My friend, you have a very emotional soul. Unbridled, and unlearned, it can cause you to come to ruin.
Right now, you are in a pivotal time frame, your soul is learning, and maturing, and setting the tone for the rest of your life.
You describe a mentality that is entirely codependent, to the point of falling down a helpless emotional spiral when faced with the idea of being alone.
Here is my advice...
Stay alone. Do not seek a mate.
Yes... that's right. Even if you were to find a woman who would put up with your dependent personality, she would leave you after a while, because while women are nurturers, they do not want to date a son they have to raise to maturity.
What should you do?
Enter into a relationship with Jesus, and the Father, ask the Father for the Holy Spirit.
Am I some religious kook? No. God has healed my damaged heart from so much, things that a million years of sessions with a shrink could never even scratch. God made you, and God knows your heart. If you seek Him, He will bring you healing.
There is another reason why you need to work out your own maturity.
It sets the tone for the rest of your life.. Imagine being a man who's anger quickly turns to unbridled rage. Imagine... Simple sadness crushes you, and destroys any semblance of joy in your life.
This is very, very unhealthy.
Bitterness is also unhealthy. It makes you feel sorry for yourself- and guess what- women can see it. Just like men can spot bitter women.
The bottom line is that you are bitter. You DEMAND women BE a certain way (That is, bending to your rage filled, depressed ways. You can subdue them for a time, but in the end, that is who you are.) which is a huge turn off. No women wants to be under a man who is filled with rage, depressed, and is bitter that they are not filling his *exact* mold for them.
Take it or leave it, I am speaking from my own experience.
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I don't think this is my problem personally, so all I can do is give you thoughts on what might be one thing that helps me.
I was 20 before I had a girlfriend. Many friends were older. One friend was 25 before she dated, and she's marrying the guy (according to her she's never had a boyfriend, so I'll trust her). I know someone hitting 29 having only dated one person before his new girlfriend. He's getting a LOT of dates now (and just got a girlfriend). A friend went 10 years between DATES. It's rare, but it happens.
Out of the supposed "good girls" I've asked out (people you'd THINK would be decent enough), I've asked out girls that have turned out to have huge alcohol and other drug problems; girls who were physically abusive to their boyfriends, girls who cheated multiple times... and all this from girls who are active in the church - they were just good at playing the good girl role until their issues got away from them and they couldn't hide it any more. That's even neglecting counting the girls who have had other issues making a mature relationship more difficult. Let's just say that I've dodged some major bullets. You never know what issues these girls actually have that they're able to keep hidden because they're young.
Right now, I'm focused on a hundred other things. A good relationship with a woman would be great, but there are other important things that I'm trying to concentrate on first. Maybe, for now, a girlfriend is a distraction. Maybe putting that focus on the side (not for 10 years, maybe, but... until graduation, or until you get settled in college...) is an idea. You're still young. You have time.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you don't feel like this forever.
You know when I feel sad and lonely or bitter. I just look around me and appreciate and small miracles of the world. You know butterflies, books, my favorite colors. Or I just think of the stupid things people have said on tumbler. That always makes me laugh.
Usually the best way to help stop being so bitter or sad about something is to stop thinking about it. Let it go and just breathe deeply telling yourself that it's alright. You have another day to try again, or just laze around and watch your favorite movie while stuffing your face. Just do anything that will make you feel better about yourself and makes you stop thinking so negatively.
You won't die alone, you won't be alone, you will eventually find some one. Think of Ted Mosby, he waited for years looking for his perfect woman. He had his ups and downs, he was left at the alter, ran away with a bride and pretty much had a one sided love with Robin even after they broke up. If Ted Mosby can find his love so can you.
You're afraid of your emotions. Afraid of admitting you have them, so you try to hide and control them.
Here's a researcher who made a study of that behavior :
www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability
(it's one of the best videos I've seen on the subject)
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Nothing is wrong with you other than immaturity. You have to be able to handle rejection better. Look at the bottom line. You aren't dating this girl. You ask her out, if she says 'no', really nothing has changed, You weren't dating before, and aren't dating now. Plus you wouldn't like every girl who you see if they asked you out. You wouldn't be rejecting them due to something personal about them, you would just not be compatible.
You can keep yourself out of the friendzone by never getting into it. Only approach girls you like with the intention of asking them out, don't be their friend hoping for more.You sound like a legitimate nice guy and all I will say is to never take rejection personally and to not let rejection stop you from pursuing women you are interested in. All guys get rejected at some point in their life and the more girls you ask out the more likely you will get rejected. Rejection is just something everyone (including girls) has to deal with. Don't let it bring you down and don't let what people say or think about you change the way you behave.
Here ya go son.
www.feralnetwork.com/.../nV2EZNa.jpgDude I am in the same boat as you. If you do find a way out please share.
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