Last One To Get Married; Wins?

Last One To Get Married; Wins?

Everyday that I log onto my Facebook account, I see my former coworkers, students and friends getting engaged and married. It seems like either they are all finding the perfect mates, or perhaps just maybe people find someone that they like and settle down. In my opinion however, the longer you wait to get married (within a reasonable time) the more likely you are to win. Here is my reasoning:

1. Spend longer to get to know the person under diverse conditions

When I was dating my boyfriend, I learned many things about him. The biggest knowledge however came when we had common experiences together. I realized how he lashes out when he is stressed, or how agitated he gets when we travel and he is tired. I also learned that when he doesn't get his way he can become quiet and passive aggressive as time goes by. Now the most interesting part about this, is that the first 1.5 years we were together- he didn't show any of these signs. Sure we didn't have as many opportunities to see each other in a different light; but either way- had I got married within the 1.5 year time frame... that would have ended in divorce.

2. As time goes by, people grow/can change

I dated my ex for 6 years before I realized that we were different people. When we first met I was just a care free, out going girl that didn't care about where the future took us. As time went on however, I matured and became concerned with financial stability, I started to see responsibilities as something that has to be done, and not something for the future. My ex on the other hand was still the same guy he was 6 years ago. Naturally, things didn't work out.

3. Marriage means common law

So if things don't work out within the marriage, let's look at the dynamics. You will most likely have to share custody of any children, separation of assets, home, divorce etc. Although not 100% avoidable, wouldn't all of this have been better off to put aside had a couple spent more time getting to know one another outside of marriage? My belief is yes.


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What Guys Said 12

  • 4d

    Define "winning". If it's to "gain" something, well I'm sorry to break it to you, but all "gain" is eventually "losses".

    My own personal perspective, winning and losing it's all but fallacies. Do what you feel is right for you, and don't let anybody else tell you otherwise. Just follow your own instincts.

    "You will most likely have to share custody of any children, separation of assets, home, divorce etc. Although not 100% avoidable, wouldn't all of this have been better off to put aside had a couple spent more time getting to know one another outside of marriage? My belief is yes."

    This one is the most important. If things don't work out, then everybody loses and is affected in some way or another. Particularly the kids, they got dragged into this and they never asked to be part of it in the first place, and would lose and suffer the most for things not working out. I see them as unintended victims being in the wrong place in the wrong time in the wrong situation, they're just there because their parents wanted them to be there.

    I understand it's unavoidable. But that's also why I do think both parties should be really certain, confident and committed to each other and about each other before making the next big life changing decisions such as bringing offspring into their life.

    if it was just a divorce where no children are involved then I would think that the loss isn't as much, and only both partners have to face the consequences of that come with the divorce and not involve anybody else that never asked to be involved in their divorce in the first place.

    I'm all good though. I don't perceive marriage to be of any importance to myself.

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  • 4d

    For sure. Don't be in a hurry. Choose wisely, treat kindly.

    Most people going into a romantic relationship with thoughts of what they'll get out of it. I think this is backwards - when a person has reached success and maturity and able to stand on their own, they have everything they need, an abundance if you will, so they are ready to GIVE to another. A successful relationship is where both are more interesting in giving than getting. Love is about giving, not getting.

    And expectations. Most are basing expectations on FB or hollyweird which is a totally false disney-esk dream far removed from reality. Expectations today tend to be totally unrealistic.

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  • 6d

    Well, I don't see an age, Amanda, so I can't tell you if you are getting past childbearing age or not. Judging by your picture, I am judging you are quite young and have plenty of time, so by all means I totally agree--DON'T rush into it.

    But do keep in mind that women do have an "expiration date" if you want children and a family.

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  • 6d

    Marriage is great for women and religious people. For atheist men marriage is bogus and pointless.

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    • 3d

      Shit, you don't even have to be an atheist to understand that. All it takes it not being a total fucking toolbag.

  • Then I GUESS that makes me a WINNER... Because EVERY ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD will be Married before I WILL.

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  • 1d

    You can spend 20 years with a person and once you get married they can change on you for the worst.

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  • 7d

    A friend of mine dumped her soon to be husbend since he turned into a controlling ass hole. Some people just rush into things because they think they are ready or do what will make their boyfriend or girlfriend hapoy

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  • 6d

    I wouldn't rush into marriage, my brother is married and I feel he just did cause he already had children and needed to get married for his children to have a family.

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  • 4d

    Oh im so gonna win this game haha :D

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  • 4d

    ALREADY ONE HERE IN SCOTLAND!

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  • 4d

    Think i'm gonna win that contest cuz i'm fat and lonely

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  • 7d

    NIce way of thinking... BUT i married young and i just can't imagine missing out on all the stuff we did while we were young together. Wow... i had some amazing times with her in my twenties. I like going through all the different times of marriage

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What Girls Said 8

  • 7d

    I like this theory, it means there's still hope for me yet! :P

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  • 4d

    it depends on the couple, because if you look around there are exceptions to the rule. some who marry young are happily married, and some who married older are happily married but then again there are some who married young who are getting divorced or who are divorced and some who married when older and also getting divorced. so it depends

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  • 5d

    it's nice in theory though it's more important that when you change it's in the same speed and direction

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  • 7d

    Yess! I couldn't agree more with this write up. I feel we're pretty much set in our ways during our late twenties or early thirties. After dating guys, you're at least able to specify on the traits you want in a SO. (Example, after dating an arrogant guy, I knew I needed someone humble).

    Again, this only works if you LEARN from your previous experiences. there's also some people who just date the same type of guy and can't figure out why they can't find Mr. Right. The same applies to guys as well.

    Although people might be envious of those who marry young, remember everyone has their own path to true love and happiness :)

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  • 6d

    Why the semicolon? Just why? Did you just skip English?
    Anyways, you have some good points and I generally agree with what you said.

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  • 7d

    I'm the last of my friends to be married or in a relationship. I feel like a loser at times but now I'm starting to see things a little differently. I have to start looking at it this way now.

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  • 6d

    it will be probably me lol

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  • 7d

    i think its better to get married a bit later- ilke 28 up because my parents (they were actually pretty old) but they had only known eachother for like a year, and werent in love, they just married cause htey didn't have much time left, and they had me and my brother but my dad turned out to be a crazy drunk ass hole and my mum moved to a country where she couldnt even speak the language very well, so their lives are pretty much screwed, all cause they didn't stop and wait to get to know eachother and think about their decision

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