6 Reasons Why Starting a Relationship is So Damn Hard

Ladies and gentlemen, I have been reading a lot of stuff on here that really just irks me. There are women pointing out what men are doing wrong when they try to start a relationship, and men bashing the women that don't want to be with them. Hopefully I can shed some light for both sides and attempt to better understand one another in the dating field.

1. The approach

First of all, men give other men horrible advice. I have even heard women giving this awful advice. It could be because they want to boost their confidence, but it really doesn't help. So ladies, it's not their fault! The advice I hear given is "Just go for it!" Dear god no! If a girl is with a group of friends, DO NOT JUST GO! Now, here is where the miscommunication starts:

Guy sees pretty girl, builds up the courage to walk over their with possible embarrassment on the line, and this girl is showing ZERO signs of wanting to be approached, but hey everyone says just to go for it, you never know what could happen right? Now there is this awkward situation where these 2 people have to find things to say to each other. Girls, instead of being nice, we get pretty mean and sometimes it's even justified. Again, probably not the guys fault. They are told that if they keep trying, it will happen. Which most find out the hard way, that it is not always the case.

2. Dining out

For some messed up reason, it is traditional that men pay for the dates. This completely boggles my brain. Why would you not pay for yourself? The theory is that if a guy doesn't invest in this date, that he will not invest in the rest of the relationship and is a deadbeat. Ladies, this is far from the truth. These men are SMART and do not want to get duped like they usually do. Why should they pay for you to eat? Really?! Why do they have to spend money on you, when you might not even like them? This also brings me to the next point.

3. Money and sex

So I found out a long time ago that guys thought that if they bought me stuff, that I owed them sex? Wait. Hold up. So this is a quid pro quo? I thought this was a relationship. THAT is why I insist on paying for myself. Always. Ladies, if you pay for yourself, you owe them nothing. Even if they do pay, you owe them nothing, but since a lot of men see it that way then don't chance it.

4. Dating and sex

Guys, I've heard through the grapevine that you want a great upstanding woman that doesn't sleep around and that the number of partners matter (some guys really don't care at all, which if it works for you that's awesome) but the problem is this:

You guys want to get laid, but you don't want someone that sleeps around, but you want whoever your with to put out for you and if you break up, she's a slut. Now the next guy that comes along is going to want her to put out for them, and then they break up. And so on until one day, someone she wants to start a relationship with finds out how many times that has happened, and is completely disgusted by it. So guys, either stop trying to get laid right away, or shut up. Seriously. And goes into the next subject matter.

5. Competition

I read on here all of the time about these guys that got their feelings hurt by some girl because they didn't want anything to do with them after all they've done for them. Ladies, stop taking advantage of these nice guys, it's really mean and cuts them pretty deeply. Guys, please keep in mind that women ARE in fact different in the way we view the dating scene. I find that most guys are very sexually motivated when they "try to get to know" someone. Women really want a conversation and connection, which guys do, but that's not until later. Women get approached by more guys than guys get approached by women.

This leads me to believe that a lot of women are NOT actively looking for someone at the point in time they are being approached. After all of these willing suitors try to offer their love and affection, she is locked up tight with those walls up. Guys literally have to COMPETE against these other guys for even a chance to get to know a woman! Even after so much trying and planning, they still might not even get to talk to you because of everyone else who has tried to approach you. It's incredibly frustrating for everyone.

6. Dating and appearance

Both men and women alike want an attractive partner. So those seeking relationships really need to put their best foot forward. Ladies who are looking, don't try to be someone you are not, they will eventually figure it out and ask what happened, but do let them see the best version of you that you have. Men, I suggest the exact same thing. If you aren't a suit and tie guy, that's perfectly fine, but things like not shaving or wearing clothes that are wrinkled or don't look nice (I see that a lot) aren't gong to get you the best attention. After all, most people see the outside before they know what the inside looks like.


10|7
9|20

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Guys Said 20

  • 2mo

    I don't even think it's hard to get a relationship, it's hard to get a GOOD relationship.

    9|7
    0|0
  • 2mo

    #6 That's why I miss the 90's back then you could dress like you blew up a hobo and stitched his clothes back together and wore them, go to the bar/club and still leave with the hottest chick there. Grunge was the best.

    0|0
    1|0
  • 2mo

    At least you have understood us. That's good. Good take.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Who said you need to approach purposely?

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    You realise points 2,3,4,5 and 6 are academic if you don't do number 1?

    0|1
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Not bad. A reasonable guide, albiet really slanted toward the ladies, which is I suppose is logical since a girl wrote it. [shrug]

    At least it's not way out there off the charts. And you're right, the guys get horrible and awful advice. People don't know how to be polite anymore. Societal breakdown in progress.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    If it wasn't for my girlfriend I would've turned my back on the whole dating thing. Way too much work.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    GAHH!! Can there be a hashtag for "wow I really liked this myTake, I am going to follow this person GAHH THEY'RE ANON."

    www.newgre.org/.../frustration.jpg

    If anyone asks "well, when SHOULD I go for it?" I already wrote that myTake.

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a30652-how-when-to-ask-someone-out

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    You forgot this OP

    7. Women are more likely to cheat than men.

    0|0
    3|0
  • 2mo

    4. Don't open your legs for every guy that tries and you wouldn't have that problem.

    0|2
    3|0
  • 2mo

    Competition is a big one especially with online dating.

    Regarding girls and sleeping around, generally I do not care about a girl's sexual past, but what I do find to be a turnoff is if they volunteer their sexual history or leave evidence.

    The other day I had my 3rd date with this girl that I liked and we had sex, but before we had sex, there was an empty condom wrapper in the middle of her bed.

    We're not together but still leaving that there especially since she invited me over is tacky.

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    I've given up on this long ago. if girls can't take me as i am im not willing to play this game anymore

    2|4
    0|0
  • 2mo

    With the exception of number 1 I agree. Good tips!

    Loved the money and sex part :) So true!!! This needs to be said more often.
    Loved also the last part: I'm no suit and tie guy, I don't feel myself in it. I just want to be myself :)

    Good take!

    2|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Im going to reply to this good mytake with my own personal opinions. But great mytake though. I agree with a lot of things on here.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    dating is such an algorithm! i mean, connecting with someone doesn't isn't really a thing

    0|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    I've never dated in my life and I never want to :) :/ :(

    0|0
    1|0
    • 2mo

      Your only 18.
      Things change.
      Times change.
      People change.
      So yaaaaa...

    • 2mo

      @SuperNovaRoyalty LOL right? seriously

    • 2mo

      @Afrochick I don't date by choice. Life is easier without a partner. I can have girls as friends but that's as far as it goes for me. Those emojis were just for comedic purposes. I know of course that things change, times change and people change somewhat. Who knows maybe in the future I will want a partner but for now no.

  • 2mo

    Damn I saw some good points in the beginning, then I read the rest, and you just put all guys in a bubble as if everyone the same, yeah ok...

    1|1
    0|0
  • 2mo

    If it done spontaneously it's easy

    2|1
    0|0
  • 2mo

    Fuck approaching women. You better start doing the approaching if you want anything

    1|9
    7|1
    • 2mo

      I don't know why so many women thumbs-down your post. It's true. Men don't take classes as children on how to approach women. They're just people like we are; afraid of all the same things. Rejection, etc. Women ought to take the reigns if they see something they like.

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      I don't believe your diabolical and cooked up "life stories" at all...

    • 2mo

      Lol that's okay because you don't have to.

  • 2mo

    I think what else is hard is getting your partner to open up to you. It takes weeks to gain that kind of openness.

    5|1
    0|0

What Girls Said 9

  • 2mo

    1. That's life I don't know why people take that personally if you walk up to someone like that and they tell you to buzz off it happened get over it. I get it if they were way too rude then needed.
    2. Well let people do what they want, if a woman likes tradition I say fine. One I'm not dating her and two its her dating life has nothing to do with me so I don't see why a lot of people complain about that on here. If your a guy and you don't like that then don't date that girl.
    3. Ok I agree but I also feel if your girlfriend is willing to buy you stuff and she not putting a tag on it like "but you need to give me this" then guys should do the same. I hate people who think giving out stuff gives them a right to request ridiculous shit. My friend did that to me, recently mind you she put herself in that position I never ask for stuff she just gave it to me. Then expect me to complete a whole major project we had in our last year of high school in just a few days for her because she was lazy. I only did parts where you have to cite and definitions but I refuse to do the rest. I stop talking to her because of it and I even went and message her to end the friendship because I was that pissed off she said sorry and never did it again.
    4. Exactly, this is why if a guy excepts me to be a virgin or be a douche about how many people I slept with I walk away right there and tell him to go fuck him. I have no time or energy to put with a douche like that.
    5. I don't see how this is an issue either there so many people out there if she does not like you. She does not like you maybe that can change it depends but if she 100% no then just walk away it's patheic. Same with girls if he not budging to be your boyfriend walk away he not worth it.
    6. Well I hate when men claim were make up is fake. Okay first of all in pictures don't men dress up and make themselves look nice? so what difference if a woman does it? and make up is pretty noticeable unless you're a clueless guy. But to me a man doesn't always have to look his best for me because that's not going to happen and I don't want him to tell me what I should do daily to appeal to him. If you don't like me naturally then go away.

    0|1
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Just a comment on a virginity part, I think differing values (inherently religious ones) would tend to look for it. I dont see anything wrong with it if a guy himself is a virgin. Its only a case of like seeking like. Dont hate.

      But yeah, on the other note I completley agree.

    • 2mo

      @123cheesecake I respect a man who is a virgin but if your not a virgin and you want me to be a virgin so you steal it from me its gross and I say bye bye.

  • 2mo

    This is why I've been thinking of just sticking to hookups for a while...

    0|2
    1|0
  • 2mo

    I see those hurdles as challenges to maintain the principles and virtues that a person must manifest. All those second doubts and assumptions make your starting experience troublesome, indeed but they are somewhat contributory to one's experience and wisdom.

    While starting a relationship is hard, I think maintaining a relationship is even more challenging, thus harder. 😊

    1|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Oh yes that is a whole other ballgame. Maybe I'll write about that next lol

    • 2mo

      Oh, yes. Please do haha

  • 2mo

    this is good

    0|0
    0|1
  • 2mo

    I hate dating, because you have to figure them out and all their flaws. I hate it so I am never dating ever again. The problem with that is, I still have to figure out this guy I am with and help him fix his flaws.

    0|0
    0|0
    • 2mo

      Why it's you who has to help him fix his flaws?

    • Show All
    • 2mo

      @Tony1974 you don't even know us. You are assuming that he doesn't want to change. Don't talk to me. I don't like negative people who just wants to put me down.

    • 2mo

      LOL! That's fine with me dear. "Pride goeth before the fall"

  • 2mo

    Starting the relationship is the easy part. Keeping it going and exciting after the "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship is hard.

    1|0
    0|0
  • 2mo

    I must be the only one thinking that a relationship is not even based on these things except where it shows a completely different way of thinking between two people.

    Hey, if you think he/she should pay and he/she doesn't want to, you're not a match. If he/she wants sex or else and you don't, you're not a match, and so on. Simply because if you're going to fight to change someone you barely know right from the start, it's a no go!
    It really is that simple.

    On a side note, I find that guys who are really interested and like you as a person insist on paying for your meal or at least some part of it because that's how many guys still show their appreciation.

    2|1
    0|0
  • 2mo

    I think what they mean by "go for it" is go over and try breaking the ice with your crush to get ease the awkward tension so that you can become more comfortable in each others company. But people often make the mistake of mixing these two up and just go diving in and asking their crush out straight away. I mean, who isn't going to be kinda freaked out by a stranger approaching them to ask them out? It can be quite tricky to get the timing correct. Like we've talked about, people often rush into it with out thinking it through first. Or either that you get guys that just seem to lurk around and non verbally flirt with their crush for years before they even decide whither they want to talk to them or not and when it comes to the crunch, their crush will have more than likely lost interest. When I decide to "just go for it" I approach them just to break the ice with them and then at some point I'll find out what I need to know about them. Are they single? And are they interested? If so, then I'll progress on to making the move and asking them out on a date. I only act on it if its me who has the crush. So sadly, if any of those overly shy guys take any interest in me. It means that I will not take them by the hand if they are incapable of acting on it. Some of these guys just think they can get away with non verbal flirting and you'll run to them. I give guys at least a month or two to act on it. If they don't then I start giving them less attention and avoid them.

    1|1
    0|0
    • 2mo

      I'm not sure if guys really know how tricky the timing is. I prefer just talking casually before being asked out. Like, why would I go somewhere with you when I don't know you? Like you could be some weirdo lol

    • 2mo

      Yes, well that's my point exactly because thats how i approach guys im interested in and its my way of getting a bit more comfortable with them, before going on dates. I prefer the same approach from them. But you've litterally got to spell it out to some guys or they just don't get it. Especially those shy guys that resort to the same old tactics over and over again. I'm like, eh hello. Can't you see that what your doing isn't working? Lmao.

  • 2mo

    I agree with most of this

    1|0
    0|0
Loading...