In my late teens and early, early twenties, I was really lost on what to do when I encountered Mr. Disappear Reappear. Is he really just busy? Is he just playing games? Am I crazy for looking more into this situation than what's there? What the HELL is going on? I feel like most women who haven't learned how to take their power back - or how to never relinquish it in the first place - often ask themselves these questions at some point in their lives.
Well, ladies, I was on a quest and I researched and researched, looking for answers. I came across a method and explanation that changed my life. When I don't let my emotions take my power and I keep level-headed, utilizing the ways I discuss later in this Take to see what a man is about, I remain in power of my actions and myself.
If you have a Mr. Disappear Reappear, you have a reason to be suspect. After all, if a man wants you in his life, GENERALLY he will always make a point to talk to you. Men are the hunters. Despite what modern-minded men say, it is how they are wired, biologically, and there's no changing it. If he's coming and going, it could be a number of factors. Therefore, it is up to you to figure it out, without giving up your power and cool, which is exactly what most of them want...to see you sweat, chase after him, make his ego feel good, etc. Why? Because society has told men that they no longer have to be the hunters and so many women have fallen for it and don't require them to be. Don't be one of those women who gets stuck in the pattern of proving your worth to a man. He's the hunter. Let him hunt you. He's trying to prove himself to you, so that you can open up to him! Don't open yourself before he's proven himself. PERIOD.
I'm going to explain why I disagree with modern feminism, to an extent. Do I believe that men and women are equal in worth? HELL YES! Are men and women equal in ability? No, they aren't. There is a reason why men's bodies are built for tough physical labor, they think with less emotion and more logic, and why they can handle more rigorous, physical tasks like protecting and providing for a woman and children. There's also a reason why women think emotionally, are able to provide emotional support on all levels, have the emotional and physical strength to carry and raise a child, and why they can take care of a man and children. Men and women are worth the same, but they have very DIFFERENT, but EQUALLY IMPORTANT attributes that work in unison to make something beautiful.
Ladies, embrace that feminine energy and don't let all the negativity that gets thrown about for actually loving being a woman affect you!
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find a man that:
1) Knows what he wants
2) Proves himself to you
3) Doesn't expect you to chase him because he's courting YOU
4) Is okay with being the leader and potential head of a household
Society likes to shame women nowadays that still like a man to lead. "Why don't you just ask him out, you princess on a pedastal!" That's the attitude of a lot of men and women nowadays. Feminism has lost sight of the beauty of gender roles. You can be equal in worth and still accept that each of you have diverse strengths that make a union stronger. So, keep that feminine energy and when you encounter a Mr. Disappear Reappear that you feel you should give the benefit of the doubt to, this is how you separate a man from a boy!
He stops texting you back and halts the conversation. You let him hear crickets, silence, nadda, nothing, etc. If he's trying to get a reaction out of you, then he will definitely notice that you're not chasing him like most women would.
Most women: "Hey, I noticed you hadn't text me in a while, I hope you're doing good! :)" or some other generic reach to make sure that he hasn't deserted them and to gain his attention. This lets him know that he's incredibly important to her, that she's hinging on hearing from him, and there's probably not many other men on the scene that she's distracted by at the moment, or she wouldn't be so worried with his whereabouts.
You: Silence. ;)
This is what he thinks: She's not like most women. She's actually a catch. She's not blowing up my phone like I expected. Woah, she has some emotional strength and knows not to get invested before I prove myself, or better yet, is there another guy? Is this guy actually courting her like she deserves instead of dropping off the face of the earth like a douchecanoe like me? Holy shit, I better find out!
He texts you again. It could be anywhere from a few days to a few months to a few years. It all depends on his investment and attraction to you in the first place. If it takes months or years, by then, you've moved on and can easily DELETE his fucking message because you were probably just a time-waster or a backburner girl and you dodged a bullet. Whew! Congrats!
If it is a few days or weeks, as men and women time is not the same AT ALL, then you know that the Law of Scarcity kicked in - coupled with his attraction to you - and he had to swing back around to see what was going on with this catch of a woman! Congrats you lady beast!
If his text was a lame "Hey" or something like that that required minimual effort, then PLEASE rethink taking part in this next step, as he's probably not worth texting back. If it had more effort and seemed somewhat sincere - "Hey, I've been so busy. I apologize for the delay! Hope you've been doing good?" - then by all means, let him know you're there, but you're not as close as you used to be because he has decided to make you an option and not a priority. Therefore, he's merely an option to you, as well.
That's when you send a short, to the point text, 3 - 4 days after he initally texts you! Why so long? He waited a few days or weeks to text your ass, so you ARE NOT going to hop to respond to him. If you do, he will know he's got you and he'll be back to treating you like the desperate woman you're acting like. Act confident and you will be treated with respect. Simply text this:
"Hey, what's up? It was nice to hear from you. I hope things are going well. I've been so busy lately, we'll have to catch up soon. Have a good day, talk to ya later!"
When you send this, he hears that you're no dummy. You're not going to be treated like an option and treat him like a priority. They admire that in a woman. Plus, the Law of Scarcity works in your favor. Men and women both want what they can't have. Women that chase after him and jump to answer him once he sends them a crumb of a text, are not scarce, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. Women that don't jump and know their worth, now that's a CATCH!
One of three things will happen: he'll either disappear, try to take back control, or actually realize he has to act right with you or you'll move on.
If he disappears: he was immature and just gaming you for fun. He was beat at his own game, but he's smart enough to know when to bow out. Bye, somewhat decent loser!
If he tries to take back control: he's a control freak and you took back you're power, so now, he's struggling to get it back. An example would be this one guy that I sent that message to...he completely ignored where I said we'd catch up later, immediately said that we should get better at texting, that he wanted to meet me soon, and then finally restored to negging me by saying, "How can someone so pretty be so sketchy?" Don't fall for it! He's trying everything in his power to take back control. Let this kind go. Don't respond to this control freak nonsense. Bye!
If he starts acting right: maybe he's realized you're a catch and will start treating you like a priority, but don't hold your breath. This is the kind of man that could have simply been busy, but knows you're worth treating right. Always give tit for tat. Never let your emotions get you more invested in a man than he's invested in you! That is how you remain in power of your own love life.
ALWAYS REMEMBER LADIES: BE FEMININE, LET THE MAN LEAD, AND IF HE'S NOT BEING CONSISTENT, GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT WITHOUT RELINQUISHING THAT FEMININE POWER OF BEING ABLE TO CHOOSE A MAN THAT KNOWS HOW TO LEAD, RESPECT, AND COURT YOU LIKE THE CATCH YOU ARE!