So my boyfriend and I got into an argument the other 'day. I was mad but he was pissed. He started pushing me against a wall and he slapped me.
He left for 20mins but when he came back he was crying and apologizing. I love him and he seemed really sorry, so should I just forgive him?
Most Helpful Guy
This is a difficult question to answer. Obviously something like that isn't fine, but it's not as simple as saying he's an abuser. It's possible that he has some area in his life that's causing too much frustration and he took it out on you. The problem is that such behaviour has a way of repeating itself. He may be sincerely sorry, but the question is: will it happen again? Because you love him, there's an emotional bond and it's thus understandable that you forgive him (what is love if you can't forgive?). It's just that love can often blind us from obvious issues that need attention, such as this episode of violence. Many abusive boyfriends always cry after hurting their loved ones, but sadly those tears act as a form of manipulation that binds the victim.
I'm not doubting that he might be sorry, I'm just not to sure he won't do it again. We can't make this choice for you. It's your love and you choose how you forgive and move on. You can risk it and see if it happens again, or you can end it right now (which is understandable). Something that might help in making a decision is by studying his overall character, and not just this one incident. Take a look at these traits and see how he matches up:
1. Is he manipulative?
2. Does he treat you nice the one day and cruel the other?
3. Does he verbally abuse you?
4. Does he emotionally hurt you?
5. Are you always wrong and he's always right?
6. How does he act when you get emotional?
7. Does he have an ego, seem narcissistic, or just plain arrogant?
8. Does he pointlessly flatter you, or do his words seem true and sincere?
9. Is he aggressive about his sexual needs and desires?
See how he matches up to those; and be honest with yourself. Obviously I'm not saying he's a sociopath, but just have a look. This may help in your decision.
And I Don't Approve of Relational Abuse (just for the record)4