Disappearing and Reappearing Man? Take Back Your Feminine Power!

In my late teens and early, early twenties, I was really lost on what to do when I encountered Mr. Disappear Reappear. Is he really just busy? Is he just playing games? Am I crazy for looking more into this situation than what's there? What the HELL is going on? I feel like most women who haven't learned how to take their power back - or how to never relinquish it in the first place - often ask themselves these questions at some point in their lives.

Disappearing and Reappearing Man? Take Back Your Feminine Power!

Well, ladies, I was on a quest and I researched and researched, looking for answers. I came across a method and explanation that changed my life. When I don't let my emotions take my power and I keep level-headed, utilizing the ways I discuss later in this Take to see what a man is about, I remain in power of my actions and myself.

If you have a Mr. Disappear Reappear, you have a reason to be suspect. After all, if a man wants you in his life, GENERALLY he will always make a point to talk to you. Men are the hunters. Despite what modern-minded men say, it is how they are wired, biologically, and there's no changing it. If he's coming and going, it could be a number of factors. Therefore, it is up to you to figure it out, without giving up your power and cool, which is exactly what most of them want...to see you sweat, chase after him, make his ego feel good, etc. Why? Because society has told men that they no longer have to be the hunters and so many women have fallen for it and don't require them to be. Don't be one of those women who gets stuck in the pattern of proving your worth to a man. He's the hunter. Let him hunt you. He's trying to prove himself to you, so that you can open up to him! Don't open yourself before he's proven himself. PERIOD.

I'm going to explain why I disagree with modern feminism, to an extent. Do I believe that men and women are equal in worth? HELL YES! Are men and women equal in ability? No, they aren't. There is a reason why men's bodies are built for tough physical labor, they think with less emotion and more logic, and why they can handle more rigorous, physical tasks like protecting and providing for a woman and children. There's also a reason why women think emotionally, are able to provide emotional support on all levels, have the emotional and physical strength to carry and raise a child, and why they can take care of a man and children. Men and women are worth the same, but they have very DIFFERENT, but EQUALLY IMPORTANT attributes that work in unison to make something beautiful.


Ladies, embrace that feminine energy and don't let all the negativity that gets thrown about for actually loving being a woman affect you!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to find a man that:

1) Knows what he wants

2) Proves himself to you

3) Doesn't expect you to chase him because he's courting YOU

4) Is okay with being the leader and potential head of a household

Society likes to shame women nowadays that still like a man to lead. "Why don't you just ask him out, you princess on a pedastal!" That's the attitude of a lot of men and women nowadays. Feminism has lost sight of the beauty of gender roles. You can be equal in worth and still accept that each of you have diverse strengths that make a union stronger. So, keep that feminine energy and when you encounter a Mr. Disappear Reappear that you feel you should give the benefit of the doubt to, this is how you separate a man from a boy!

STEP #1

He stops texting you back and halts the conversation. You let him hear crickets, silence, nadda, nothing, etc. If he's trying to get a reaction out of you, then he will definitely notice that you're not chasing him like most women would.

Most women: "Hey, I noticed you hadn't text me in a while, I hope you're doing good! :)" or some other generic reach to make sure that he hasn't deserted them and to gain his attention. This lets him know that he's incredibly important to her, that she's hinging on hearing from him, and there's probably not many other men on the scene that she's distracted by at the moment, or she wouldn't be so worried with his whereabouts.

You: Silence. ;)

This is what he thinks: She's not like most women. She's actually a catch. She's not blowing up my phone like I expected. Woah, she has some emotional strength and knows not to get invested before I prove myself, or better yet, is there another guy? Is this guy actually courting her like she deserves instead of dropping off the face of the earth like a douchecanoe like me? Holy shit, I better find out!


STEP #2

He texts you again. It could be anywhere from a few days to a few months to a few years. It all depends on his investment and attraction to you in the first place. If it takes months or years, by then, you've moved on and can easily DELETE his fucking message because you were probably just a time-waster or a backburner girl and you dodged a bullet. Whew! Congrats!

If it is a few days or weeks, as men and women time is not the same AT ALL, then you know that the Law of Scarcity kicked in - coupled with his attraction to you - and he had to swing back around to see what was going on with this catch of a woman! Congrats you lady beast!

If his text was a lame "Hey" or something like that that required minimual effort, then PLEASE rethink taking part in this next step, as he's probably not worth texting back. If it had more effort and seemed somewhat sincere - "Hey, I've been so busy. I apologize for the delay! Hope you've been doing good?" - then by all means, let him know you're there, but you're not as close as you used to be because he has decided to make you an option and not a priority. Therefore, he's merely an option to you, as well.

That's when you send a short, to the point text, 3 - 4 days after he initally texts you! Why so long? He waited a few days or weeks to text your ass, so you ARE NOT going to hop to respond to him. If you do, he will know he's got you and he'll be back to treating you like the desperate woman you're acting like. Act confident and you will be treated with respect. Simply text this:

"Hey, what's up? It was nice to hear from you. I hope things are going well. I've been so busy lately, we'll have to catch up soon. Have a good day, talk to ya later!"


STEP #3

When you send this, he hears that you're no dummy. You're not going to be treated like an option and treat him like a priority. They admire that in a woman. Plus, the Law of Scarcity works in your favor. Men and women both want what they can't have. Women that chase after him and jump to answer him once he sends them a crumb of a text, are not scarce, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. Women that don't jump and know their worth, now that's a CATCH!

One of three things will happen: he'll either disappear, try to take back control, or actually realize he has to act right with you or you'll move on.

If he disappears: he was immature and just gaming you for fun. He was beat at his own game, but he's smart enough to know when to bow out. Bye, somewhat decent loser!

If he tries to take back control: he's a control freak and you took back you're power, so now, he's struggling to get it back. An example would be this one guy that I sent that message to...he completely ignored where I said we'd catch up later, immediately said that we should get better at texting, that he wanted to meet me soon, and then finally restored to negging me by saying, "How can someone so pretty be so sketchy?" Don't fall for it! He's trying everything in his power to take back control. Let this kind go. Don't respond to this control freak nonsense. Bye!

If he starts acting right: maybe he's realized you're a catch and will start treating you like a priority, but don't hold your breath. This is the kind of man that could have simply been busy, but knows you're worth treating right. Always give tit for tat. Never let your emotions get you more invested in a man than he's invested in you! That is how you remain in power of your own love life.

ALWAYS REMEMBER LADIES: BE FEMININE, LET THE MAN LEAD, AND IF HE'S NOT BEING CONSISTENT, GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT WITHOUT RELINQUISHING THAT FEMININE POWER OF BEING ABLE TO CHOOSE A MAN THAT KNOWS HOW TO LEAD, RESPECT, AND COURT YOU LIKE THE CATCH YOU ARE!


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What Guys Said 15

  • I think the control freaks are those who think about "who's in control" in a relationship, when clearly the whole concept of "control" is irrelevant in that given context.

    ""men think with less emotion and more logic, and they can handle more rigorous, physical tasks like protecting and providing for a woman and children. There's also a reason why women think emotionally, are able to provide emotional support on all levels, have the emotional and physical strength to carry and raise a child, and why they can take care of a man and children. ""

    Well if a man is disconnected from his emotional state and his capability from empathy due to the excessive shaming for "being girly and emotional and not a real man" and being told that you need to be "masculine" for girls to "like" you, then all you'll achieve is a complete lack of social intelligence. Which is why gender roles and the suppression of certain skills is a problem in the first place.

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  • "beauty of gender roles"

    But of course gender roles will be beautiful when they suit you. How convenient...

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  • Interesting stuff. But if you're such a great catch why even bother playing these mind games with a guy you're not all that interested in and that's not all that interested in you?

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  • Came here to ask:
    Is that man in the vintage pic Howard Lovecraft?

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  • Sometimes I think these topics get over-thought. If you don't know what's going on, why not just move on? Counter-games shouldn't be necessary.

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  • "Despite what modern-minded men say, it is how they are wired, biologically, and there's no changing it" Oh, really?

    "2) Proves himself to you" Really?

    "Don't be one of those women who gets stuck in the pattern of proving your worth to a man. He's the hunter. Let him hunt you. He's trying to prove himself to you, so that you can open up to him! Don't open yourself before he's proven himself. PERIOD." Yeah, I'd love to see how that works out. Go around this very website that you're currently reading my opinion on and see how many girls are complaining about their limited successes just because they intentionally or unintentionally followed this.

    So in this myTake you're essentially teaching the girls how to do mind games because that's essentially what's written up there... good job.

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  • Yeeeeeeah. I'll take a woman on my level, thanks. I'm not going to be the leader. I'm not going to get a puppy or a child I have to take care of. I'm going to get a partner.

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  • I've always been honest about what I want. I want the truth and I play no games... besides League of Legends, LOL. :D

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  • image.slidesharecdn.com/.../...the-gaze-11-638.jpg

    Narcissistic identification is not real advice.

    It's seductive, addictive, hard to resist, easy to accept and adopt, but it's not really objectively in touch with reality.

    Men don't actually think the things described in this piece. The author (and some readers) "wish" that's how men were thinking. Life would be so much easier if men were to think that way. All one would have to do is simply do LESS. But that's not how the world works, unfortunately.

    Please don't cease the emotional masturbation on my account, however.

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  • Here is a good idea. Just be upfront about what you want. That accounts for both sides !

    Because your "it is up to you to figure it out, without giving up your power and cool, which is exactly what most of them want" is just playing games yourself. Find your guts and just make it clear what you want and if he wants the same. Then if he acts upon it or not you know the answer. End of story.

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  • Alpha fuck/beta bucks in a nutshell.

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  • I thought I was going to disagree with you after seeing your title but your views are very similar to mine. We have got equal and important roles to play. We two opposite half's that make a complete whole and for one sex to want to copy and replicate the other is so far off the mark its like treason to your species. Your naive where it concerns men though. How could you understand when you actually embrace being female and are comfortable in your identity. Kudos to you. It refreshing to hear these days. Young men you'll get hassle from. Older men know what they want and who they want it with. Young men don't plan things like women do. They don't dream about dream partners and perfect futures and how many kids they want. We're not built that way. Young men are in every sense of the word animals. They just follow their biological urges. They're not evil or bad. Their bodies are going crazy on things they barely understand and they follow it like an dog on a scent of food. They're aggressive, have an urge to form a herd, constantly think of sex and have an urge to price themselves in a pecking order. Being a man that pecking order is very important. It's exactly like animals. Planet of the apes. That struggle for order based on respect. It's the exact same in men only it's more ordered and socially acceptable. You're trying to put a ruler across nature and chaos but how do you tame an animal? Domesticate it. Your the hunter belive it or not. You don't chase your prey. You bait a trap and let him walk in. That's where your female power lies. Only you can take a wild animal and tame it. Women have all the tools. That's their strength. I was a wild teen so were my pals. We were in a big gang. Some of the guys I hung with won't see the light of day till they're old men. Nobody fucked with us in our city. We we're vicious bastards as teens. Sure enough it only took the right women to pick us all off one by one and smother us in love to turn us into a bunch of soppy clowns

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  • U want more power than the guy, thats power imbalance and there is never 50/50 perfect relationships but the gender roles should never be an excuse to do/not do something. It works for guys too and both guys and girls can/will take advantage of the other once given the oppurtunity.

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  • Sorry but no. This is just childish mind game playing. No different than the dude purposefully not texting you to see how you react. These immature tactics of trying to be the one with the power in the relationship are just that, immature. I don't do what those guys do because I'm a freaking adult. And if girls do what you are telling them to do I drop them in an instant and never look back. It's not a game I'm not trying to make them chase me I'm just gone. You're just criticizing men for doing what you do. You're no better. You and those type of men are just being pathetic.

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  • Chasing a woman comes off as needy and desperate, your advice will friendshipzone men. Men play mind games because... it works. Irony being you ladies created that environment. It's the dumbest thing. Just the flaky part alone boosted my dating game. It was the first pick up tactic that made me go out the comfort zone. Don't respond to her no matter how you feel. And it worked. That same girl still texts me after two years being in a different country from her.

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    • Because she's got low self-esteem and is pathetically not in control of her emotions. I've seen and used these steps many times. It makes men realize you won't be fucked with and step their game up 100 times. I've seen the most flaky men start being clingy after hanging back and sending that text. It's the same as the rubberband theory in dating. You pull back and he'll spring forward. If it friendzones a man, then he isn't the type to go after what he wants and isn't the kind of man I need. I wouldn't have to use this tactic at all, if it weren't for men playing games and being flaky, so you can stop your "women created that environment" crap right there. Haha. You're right. Men play games. However, women can turn the tables if they don't put their emotions into the mix and take the reins of that bitch.

      Trust me dear, only the women who want a man to prove himself and are smart like that like a persistent man who knows how to lead. Desperate, self-esteemless women go for anything.

    • Women with self-esteem know that men who don't work to gain your trust, love, and body expect it for free. Women without that self-esteem take whatever they can get because they don't believe they deserve better, even if they get crumbs of conversation two years later, countries apart.

      I used to be the crumb girl. I grew up, womaned up, and got some self-esteem.

    • Rubber band theory lol... never heard of that. But the science behind it sounds right. Men (and you are referring to the alpha stereotype) do not chase women. End of story. To clarify the story with this "2 year " girl, she has her life but still texts me. After being open and cool with women (never again ever) I ised some pick up tactics on her, and one was to be flaky. I clearly made an impression. The books say it, I've tested it, it works. Also if a person is friendzoned m, it's a swift and brief "move on". No drama there.

      The reality is that those men that left you with bread crumbs will still attract girls over the guys who would never do that to a girl.

What Girls Said 9

  • I don't agree with this at all really. Don't get hung up on a guy, sure, but this whole "needing to be in control" stuff all seems like a big, fat mind game. Whatever happened to just straight up asking people about their actions? Then the whole "Men are this and that" spiel. People are people, we don't all fit to the traditional biological mold anymore. By all means if you want a traditional man but to say there's no changing the way they used to be, that is just ridiculous. I know way too many men who aren't the hunter types for that to be true. Then this whole "be feminine and let the man lead." I'm not a little girl, I don't need to be any standard "feminine" way and he doesn't have to lead. We're both adults, we can both initiate, both make effort, and both be honest with our feelings.

    Honestly this seems overthought, disingenuous and frankly unnecessary. If a guy gets hot and cold, just straight up ask him what's going on. Save the figuring it out, save the mind games, just be straight forward.

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  • This is insulting. How about Instead of screwing around with stupid mind games, you ditch the asshole and find a guy who actually *wants* to be with you. If you are not a priority in that person's life, they are not good enough for you. Move on.

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  • If he's going to treat her badly if she acts on her own behalf he's NOT boyfriend material. and she should know up front.

    getting someone to chase yo does not prove anything. except they like running.

    the important thing to know is how are they around me when they know for a fact im interested? do they act disrespectful or do they treat me like the strong decent dignified person that i am,.

    if a person thinks lowly of you bc you dare to know how you feel and act on it, let them go. you've got better things to do with your time.

    m, any people are not looking for someone to chase me, i want someone who respects the fact that im not interested in playing games. much moire valuable.

    people who chase fall in love with the idea of themselves chasing and catching a prey/. people eat prey they don't hang out and cuddle with it.

    especially guys who actually will push a woman away just so he can 'prove he likes her'. no lol uh uh thats #$.

    women who are direct and dont waste time ARE different. most people follow the let him case you rule,. and its not helping anyone. if you can't know a persons feelings when they know you like them, you can't know their feelings... for a lot of guys its about feeling power not 'you'. as long s you give into making them feel like a hunter you are never going to know if you are an addiction or a person to them.

    it isn't women's job to make guys feel like hunters. its a human beings job to know what they want and be honest about it in my opinion.

    of course you and others may do as you wish, but for the sake of being reasonable, do not try to reduce women's strength and courage to desperation and lack of control. This is so disrespectful and dehumanizing. selling it as Wisdom is beneath anyone. Women can act with dignity in tact. You do not have to do anything you do not want to do but bc you do not want to do it does not make it 'unnatural'.

    We do not have evidence Men did moist of the hunting or all of it or any just assumptions. Even if Women were the 'gatherers'; well 75% of nutrition comes from gathered foods, that could be stored and or found in winter. Without 'gathering'; men would have starved. Have you actually ever tried to eat a diet consisting 100% meat. You'd be in the hospital for an obstructed or impacted digestive tract. Liver or kidney failure and severe dehydration.

    You dont need to com up worth erroneous declarations about people,. just to make your own point. You like being chased. Ok. thats fine. call it what it is.

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    • You can be 'cool and collected' and honest.. usually thats the way to do i. games make people neurotic and feel schizophrenic. The reason people need to be told how to act is bc they are acting against their will, and what comes naturally. Advice that goes with a persons psychological flow is based on being straightforward and building p;over on what you do. not trying to have power based on what you force yourself to not do.

      If a person can not be interested in someone bc they are honest, then that person is either not ready for an adult relationship, or they are not interested in 'that' person. Chasing is nothing compared to work that goes into the actual relationship.

      if a person wants to prove themselves they should do it where it counts. putting a lot of energy into getting someone you barely know doesn't prove you care it just pr evokes yore attracted. the proof comes in the relationship. i notice people who make a big production about 'getting' the person,. let the slack

    • go once in the relationship.

      judging a potential mate based on courtship behavior is like judging work skill based on last 30 minute work performance right before lunch, where you can't leave until you're done. its after they return to the office fed full satisfied.. how will they perform then. how much do they actually care when everything is not immediate gratification based.

      its interesting women are supposed to suppress themselves so men an 'feel' like hunters, which is totally irrational, yet its supposed t be based on men being logical. a logical person will inquire about interest sate theirs simply be glad if it is reciprocated and do their best to make things work. not play games. you can't just attach the word logic to anything a man does. logic is not a mantra. it is rooted in actions and problem solving. games are not problem, solving behavior.

      well, thats what i think., i do not mean this adversarial. i just see posts with this theme a lot and i wanted to give my view ;-)

  • I've always said this "Do I believe that men and women are equal in worth? HELL YES! Are men and women equal in ability? No, they aren't"

    DNA has wired men and women to be different. We are NOT the same. We are different! Does that make us worth less? No! But we are built for different things. There's a reason nature intended women to have children and men to be stronger.

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  • I can't say I agree with all of this but re: the parts I do agree with, just curious, what do you think of this situation?
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1831801-guy-at-work-really-confuses-me-hot-cold
    Classic example of Mr. Disappear.

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  • It's so true... And its not about "gaining control" over the man either like some guys seem to think... It's remaining in control of our own emotion and reaction and knowing our worth - if I respect him, he should respect me and not be bouncing in and out of my life when he finds it convenient... I'm not asking him to work for it, just simply show some effort if you're interested or eff off and let me be if you're not and stop wasting my time... I chase no one, never have never will 😋 , I'll put my effort and reach out after he does, if he decides to treat me as a convenience, I'm gone - great write up! And perfect description of balance in gender roles too!! 👍🏻

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  • Love it!!! And agree with every sentence!!! Thank you!

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  • I don't see why this advice needs to be gendered, but the core of it is sound: that it's a bad idea to put more into the courtship phase than the other person is putting in. It's not playing mind games to take your time to reply to someone's text, when they took their sweet time replying to you.

    It's childish to do this off the bat, as everyone can have an unusually busy week etc, but when someone starts to show a consistent pattern of taking a long time to respond, rational people with a high degree of self esteem will opt match that person's lazy level of engagement.

    I even do this with a female friend of mine. She's consistently lazy about replying and will often take over a week to reply to a text, so I'll won't answer her texts straight away, even if I could.

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  • I absolutely loved it.

    After a month of disappearance and no reaction from me, he messages me "its bad that you don't have the urge to talk to me like I have for you."

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