Ladies and gentlemen, I have been reading a lot of stuff on here that really just irks me. There are women pointing out what men are doing wrong when they try to start a relationship, and men bashing the women that don't want to be with them. Hopefully I can shed some light for both sides and attempt to better understand one another in the dating field.
1. The approach
First of all, men give other men horrible advice. I have even heard women giving this awful advice. It could be because they want to boost their confidence, but it really doesn't help. So ladies, it's not their fault! The advice I hear given is "Just go for it!" Dear god no! If a girl is with a group of friends, DO NOT JUST GO! Now, here is where the miscommunication starts:
Guy sees pretty girl, builds up the courage to walk over their with possible embarrassment on the line, and this girl is showing ZERO signs of wanting to be approached, but hey everyone says just to go for it, you never know what could happen right? Now there is this awkward situation where these 2 people have to find things to say to each other. Girls, instead of being nice, we get pretty mean and sometimes it's even justified. Again, probably not the guys fault. They are told that if they keep trying, it will happen. Which most find out the hard way, that it is not always the case.
2. Dining out
For some messed up reason, it is traditional that men pay for the dates. This completely boggles my brain. Why would you not pay for yourself? The theory is that if a guy doesn't invest in this date, that he will not invest in the rest of the relationship and is a deadbeat. Ladies, this is far from the truth. These men are SMART and do not want to get duped like they usually do. Why should they pay for you to eat? Really?! Why do they have to spend money on you, when you might not even like them? This also brings me to the next point.
3. Money and sex
So I found out a long time ago that guys thought that if they bought me stuff, that I owed them sex? Wait. Hold up. So this is a quid pro quo? I thought this was a relationship. THAT is why I insist on paying for myself. Always. Ladies, if you pay for yourself, you owe them nothing. Even if they do pay, you owe them nothing, but since a lot of men see it that way then don't chance it.
4. Dating and sex
Guys, I've heard through the grapevine that you want a great upstanding woman that doesn't sleep around and that the number of partners matter (some guys really don't care at all, which if it works for you that's awesome) but the problem is this:
You guys want to get laid, but you don't want someone that sleeps around, but you want whoever your with to put out for you and if you break up, she's a slut. Now the next guy that comes along is going to want her to put out for them, and then they break up. And so on until one day, someone she wants to start a relationship with finds out how many times that has happened, and is completely disgusted by it. So guys, either stop trying to get laid right away, or shut up. Seriously. And goes into the next subject matter.
I read on here all of the time about these guys that got their feelings hurt by some girl because they didn't want anything to do with them after all they've done for them. Ladies, stop taking advantage of these nice guys, it's really mean and cuts them pretty deeply. Guys, please keep in mind that women ARE in fact different in the way we view the dating scene. I find that most guys are very sexually motivated when they "try to get to know" someone. Women really want a conversation and connection, which guys do, but that's not until later. Women get approached by more guys than guys get approached by women.
This leads me to believe that a lot of women are NOT actively looking for someone at the point in time they are being approached. After all of these willing suitors try to offer their love and affection, she is locked up tight with those walls up. Guys literally have to COMPETE against these other guys for even a chance to get to know a woman! Even after so much trying and planning, they still might not even get to talk to you because of everyone else who has tried to approach you. It's incredibly frustrating for everyone.
6. Dating and appearance
Both men and women alike want an attractive partner. So those seeking relationships really need to put their best foot forward. Ladies who are looking, don't try to be someone you are not, they will eventually figure it out and ask what happened, but do let them see the best version of you that you have. Men, I suggest the exact same thing. If you aren't a suit and tie guy, that's perfectly fine, but things like not shaving or wearing clothes that are wrinkled or don't look nice (I see that a lot) aren't gong to get you the best attention. After all, most people see the outside before they know what the inside looks like.