you’re waiting for me to give you a step-by-step how to on ensure that you make a spark between you and your love interest, but the truth is, is that there is no guide. Sure, I could suggest a few things to you and I have before in the past (see: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/a24057-escaping-the-dating-rut-by-being-straightforward ) but even that isn’t promised to create success for you, it’s just one of the many steps you can take towards self-betterment. In actuality, it all comes down to compatibility, but there are ways to improve how compatible you are without changing the core of who you are. Primarily, this involves self reflection and self improvement, which might come with sacrificing some of your more unappealing behaviors (such as being really bitter, untrusting, etc). Ultimately, you need to strive to be the best you (whilst still actually being YOU) and through that, I believe almost anybody can find that special person that they strike a stone with.


The Science of “The Spark”


So that’s all I have for this take ladies and gents, it was a bit random but the thought wouldn’t come out of my noggin so I figured I would share it with you fine people here today. It’s both simple and complex in nature so I enjoyed writing it, I hope you enjoyed reading it and I hope you all have an excellent week.

The Science of “The Spark”
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